


Let Me Stay By Your Side

by Bnerdler



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, Kanda Yuu has Feelings, M/M, Slow Burn, When I say slow burn I mean sloooooow burn, allen walker is best boy, oblivious idiots, they're all just idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 126,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bnerdler/pseuds/Bnerdler
Summary: Kanda Yuu hates Allen Walker. He does. He is loud and nosy and selfish in his selflessness and so incredibly powerful. And Kanda hates him.This will be a slow burn reimagining of the manga/anime canon.
Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker
Comments: 61
Kudos: 119





	1. The First and Second Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic ever. I'm not entirely sure what a good summary for this is even. I'm also not entirely sure how to use the creator side of ao3 since this is my first time. I have a plan (kind of) of the plot things I want to hit with this fic, but I don't really have a plan for when I'll be posting updates for this. I think it'll be around 15-20 chapters but I really don't know. I will also try to edit the tags and the summary as this is worked up... Probably...  
> The premise is that this will be a pretty long slow burn going back through canon and reimagining the events. I definitely plan on having lots of mutual pining and I do want to have a lot of cliche cute moments. But I'm not even sure of when or how I'll finish this. I think that any type of ending I make will never be as satisfying as what Hoshino-san makes. I mean she has all the pieces and I don't and I honestly can't imagine how she will end the story. It'd be like me claiming that I finished this 1000 piece puzzle but I'm still missing like 300 pieces.  
> Really this whole thing is super self-indulgent. I recently finished rewatching the anime and got all caught up on the manga and couldn't stop thinking about how damn Allen and Kanda's relationship has really evolved beautifully over time and damn its kinda gay that Kanda's entire reason for living now is to be by Allen's side and damn we all knew that Allen was a self-sacrificing asshole but damn he really risks it all to let Kanda and Alma have their happy ending. Also the thought that the only person Allen lets the "mana mask" slip with is with Kanda. And I'm weak for the concept of "If hes your soulmate, then why is he my narrative foil" and "person A teaches person B how to love others while person B teaches person A how to love themselves" And I couldn't find an already existing fic that did exactly what I wanted exactly the way I wanted so... I decided to do it myself. Like I said, its self-indulgent.  
> Since a lot of this will be basically me rewriting canon events in my own style, I should probably say: all of the characters are the intellectual property of Hoshino Katsura. I don't own any of this. And for now all of the canon events that I'm writing, I'm pulling the dialogue from the manga and/or the anime. And I certainly don't own either of those properties.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the first meeting and the Mater mission done in an alternating POV. So its like all the events from Kanda's and then all of the events from Allen's. I tried to keep it from being too repetitive. I also kinda wanted to show like what's important to each character. I hope that came through. This is probably the format that I might write the future chapters in, but as stated before: I have no real plan. I'm just gonna have a good time and ya'll are welcome to join me on this ride!

The first time Kanda Yuu meets Allen Walker, he is eighteen and full of anger. Allen stands there in front of the Black Order gate dirty and windswept from his climb up the cliffside. The Gatekeeper had mistaken the boy, barely a man, for an Akuma and Kanda was sent to attack. Allen’s eyes were big, gray, and full of fear as Kanda holds his sword, Mugen, to the boy’s neck. Kanda noticed the angry red scar going down the left half of his face, pentagram at the top and zigzagging down across his left eye.

Despite his state of disorder, when the moon comes out from behind the clouds, Allen seems to glow in the moonlight and Kanda is reminded of a lotus bud. Not yet in bloom but having just burst out of the mud. But thoughts of lotus flowers always remind Kanda of _him_ and _her_ , and he refuses to think about _them,_ so he tamps down the thoughts of pretty boys and flowers.

The boy stammers out excuses, claiming “I’m human,” and “I’m just a little bit cursed,” and “my master should have sent a letter.” Kanda only feels himself getting angrier and angrier as he stands there staring at this surprisingly short guy while Komui and the other science division members scramble to find this supposed letter. Kanda thinks and then he desperately tries not to think. The boy’s eyes are shiny with tears by the time Lenalee drops out of the sky and smacks Kanda on the head with her clipboard.

As they make their way inside Headquarters, the beansprout tries to introduce himself. Allen holds out his hand (his Innocence hand, the cursed red hand that Kanda slashed open with Mugen outside the order) and smiles genially at Kanda. He is filled with rage once more trying not to think thoughts. So, he turns away and scoffs, “Who the hell would want to shake hands with a cursed person.” Kanda refuses to acknowledge that he practically ran away after that.

* * *

The second time Kanda Yuu meets Allen Walker, the boy butts his head into an argument Kanda is having with Finders in the cafeteria the very next day. He was already irritated, but now he is livid. It’s the first time Kanda calls Allen “Beansprout” to his face, and he feels a deep sense of satisfaction at the immediate rise it gets out of the kid. But he’s seen so many come and go over the years, he doesn’t care about one insignificant Exorcist. He doesn’t. Not when he’s still looking for _her_.

Allen had grabbed Kanda’s wrist where he was choking the Finder he was arguing with. He ignored the thrill that emanated from where Allen’s hand (his cursed Innocence hand) gripped tighter and tighter. _When was the last time he had been touched by someone?_ The thought passed fleetingly through his mind. Indignation and anger swept through Kanda.

“You’re gonna die soon… I hate your type.” Kanda felt like he was burning. The heat from Allen’s glare boiling him from the inside out. He could only return it in kind. Then they were interrupted by Lenalee again.

“Knock it off you two! Eat your food and then come to command when you’re done, you’ve got a mission.” She seemed cheerful as always. Kanda never understood her. She had faced horrors by the Black order in her childhood like he had. And yet… she seemed to love the Order and the people in it. He would _never_ see this cold and lonely place as a home like she did.

When Kanda got his mission to Mater to go along with the beansprout for his first mission, his heart practically stopped. He wanted nothing to do with the kid. He’d been ignoring that it was inevitable that they would be paired up for a mission. It was always a possibility – but he hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.

He’d been hearing murmured conversations between the science division members and from Lenalee about how _kind_ and _friendly_ this Allen Walker was. He tried not to think of someone else who used to be _kind_ and _friendly._ From what he had seen from the kid, he was crass and rude and nosy. And it made him _hate._ As they made their way onto and then into the train to Mater, Kanda saw the kindness that people talked about Allen having for the first time. He seemed inherently gregarious. He talked with the Finder they were assigned with when Kanda refused to talk to him anymore, played a card game to pass the time with the Finder, and charmed the train staff to get some food on the ride there. Kanda tries his best to ignore Allen Walker the entire way there. He pointedly doesn’t think about how small and kinda cute Beansprout looks in his new Exorcist cloak and or how his grey eyes shine a little when he learns new things.

And then when they finally do get to Mater, he doesn’t think at all. Let’s himself be carried by the familiar thrill of battle. He does observe Allen’s fighting style out of the corner of his eye while they fight the level ones. It’s the first time Kanda notices Allen’s self-sacrificing tendencies – how willing the short boy is to throw himself in harm’s way for someone else’s sake. And how deeply he cares for others. And He hates it. Hates it all. It’s different for Kanda, he can get hurt over and over and it wouldn’t matter because he would heal within minutes. But Allen? Allen could be hurt and never properly recover. It’s his first mission, and he could die, and Allen just seems to not care about himself. It frustrates Kanda to no end.

So, of course, he leaves Allen to fight the newly evolved level two Akuma while he takes the Ghost of Mater to a safe hiding place. He didn’t have time for that stupid boy and his stupid white hair and his stupid gray eyes.

“I won’t help you defeat him. It was your fault that you acted on your emotions in the first place.” Kanda had chastised before running off. Serves the kid right. Kanda might not have let himself think about _things,_ but he knew battle. Knew that you had to think about your actions before rushing in. Knew that you had to observe the enemy before you engaged. The beansprout was self-sacrificing and inexperienced, and Kanda _didn’t care._ He was going to take the Ghost out of the city whether Allen and the Finder were with him or not.

Kanda was surprised though, by the Akuma’s mirroring ability. And he was belatedly surprised that he was able to recognize that the Akuma’s ability was to make a mirror copy by knowing how the beansprout looked normally. It’s not like he paid attention to the kid. He didn’t. He observed his… well he refused to acknowledge Walker as his partner, but Kanda had to be aware of the people he worked with and their abilities to be able to know how to best utilize them in battle so, of course he knew what Allen Walker looked like. But then he was reminded of how the beansprout had thrown himself into the fight and how he had let himself be copied and then he was _mad_ all over again. And then he was _furious_ when the Ghost of Mater and the orphan girl with him disappeared. And then he was _livid_ when Beansprout popped out of the wall and protected the mirrored Allen that was definitely an Akuma right in front of him.

And so, Kanda did what he does best – he yelled. “What do you think you’re doing!? Why are you protecting the Akuma!?” he had raged.

“My left eye can tell people apart from Akuma.” Allen coldly said back. “This person is not an Akuma!”

And even more infuriatingly, the short boy was _right_ when the skin of the mirrored Allen came off to reveal the Finder badly injured underneath. And then he was right again when the Finder that was with him turned out to be the Akuma. It crashed him through a wall, all while still wearing the Finder – _Toma’s_ – face.

“Hurry up and die!” the Akuma screeched as it slashed him across the chest. _If only_. Kanda thought. Out loud he said: “Huh? Die? I can’t die before I find _that person._ ”

That being said, Kanda passed out from his wound right after that. When he woke up a while later, Allen had Toma thrown over one shoulder and was dragging him with his other arm through the underground tunnels of Mater. Everything was vague and foggy as his wounds healed slowly. He didn’t remember much but Allen’s warmth pressed against his side as he argued with Toma about whether the Finder should be left behind to die or not. Their voices came in muffled like someone had shoved cotton in his ears. Allen was so warm, his grip around his waist so strong. He heard a lullaby at one point, but he wasn’t aware of it past the concept of music was being heard by him.

When Kanda did wake, he could recognize the orphan girl’s voice. She was telling Allen something. As he sat up and turned to look at them, he noticed the boy didn’t have his jacket on anymore. Someone (probably the nosy beansprout) had wrapped the wound on his chest with Kanda’s shirt. His own Black Order jacket was laid out under him and Allen’s was folded up as a pillow underneath his head. He tuned into what the girl was telling Beansprout. It was certainly a tragic story really, but the girl – the doll, the Ghost of Mater – was made of Innocence. She was over five hundred years old. And the man with her was at least ninety. They should just put the pair out of their misery so that the mission can be completed.

“Let me be with him until the end.” The Ghost of Mater had pleaded, and that… that made Kanda’s heart feel like it was being squeezed by hands that didn’t exist in this world anymore – Kanda had made sure of that personally. He had to put a stop to this.

“No!” He says sternly. “We can’t grant your wish. We came here to protect the Innocence.”

Then he turned to Walker. There were tears and shock in his pretty gray eyes.

“Take that doll’s heart now!” Kanda ordered and glared as Allen just stared at him. His inaction only enraged Kanda further. Then the boy looked away.

“I… I can’t do it.” The boy apologized. This kid was going to get them killed. He was too weak, too kind, too self-sacrificing. If no one was going to force him to see the reality of their situation- their responsibility as Exorcists – then Kanda would have to. So, Kanda grasped the folded-up Exorcist jacket and threw it at Allen’s face.

“This coat is not a pillow. It’s the uniform of an Exorcist!” Kanda spit at him. He got up from the ground and put his jacket back on as best as he could while his still healing wounds were wrapped up. “There are sacrifices that must be made, rookie.”

He drew his sword as he approached the Ghost and her keeper. But then Allen was there, and Kanda was again standing in front of the boy with Mugen aimed at his neck and reminded of how short the boy is.

“Will it be enough if I am the ‘sacrifice’ for these two? If I destroy the Akuma then there isn’t a problem is there?” There was a desperation in Allen’s eyes, he didn’t know where that came from ( _probably his martyr complex_ , Kanda viciously thought). He looked so sad. Kanda hadn’t gotten through to him. He should know that he can’t save everyone, and sometimes he was going to have to end lives with his own hands for this terrible war. Kanda’s own were filthy with blood. So, with a blood-stained hand, he punched Allen Walker in the face. They both fell to the ground with the force of it.

Allen Walker was so stupid, so weak, so kind, so self-sacrificing. He was going to get himself and others killed for it. Kanda _hated_ him.

“How incredibly naïve,” He yelled. “Selling yourself out for some pitiful strangers. Isn’t anything important to you!?”

And then Allen Walker had the gall to turn those big, sad, pretty gray eyes on him. His cheek was swollen from where Kanda had punched him, and there was dirt smudged across his face. Kanda felt _no_ remorse for hitting him. He didn’t.

“There was something important… I lost it… long ago…” Allen said in the softest voice he had used with Kanda yet. “I just don’t want to see something like this happen. That’s all. My heart is moved by what’s in front of me, not what the whole world needs. I just can’t abandon what’s there in front of me.” And then his eyes turned to steel with conviction. “I want to protect everything I can!”

And before Kanda could even begin to engage with what the beansprout had just said, the Akuma found them and ripped through the Ghost and her keeper right in front of their eyes. Allen activated his arm while Kanda grabbed Mugen with his un-injured arm. A cold chill swept from next to Kanda. When he looked over, Allen was no longer the hot-headed beansprout, this was Allen Walker _furious._ Kanda ignored the thrill that sent down his spine. But then Beansprout’s arm (his cursed, Innocence arm) twisted and deformed into a grotesque semblance of a human limb. It was reacting to the boy’s emotions, his anger, his cold, murderous rage. It transformed from the massive scaly arm into a massive gun as white as his hair. He fired and fired and fired it again at the Akuma as the Akuma covered its body in a copy of the sand around them.

A stroke of fear licked at Kanda. Beansprout’s Innocence hadn’t finished transforming yet before he was already leaping in to fight the Akuma. He was going to get a rebound if he didn’t slow down. Then Allen was swallowed into the Akuma’s sand body. And the Akuma stabbed itself over and over. The fear didn’t go away, but Kanda could feel the beansprout’s frigid rage. When the beansprout burst out of the Akuma’s sand body, Kanda did not let out a breath of relief. He didn’t. And when Allen’s arm eventually did rebound, Kanda was not worried. He wasn’t.

Of course, he jumped in between the beansprout and the Akuma while the boy coughed blood onto the sand. He wasn’t worried about him; it was a good opening to attack the Akuma and the boy had blown it. How dare he fumble at the last minute. How dare he.

“You useless idiot! What are you doing running out of power at the last minute!” Oh, Kanda was livid, and he was going to make sure the stupid boy knew it. “You were the bastard that babbled about protecting those two! I _hate_ the way naïve people like you do things and even more so I _hate_ people who don’t keep their promises!”

Everything Allen Walker does is irritating. He is loud and nosy and selfish in his selflessness and so incredibly powerful. Together they destroy the Akuma, and Kanda stays true to his word (though he doesn’t remember explicitly agreeing to anything) and lets the Ghost of Mater sing to her keeper long after he is dead and until she stops working too. It takes three days, and in that time, Kanda is again reminded of how kind the beansprout is. The first two days, Kanda spends in the hospital while Allen sits in the labyrinthine catacombs under Mater while they wait for the Ghost to stop singing. The third day, after a call to headquarters, Kanda sits with Allen of the stairs at one of the highest places in Mater - still watching over the Ghost of Mater - before he leaves for his next mission. He decides not to think about how worried the people back there had been about Allen. The kid is quick to make friends. He also decides to not think about how long it took for his wounds to heal this time. He knew what it meant. He just didn’t want to deal with remembering and thinking about it. It wasn’t happening yet. The seal was still there, it had only just started deteriorating. He had time.

Before he leaves, Kanda looks at Allen. He looks so small, in his slightly too big black Exorcist coat, hunched over on himself. He also looks beautiful as the sunset makes his hair blaze, the white of it soaking in the oranges and pinks of the sky and reflecting them back. His eyes do the same thing too – they blaze. Though they are shiny with tears and deeply sad where they peek over his knees that are pulled up to his chest. The Ghost of Mater is still singing, her song echoing through the desolate destroyed city.

“If it’s hard to bear, then stop the doll.” He advises. He isn’t worried about the beansprout. He isn’t, there’s just things to do.

“But it’s their promise.” He says into the cavern that is the space between his knees, his chest, and his forearms wrapped around his legs.

“You’re naïve.” The boy will never learn. “We’re destroyers, not saviors.” Kanda doesn’t think about the boy he had once tried so desperately to save. The friendly, kind boy, with the brightest smiles. The boy he destroyed with his own sword and two hands. As the sun dips below the horizon, the Ghost of Mater stops singing. And as the broken, empty, dead doll falls onto Allen Walker he says: “Kanda, although what you said is true, I want to become a destroyer who can save.”

It’s stupid and idealistic and improbable. Kanda hates him. He does.

* * *

The first time Allen Walker meets Kanda Yuu, he is fifteen and so terrified he barely remembers anything. He had spent the entire day climbing up the side of the sheer cliff trying to get to the Black Order headquarters. And then when he did finally make it, a lot of confusion unfolded. He was branded as an Akuma (he really isn’t one, it’s just a curse mark scar) and had a scary older boy with a sword set on him. The scary older boy even slashed open his left arm (his Innocence arm, his cursed arm that everyone fears) with his sword. All in all, Allen feels battered and bruised, scared and confused.

He can only stammer out excuses to try to get the sword out of his face. He really has no idea what’s going on. And then a pretty and kind girl appears and smacks the scary sword boy in the head with a clipboard and leads them all inside the Order. She tells him that her name is Lenalee Lee. Allen thought the cute name fit the girl well.

Always one to make a new friend, Allen had put out his hand to introduce himself to the swordsman. He didn’t remember much of what the man had looked like, but he remembered clearly how he had said: “Who the hell would want to shake hands with a cursed person.” And that wasn’t the first time someone had said something like that to him before, but it still stung like the cut on his arm. Needless to say, this first encounter was swiftly forgotten in the wake of all the information, fear, and pain he experienced at the hands of the science division.

The second time Allen Walker meets Kanda Yuu, he remembers it extremely clearly. It was his first foray into the cafeteria on his first morning at the Black Order. He had been chatting with the eccentric head chef Jerry and totally fascinated by the prospect of “whatever he wanted, however much he wanted” when he heard the fight break out across the cavernous room.

“What did you say!?” A tall man in a white coat similar to the black one Allen had been issued just that morning yelled.

“My meal tastes bad when you’re talking about dead people.” A man sitting in a black coat exactly like the one Allen had been issued that morning coldly said back. Allen vaguely recognized him. Something about the pretty, long hair up in a high ponytail he thought was familiar.

“Is that how you show respect for your comrades!?” The tall man in white shouted. “We, the Finders, support you with our lives… and you… you’re saying your meal is more important than our lives?”

Allen wasn’t really sure what was going on. He wasn’t sure what a “Finder” was or what they were really talking about, but he understood that the pretty man with the long hair and the Exorcist coat like Allen’s own was making light of other people’s lives, and Allen wouldn’t ever let that be okay. So, he made his way through the rapidly forming crowd. The Exorcist had lashed out and had his fist around the taller man’s neck.

“’Support us?’ All you can do is ‘support’ us. You guys weren’t the ones who were chosen to carry Innocence.” The long-haired man squeezed the taller’s throat. “If you don’t want to die, run away. Your insignificant life can be replaced at any time.”

It was at that moment that Allen had finally made it to the fighting pair. He had to put a stop to this. You can’t go around disregarding other people’s lives. He grabbed the man’s wrist with his red arm.

“Stop it.” Allen tried to imbue as much of the cold authority that his master had into his voice. He hadn’t spent three grueling years with the man to not learn anything. “I’m sorry to interrupt when I have nothing to do with this, but I don’t think this is a good way of resolving things.”

And really, he didn’t. If they were going to have such a personal argument, they shouldn’t do it in the middle of the crowded cafeteria.

The man with the ponytail turned hateful eyes towards Allen. “Back off, Beansprout.”

That was the first time Allen Walker was called “Beansprout” by Kanda, and he hated it. He had a name – a precious name – and it burned when others didn’t call him that. It woke something nasty in Allen, something he hadn’t felt since he before he had a name all of his own. Allen felt like he was on fire. He was so angry and as the man then disregarded Allen’s life too, he gripped the slim wrist tighter. He squeezed that fragile wrist like the hand attached to it had squeezed a man’s throat just moments before.

“You’re gonna die soon. I hate your type.” Those eyes, mean and glinting, glared into Allen’s own. The air between them felt like it was on fire, fueled by the mutual rage sparking between them.

“Kanda! Allen!” The sweet voice of Lenalee who had led him around headquarters the night before rang in his ears and doused the inferno roaring around and inside him. “You’ve got a mission!”

He belatedly realized that the other name called was for the man he had been arguing with. _Kanda._ Allen wouldn’t forget that name again. He hoped that he wouldn’t get stuck on any missions with him. They didn’t match ideologically and Allen figured that it would make for incompatibility when fighting a mutual enemy.

Unfortunately, Allen never had much luck in life. His very first mission and he was stuck with the guy he wanted nothing to do with. The man – _Kanda_ – constantly looked down on him (literally and figuratively, the man was infuriatingly taller than Allen) during their entire briefing with Komui and during the conversation they had on the train to Mater. Allen decided he was better off chatting with the Finder, Toma, who was assigned on the mission with them.

Something about Kanda still felt familiar to Allen as he looked at the man from the corner of his eye. The European landscape whizzed past the window that Kanda stared out. He noticed the katana leaning delicately against the seat next to Kanda. _Ah,_ he thought, _he was the swordsman outside the Order from last night._ Allen was angry to note that Kanda was pretty: his angular eyes and sharp face framed by his silky black hair. Too bad he had a rotten personality that didn’t match his good looks.

Allen turned his attention back to charming Toma for the rest of the ride.

When they finally got to Mater, the scene was devastation. There was a cold chill that ran up Allen’s spine, but when Allen glanced at Kanda, he seemed only mildly bothered by empty Finder’s coats and the disintegrated sandy bodies spread throughout the city.

When Kanda glanced back and caught his eye and said “I don’t care if you’re on the verge of being killed, if I find that you’re a nuisance, I’ll leave you behind. In war there are always sacrifices, so don’t think of us as partners.”

Allen hated that. He hated Kanda’s way of thinking. He hated that he couldn’t trust Kanda. He hated that Kanda didn’t seem to care for anyone but himself. Then there was an explosion in the city below them. An Akuma below was attacking the defenseless Finders and trying to break into the barrier protecting some civilians. Without even thinking, Allen raced into the city. He had the power to act, the power to protect. Though this Akuma looked and acted very different than all the ones he had seen up till now.

Allen was almost surprised when Kanda didn’t come to back him up while fighting the Akuma, but he did take the two civilians away from the fight. Its fine. He would make the Akuma atone for the lives of the Finders it had taken and he would release the Akuma’s soul from suffering – just like he had promised Mana. Its fine, he would defeat the Akuma and catch up with them after.

This proved to be little bit more difficult than Allen originally thought, when the Akuma showed its special ability. Through the numbness of shock at the Akuma copying him, Allen was dimly aware that it had stabbed him with a copy of his own Innocence arm. He definitely felt the pain when the Akuma threw him straight across the city and through several buildings. The Akuma had also cut into his Innocence arm. His stomach dropped and he broke out in a cold sweat thinking about how Komui was going to have to fix his arm again. There were still phantom pains from where that swordsman from the night he had gotten to the order had cut his arm and then been torturously patched up by the Chief.

When Allen finally caught up with Kanda and Toma in the underground labyrinth below Mater, he just barely managed to step in between Kanda attacking the disguised Toma. He wasn’t sure how he felt about having to stop Kanda from attacking one of their own for a second time in the short amount of time they had known each other. It wasn’t a particularly good feeling though. And of course, it was Kanda’s own inability to care about the wellbeing of others that let the Akuma trick him with the disguise of Toma. Allen was pretty sure Kanda didn’t even remember the Finder’s name nor was he ever going to care to try.

As much as Allen disliked Kanda, and as much as Kanda claimed they weren’t partners, they were still responsible for each other, and all human life was precious to Allen (even if they were big jerks that didn’t care about others). Which was why when the Akuma severely injured Kanda he came to his aid. He was relieved to find that even though the deep gash across Kanda’s chest was bleeding profusely, Kanda was still breathing but unconscious. Allen grabbed both the injured Finder and the unconscious Kanda to escape from the Akuma – dragging them through the maze of tunnels. He needed to find a safe place to do some first aid for his comrades, but he was lost.

“Master Walker,” Toma spoke from over Allen’s shoulder. “Please leave me here, you’re badly wounded too…”

“I will do no such thing.” Allen would never leave someone behind. Never. Not when he had to ability to save them. He didn’t even feel the pain from his own injuries.

Allen heard a haunting melody, a sweet woman’s voice, lilting through the halls. _That must be the doll’s voice_ he thought. The doll had been created with Innocence to bring some joy to the ancient city’s joyless citizens. He felt a peace settle in his bones at the doll’s beautiful voice, so he followed it to its source.

When he arrived at the atrium the song emanated from, he found the two civilians from before. He’d figured that while he had been separated from Kanda and Toma, they had been led out of the city. He’d thought that when he met back up with Kanda and Toma, the two had been on the hunt for the doll. He felt a good bit angry now, knowing that the Ghost of Mater had been one of the presumed civilians and that Kanda had had the Ghost of Mater with him, and because he didn’t care about others, had let them sneak away from him (he jokingly thought _maybe they just couldn’t deal with his rotten personality_ ).

When he found the Ghost, she had beautiful silky blonde hair. It must have been maintained by the old man with her. The two were hugging when Allen chanced upon them. The scene reminded Allen of when he used to hug Mana. The man had seemed so massive, so much larger than life. Like he could protect Allen from the world.

When the doll noticed the three of them encroaching on the scene, she grabbed a great stone pillar to swing at them. Dodging out of the way, he gingerly placed the still unconscious Kanda and Toma onto the soft sandy floor. The doll launched the pillar at him to which he grabbed it with his Innocence arm and threw it to shatter all of the remaining pillars. He needed her to calm down. He needed to figure out what was going on.

“There’s nothing left for you to throw,” he said when she fell to her knees in defeat. _Okay, time to turn on the charm_. “Please tell me what’s going on. I don’t want to fight a cute girl.

“Gozel is going to die soon! Until then, please don’t separate me from him!” She begged.

He and the doll managed to get Gozel (the man that was with her), Kanda, and Toma into a nook in the atrium to bandage them up. He carefully took off Kanda’s Exorcist coat – it was wet and sticky with blood that was difficult to see with the black fabric – and spread it out on the sand. Then the tough part came when he took off Kanda’s shirt to assess the injuries to the man’s chest. It was gruesome but looked to be already healing. The bleeding had stopped, and they were already beginning to scab over which was very strange to say the least. But Allen knew that Innocence could do some pretty wild things, so he decided not to question it too much. Still, he wrapped Kanda’s shirt around the wounds to protect them from worsening. He then stripped off his own coat and folded it up to be a pillow for his injured comrade. When he laid Kanda’s head down on the makeshift pillow, his brushed the man’s hair off his sweaty face. It had fallen out of its typical ponytail. Allen was surprised to find it so soft and silky, despite the blood and dirt caking some parts. _When was the last time he had touched someone’s hair?_ He thought.

Turning to Lala - the name the Ghost of Mater had told him – she began to tell him her story. A beautiful doll made for others joy, left abandoned and sad. A persecuted boy ostracized for being born looking different, left abandoned in the doll’s city to die. The boy being the first to show Lala kindness in five hundred years. All they wanted was to be together, to stay by each other’s sides until the end.

“Let me be with him until the end. Once, Gozel dies, I don’t care what happens to me. In all my five hundred years, the only one who has accepted me as a doll is Gozel. Let me live with him until the end!” Lala pleaded. It… it was like looking at himself in a mirror. He had felt the same way when Mana had his accident. At the time, Allen hadn’t cared what happened to himself, he just wanted to be with Mana, the only person to ever love him truly, until the end. He had wanted… he had…

“No!” Kanda’s gruff voice echoed loudly in the atrium and in Allen’s mind. It looked like it took every ounce of Kanda’s strength to sit up and turn to glare daggers at Allen. “Wait until this old man dies? We can’t grant this wish. We came here to protect the Innocence! Take that doll’s heart now!”

And that… Allen couldn’t do it. He couldn’t kill her. “I can’t do it. Sorry. I just can’t do it.”

Kanda bristled in anger. He grabbed Allen’s coat that he’d folded to be used to prop up Kanda’s head and tossed it. It smacked Allen in the face, the metal emblem of the order and the silver buttons heavy where they hit.

“This coat isn’t made to be a damn pillow!” Kanda yelled. “It’s the uniform of an Exorcist!”

Kanda got up from where he was laying, placed his own Exorcist coat around his shoulders and drew his katana on Lala as she begged him not to. Allen felt steel resolve harden in his veins. He wouldn’t let someone as cold and mean as Kanda disrespect Lala and Gozel’s wishes just for his own gain. Allen knew what it was to want something so desperately and have that ripped away from you without you getting a chance to protect it. He wanted to give Lala and Gozel that last cherished moment together. To let them be together to the end. And he said as much to Kanda.

Kanda punched Allen with so much force they both collapsed into the sand. Kanda raged and raged at him.

“Isn’t there anything important to you!?” Kanda bellowed.

“There was something important… I lost it… long ago…” Allen whispered. “I just don’t want to see something like this happen.” He couldn’t. He couldn’t watch as two people who loved each other were torn apart. “I can’t just abandon what’s there in front of me. I want to protect everything I can!” His voice got louder and louder as he cemented his conviction. He would fulfil Mana’s dying wish. It was the last thing Mana ever gave him and he would hold it as law above anything else.

The moment was cut through when the Akuma’s copied arm cut through both Gozel and Lala. It ripped out Lala’s Innocence heart. And Allen felt _rage._ A rage like he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was just like _that_ moment all over again. When his own happiness had been ripped out from his heart and he’d been left with _nothing._ Allen Walker was _furious._

“Return it. Return that Innocence.” His voice sounded so distant to his own ears. His insides were frozen in his wrath. His Innocence arm reacted to his anger and transformed. It turned into a cannon. In his blind rage, he shot and shot and shot and shot at the Akuma. He would get that Innocence back. He would make sure that Lala and Gozel had their last moment the way they wanted it. And so, he shot and fought and shot at the Akuma. And when it swallowed him into its sand belly, he shot and shot and shot his way out. He hadn’t felt this connected to his Innocence arm ever. It was more a part of him than it had ever been before. His arm transformed again, this time into a laser saber. And this time he slashed and slashed and slashed at the Akuma.

Turning his arm back into the cannon, he took aim at the Akuma. It was unforgivable what the Akuma had stolen. He would never forgive. He felt his anger and fear coalesce into a final shot to fire at the Akuma.

Pain, unbelievable pain hit him, and he coughed blood. His arm turned back into his normal ugly red arm before he could fire that final shot. _A rebound. Shit._ His vision narrowed from the pain. The Akuma charged forward to strike in his moment of weakness. Allen braced for the attack that never came.

“Kanda!” He yelled in surprise. Kanda was there in front of him, sword braced against the Akuma’s copied arm. His silky unbound hair floated gently around him.

“Tch.” Kanda scoffed. And then proceeded to scold Allen. “I _hate_ the way naïve people like you do things. And even more so I _hate_ people who don’t keep their promises.”

A chuckle bubbled up in his throat. He thought he might understand Kanda just a little more. This scolding… it didn’t feel like Kanda was dismissing him this time (even if he did call Allen irritating). And it felt like for the first time they were standing together on the same side of the fight. And so, he stood with Kanda and together they defeated the Akuma.

Allen watched as the Akuma’s soul broke from its corrupted chains holding it inside the Akuma’s body. The soul’s face turned from sad to blissfully peaceful as it found salvation. He was reminded why he’d pursued the path of an Exorcist again. He carefully placed the Innocence back into the cavern where Lala’s heart should be. He wanted to hear Lala sing, one last time. Let her sing for Gozel, one last time.

And sing she did. She sang for three nights before finally breaking down and Allen stays with them all through it while Kanda is taken to a hospital to have his rapidly healing wounds properly treated. The doctors had said his injuries would take upwards of 5 months to heal fully, but when Kanda finds him on the last day that Lala sings, his wounds are already healed. Allen sits on stairs overlooking the city of Mater as the sun sets in the distance. He has his knees pulled up to his chest, head tucked into the fold of his arms on his knees. He’s tired and not really in the mood to fight with Kanda.

And they don’t fight exactly. More of a sharp banter really. The atmosphere between them doesn’t feel so violent anymore. Allen thinks there’s till something incompatible between them, something charged, but it doesn’t feel as barbed any more. Still angry though.

“We’re destroyers, not saviors.” Kanda says. But when Lala’s song stops and she collapses, empty of life, into Allen’s arms after thanking them for letting her keep her promise, Allen cries. He doesn’t feel like a destroyer in that moment.

“Kanda, although what you said is true,” He says through his tears. “I want to become a destroyer who can save.”

After, Kanda splits from them to continue on with his next mission while Allen and Toma return to Headquarters to with Lala’s heart. Allen doesn’t really think about Kanda after this. Not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the first chapter, I guess. If you liked it, noticed any spelling errors, or just want to leave a comment, you're more than welcome to!  
> The next chapter will probably be the Leaf of Revival mission and possibly the Millenium Swordsman mission depending on how long each section is. I know that neither of these happen in the manga and are filler for the anime but I'm following a mix of both anime and manga canon so... Anyways, I don't really know when I'll be writing and posting the next chapter but it probably wont be too long from now.


	2. The Leaf of Revival Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the approximately four months after the Mater mission and the Leaf of Revival mission from Kanda's POV. This chapter was fun to write! I wanted to kind of capture that Kanda is starting to have FeelingsTM and he HATES IT. I hope that came across. The next chapter will probably be the Millennium Swordsman mission from Allen's POV.

Its nearly a month before Kanda sees Allen again. He arrives back at the Order a week after the mission he was assigned after the mission in Mater. According to the report there was a local legend of a giant ape man in the woods that could level whole forests with a scream and had a penchant for stealing and eating the children of the surrounding villages. The Finders suspected there could be Innocence but when he got there, Kanda was sorely disappointed to find that there wasn’t actually any Innocence involved. Hell, there wasn’t even anything supernatural about the case! Just some ultra-hairy crime lord in the large city a few miles away stealing the children instead.

And oh, Kanda was livid. Such a waste of his time. He didn’t get to fight any Akuma, he traveled all over Europe, and he didn’t even get any Innocence out of the utter waste of time. He was angry at the Finders for not doing their jobs properly and he made sure they all knew about it. And when he got to Headquarters, he marched right into Komui’s office and made sure he knew it too. To his utter irritation, the man just sat behind his desk stacked high with paper, placidly sipping from a mug of coffee.

He’d been airing his anger for nearly ten minutes before he was interrupted by a soft knock on the office door.

“What!” He snapped. When he turned around Lenalee was there, eyes wide in concern and a tray of steaming mugs in her hands. He forced the anger to bleed out of him. Consciously unclenching his fists and jaw. He never could bring himself to yell at Lenalee. Plus, anyone that made Lenalee cry automatically branded themselves as Public Enemy Number One at Headquarters and yelling always made her cry. Kanda hated a lot of people and a lot of things but Lenalee was not one of them.

She took a breath, assessing the situation before she made her way into the room. “Welcome back, Kanda. How was the mission?”

“It was fine.” He grits out. “No Innocence, so it was a waste of time.”

She nods placing a mug from her tray in front of her stupidly grinning brother. He’s always grinning when he sees his sister.

“Did anyone get hurt?” She asks. Kanda clicks his tongue and looks away.

“There weren’t even any Akuma, of course no one got hurt.” He says, crossing his arms over his chest. Lenalee smiles her radiant smile. The one that Kanda thinks is far too bright for such a dark place that they live in; the smile that makes it hard to hate her. Still, her brightness always seems to zap him of energy (he thinks it might be due to the fact that he has a hard time maintaining his boiling rage that fuels him when she’s around – it’s like kicking an injured puppy when you get mad at her) so he leaves the siblings and the science division.

Later, Lenalee finds him again when he is trying to ignore the cacophony in the cafeteria while he eats his soba noodles. There is always an overabundance of Finders in the cafeteria. Its irritating. If the Finders could actually do their jobs, then he wouldn’t be sent on asinine missions. Lenalee sits at his table with a tray of her own food.

“I heard that you’ve become pretty good friends with that beansprout.” He says after they had been eating together in silence for a few minutes. And really Kanda had heard about Lenalee and the new kid’s friendship in the time since the Mater mission. Something about destroying one of Komui’s stupid inventions that was going to tear down Headquarters and make Lenalee manly or something together. Well, he hadn’t been searching for information regarding either of them - he didn’t care – but the Finders and science division members were awfully loud in their gossip. He didn’t care.

Lenalee smiles at him, chopsticks held delicately to her mouth. Something both of them had in common was using chopsticks, a habit they both had coming from Asia. Most of the other people at Headquarters were European and used forks.

“Beansprout? You mean Allen Walker?” She asks him in such a way that he knows for a fact that she knows exactly who he was talking about. The idiot must have told her about the name he had been using to refer to him. He nods at his noodles.

“Yes, I would consider Allen my friend now. He’s very polite and very funny.” She says Kanda’s gut twists just a little. It feels a bit like he took a shot of vinegar. _Polite? Funny?_ That doesn’t seem like the Allen Walker that Kanda knows. “You just missed him, actually. The day before you got back, he left for a mission.”

 _Good,_ he thinks, _I didn’t want to see him anyways._

“Mn.” He hums instead.

“Did you know that with his left eye, he can see the human souls of the Akuma?” She says with something that seems like pride. Kanda had suspected as much. During their first mission, the kid had seemed like he had a second sense about the location of the Akuma. “Allen says that when we use Innocence to destroy Akuma, he can see the souls ascend to heaven.”

Kanda rolls his eyes. _Whatever._

Before Allen gets back from the mission he was sent on, Kanda is sent on a new one. They just miss each other like this for almost an entire month before their paths cross at Headquarters again in mid-September. He is entering the science division offices when he spots Allen sitting at a chair pulled up to Johnny’s desk. He’s gesturing wildly with his hands, a big grin on his face. From the distance and the din of the room, he can’t really make out what the beansprout is talking about, but he assumes he’s recounting his latest mission. His blood boils immediately at seeing the white-haired boy.

Johnny looks at Allen with bright shiny eyes, his coke-bottle glasses only making his eyes seem bigger. He’s also grinning back at the short stack obviously enraptured by the story being spun. _Allen Walker sure is a performer,_ he thinks snidely. He doesn’t think about that taste of vinegar the scene leaves in his mouth. He doesn’t think about the taste of vinegar that any time he had heard people talking about the “Charms of Allen Walker” had left him with.

Kanda has to pass by the two to get to Komui’s office, so he clenches his fingers around Mugen and strides through the room. He can hear Allen’s voice more clearly the closer he gets, and Kanda forgot just how much the kid’s loud voice made his muscles tense. He clenches his sword tighter. Allen’s hands have gone from gesturing wildly to enthusiastic flailing as he gets more excited about his story. So enthusiastic is his flailing, that just as Kanda is passing behind him, his chair rocks backwards while Allen mimes an explosion and falls back into Kanda.

He doesn’t even think as he moves to catches the boy as he falls into him. He really had forgotten just how small Allen was in the two months since they last saw each other.

“Watch it, Beansprout.” He says.

Allen snaps his head up at Kanda, his big eyes growing bigger in recognition when they meet his. Kanda thinks time might slow for a second but he’s no scientist so he can’t say for sure.

“Oh. Kanda.” Allen breathes out. Then like a switch, Allen tenses up and pushes out of Kanda’s arms. “The name’s Allen, Stupid Kanda.”

Kanda feels a bit like the thick carpet of paper that covers the science division’s floors has been pulled out from under him. _Stupid!?_ He grinds his teeth. The blood-boiling feeling from when he first saw Allen in the room surges.

“Me? Stupid? You’re the stupid one, Beansprout.” He says tilting his chin up to glare down at Allen.

“It’s Allen!” Beansprout yells, lips pulling back to bare his teeth in an angry sneer. Kanda feels a thrill in his ability to rile the kid up just as fast as the first time. Kanda is many things and stubborn is one of them – he refuses to let Allen Walker have the last word. Kanda isn’t really sure what happens next but suddenly they’re hurling insults and fists at each other and all the science nerds are dragging them apart. They both get kicked out of the science division after a scolding from Komui and Reever.

Kanda refuses to look at the beansprout when they both stand silently outside the science division’s doors. Kanda makes a “tch” sound and walks away.

For the next month, their paths cross more often. But Kanda resolutely turns on his heel and goes in the opposite direction whenever he spots pretty grey eyes and bright white hair. While Kanda has chosen to avoid Allen, the boy has chosen to ignore Kanda. If Kanda is in a room that he enters, Allen very obviously pretends like Kanda doesn’t exist. And every time this happens, Kanda _does not_ glance at him. His ears _do not_ prick up when he hears Allen’s laugh. And he _certainly does not_ feel like he’s been punched in the gut when he sees Allen spending time with Lenalee. He feels _nothing_ except rage. How _dare_ Allen ignore him. Kanda _hates_ him.

And then in late October, three months after the beansprout joined the Order, Allen and Lenalee are gone, sent on a mission to some rewinding town or something. Kanda doesn’t care. He doesn’t. He has his own mission to worry about. Plus, he’ll hear all about it from Lenalee.

He does feel a little worried (but not too worried) when he gets back half a week later and Allen and Lenalee aren’t back from their mission yet. It’s not uncommon for a mission to take a while. He’s not worried. He can’t deny the way his stomach drops when Komui gets the call from the Finder that went with them. He had been… not wasting time in the science division, because Kanda doesn’t waste time, when Komui’s phone had rung. Kanda hadn’t paid it any attention until Komui started yelling and running around the room grabbing random tools and papers. (He won’t admit that he remembers the exact date – November eleventh.)

“What’s going on, Chief?” Reever asked. Komui said a whole bunch of things but Kanda didn’t hear much past “Allen and Lenalee were severely injured.”

There was a ringing in Kanda’s ears that he couldn’t explain. Everything seems a little muffled around him and he just stares as Komui and the other science division members started helping Komui gather his things. And then like a whirlwind Komui’s gone. Johnny wobbles into the chair at his desk, covertly trying to hide his tears and snot. Reever hefts a big sigh and observes the room, he’s the ranking official now with Komui gone.

“I can’t believe they both got hurt that bad.” One of the scientists say.

“Yeah, Chief said they’re both unconscious.” Pipes another.

“But Allen’s so strong!” Johnny suddenly wails. “He has to be okay!”

The beansprout _is_ incredibly strong. Kanda had seen it with his own eyes. But he was also brash and self-sacrificial and stupid and kind. Kanda hated him. It was probably the beansprouts need to be a hero that got both him and Lenalee hurt. Kanda felt heat flood through him at the thought. _I need to go hit something._ He thought.

So, Kanda stood up and walked to the training room where he proceeded to hit many things for a long time. He did not think. Not about big, gray eyes. Not about bright smiles. He did not think about short boys and their martyr complexes. He did not.

In the days following, Kanda somehow finds himself outside the science division listening for news about Lenalee’s and Allen’s conditions. Every time he realizes where he is and what he’s doing, he decides he needs to go slice some stuff open with his sword to make the swooping in his stomach go away. He’s definitely _not_ worried. He’s angry.

When Allen comes back a week later, he has that annoying Lavi Bookman in tow. He had heard some people talking about how happy they were that Allen was back and that the first place the beansprout went was to the cafeteria to eat double his weight in food. He also heard that Komui would be arriving in a few days with the unconscious Lenalee (something about nerve damage, the science nerds had said). After hearing about the cafeteria, Kanda decides he is hungry too, so he makes his way there.

Kanda lets out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding when he sees Allen sitting at a table in the cafeteria, absolutely in his own world with a stack of plates piled high next to him. Allen looks good. He’s not all wrapped up in bandages from what Kanda can see, and he has a soft smile while he shovels food into his mouth.

 _Cute_. The thought drifts through Kanda’s head. As soon as he labels the thought though, he’s reminded of the last boy with brilliant grins he had thought was cute. And then he is reminded of blood and pain. And then he is reminded of the promise he made to _her._

He stiffly makes his way to Jerry the chef and orders his favorite noodles. He decidedly sits at the farthest table from Allen Walker as possible. He _hates_ Allen Walker. When Lavi Bookman with his bright red hair and tacky eyepatch sits down at the beansprouts table, Bookman senior in tow, Kanda’s stomach turns. Lavi throws his arm genially around the beansprout’s shoulder, who lights up and face turns a little red in a blush. He sips his tea, but it doesn’t make the sour vinegar taste in his mouth go away. It’s while he’s gulping the last of his tea that a Finder approaches his table and tells him he needs to go to Chief Komui for his new mission.

The mission is something about a rumored Leaf of Revival in Norway. Something about unnatural weather phenomena. When Komui tells him that Allen will be partnering with him during the briefing, he feels all of his muscles tensing. And when the beansprout enters the office, Kanda can only stiffly turn to look at him. Komui fills the kid in on the mission brief as well.

“You and Kanda are to retrieve the Innocence. As a team, of course.” Komui says.

“Yes sir, understood.” Allen replies. It would be a lie if Kanda said he wasn’t surprised by this response. The last time he and the beansprout had talked, they had fought. And that was almost two months ago, which they had spent the whole time avoiding and ignoring each other.

“Looking forward to it.” Kanda says.

As with the start of every mission, there is a whirlwind of activity to gather their belongings and get to their transport. And next thing Kanda knows, he and Beansprout are standing on a gently swaying boat docked under Headquarters - Allen at the bow, Kanda at the stern. Then, when the Bookman pair suddenly approach, Lavi leaps down into the boat making it sway not so gently anymore. Kanda does not like Lavi Bookman.

“We’re tagging along!” Lavi says with his usual overbearing excitement.

 _How annoying._ Kanda thinks. And then he says, “How annoying.”

“Now, now don’t say that.” An impish smile overtakes Lavi’s face. “We can all work together, Yuu.”

Yuu. That name. No one is allowed to call him that name. Only _he_ can call him that.

“Do not call me that!” Kanda roars. Allen’s eyes widen a little from where he stands. Lavi continues talking nonsense but Kanda seethes.

“I can help if we have to fight Akuma since I’m an Exorcist too. Isn’t that right?” Lavi directs this at the beansprout.

“I’m sure we’ll be glad to have your help.” Allen says cutting off Lavi in that overly polite voice he uses sometimes. Then they are off down the river to make their train. When they do get on the train, Kanda takes a seat on the far end of the cabin from the others. Lavi and Allen are both obnoxious and loud while they chatter away about absolute nonsense. Kanda decides to meditate, they have a long train ride ahead of them.

Kanda is surprised to find that Allen’s congenial attitude and overabundance of energy actually runs out before Lavi’s. Kanda is broken out of his meditation to Lavi yelling.

“Hey, are you listening?” he hears drift over the many seats in between. When he doesn’t hear the beansprout respond and Lavi just diving back into some egregious description of an encounter he had with a beautiful woman, Kanda’s eyebrow twitches just a little. The kid usually has something to respond with - whether its curt and mean to Kanda or polite and funny to pretty much everyone else.

Then he hears, “Hey, did you fall asleep?” His eyebrow twitches again. The kid fell asleep while someone was talking to him like an idiot. Then he hears Lavi chuckle mischievously and knows that the guy must be up to no good. Kanda does not like Lavi Bookman. He’s a mild nuisance on the best of days, and an incorrigible hinderance on the worst of days.

Kanda drifts off into a meditative state and is awoken a little while later to someone pulling on his hair. No one touches his hair. And Lavi Bookman of all people is the one tugging and attempting to braid his hair.

“You awake? Yeah, that Allen fell asleep, too. Ha, yeah and something seems to have happened to his face!” The redheaded idiot smiles while he continues to pull Kanda’s hair. “So, maybe you should take a looksee!”

Kanda bolts up from his seat and draws his sword on Lavi, making him retreat to the other side of the train compartment. They make it the rest of the way to their destination with a few less antics perpetrated by Lavi. Though when Allen wakes from his nap, the two behave childishly together to pass the time. It’s frustrating and annoying beyond belief.

There’s a raging blizzard when they arrive in Norway, which is not unusual for the country at this time of year in late November. Kanda’s bangs whip all around his face. The Finder assigned to them greets them at the train platform and informs them that they don’t know when the storm will die down. Kanda just wants to get this mission over with. He doesn’t do partners, especially if they go by the names of Lavi Bookman and Allen Walker. He will go it alone. Its faster if he just does it himself.

“Are you going to search?” Allen calls over the howling wind. That’s the first thing he’s said to Kanda directly in months. His blood heats. He’s _so_ angry. They haven’t spoken in months and _this_ is the first thing he says? Something _so_ stupid?

“Of course, I’m going to search. That’s why we were sent here.” Kanda snaps, just as cold as the wind snapping around them. “I’m not going to waste time sitting around.” Kanda doesn’t waste time.

“But…” Allen’s voice turns soft; he can barely hear it over the wind. There’s snow blowing all around them as white as Allen’s hair. He knows the kid is going to go on some tirade about “sticking together” and “team work,” but Kanda doesn’t want to deal with others anymore. It was a long train ride there and he is so tired of both Allen and Lavi’s nosy and loud voices.

“Don’t worry about it. In fact, why don’t you just wait around and build a snowman, Short Stack.” With that Kanda turns into the wind and starts to head off the train platform. That nickname doesn’t get the same riled up response that “Beansprout” does, Kanda notices. Maybe he’ll just stick with beansprout then.

“Hold on!” Allen calls. Kanda doesn’t pay him any attention. To his utter frustration, they all follow him into the storm. They trudge through knee deep snow drifts. Everything is in shades of gray and the way forwards is just blank white, but he can feel Allen’s presence behind him.

During their slough through the snow, they stumble across a father and daughter passed out in the snow. The kind-hearted soul that he is, Allen jumps forward to check on the pair. Kanda feels sick.

They decide to take the girl and father to a nearby inn the two had been staying at. Kanda does not want to stay around these people any longer. He has had enough of all of them.

“Then I’ll keep going.” He informs the group. Allen turns his big gray eyes on him, his charming puppy dog eyes that make people give him their food (Kanda knows, he’s seen it happen in the cafeteria several times). He looks like he is going to beg him to stay and help. His charm’s do _not_ work on Kanda. He feels the irritation that had been coursing through him turn hot in anger. “I’m quite sure they don’t need all five of us to rescue them from some snow.”

He stalks off, letting the howling wind pleasantly muffle their voices behind him. He does sense the Finder following behind him, but the others must have returned with the father and daughter. He decides to follow the wind to its origins, since he assumes that must be where the Innocence is located. They already know this wind is unnatural and changes unpredictably. So, he pushes forward through the blizzard and the frozen forest. He doesn’t worry about the Finder following close behind. He trusts that the Finder is capable of taking care of himself.

Eventually the cold wind turns into hot gusts, steam rising up from the ground instead of snow falling towards it. Which is highly unusual for winter in Norway. Kanda continues to follow the gusts further and further into the forest. In the distance he can see a giant plateau completely different from the surrounding area as it towers high above the trees and there are no mountains around. He takes a few steps in the direction of the massive plateau. A surge of energy swells around him and knocks him back. When he looks up, he’s met with a face full of snow. The blizzard has resumed.

 _That is probably where the Innocence is_ , he deducts. _See Allen, I’m not stupid_. The Finder stumbles up next to him. He looks a little rough, the sweat the man had accumulated from the hot wind starting to freeze on his skin.

“That mountain is probably where the Innocence is.” He tells the Finder. “Let’s turn back for now.”

The trip back is much easier with the wind blowing at their backs.

BOOM! An explosion echoes through the forest. Several more follow it.

“It must be Akuma!” The Finder yells. “They must be fighting with Allen and Lavi!”

“I’ll go on ahead to fight. Make your way to the nearest shelter.” Kanda calls over his shoulder, already dashing towards the explosions. The situation is definitely not good when he gets to the clearing the fighting is at. Three level two Akuma are fighting Allen and Lavi while the father and daughter cower behind a tree. Allen is nearly incapacitated from the Akuma he’s fighting’s special move leaving Lavi to pick up all the slack. _Pathetic._ All that bravado during their first mission about how he wanted to _protect_ everyone, nearly four months since then and _this_ is all he has to show? Kanda is _furious._ Selfishly self-sacrificing Allen Walker. Kanda _hates_ him. The sight of Allen’s small body being buried by snow does _not_ make Kanda feel like his heart is being squeezed. He is _angry,_ not _worried._

He activates Mugen and slices at the three Akuma.

“Retreat!” The Akuma yell in their warbled, mechanical voices.

“Yeah! Yuu is here!” Lavi yells, like he hadn’t just been losing. Kanda watches as Lavi goes to Allen laying in the snow. Lavi brushes some of it off the kid’s hair. Snow, the same color as the beansprout’s hair. His gray eyes only open for a second, meeting Kanda’s, and then he falls unconscious. Though Kanda isn’t sure how with Lavi screaming his name the way he does.

Lavi hoists the beansprout up onto his back and the five of them try to make their way to a shelter. Like usual, Kanda leads the group. Allen wakes up a while later and immediately falls off Lavi’s back into the snow, face either red with a blush or chapped from the wind. _Stupid._ Kanda thinks. They push forwards into the night.

They finally make it to an empty cabin. Allen has started to get feverish. The girl and Lavi fret over him, much to Kanda’s annoyance. They’ve wrapped him up in a blanket and started up a fire in the fireplace. Kanda is _so_ annoyed. He _hates_ Allen Walker.

“You’re pathetic.” He glares at them from his seat at the table. He feels blisteringly cold like the storm outside. The father stands by the window watching the storm outside. “You couldn’t even take care of one Akuma could you? We don’t let them escape. We finish them off.”

“Yeah, you don’t show any mercy, Yuu.” Lavi quips. “To Akuma or to your teammates.”

Kanda’s annoyance turns to anger like the blizzard had turned to hot wind earlier. He glares harder.

“Where is Michael, the Finder?” Allen asks from his pile of blankets. And truth be told, Kanda had forgotten that he had left the Finder behind to go fight the Akuma. And he wasn’t sure how far behind the Finder was; if he had followed Kanda to the battle or made his way back to the inn they had stayed at. He isn’t worried though: the Finders at the Order may waste his time often, but Kanda trusts that they are capable of taking care of themselves. Or at least, they should be.

“How should I know?” He answers. Allen lets out a little gasp. “He’s not my responsibility. Finders have to be able to take care of themselves.”

“But he –“ Allen is cut off by the door opening, revealing the Finder covered in a bit of snow. Kanda feels a little smug. He knew the Finder would be fine.

Allen gets up from his blanket pile on the floor to happily greet the Finder. Kanda’s smugness is washed away by the sudden taste of vinegar in his mouth. _What’s he so happy for?_

“Did you see any Akuma around the cabin?” Kanda asks the Finder. If the Finder was able to follow them to the cabin, then the Akuma might have as well. Or they went ahead to retrieve the Innocence first.

“No, I didn’t.” The Finder says.

“So, they went ahead.” They have to get to the Innocence first. It’s their mission and they can’t lose this one to the Millennium Earl. He grabs Mugen and heads to where the others have grouped by the door. “I’m going out. I want to find the Innocence and collect it before they do.”

“Nice! I’ll come back you up!” Lavi says. That is the _last_ thing that Kanda wants but… he does have to admit that it would be difficult for him to fight three level two’s at once and Lavi is a powerful Exorcist. The father moves towards the door, like he plans on following Kanda and Lavi.

“You planning to get lost again?” Kanda not so nicely asks.

“Watch it, Exorcist.” The man spits at Kanda. Kanda does not like this man. He keeps recklessly putting himself and his young daughter’s lives in danger.

The daughter jumps forward and says: “Don’t worry, father, I’ll be right beside you!”

And oh, that frustrates Kanda. “Do you even care about your daughter’s safety?”

It’s one thing for Kanda to not worry about the Exorcists and Finders. They have ways to counter Akuma and take care of themselves. He trusts that they are all able to survive. But these are two civilians that do not have that. And this man just keeps selfishly putting his daughter at risk. Every time he has come across them during this mission, they’re in danger in some form or another.

“None of us should leave now. It’s too dark.” Allen says. Lavi pats the beansprouts head like he’s a puppy. It makes Allen pout, and his little nose scrunch up.

“Then maybe you should stay here, okay?” Lavi says. His tone is almost patronizing. Kanda does not like Lavi Bookman. Allen, the Finder, and the two civilians decide to stay at the cabin while Kanda and Lavi will go on ahead.

Its colder than Kanda expected outside, but he has Lavi with him now to fuel his anger which will keep him warm. Lavi Bookman is a constant source of annoyance. They push forward into the roaring storm towards the plateau he had found before.

This time he gets much closer to it than he had with the Finder. They even found an opening to a cave in the mountain. But the wind whips at them so intensely it’s almost impossible to move forward. Then Lavi pulls out his anti-Akuma weapon, a hammer. He swings it around then activates his wood stamp ability, unleashing a powerful wind that counteracts the blizzard around them. The storm disperses, leaving clear blue skys.

“Why don’t we head inside while we still can?” Lavi suggests. So, they head into the cave. The cave leads to a long tunnel that they follow. It seems to go on and on for a long time. Thankfully, Lavi decides that now is a good time to shut his mouth, so Kanda is spared from his endless chatter. Then the tunnel opens up into a cavern with a luscious green tree in the middle. It’s far too vibrant and lively for the weather. It must have the Innocence inside it.

Kanda runs forwards to it, slowing down when he gets close. He slowly reaches his hand out to touch the tree only to be shot backwards by a strong release of energy by the tree before he can even touch it. Frustratingly he falls flat on his ass. He grunts as he sits up. Lavi rushes over to help him up.

“I found it!” A voice says from behind them – the voice of that civilian father. _Damnit._ He must have followed them _. How did Beansprout let him follow them!?_ “The Leaf of Revival! I found it! It really does exist!”

The stupid man runs towards the tree like Kanda had just done.

“I’ll be able to bring you back to us now, Jacob!” The man shouts. _Oh, the man is trying to bring back someone he lost._ The tree releases an even stronger force and it send the man backwards like it had to Kanda. The stupid man does it again and this time the tree sends him slamming into the wall behind them.

Kanda activates Mugen and approaches the tree. Using his own Innocence, he counters the energy beam. When the tree sends ice flying at him too, he leaps up over the blast and slices the tree in half. It falls, dying immediately and reveals the glowing green Innocence inside.

“We’ve got what we came here for.” He picks up the Innocence and turns to Lavi. “Let’s go.”

“Please! Give that to me!” The man approaches. There is a deranged, desperate tone to his voice. “I need the Leaf of Revival to bring back my son!”

“This is not the Leaf of Revival. It’s called Innocence.” Kanda tells him. The man’s eyes take on an almost insane quality.

“Give it to me!” The man rushes forward and grabs Kanda by the front of his Exorcist coat.

“No!” Kanda pushes him away harshly. The man falls to the ground. “Innocence does not have the power to give your son back his life. Accept it.”

Things don’t come back from the dead. Not the way anyone wants them to, anyways. If only Innocence was that good. Instead, it hurts more often than helps. Lavi steps towards the fallen father and says some stuff. Kanda isn’t really listening. The Innocence pulses warmly in his hand. He tucks it into an inner pocket of his jacket.

“Come on. Let’s go.” Kanda says when Lavi is done giving his speech. The father follows them back outside where the weather has cleared up. The sky is a brilliant blue, and the snow seems even whiter than before.

“Well, the weather cleared up!” Lavi laughs while stating the obvious. Kanda is on guard for the Akuma. They obviously got to the Innocence before the Akuma did, so the Akuma were probably waiting till after it had been collected to attack and steal it.

Just as he suspected the three Akuma pop out of the snow ahead of them. This time Kanda won’t let them get away. He takes the one on the left, Lavi takes the one on the right. Their attacks surprisingly don’t destroy the Akuma, but they do quite a bit of damage anyways. The middle one that seems to be the leader screeches at the other two, obviously intensely displeased. Kanda’s movements stutter to a sharp stop when the leader Akuma absorbs the others into its own body, assimilating the other powers and making itself stronger.

 _At least there’s only one Akuma to fight now instead of three,_ He thinks

“You know it may be even tougher than you.” Lavi jokes. He’s always joking, it frustrates Kanda to no end. The Akuma fire off an attack, shooting ice at them from the holes on its chest. They dodge out of the way.

Arms come around Kanda’s chest, and the father tries to wrestle the Innocence from him.

“Give it to me!” The man begs. “I need that thing!”

While he grapples with the man, he can’t dodge another ice attack from the Akuma.

“Damn you. Give me back my son!” The man must be out of his mind!

“You fool!” Kanda yells at him. This time the Akuma sends out a frigid wind that freezes them all to the ground. He tries to break the ice, but it’s no use. Out of the corner of his eye he spots a golden Golem. Its Timcanpy. That must mean the beansprout is nearby. Kanda’s stomach twists with this realization. And then it flips when he hears the beansprouts voice.

“We made it!” Allen yells. Allen activates his arm into its cannon form and shoots at the Akuma from behind. It turns around enraged.

“Quickly, free my legs!” Kanda shouts to the beansprout. Allen looks at him with his big gray eyes like he had never seen Kanda before. “Hurry up!”

The kid finally reacts and shoots at the ice covering his legs. The ice shatters and Kanda enters the fray while Allen releases Lavi too.

“Alright everybody! Here we go!” Lavi yells.

“Right.” Allen says. “You ready, Kanda?”

Kanda grunts in response. Just like in Mater, they attack together and defeat the Akuma together.

After, they stand around the small crater left when the Akuma exploded.

“Please,” The father walks up to them, madness in his eyes. “Please give it to me.”

Kanda can’t believe this man. If he was only being reckless with his own life (like the beansprout), Kanda might not be so furious with him. But he insists on risking his daughter’s life. And he nearly got both himself and Kanda killed during the battle with the Akuma, all for something wholly unattainable. Dead people should stay dead.

“I want it to be like before… Just one more time.” The man starts crying. At some point the daughter and the Finder had come up to the group. Kanda bristles when the girl starts apologizing and blaming herself for her father’s stupid actions.

“It’s all because I stopped you from going in to save him.” She cries. “And that’s why I can’t stop you from doing anything now.”

Kanda watches as Allen lights up in indignation like he did in Mater when he was dead set on protecting the Ghost and her keeper. When he had stood up to Kanda. When he had declared that he was going to be a savior to all. Something about that protectiveness, makes Allen seem taller, older than he is.

“Don’t you think it’s time you started paying attention to your child that’s still alive?” Anger flows out of Allen in waves. “You’re so intent on pursuing your lost son, that Elda is being hurt and neglected. Do you even realize that you’re treating this girl as though she’s the one who died, no matter how much she’s done for you?”

Kanda has never seen the beansprout get angry at another person. Usually when Allen has gotten angry, it’s at Kanda or at Akuma. Kanda can’t deny the thrill he feels at seeing Allen mad at someone that isn’t him. Kanda already knew that Allen Walker was kind, and loud, and nosy. Now he thinks he can add _passionate_ to the list. He _hates_ Allen Walker.

The girl approaches her father and says some more stupid apologies. It must get through to the man because he starts crying and hugs his daughter. That’s about as much emotions as Kanda can handle so he decides to take his leave.

“I’ll go ahead and take this Innocence back to the Order.” He tells them as he starts back towards the town.

“What, you don’t want to wait and go with us?” Lavi says. And truly that is the last thing Kanda wants. He has spent far too long with them already and he’s tired.

“No. I think I’ve had enough of this field trip.” He calls back to them over his shoulder. Without another word, he leaves them behind and makes his way through the snow. Yes, he’s had enough of all of them. He wants to get back to Headquarters and hit something with his sword. He takes the first train back that he can, and it is blissfully quiet without the boisterous Lavi or the irritating Allen. Kanda _doesn’t_ feel lonely at all without gray eyes watching him. He doesn’t.


	3. The Millennium Swordsman Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aka Kanda isn't all that bad. Can't name a good thing about him, but he isn't that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I literally just sat down and wrote this entire chapter today. I'm on winter break now, so I'm going to try to bust out as many chapters before its over as possible. Next semester is my last in college so I want to be able to focus on school.  
> Also, I think that Allen is definitely a closet hopeless romantic. Also? The parallels of Claudia and Vittorio's situation and Kanda and Allen's in the manga now? That had me crying while writing this chapter. This chapter is the Millennium Swordsman mission from Allen's POV. Allen is so fun to write because its just, Kanda and Lenalee appreciating hours 24/7. Speaking of Lenalee, she is Yullen's number one supporter.  
> Anyways, I think I'm going to be following the anime's (not hollow) timeline instead of the manga's. In my opinion, the anime handles the pacing and character moments better than the manga. I think the next chapter will be a flip-flop of POV's as everyone travels around and then getting us to the Battle of Barcelona.

So, Allen might have dawdled on his way back from Norway. Lavi and Bookman left with the Finder - Michael - a day after Kanda had and two days before Allen did. He hadn’t been to the country during his childhood with the circus and he also hadn’t traveled there when he was apprenticing under Cross Marian. So, he might have chosen the slower route back. He hadn’t gotten to just travel with relative freedom since he had journeyed from where Cross had left him unconscious in India to Headquarters.

He enjoyed the cold weather and sleeping under the stars and the amazing food he could get from local restaurants. And he liked being able to remind himself of the kindness of strangers. All in all, Allen had a nice week and a half long journey back to Headquarters.

It’s not that Allen _didn’t_ like Headquarters and his new life with the Order, he had made a promise with Mana to bring salvation to Akuma after all. It’s just that… sometimes the place was too cold, the people too clinical. Sure, he liked the scientists from the science division, and it was near impossible to not like Lenalee (though he hadn’t talked to her since their mission in the rewinding town – apparently, she had woken up a few days ago, and he was sure that she probably did not want to talk to him right now), and he definitely liked Jerry the chef. The place was his home now. But sometimes, he felt more at home when he was alone and could just watch the sunset.

And it’s not like Allen didn’t keep up with the people at Headquarters during his slow return. He called to check in with Section Leader Reever almost every day. Reever even said it wasn’t a problem that he wasn’t rushing back since he could easily divert his route in case a new mission came up. A day or two before he got back, Reever told him that a mission in Rome had come up but that Kanda had already been dispatched, so he could just head back home without worrying.

Allen still wasn’t sure how he felt about Kanda. The man was either fiery in his fury or cold in his rage, and he seemed constantly pissed off at the world. And he was more stubborn than a mule. And his pretty face and silky hair did nothing to mask his terrible personality. But he wasn’t all bad. Kanda was not kind or soft like Lenalee or boisterous and fun like Lavi and it was definitely tiring working with him. And Allen couldn’t really point out one thing he liked about Kanda but… Kanda wasn’t all bad. Maybe.

He _was_ sensitive about what name he was called - Allen had found that out by his volatile reaction whenever Lavi called him his first name “Yuu.” Which, Allen guessed they had that in common: he didn’t like being called names other than his own. Didn’t excuse how he insisted on calling Allen “Beansprout” when Allen always told him to call him by his name.

He was unfairly tall too. But Allen found this more irritating than anything else.

Kanda had a way of saying things that cut exactly to the things you didn’t want others to touch. He’d known this since the very beginning, but he’d found that out intimately during their argument in the science division almost three months ago. Kanda had hurled some of the nastiest insults that he had heard in years. And then instead of owning up to the shitty things he had said, Kanda avoided him until they were forced together during this last mission. He _still_ hadn’t apologized. Allen had decided that he would ignore Kanda until he apologized but since that never happened, but he had a feeling that Kanda might never actually apologize… so, he had broken the cold war between them first.

Needless to say, Allen was glad that Kanda was still out on his mission when he got back to Headquarters. The first thing he did when he got back was eat his fill and then some from the cafeteria. He had a peaceful if not a bit boring few days after he got back. Lenalee was around somewhere but she was probably avoiding him. He had made her very mad after all, so he felt whatever punishment she felt was necessary, he had deserved. But since he had made her mad, it meant that he’d been barred from entering the science division and labeled as Public Enemy Number One. And there really wasn’t much to do. The Bookman’s were always having meetings with Komui, and he didn’t really know anyone else. Allen spent a lot of time reading in his room, practicing in the training room, eating in the cafeteria, or just wandering (getting lost) around the massive tower.

He was laying around in his room when a knock sounded at his door. He put down the book he was reading and opened the door. His bare feet were cold on the stone floor. He opened his door to find a person he had never seen before in a white lab coat. _Probably from a section in the science division he didn’t spend time around,_ Allen thought.

“Hello, can I help you?” Allen asked politely.

“Allen Walker?” They answered his question with a question. He nodded. “Report to Chief Komui as soon as possible. He has a mission for you.”

With that, they turned and left, leaving Allen to scramble for his Exorcist coat and shoes. When he got to the doors of the science division, he hesitated. He was invited so surely, he wouldn’t get iced out of there, right? Komui had called for him, right? He took a big breath, held it for a second, and let it out as he pushed open the doors. Various people looked up at him when he entered but none of them returned the smile or wave that he sent them. Though Johnny almost did from where he was sitting at his desk playing chess with a man with slicked back hair and an Exorcist jacket. Allen sighed and made his way to Komui’s office.

Komui had on his Serious Chief Face when Allen entered. Allen had barely said a greeting before Komui was interrupting him with news that made Allen’s stomach drop to the floor.

“Kanda’s missing?” He asked. “Wasn’t his last assignment in Rome?”

“Yes,” Komui says. His hands are steepled under his chin. “Innocence was discovered in ruins just outside the city, and he was sent to collect it. But it’s been a week now since we’ve had any contact with either Kanda or the Finder that went with him.”

Allen feels his stomach come back into his body from its place on the floor, but it starts to tie itself in knots now.

“Many Akuma have been reported around the arena where they supposedly disappeared.” Allen is starting to get worried. Kanda doesn’t usually think about the safety of the Finders that go along with him, and Kanda might be strong, but he can’t take on tons of Akuma at once. “I’d like to send you to go check on them and help if needed. Do you think you’re up to the task, Allen?”

Allen doesn’t even have to think about his response. Of course, he will go and help. His comrades are in trouble. He nods resolutely. Timcanpy, perched on his shoulder, his little wings tickle where they brush Allen’s hair into his ear.

Like the start of any mission, there is a mad dash to gather the things you need and head to the underground river that will take him to the train station at the nearest town. It’s as he’s climbing down into the wooden rowboat that Lenalee approaches, a suitcase of her own clutched in her hands, and resolutely not looking at Allen.

“What are you doing here?” He asks. He wasn’t aware that anyone else was assigned to this mission.

“Would you move over, please?” She says, in the same tone she had used when she slapped him back at the rewinding town. He scoots to the other side of the boat and she sits down next to him.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” He says trying to start a conversation. She only stares forward into the dark tunnel that will lead them out. So, Allen turns to the Finder who is on boat duty to tell him that they are ready to go.

 _Wow, she still seems pretty angry,_ he thinks. _I wonder if Komui forced her to come with me._ That thought makes him almost laugh a little. It’s hard to imagine Komui forcing Lenalee to do anything. They sit in tense silence all the way to the train station. She ignores him when she buys them some food for the trip and when they get their tickets checked and as they make their way across the platform to their train. And Allen can’t stand it anymore.

“You know, I was thinking we really haven’t had a chance to talk since you’ve recovered.” He says from where he was following behind her. She stops walking but doesn’t turn to look at him.

“About what happened,” He sets their suitcases down and bows deeply to her. “I’m sorry, Lenalee!”

He feels a blush heat his cheeks as the whole platform falls silent and turns to watch them. The embarrassment makes him start to rise out of his bow, only for the heavy paper bag of groceries to be set on top of his head, weighing him down.

“Don’t try to get up yet.” She says. “I still haven’t forgiven you.”

“Oh, alright.” He says to her feet.

“You’re really selfish, Allen.” That stings. “You think that being able to see Akuma’s souls means that you carry the whole burden, and you sacrifice yourself instead of letting other people help. I wonder, what friendship even means to you…” She sounds on the verge of tears and she pushes the bag harder onto his head. “Because it’s insulting when you won’t even allow me to fight beside you!” And, oh yeah, she’s definitely crying now. “I hate…. Your stupid eye. I hate it.”

She lets go of the bag on his head and falls down crying into her hands. The people on the platform that had stopped to spectate all gasp a little. Allen is completely lost for what to do.

“Lenalee, I….” He really isn’t sure what to say. “Thank you for saving my life.”

“You’re welcome,” She gets up from the floor and turns to run off towards the train. “I’m sure it won’t be the last time!”

Allen hopes that means she’s forgiven him, and he says so to Timcanpy. Then Lenalee ducks her head back out from the train car’s door and yells, “Hurry up and get on!” And Allen knows that he’s been forgiven. He gathers up all of their stuff and runs to where Lenalee is at.

They chat about the mission brief on the train ride. And it’s all back to the way it was before. Conversation flows easily again. Allen can’t stop fidgeting though. He’s worried about Kanda and the Finder. What if something happened to them and it’s too late by the time they get there? Allen’s never had the best luck. And it’s not like he has never been too late to save the person he cares for most in the world before. Not that he cares for Kanda or the Finder as much as he cared about Mana but… he does care about them. Humans are human, after all.

He and Lenalee theorize over the brief and memorize the information together. A thousand-year-old swordfighter by the name of Vittorio that’s been fighting Akuma with the Innocence in his sword. It’s all very interesting. He wonders what happened to Kanda…. And the Finder. He wonders about the Finder too. But mostly about Kanda.

When they get to Rome, it’s a warm early December day and the city market is bustling with large angry men with guns. If they aren’t harassing the shopkeepers, then they’re pushing and shoving their way through the shoppers. They swagger through the city like they own it. A fight breaks out between two of the men with guns drawing everyone’s attention.

“If they’re so bent on fighting, I wish they’d do us all a favor and kill each other.” A burly man with an eyepatch says from behind Allen and Lenalee. They turn and look up at him in shock. How could someone say something so mean? Well Allen knew one person who would say something that mean anyways… And he’s far prettier than this man. “This is a gathering of bounty hunters. We’re all here because the Sardini family put out the call to anyone who can help find their missing daughter.”

“Wait, bounty hunters?” Allen asks.

“A local girl is missing?” Lenalee asks. Neither of these things were in the mission brief, but they might be clues to finding Kanda and the Finder.

“The Sardini’s sixteen-year-old daughter was abducted from their residence about three days ago.” The man says in a condescending tone like they should know this already, looking down on him and Lenalee (who are admittedly much shorter than him). “The man who took her identified himself as ‘Vittorio.”

Allen whips his head around to Lenalee to find that she is already looking at him. Vittorio is the name of the swordfighter that’s been living for a thousand years! This must all be connected!

A man comes riding into the square on a horse shouting about how all of the hunters must make their way to the Sardini residence. All of the men with guns immediately drop what they were doing – fighting, eating, shopping – and head in the same direction out of the town proper. Allen and Lenalee decide to follow the bounty hunters. They might find more clues about what happened to Kanda at the Sardini residence. And the Finder. They might find out about the Finder too.

The Sardini residence is a massive estate just outside of the city. It has lush, well-tended garden after garden. The main house towers over all of the guest houses. _The money these people must have to be able to throw it at things like this…_ Allen thinks a little meanly. The house staff have set out a wide array of free fresh food and drink for the gathered bounty hunters in the courtyard in front of the main house.

Allen might indulge just a little on the free food. What can he say! As a parasite-type Exorcist, he has to eat a lot to control the Innocence! And the food is so good and its free. Lenalee chastises him for eating but, really the food they had had on the train wasn’t enough!

Two well-groomed men in formal attire walk out of the huge ornate doors. When the younger of the two claps his hands for attention, the loud men in the courtyard fall silent and turn to look at them. The two men introduce themselves as the Viscount Paletti and Mr. Sardini. The Viscount makes an impassioned speech about how heartbroken he and the abducted girl’s, Claudia’s, father is. How desperate he is to find his sweet fiancé. Allen spent the first half of his life with performers and he can recognize a fake performance anywhere. These people don’t actually care about the daughter’s safety and that becomes even more apparent when he and Lenalee sneak into the Sardini’s main house. Inside, the two men bicker about money and status. Neither of them mentions actually worrying about Claudia.

Allen does not like Mr. Sardini or the Viscount Paletti, but they need information if they are going to find their missing comrades. Allen has a sinking suspicion that what happened with Claudia Sardini and the mysterious swordsman, Vittorio, might be connected to Kanda. Allen briefly wonders if maybe Kanda fell in love with the girl, killed the Finder, and kidnapped the girl. Allen’s stomach feels like it might not want to keep the food he just ate in it. Kanda wouldn’t do that. Sure, he can be really mean but, Allen’s pretty sure he has morals. But if he was in Claudia’s shoes, he’d probably rather marry Kanda over this Viscount Paletti.

Mr. Sardini starts monologuing about the terrible medieval-looking swordsman that had been terrorizing his sweet daughter for the past month. How his poor daughter became obsessed with this strange man and his reports to her every night.

“’The world’s strongest man has yet to appear, my lady.’” Mr. Sardini quoted what Claudia told him the swordsman reported to her. “I admit I lost my temper. I told her to stop spouting such nonsense, but she swore up and down that she was telling the truth. And then three days ago, on the very day that her engagement to the Viscount Paletti was finalized…”

The Viscount then starts monologuing about how the poor look down upon the rich and that once Claudia submits to their wishes, the Sardini family will have all of the power and status and money they could want. _As if they don’t have enough stuff already?_ Allen thinks. Allen does not like the Viscount Paletti and Mr. Sardini.

When the two greedy men turn to Allen and Lenalee and make snide remarks about the illustrious Black order and how grateful they are for their help in finding the poor, missing Claudia, Allen snaps. He can’t take these two selfish men.

“You won’t have our help. If you sincerely want Claudia to come back, what’s stopping you from looking for her yourselves!?” Allen does not like these men. “All I’ve heard here is money, status, fortune. What do the two of you value more, this girl or the things you possess!? Having a parent like you and a fiancé like the Viscount would drive anyone away.”

Allen might not have known his true parents, but Mana had been more of a father to him than anyone else. Mana had always put Allen’s safety above money and things. That was how a father was supposed to act.

Lenalee tugs on his arm, “Allen, we should go.”

She drags him out of the mansion and out of the estate. When they make it past the gates, she starts giggling.

“What?” He asks.

“It’s nothing.” she says nonchalantly.

“I can’t believe after all that we didn’t discover anything about Kanda and we still don’t know much about Vittorio, either.” He sighs.

“I know.”

They make their way back into the city proper and rent a room in an inn. They get a single room with two beds. Allen hangs a sheet in between the beds to give Lenalee her privacy. Then they get ready to sleep.

“Let’s start fresh again tomorrow morning, alright?” She calls from the other side of the sheet.

“Alright.” He agrees.

They chat about what could have possibly made Claudia run away – if it was really just her running away or if she was kidnapped. Eventually, Lenalee calls “good night,” over the sheet and they turn out the lights. Allen tosses and turns for a while. Something Lenalee had said stuck in his mind, about running away with the person you love. It was kind of romantic. Escaping a controlling and stifling home for freedom with your lover. It sounded nice. As he started to drift off to sleep, Allen thought _I hope Kanda is okay…_

* * *

Bright and early the next morning, the large group of bounty hunters are already storming the dilapidated colosseum that Vittorio is rumored to haunt. Level one Akuma swarm the area too. Allen and Lenalee run there as fast as they can and take out as many of the level ones as they can, but they aren’t fast enough to stop a few from killing some of the bounty hunters. Allen uses his arm to destroy the Akuma, while Lenalee leads a group of the bounty hunters out of the colosseum.

One thing becomes apparent very fast to Allen. These bounty hunters are just as selfish as the Viscount Paletti and Mr. Sardini. They actively try to stop Lenalee from helping others and they don’t stop to help their own comrades escape the rubble. Some of the more persistent ones bring in a machine gun and try to shoot at the Akuma. Allen could almost laugh. They know nothing about what they are up against. But then he feels bad because how could they know?

A surprisingly handsome, absolute mountain of a man leaps out from the debris and slices through an Akuma with his sword. His attire is medieval, and his hair is a vivid curly red. _This must be Vittorio!_ Allen thinks but then, _where is Kanda?_

“Who is that?” he hears the murmur rumble through the bounty hunters.

“I am Vittorio, a swordsman serving the house of Tivoli.” He announces. The hunters start yelling in excitement, thinking they finally found their prey. Again, Allen almost laughs, they know nothing about what they are up against. “By order of Princess Sandra, I will fight you!”

The bounty hunters aim their machine guns at Vittorio, but it’s useless. The gun has no effect on the man. Allen steps forward ready to leap into battle with Vittorio when he hears a deep voice from behind him that makes his heart race a little.

“No. You’re not strong enough.” Kanda says from a higher row in the colosseum. He looks just as pretty as the last time Allen had seen him. No apparent injuries and his hair was just as silky looking as ever when it blows in the wind. Allen’s stomach does a little flip.

“Kanda!?” Why is he so breathless?

“This fighter is my prey.” Kanda says as cold as usual. “Don’t intervene.”

He watches as Kanda leaps down to where Vittorio is at the bottom of the ruins. They draw their swords on each other and start to fight.

“Miss Lenalee!” A voice yells to them over the clashing and crashing of battle. Allen can barely turn away from Kanda to see a Finder running towards them.

“Pedro!” Lenalee says.

“Vittorio’s got Innocence!” The Finder, Pedro, says. “It’s in the sword. That’s the source of the phenomenon that’s kept the swordsman alive for a thousand years.”

Allen turns back to watch the two dueling down below. He can hear Kanda’s bellows. He idly wonders how strong Kanda must be to be able to withstand the attacks from the mountain that is Vittorio and his giant sword. It’s more of a saber really, but Allen will admit he doesn’t know that much about swords.

“Those two fought for three days straight.” Pedro tells them. “But then Akuma began appearing, and then the situation became very chaotic. So, Vittorio disappeared. Kanda’s been sleeping for the last two days – the fight was exhausting, and he wanted to regain his strength.”

_He battled for three and then slept for two days straight?_

“Neither of them seems to be using the power of the Innocence!” Lenalee observes.

“I believe that’s a matter of pride and honor.” Pedro says. “They stopped using it on the second day of the fight.”

Allen is stunned. Kanda has pride and honor? Kanda hasn’t been using his Innocence?

“Without my anti-Akuma weapon, I’m practically useless in battle…” Allen muses. “I wonder if that’s the reason Kanda didn’t want me to help him against Vittorio.”

The fight below grows more intense and each blow sounds like a gunshot, the clanging of metal echoes loudly in Allen’s head and his bones. He can’t take his eyes off Kanda’s form. His sword-fighting technique is flawless: sleek and every move intentional. Whereas Vittorio uses his brute strength to counter Kanda. With a determined shout, Kanda manages to land a hit. He slices Vittorio across his chest and Vittorio yells in pain. But then his yell just stops. Allen’s eyes go big like saucers as he watches Vittorio’s wound heal, all of the blood that covered him disappearing from his body, like time had reversed back in the rewinding town when Miranda Lotto had used her Innocence to heal him and Lenalee.

“The Innocence is healing him!” Lenalee says in shock. Her eyes are wide too.

Then Allen’s heart stops when Vittorio shoves his sword deeply into Kanda’s side. Kanda does not move, frozen in shock. Blood begins to color the puddle of rainwater red underneath the men. And when Vittorio rips his sword out of Kanda’s side in a spray of blood, Allen watches as Kanda crumples to his knees on the ground.

“Kanda!” The name is ripped from Allen’s throat. Before can even think about what he’s doing, he leaps down to the fighting men. He activates his Innocence arm as Vittorio raises his sword to strike a finishing blow to Kanda. Allen feels anger ripple through him as he sees Kanda unable to get up. Allen yells catching Vittorio’s attention. The swordsman turns and sends a blast of wind at him, knocking Allen into a stone wall.

Allen gets up and charges at Vittorio, the man has changed his target and was making his way to Allen as well. He sees Lenalee jump down and run to Kanda’s fallen form. She puts her head to his chest to check if he has a heartbeat. The terror that squeezed Allen’s heart releases when he sees relief wash over Lenalee’s face. _Kanda’s okay._

He turns his attention back to Vittorio who charges at him. He uses his Innocence arm to block each heavy blow that Vittorio swings at him again and again. Kanda is so strong to be able to fight this man for three days straight. Allen’s knees feel like they are going to buckle with each of the swordsman’s hits.

Vittorio’s sword slices into his arm over and over and the pain is excruciating, _but it must be nothing compared to what Kanda went through._ If Kanda can do it, so can he. Vittorio chases him in and around the ruined colosseum. When he stumbles and falls, Allen freezes in shock when he realizes he can’t move his left arm. His body trembles as Vittorio’s imposing frame appears out of the dust and debris. Allen forces himself to rise to his feet and retreat backwards.

Lenalee runs forward, fast like the wind with her boots activated. But Vittorio only uses his sword to knock her away. He continues to stalk towards Allen. Allen’s arm is paralyzed and stuck in its activated form. It’s much bigger and heavier than his right in this form and he can barely feel the stones dig into his arm where it drags across the stones. He falls again and this time, he is unable to move any more.

“You will die with honor!” Vittorio roars as he raises his sword.

“Stop it!” A woman’s voice shouts. Allen turns to see a blonde girl around his age standing among the ruins, a cloak on her shoulders. She looks exactly like the picture of Claudia in the Sardini mansion. Vittorio lowers his sword and turns to Claudia as well.

“Claudia, it’s you!” Allen blurts out. “Wait, did this man take you hostage?”

“No one can make me go back!” She says defiantly. “You can try all you want but I’m staying right where I am. Please give a message to my father and Paletti. Tell them I will never return.”

Then she turns and walks away despite Allen calling after her. Finding his strength, he gets up to go after her, only to have his vision blocked by Vittorio raising his sword to his face. Allen doesn’t move. Vittorio backs away to follow after Claudia, sword still raised, eyes never moving off of Allen, until he is far enough away, then he turns and disappears. Allen collapses in a heap to the ground.

Allen’s not really sure what happens next. He feels like he is moving through water, sounds are muffled, and his vision is blurred. He doesn’t feel much of anything. Pedro the Finder all but carries Kanda out of the ruins while Lenalee gently coaxes Allen along. Eventually Allen’s arm deactivates. They get to a cottage where a kind old lady lives. He’s distantly aware of Pedro telling Lenalee that this is where he and Kanda stayed the last few days. Lenalee and the old woman help to clean and wrap up his injured arm and Kanda’s wounds. They sit him down at a table in the living room of the cottage. He doesn’t really feel anything. He hears Lenalee tell Pedro that Kanda has a fever from the other room. They had given Kanda the bed. _Kanda is sick?_ The thought drifts behind his eyes as he stares unblinking at the dancing fire in the fireplace. The old woman moves into his line of sight and he focuses on her as he watches the old lady starts to boil some water and crush up some herbs. _What is she doing?_ He thinks.

She scoops a bowl of whatever concoction she was cooking up and goes to the door to the room Kanda is in. He returns his gaze to the fire.

“I cannot promise this will cure him, but…” the old lady rasps. “But you may apply it to his wounds anyway.”

“Thank you, we will.” Pedro says. “And later, will you tell them the story?”

“Yes, of course”

Allen hears the door close again and the old woman starts to clean up the kitchen. Allen takes a big breath. Forces himself to take another. Closes his eyes. He can’t believe his arm malfunctioned like that. If Claudia hadn’t appeared and stopped Vittorio… Kanda could have died… he still could die… Allen hadn’t been able to do anything to protect him. He wasn’t strong like Kanda. He’d withstood that for three days straight. And he knew Kanda had outrageous healing abilities but… Again, he wasn’t enough to protect everyone.

Allen makes himself suck in another deep breath. He opens his eyes. He remembers the rehabilitating exercises Master Cross had made him do after the accident. Staring at his hand, he clenched his fingers tightly into a fist. Releases it. Does it a second time. Releases it. A third time. Releases. He touches the tip of each finger to the tip of his thumb. Does it a second time. And then a third. He stretches his palm out wide, flexing his fingers. Rotates his wrist. He used to do all of these several times a day after Cross picked him up. He bends his arm at the elbow to touch his hand to his shoulder. Releases it back down to lay flat on the table. He repeats all of the motions again as feeling comes back to his whole arm.

After 5 repetitions, Lenalee and Pedro come out of the room Kanda is sleeping in. Allen is alert again, giving Lenalee a small smile.

“I think there’s a story that could shed some light on our situation,” Pedro says as Lenalee sits down at the table next to Allen. They both look to Pedro as he starts to talk.

“After fighting Vittorio over the course of several days, Kanda was facing total exhaustion and slept in a nearby cottage nestled at the base of the mountain. While he was resting, I used those few days to survey the area and speak to the locals in hopes of finding any additional information that could help our situation. Fortunately, it was in this search I came across this elderly woman, who told me the story of Sandra and Vittorio.”

“This story is an ancient tale that took place one thousand years ago.” The old woman starts. Her wrinkles deepen as the fire light flickers around the room. She begins to spin the tale of a lord who ruled the land and his beautiful daughter named Sandra. When she turned sixteen men from all over the world flocked to beg for her hand in marriage. Allen thought this story paralleled what had happened to Claudia. “However, no matter how impassioned or noble the numerous offers of marriage, Sandra would not accept. She would only say ‘I will only be the wife of the strongest man in the world.’ Then, to test their strength, the princess would have the men fight Vittorio, the sword fighter who had protected her noble family. Vittorio fought for her, even after the princess took ill and passed, and it is said that the battle cries are still heard one thousand years later.”

“The Sardini family’s residence is on the same plot of land Princess Sandra used to live on.” Pedro says after the woman finishes talking. Vittorio must have mistaken Claudia for his Princess Sandra and every time he defeated an Akuma going after the Innocence, he’d report it to Claudia.

Allen thinks back to what Mr. Sardini had told them Vittorio would report to Claudia: “The world’s strongest man has yet to appear, my lady.” Allen feels a little dizzy. He focuses his gaze on the table. Vittorio saw the Akuma the way he saw them. Not as monsters, but as men. Allen can see their souls, he knows the torment they go through being forced to kill their loved ones, and then used again and again to kill other humans, and how desperately the souls want to be freed from their corruption. Its why he wants to use his Innocence to help the souls find salvation, because the look of blissful peace on each soul’s face as they rise from their chains towards heaven makes it easier for Allen to breath. Vittorio sees the Akuma as men who were proposing to Princess Sandra.

They continue to talk, making conjecture about what Vittorio has been up to this whole time.

“Probably using the ruins to hibernate.” Suggests Pedro.

“As long as Vittorio has the Sword of Innocence in his possession, Akuma will continue to appear before him.” Allen says to no one in particular. The thought of running away with your lover to escape your stifling and controlling home doesn’t seem so romantic to Allen anymore when you will always be chased and hunted.

“Wait, then what about Claudia?” Lenalee questions.

“I’m afraid she’s gotten herself involved in a situation that has no end in sight…” He says. “These destructive battles will continue unless we can figure out a way to solve this problem before it’s too late.”

With all that now said, they all get ready to sleep. Allen and Lenalee plan on getting to the ruined colosseum early in the morning. Before he goes to bed, Allen goes into the room Kanda is staying in to check on him. He freezes at the doorway when his eyes land on the sleeping man. His Exorcist jacket and shirt are folded on the nightstand next to the bed leaving his torso bare except where its wrapped around and around with bandages. The room smells medicinal from the concoction the old lady had made. The moonlight comes in through the window and makes Kanda’s face glow softly.

 _He really is so beautiful,_ Allen thinks. There’s sweat beading along his jaw and forehead. His fever must not have broken yet. Allen slowly approaches the bed to sit in the chair that’s been placed next to it. He’s not really thinking when he grabs the washcloth from the bowl on the nightstand and gently pushes Kanda’s bangs away to brush the washcloth along Kanda’s brow. He hasn’t been this close to Kanda since their brawl in the science division.

 _Maybe, Kanda isn’t all bad._ He wipes the cloth over Kanda’s high and proud cheekbones. In his sleep, Kanda takes a big breath. Allen freezes, worrying he might have woken him up. Kanda’s deep breath must strain his wounds, because his eyebrows knit together in pain. Allen brushes the washcloth against the creases between his brows. Guilt twists his stomach for not being able to be more helpful to the man.

There’s a quiet, little cough from the open doorway and Allen jumps in surprise, heat rising to his cheeks. Lenalee stands at the door watching them, her eyes shining in a way that seems like she knows something he doesn’t.

“Let him rest.” She whispers. “We all have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

So as quietly as possible, Allen puts the cloth back, gets out of the chair, and leaves the room. They don’t stay up too much later after that.

* * *

In the morning, when he goes to check on Kanda, he finds that he is already awake and sitting up in bed. Kanda sternly looks him dead in the eye and starts unwrapping his bandages.

“Are you crazy?” Allen says rushing forward to stop Kanda. “Your wounds haven’t healed yet-”

“They’re healed.” Kanda cuts him off. The bandages unwind enough for Allen to see Kanda’s bare stomach. There’s barely even a scar.

“Look at that,” Allen breathes. “They’re almost gone.”

Kanda drops the bandages to the floor and stands to put on his Exorcist jacket. Other than the wound from Vittorio yesterday, there isn’t a scar on Kanda’s body. Though he does have a black tattoo over his heart – a simple black Ohm symbol. Allen… well he doesn’t stare exactly… but his mouth feels like a desert and he can’t stop watching the languid motions of Kanda moving... maybe he does stare a litt. Lenalee comes running into the room after hearing their earlier commotion.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She scolds.

“I’m going to defeat Vittorio, collect the Innocence and then be on my way.” He says. He sounds resolute but tired, like every movement exhausts him.

“And how do you plan to do that?” She counters. “Every time you cut him with your Mugen he regenerates.”

“I’ll figure something out.” Kanda shoves on his coat and buttons it up.

Pedro barrels into the room yelling. “I’ve got troubling news! Multiple Akuma were just spotted ambushing the ruins again and are fighting with Vittorio!”

Kanda straps his katana, Mugen, to his back and starts towards where they’re gathered at the door.

“Stop it Kanda,” Lenalee says. “You haven’t completely recovered. Why don’t you rest for another day and then go back tomorrow?”

Kanda tenses. “You know I can’t. You want them to steal the Innocence while I’m here taking a nap?”

Ah, there it is. Kanda’s stubbornness. Allen’s a little surprised that Kanda didn’t start shouting at Lenalee for blocking him, but to be fair it was hard to yell at Lenalee. Though she was right, Kanda wasn’t fully healed yet.

“We can hold them back.” Allen says, stepping into Kanda’s space.

“Oh, that’s reassuring” Kanda snaps.

“Just believe in us!” Allen tries again. “Lenalee and myself… and Vittorio.”

Lenalee’s head whips to his in confusion. Kanda narrows his eyes at him.

“He won’t make it easy for the Akuma to defeat him. He can’t afford to. That’s why the Innocence will stay in his possession.” Allen reasons.

“You’ve got a point.” Like always, Lenalee comes to back him up. _She’s such a good friend._

Allen knows that Kanda will only truly listen to a well-thought-out strategy and he can tell that its already starting to sway the stubborn man, so he dials up his charm and keeps going. “If enough Akuma work together and overwhelm him, then Claudia will be in danger. Lenalee and I can be there in a matter of seconds to protect her safely. So please, just stay here and rest. Try thinking of a strategy for collecting the Innocence inside Vittorio’s sword.”

“Try thinking!?” Kanda barks. _Oh no, might have stepped on a landmine._ “Are you giving me orders now?!”

Allen’s patented charms didn’t work, time for plan B. Brute force it is.

Allen activates his Innocence arm and uses the extra length to push Kanda back into the bed.

“Sorry Kanda…” And he is sorry, the man is only mostly healed. “But right now, your brain is your best asset, so just use that.”

Before Kanda can argue, Allen turns, grabs Lenalee’s arm, and run out of the cottage. He shouts over his shoulder, “Pedro! Keep an eye on him, will ya?”

Vittorio is already deep in battle by the time they get to the ruins. He easily defeats the level ones, but then a level two appears, and it worries Allen, until Vittorio easily defeats that one too.

“Vittorio, please listen to what I am about to say.” Allen yells to Vittorio as the dust from the fight clears. “You don’t have to fight any longer. The fact is Princess Sandra died a very long time ago. You were never told and now a thousand years of pointless fighting has gone by.”

Vittorio doesn’t say anything, just stares up at Allen.

“Do you hear me?” He tries again. This gets a response.

“The princess is alive, and it is her wish that I continue to fight in her honor.” Vittorio turns away and looks to one of the somehow still intact audience stands carved into the stone of the colosseum. Allen follows his gaze to see Claudia there. “It is my duty to cater to her wishes no matter how extreme the request.” He turns back to Allen and raises his sword in an invitation of challenge. “Come.”

“Please, wake up to reality,” Allen begs (he really doesn’t want to fight Vittorio again, and if he can stall long enough, maybe Kanda can use that brain in his big pretty head to think of a solution). “There’s no one for you to protect! Your fight is over!”

“It’s never over!” Vittorio roars. In his anger he swings his sword and destroys the platform Allen and Lenalee had been standing on. Allen activates his Innocence as he lands at Vittorio’s level. Lenalee runs off towards Claudia. Vittorio charges in and again they fight.

It dawns on Allen that Vittorio must have been truly in love with Princess Sandra and that’s why he doesn’t want to let this delusion go. He wanted to stay by her side forever. He doesn’t have time to think about how romantic that all is though, it’s taking everything in him to duck, dodge, and counter Vittorio’s attacks.

“Lay down your sword!” He tries again. “Why can’t you realize that all of your fighting just puts Claudia’s life in danger!?”

Vittorio grabs a fistful of Allen’s hair and throws him to the ground. It hurts too much to try to get back up and he is helpless when Vittorio comes to stand above him and raises his sword.

“This is what I mean when I say you’re too soft, Beansprout!” Kanda bellows as he runs towards them, sword brandished. Vittorio jumps away and Allen finds it in himself to sit up and watch as Kanda chases him across the ruined colosseum floor.

“Die” Vittorio shouts as his saber lands in Kanda’s left shoulder. Allen can’t breathe.

“No!” Lenalee screams from somewhere nearby.

Then a sneer takes over Kanda’s face transforming into a roar of his own. He swings Mugen and cleanly slices off Vittorio’s arm. Kanda stumbles backwards, Vittorio’s sword still sunk into his shoulder.

“He refused to give up his sword,” Kanda chuckles weakly. “So, I had to improvise.”

Allen scrambles to run forward and catch Kanda as he falls to the ground. Blood soaks Kanda’s left side, but he isn’t unconscious. He’s strong in Allen’s arms. They watch Claudia run to the fallen Vittorio screaming and shouting his name.

“Don’t leave me!” She cries. “I don’t want you to fight anymore. Let’s go someplace quiet, just you and I.”

Tears stream down her face. Vittorio’s face rapidly ages without the Innocence in his possession. He huffs a soft laugh.

“Princess, I have a confession. I know you are not Princess Sandra.” The shock ripples through all of them at this admission. “I knew she passed away centuries ago… However, fighting for you was one of the greatest honors of my life.”

No longer does Vittorio look like a handsome young man, he has aged and wrinkled. He turns to Claudia who is still sobbing. “All that I ask, is that you live for yourself just like Sandra did, so many years ago.”

Vittorio give Claudia a content grin before he passes. Claudia screams his name, begs him not to leave, sobs some more, and clings to Vittorio’s body. Lenalee tries to comfort her but she just keeps crying. Allen sits off to the side holding Kanda up for a long time.

“Hey, Beansprout,” Kanda eventually says to him. “Go collect the Innocence.”

Allen turns his head towards Kanda. Kanda is looking away from him but still Allen’s surprised by how close their faces are and for a moment, Allen thinks that time has slowed down enough that he can count every one of Kanda’s eyelashes. Then Kanda turns his face towards him and raises a delicate eyebrow at him in question, snapping Allen out of the moment. He carefully lays Kanda down, paying attention to not jostle his injured shoulder too much. The long saber blade had cracked in half where it had fallen nearby, revealing a shard of Innocence. Allen picks it up and places it into an inner pocket of his Exorcist coat.

Eventually, Claudia runs out of tears. Lenalee escorts her back to the Sardini estate and Allen and the Finder, Pedro help get Kanda to the local hospital. When his wounds are miraculously healed the next day, they all leave for Headquarters together. Unlike on the train ride to Norway, Kanda doesn’t sit on the other end of the train car. He instead sits across the aisle from Allen and Lenalee.

After all that, Allen still isn’t sure how he feels about Kanda. The man was either fiery in his fury or cold in his rage, and he seemed constantly pissed off at the world. And he was more stubborn and determined than a mule. And his pretty face and silky hair did nothing to mask his terrible personality. But he wasn’t all bad. Kanda was sharp and direct not kind or soft like Lenalee. Kanda was prideful and quiet not boisterous and fun like Lavi and it was definitely tiring working with him. But he’d seen that Kanda could at least be a little civil. And he was strong beyond belief too. He also was kinda smart too, but only when it came to fighting. And he made Allen worry and feel guilty that he couldn’t help him more. And Allen couldn’t really point out one thing he liked about Kanda but… Kanda wasn’t all bad. Maybe.


	4. Moving Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter covers from the mission to get Krory (episode 19) up till episode 34 (The Village Where the Witch Lives) of the anime. I grossly misjudged how long this chapter would be and also how long it would take me to write. I kinda summarized the events of like 15 episodes which meant that I went back and watched most of those episodes to parse out the pieces that were important for my story. This one was definitely just as fun as the three previous chapters to write, but man did I misjudge it! I wanted to make sure I hit the emotional beats that I wanted to highlight as well as the plot points and enough descriptions of what was going on that it made sense. I wanted to make sure that I got in the stuff with Allen and General Yeegar and how the loss of another father figure would affect him (which was something I thought the anime did right by including this in the story and not making him completely unrelated). And I wanted to make sure I hit the major plot point of the Millennium Earl's message. I wanted to have Allen's reaction to being hetero-coded with Lenalee when they went and saw Mother and I wanted him to start his gay crisis here (which was actually hard for me to write. I'm a bisexual woman and the situation around my gay crisis was much different than Allen's is so it was difficult to put myself in his place and write. hope it came across well) And I really wanted to have Kanda's reactions to Walmart Brand Allen Walker aka the Finder Goz (I love Goz but he is very similar to Allen) and lotus flower angst. This was a surprisingly challenging chapter and I hope everything was conveyed well enough.  
> Might take a bit of time (like three days instead of two) till I throw up the next chapter but that one will definitely cover the Battle of Barcelona and probably be a flip-flopping POV again. (Also I keep calling it the Battle of Barcelona and I am pretty sure that's not the actual term used to describe that bit in the anime but I'm not sure how else to call it so I will just keep calling it the Battle of Barcelona until someone tells me otherwise.)

Kanda isn’t sure why he decided to sit across the aisle from Lenalee and the beansprout. The two chattered the whole way back and it would have been much quieter if he sat on the other side of the train car. But the thought of being so far away doesn’t sit quiet right in his stomach. So, he sits across from them and pretends he is sleeping the whole ride back.

A few days after their return from Rome, the beansprout gets sent on a new mission. Kanda doesn’t pay too much attention. He doesn’t care. But when he sees Allen pacing the halls outside of his room before the kid is supposed to leave, nervously muttering to himself, well… he might get a bit curious. Later, when he is in the training room with Lenalee, he asks her about it.

“What’s got the beansprout so nervous?”

“Allen?” She says back. They had been running laps around the massive room together and were now sitting against the wall drinking water.

“Mn.” He nods.

“Well, my brother said he sent Allen to Romania with a lead about General Cross. What makes you think he was nervous?” Her normal easy smile turns into a suspicious grin. Kanda does not like that grin. He narrows his eyes at her.

“I saw him pacing outside his room and muttering to himself before he left.” He says. Lenalee hums in response.

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “He has said some stuff about General Cross before, like that he knocked Allen unconscious before running away before Allen came and joined the Order. He also said something about the General’s debts and he always gets this terrified look on his face when he does?”

“Mn.” He hums looking away. He isn’t worried about Allen Walker. He _hates_ Allen Walker.

* * *

The beansprout come’s back a week later with Lavi Bookman and some incredibly tall, gloomy guy with pointy ears. Kanda had heard Lenalee and the science nerds making a fuss about Allen and Lavi bringing back some new Innocence accommodator. Krory the Vampire or something like that. He’s so tall, he makes Allen look tiny when he stands near him. And he follows Allen and Lavi around like a lost child, when Kanda is pretty sure the guy is ten years older than them. Kanda feels furious when he sees them around. He can’t exactly pinpoint why he feels so angry, it might have to do with the new guy’s ineptitude at everything. The gloomy man with his skunk hair cries whenever something difficult happens and Allen always jumps to comfort the guy, patting him on the back and giving him his handkerchief. Kanda does not like any of it.

When the new guy comes up to him in the cafeteria when Kanda is eating his favorite soba noodles before he is to leave for his next mission, the man eyes Kanda’s meal and then asks him if he can try Kanda’s noodles. The crybaby of a grown man proves to be just another incompetent idiot, even more so than the beansprout. Kanda feels intensely satisfied when the skunk man foolishly eats an entire spoonful of wasabi. Kanda feels like he like he won a prize when the man hollers and all but faints from the spice.

And then Allen runs in.

“Kanda, you should have taught him how to eat it correctly.” Allen scolds him. Kanda doesn’t feel like he won anymore.

“I don’t have time to babysit unlike you apparently.” He snaps. _Why is the beansprout so mad at him?_ He needs to get away. He’s _angry._ So, he goes to leave the cafeteria. He’s not running away – he has a train to catch. He passes Lavi on his way out of the cafeteria.

“You’re done eatin’ already?” Lavi asks him without a hint of seriousness in his voice or demeanor. _That’s_ why Kanda dislikes him so much, Lavi Bookman never takes anything seriously. “Do you have an assignment to get to?”

“I’m heading to Denmark on a mission soon.” He tells him. _So, leave me alone,_ he finishes in his head.

“Well at least you’re staying busy, Yuu.” Lavi says. And, oh yeah, that’s another reason he really does not like Lavi Bookman. One day he will slice that jerk in half with Mugen. His anger levels were already bubbling higher from the run in with the new guy and Allen, but now Lavi just had to say the one thing that makes him furious more than anything else.

“How many times have I told you not to call me by that name?!” Kanda says sharply. Lavi only laughs and looks past Kanda.

“Speaking of missions, hey Allen!” Lavi shouts. “I ran into Chief Komui earlier…”

Kanda stomps out of the cafeteria before Lavi even finishes his sentence. He doesn’t have time to waste with these useless idiots. So, he sets off for Denmark.

* * *

­­­

Allen gets sent on a courier mission to a General Yeegar in the Netherlands a few days before his sixteenth birthday. He’s like ninety percent terrified of meeting this general and ten percent glad that he gets to go on a solo mission again. General Yeegar’s a stickler for manners, Komui had said and for Allen to be on his best behavior. Which was a little insulting. Allen was always on his best behavior. (Except when it came to Kanda, he couldn’t help but argue with him at every turn. Like when he had let poor Krory unknowingly eat a spoonful of wasabi that morning and Allen had yelled at him. Why can’t Kanda just be a little nicer to people? He’s seen that Kanda can be, if not kind, then at least civil. It’s not difficult to have manners.)

But Allen hadn’t gotten to travel alone in weeks, and he didn’t have to do any sleuthing this time. This was a simple there and back again mission. The trip there is a nice, solitary train ride. When he gets to the Netherlands, he gets to watch the pretty fields and the giant windmills as the train speeds by.

When they pass through a tunnel, Allen looks at his reflection in the window. His curse mark on the left side of his face has gotten darker since the mission in Romania where they met Krory. Eliade’s special power had injured his eye pretty badly. But it had healed quickly, leaving his scar darker, the pentacle on his forehead looking more like the mark of an Akuma and his curse more powerful than before. He still couldn’t believe that it had briefly been able to make Lavi and Krory see the souls of Akuma.

When he gets to his station, he is greeted by a kind Finder named Thierry from General Yeegar’s Unit. Allen tells him that he is on a courier mission from headquarters with a special delivery for General Yeegar.

“Oh dear…” Thierry says. “I’m terribly sorry to inform you but the General is no longer here.”

So, Allen and the Finder decide to travel to Belgium where General Yeegar had left to a few days prior. Allen finds himself sitting awkwardly on a bench waiting for the train that will take them to Belgium with Thierry. They have a very long wait till their train arrives. Allen shivers a little in the winter chill.

“So,” Allen starts, breaking the awkward silence left after small talk failed to start a conversation. “Chief Komui told me that the General is strict when it comes to manners. Do you find that to be the case?

He is really worried that he might be walking into a beating if he crosses this General Yeegar. Master Cross was never shy about how annoying and how much of a burden he thought Allen was.

“Yeah sure, I mean sometimes he can be a stickler for table manners and proper language,” Thierry says. “But I’ve worked around him long enough to know he’s a really nice guy.”

“What!?” Allen is shocked. “He’s a nice guy? The General?”

“Um, why the sudden outburst?”

“Oh, forgive me. It’s just that I have trouble equating the words ‘nice guy’ when talking about a General of any kind, that’s all.”

“General Yeegar is a genuine and kind leader.” Thierry goes on to praise the General and Allen is so shell-shocked all he can do is just listen. He feels like his fundamental understanding of General’s is being shaken up.

Later, once they’ve tracked General Yeegar and the Finders traveling with him to a town in Belgium, Allen thinks that maybe Thierry might have been right. The General is certainly as strong as Master Cross, but with none of the bad qualities that Cross possesses. He is kind and he cooks the most delicious meal for them all. His face holds nothing but benevolence and his hair is as white as Allen’s but much longer. He reminds Allen a little of Mana. He is fatherly, and Allen likes the man a lot. (He secretly wishes that Yeegar had been the one to train him and not Cross, but he can’t change the past, only keep moving forward).

“At first I became an Exorcist to atone for Mana’s death.” He finds himself confiding to General Yeegar. “But now I know better than that. Because I fight in order to survive, to ensure that the people who have died can rest easy, to make every day worth living.”

He nearly cries when the General warmly places his hand on his shoulder and praises him. He feels seen and appreciated for just existing in a way that he hasn’t since Mana… And he leaves them in the morning feeling lighter and more validated than he has in years.

* * *

Kanda thinks he’s gotten much stronger. Destroying level two Akuma is so easy now, and this one in Denmark is almost laughably weak. As he’s walking away the Akuma starts to laugh maniacally where it had fallen. Smoke rises from it’s mangled body, it will stop functioning soon.

“You humans continue to fight,” Its metallic voice grates on Kanda’s ears. “Even though you have no future in this world. It’s pathetic.”

“What are you talking about?” He demands.

“I have a message for you from Lord Millennium:” It says. “’Your time has come. The seven-thousand-year prologue has finally ended, and the play is about to begin. Don’t miss the rising of the curtain, for you are the actors… the Exorcists!’”

When the Akuma stops talking, Kanda stabs it one last time for good measure. Then it explodes.

“If that’s true,” He tells the smoke plume behind him. “then everything up till now was just a ruse.”

He hurries to collect the Innocence and contact Headquarters. Plugging his Golem into the telephone in the lobby of the hotel he’s staying at, he calls Komui.

“It’s Kanda,” He says in lieu of a greeting. “I was successful in collecting the Innocence.”

“That’s excellent! Thank you!” Komui blabs. “So, how is Copenhagen this time of year? Is the ocean pretty? I’ve heard the scenery alone is to die for! I’m so jealous of you! I feel like a prince who is imprisoned in his own-”

“The Millennium Earl left me a message that is borderline insane.” He cuts Komui off. Kanda does not waste time. “He said the real game begins now.”

Then he recounts what the Akuma had said to him to Komui. On the other end of the line, he hears many phones start to ring in the background.

* * *

Allen is stuck waiting for a ferry back to Headquarters when he unexpectedly runs into Lenalee. There’s a storm roaring outside the packed ferry station that’s making it impossible for any of the ships to leave.

He’s just sitting down on an empty bench when he hears his name being called by a familiar voice. When he looks up, he’s met with Lenalee’s bright smile. They make their way to a diner and catch up like they usually do. He might gush a bit about his meeting with General Yeegar, but he can’t help it! The man had been so kind and wonderful! Allen hopes he gets to work with the General again before the man retires.

He’s very grateful that he works for the Order now, since he now has the money to be able to eat till he’s full at every meal. When he had been under Cross’s tutelage, he’d had to save up in between paying off the man’s debts in order to afford a meal that would actually fulfill him. And before that at the circus, he barely got by on the daily scraps they gave him. He rubs his stomach once he’s cleared their table.

“Full now?” Lenalee jokes. She’s delicately sipping a cup of tea after she finished her own dinner.

“Oh yeah!” Allen laughs. Her Golem wiggles its way out from its pocket in her coat.

“An emergency dispatch?” Lenalee says glancing at Allen looking just as confused as he feels. She gets up and plugs her Golem into the phone in the diner. He watches her curiously as she talks quietly into the reciever.

She gasps and turns to him. Her eyes are shiny and her hand trembles where she holds the phone to her ear.

“I’m with Allen Walker.” She tells whoever is on the other end. “We’re nearby and will head there immediately.”

Allen has a sinking feeling. Something bad has happened.

“Its General Yeegar.” She says to him quickly after hanging up. “He’s being attacked by two Noah Clan members and needs back up.”

“Do you have the coordinates?” He asks already getting up from the table. His blood is cold in his veins. When she nods, he grabs their bags and they run out of the restaurant and into the storm.

The rain falls in big droplets, soaking him deeply. The chill from the rain settles next to the dread in his bones. His shoes become filled with water and make every step heavy. The mud splashes up and stains the hem of his Exorcist jacket. They run and run and run, following Lenalee’s Golem to the last known location of General Yeegar and his unit. Allen isn’t sure how long it takes, but when they come upon smoking level one Akuma corpses on the side of the road, he knows they must be close. Then they find the General’s destroyed carriage. So extensive is the damage, that Allen wouldn’t have recognized it as a carriage if he hadn’t just been in it earlier that day.

“Oh no.” he whispers. He and Lenalee frantically look around the wreckage before he spots the Finder Thierry. He stands solitary in the rain facing away from them.

“Thierry! Where is he?” Allen yells over the whoosh of the wind and rain.

“It’s bad.” The Finder says so quietly, voice shaking. Thierry looks to the trees on their right, and he and Lenalee look too.

The first thing Allen registers is the Finders kneeling below a tree. Then Lenalee screams. Allen’s gaze moves up the tree. There are chains wrapped around it. Around and around holding a body strung up in the tree. Just like the carriage, the body is so damaged, black and blue all over, its nearly unrecognizable. Then Allen does recognize who it is. _General Yeegar._ Allen isn’t sure that he’ll be able to hold back all of the food he just ate. He feels sick. He’s too late again. He couldn’t run fast enough again. Will he never be enough?

“How could this happen!?” He shouts. Lenalee falls to her knees next to him, face in her hands, sobbing. He hears the chains that were General Yeegar’s anti-Akuma weapon rattle and General Yeegar lets out a pitiful groan in pain.

“He’s still alive?” One of the Finders cries, Allen isn’t sure who. There’s a scramble to get the General carefully down out of the tree and to a hospital. It’s a blur of activity too once they do get him to the hospital in town. The doctors and the nurses frantically running around. Lenalee calls her brother and informs him of what’s happened.

Eventually, the doctors move General Yeegar out of the operating room and into a private one. The man is wrapped like a mummy and the doctors say that he’s alive but not for long. They’ve set the General on a chair in a corner where he stares listlessly into the space in front of him.

Komui comes bursting in sometime later. He came in from Headquarters as fast as he could.

“Is he alright?” Komui says the minute he enters the room. And then “dear God” when he catches sight of General Yeegar. It’s quiet for a while, everyone is just barely holding their emotions in. Allen thinks that if anyone touches him, he might fall apart and start crying. The silence is shattered when General Yeegar starts singing in a cracked and broken voice.

“ _The Lord Millennium is in search of you. Looking for the heart now, have you heard the news? I was not the one he sought. Maybe it is you. Looking for the heart now, have you heard the news?”_

Allen turns to Komui, question’s thrumming in his veins. “Looking for the heart?”

“Among the Innocence we are searching for is a piece that holds special significance.” Komui rattles off the information, he’s still staring in horror at General Yeegar. “Its power is so great; we call it the Heart.”

“The Heart,” Bookman says from the doorway. “It is the source of power for every bit of Innocence on the Earth. It also has the ability to render every piece useless.”

“We must obtain the Heart.” Komui states, seeming to regain a bit of himself again. “At whatever cost it takes, in order to gain the power to prevent the end of humanity. Of course, it goes without saying but the Earl is looking for the Heart as well.”

Allen feels overwhelmed by all this information and empty at the loss of General Yeegar. He was too late again.

* * *

Kanda returns to Headquarters only to have to turn back around when he is sent to meet up with Daisya and Marie to find and protect General Tiedoll. Komui gives him a quick brief before he’s sent off.

“General Yeegar has passed.” Komui says. He looks extremely tired. Kanda thinks that Lenalee would probably be very worried about her brother if she saw him looking the way he does right now. “He was attacked a few days ago by two members of the Noah Family.”

Kanda hasn’t met this General Yeegar before, but if he’s anything like General Tiedoll, then it is probably a massive loss to the Order that he’s died.

“The General had severe internal injuries caused by several missing organs. The strange thing is that he had no external injuries to explain how his organs disappeared. We believe one of the Noah has the power to do this.”

Kanda doesn’t have too much sympathy for the man. He’s suffered far more severe injuries at the hands of the Order. But that’s certainly not a fun way to go.

“We also believe the Millennium Earl is searching for the Heart of the Innocence.”

This peaks Kanda’s interest. He’d heard some quiet whispers about it when he had been in the Asia branch. And when Komui explains about it, it only confirms the things he had thought were just rumors to be true.

“It appears that the Millennium Earl suspects that one of the four remaining Generals is the accommodator for the Heart. We know that the Akuma are tools of the Noah and are worried that a coordinated attack by both would put any General at a grave disadvantage, as what happened to General Yeegar.”

Komui takes a deep breath before continuing on. “I’m assigning teams of Exorcists to protect our Generals. You will be assigned to General Tiedoll, since you worked with him before you were allowed to work on your own.”

Kanda doesn’t think of that time fondly. Tiedoll was… overbearing and boring and obsessed with art.

“You will be working with Daisya Barry and Noise Marie, since they both trained under General Tiedoll with you.”

Kanda’s skin crawls. Being around Noise Marie always brought up memories of that time… and _him_ and memories of _him_ always brought up the memories of _her_. And Daisya was just annoying. Potentially even more annoying than Lavi Bookman. And now he’s stuck with those two for the foreseeable future.

“Mn.” He nods in acknowledgment. Kanda gathers up the papers of his brief when Reever comes in, flocked by some of the other science nerds.

“Hey, Chief.” Reever says. “How are Allen and Lenalee doing?”

Kanda’s hand stills on the stack of papers for a second. His heart stutters for a second but he’s pretty sure it’s just heart burn from having too much wasabi with his noodles earlier.

Komui sighs. “They were both very distraught at General Yeegar’s passing.”

That’s odd, he knew that Lenalee had spent some time apprenticing under the General, but he wasn’t aware that the beansprout knew him too.

“They were the first ones on the scene, weren’t they? They were the closest Exorcists at the time.” Reever says. Johnny has started to tear up behind him where he clings to the lab coat of the very large man that Kanda thinks name was Dop Tap or Tap Dop? He can’t remember. He doesn’t care that much.

“Yes, they helped the Finders get the General to the hospital… I’ve sent them to find General Cross.” Komui looks a bit distant. Kanda thinks about how Lenalee sees everyone in the Order as her family. She must have cried her eyes out. _Serves her right for caring so much,_ He thinks a little ruefully.

And Allen too… the beansprout must have been upset as well. He (for some reason unbeknownst to Kanda) cares for anyone and everyone. It’s good for him and his martyr complex to learn that he can’t save everyone but… the kid probably unnecessarily cried a lot too.

Kanda does not think about red-rimmed and teary gray eyes when he leaves Headquarters for Germany.

* * *

The first place Allen thinks to start his search looking for Master Cross is with Mother in Liverpool. The woman was Cross’s sponsor and he and Cross had stayed with Mother after the accident. She has to have some information on his location.

It’s been three years since he was last in Liverpool. The Liverpool in his memories did not look as nice as it does now. The town square is larger and more maintained and its brimming with life.

“You seem happy to be back.” Lenalee remarks.

“I am.” He says. “It almost feels like I’m back in my hometown. Which is a little strange since I didn’t stay here very long.”

They chat about memories as they stroll down the street. It’s a really nice time. He thinks that maybe he can breathe again after General Yeegar passed. Allen had felt filled to the brim with guilt afterwards and Lenalee had cried for hours. She saw everyone in the Order as her family. And he’d thought that the General was so much like Mana, so much like the father he desperately missed, that maybe he could have a bit of his foster father again.

But Komui had given them an order. A new mission. They had to keep moving forwards. Like Mana had told him “Never stop. Keep walking.”

They run into a nice attractive man in the square vying for them to buy his shoes when they pass his shop. The man is exuberant and filled with life and he heckles all the people who walk by trying to convince them to spend their money. After, when they’ve walked a ways away, Allen jokes to Lenalee that she never needs to buy new shoes since she always has her Innocence, the Dark Boots.

Behind the shops in the town square looms a big building that they assume is a hospital, it certainly wasn’t there when Allen lived here. A lot has changed around the town since Allen was last here. They follow the roads out of the downtown and into the suburbs of town. In the distance they see a funeral procession.

“Oh, that poor woman walking behind the casket,” Lenalee says. “She must be grieving for the person inside.”

Allen’s cursed eye activates and through it he sees that the woman has been turned into a level one Akuma. He and Lenalee quickly rush in and destroy it and the several more that appear. Allen feels a sense of foreboding settle in the pit of his stomach. They have to get to Mother.

They run to the edge of town where Mother’s modest house is. Unlike everything else in the city, it looks exactly the way Allen remembers it. The path from the road to the door is still the same, and the flowers still bloom beautifully even in the cold winter weather. The knot in his stomach loosens at the peacefulness the house radiates. He even sees the ever-cheerful Barba, Mother’s servant who she really treats more like a son. The man is tending to the garden when Allen and Lenalee get to the house.

“Barba!” Allen calls to him. The biggest, happiest grin Allen has ever seen breaks across Barba’s face, and he charges forward and tackles Allen into a hug.

“Where’s General Cross,” Barba asks looking around. “Did he come too?”

“I’m afraid my master’s gone missing.” He tells him. Lenalee comes over to them.

“Are you okay?” She checks on him. Barba was no small man, and his tackle-hug hadn’t been all that gentle.

“Yeah, I’ll be alright.” He reassures her. “How’s Mother doing, Barba?”

“She’s good. She’s as healthy as she ever was! But wait till she lays eyes on you –“ He cuts off when his eyes land on Lenalee. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, sorry. How rude of me. Barba, meet -” Barba cuts Allen off before he can introduce Lenalee. The man turns and sprints off towards the house, hooting and hollering for Mother.

“Mother! Its Allen! Allen came back! And he brought his little girlfriend with him!”

 _What!? Girlfriend!?_ Allen felt his cheeks flush. He and Lenalee… they weren’t like that. They were coworkers. His hands feel clammy. He feels uncomfortable.

When they get into the house, Barba is already bustling away in the kitchen cooking a meal for them. Allen and Lenalee sit awkwardly at the table with Mother while she smokes. She stares at them for a long time and the silence is so thick, Allen is sure he could cut it with a knife and eat it.

“So, this is your girlfriend.” Mother says. Allen feels a bit of panic creeping up.

“I don’t know what Barba told you. She’s actually not my girlfriend, she’s –“ He starts to ramble before Lenalee angrily cuts him off. He feels so uncomfortable.

“I’m an Exorcist of the Black Order, thank you!” Lenalee always gets a little snappy when people assume that just because she’s a girl, she couldn’t be a fighter too. Only a sister, or a… girlfriend. He’d seen her stomp on a man’s foot then knee him in the face once when he’d tried to insinuate that she was weak because she was a woman.

“I knew that.” Mother tells her. Lenalee’s rage sizzles out very quickly after that and she starts apologizing for her tone.

“Your coat’s a dead giveaway. And I can’t help but notice you’re wearing the same thing, my boy.” Mother points out.

“Yes, I finished my training and became an official Exorcist about six months ago.” He proudly says.

“Is that so? That’s quite an accomplishment,” Mother turns smug. “for such a beansprout.”

“A beansprout?” Allen was pretty sure his heart stuttered for a second. He wasn’t sure why though.

“So, Kanda isn’t the only one.” Lenalee joins in the jokes. _Kanda._ Allen’s pretty sure that along with his heart stuttering, his lungs have stopped taking in air. Maybe he’s dying?

They continue to make jokes at his expense and the ribbing doesn’t stop even after Barba brings in a big pot of stew for them all to eat together. Barba keeps calling Lenalee Allen’s girlfriend and every time, Allen feels more and more uncomfortable. The word just doesn’t sit right with him. But he can’t place why.

After her meal, Lenalee excuses herself from the table to go to the bathroom. Mother turns her squinty eyes on Allen.

“Happy belated birthday, boy.” She says.

“What?” He asks in surprise.

“Your birthday was about a week and a half ago, wasn’t it? You’re sixteen now, right?” She looks at him incredulously.

“Oh.” Allen stares down at his clasped hands resting in his lap. “I’d forgotten.”

Lenalee comes back into the room before the conversation can continue.

Later after they’ve finished all of the stew, they tell Mother about General Yeegar and the search for the Heart and Allen asks Mother if she knows where General Cross is. And to Allen’s utter surprise and horror, she has no idea. They tell her about the swarm of Akuma they ran into on the way through town today. And she mentions how the number of Akuma has gone up significantly over the past six months.

The conversation is cut short by the appearance of Liza, the poor nurse with an ailing husband. She cries and cries and Mother does her best to comfort her. When the woman stops crying a while later, Barba walks her home.

Mother confides in Allen and Lenalee that she is worried that Liza might fall prey to the Millennium Earl once her husband passes. Mother asks them to stay and help Liza so she doesn’t end up becoming an Akuma. In return for them staying, Mother offers for them to stay in her house for a few days before she heads off to bed.

Lenalee and Allen sit at the dining table together for a while that night. They decide that tomorrow they will bring some of Barba’s flowers to Liza and her husband at the hospital. Then, they fall silent. Allen can’t stop thinking about how everyone called Lenalee his girlfriend today. He still feels uncomfortable at the thought. Its not that he doesn’t like Lenalee because he does, he’s just never thought of her that way.

“Lenalee?” He says tentatively. They had been trying to stay quiet, not wanting to wake Mother. He isn’t really sure what he wants to say. But he knows he wants to say something. Worry had been nibbling away at him all evening. “About what everyone said today…”

He trails off. He really doesn’t know what say.

“About what?”

“About you being my girlfriend… I don’t really…” What is he even trying to say?

“We’re friends, Allen.” She says. Her expression is genuine and open like it always is. What had he been so worried about? “I don’t think of you that way. We’re friends, so don’t worry about it too much, ‘kay?”

And, yeah, Allen thinks he finally feels his brain calm down a little.

The next day, on their way to the hospital, they pass the shoe salesman outside his shop passionately kissing a beautiful woman. Allen’s eyes go wide, and he feels his face burn with embarrassment. He nearly drops the flowers he’s holding. He’s seen men kiss women before – how could he not when he’d spent three years as Cross Marian’s apprentice? That uncomfortable feeling from yesterday comes back.

“I didn’t mean to put on such a show for you two.” The shoemaker jokes after the woman leaves. He surprisingly recognizes them from the day before. “That’d be my lovely wife, Sarah. Not bad looking, huh?”

 _Yeah, she is pretty,_ Allen thinks. The woman is very pretty. _But Kanda is prettier_ , whispers through his mind. That catches him so off guard that he stutters out “Yeah… I mean no!”

“Okay.” Lenalee says as she grabs his arm to lead him away. Allen is pretty sure you could cook an egg on his face, it’s so hot and he must be flushing bright red. “I think we’d better go now. Good day salesman.”

And off to the hospital they go. He wonders while they walk there and then while they are led to Liza’s husband’s hospital room whether its normal to feel so uncomfortable by seeing a man and a woman kiss? It feels like more than just second-hand embarrassment from the shamelessness. He’d felt that second-hand embarrassment through all the years he’d spent with Master Cross and how gross he could be with his lovers. But this was different, this time it felt like something more. If only he could figure out why.

They meet Robert, the rude and greedy doctor (who’s temperament reminds Allen of Kanda’s. But for as much of a jerk as Kanda is, he was much better overall compared to this doctor). They also meet the Hospital Director, a man known and loved for his benevolence and charity. The hospital is a strange place.

* * *

Two days later, after they’ve solved the mystery of who the soul broker is (it was actually the Hospital Director all along), Lenalee gets a letter from her brother crying about how she must come back to Headquarters right now. “Double, triple, quadruple quick!” the letter had said.

They decide to split up, Allen with a massive stack of his master’s bills, and Lenalee back to Headquarters to check on her brother. They’ll meet back up in a little while.

He thinks a lot while he traces the return addresses on the bills alone. He really wants to figure out why thoughts of girlfriends and kissing girls makes him so uncomfortable.

He’d never liked a girl before. Well, he’d liked girls but not _liked_ girls. Lenalee was his friend, his best friend. And if he thought about kissing her… he couldn’t really imagine it. He finds he doesn’t really like the thought. He thought about kissing some of the pretty women that Master Cross had flirted with during his apprenticeship and finds that he doesn’t really like the thought either. He thinks about all this a lot. Two days into his solo travels, he reaches the conclusion that maybe he doesn’t ever want to kiss girls. Five days into his solo travels, he decides that maybe he doesn’t ever want a girlfriend. And eventually, after seven days into his solo travels, lots of thinking and several head-splitting migraines, Allen Walker concludes that maybe he doesn’t like girls like that at all.

* * *

Kanda is traveling through Germany with a crude map drawn by Daisya the Perpetual Nuisance. He grumbles to himself as he reads and rereads the instructions Daisya wrote. The whole thing is just an absolute annoyance. They were supposed to meet in Berlin and then travel to France where they would meet Noise Marie, but when he’d gotten to the agreed upon hotel, the employee handed Kanda a letter that had the terrible, awful map he was now attempting to follow.

The map leads him into a forest shrouded by rumors. A little old lady that had flipped all of the road signs around told him about an evil witch that lived in the village of Dankern who survives by eating children. Kanda thought this was the most preposterous thing he’s ever heard. And he’d had conversations with Allen Walker.

“You’ll go missing just like those three poor fellas dressed in all white the other day!” The old woman had shouted after him. _Three men dressed in white?_ Kanda thinks as he follows the path into the woods. He doesn’t worry too much about it though, it doesn’t affect him.

He does run into a level one Akuma that he easily destroys. And the second most annoying person he’s ever met. (First place goes to the beansprout, of course, and third place is tied between Lavi Bookman and Daisya Barry) A Finder by the name of Goz. He’s annoyingly tall, and has the stupidest hair ever, he’s clumsy and bumbling, and clings to him insistently. Kanda hates the man instantly.

Goz sticks to him like a piece of chewed gum and Kanda is so annoyed. The Finder had been a part of the team of three sent to the area and the two other members were killed by Akuma. Goz had insisted that he stick with Kanda and that Kanda was the one sent to help him. Which this was very much not the case. And Kanda was not about to waste time babysitting this newbie Finder. He had far more important things to do and Kanda does not waste time.

He had tried to outrun the man, which didn’t work, the Finder was a surprisingly fast runner. And then they were surrounded by a group of level one Akuma, which Kanda would normally be able to destroy with no problem, but the idiot Finder got himself caught and held as a hostage.

“Don’t move or your friend dies.” The Akuma’s metallic voice clangs. If Kanda didn’t have such a strong control of his emotions, he would have laughed. Kanda doesn’t have friends.

“Go ahead and kill him, then.” Kanda says. Then he charged at the Akuma. In surprise the Akuma threw the Finder at him, the clumsy man falling into him and making them both fall to the ground.

“Moron! Get off me!” Kanda shouts at him, pushing and shoving and kicking none too gently.

“I’m trying…” Goz wailed as he got off. Kanda had been angry before but when he looks around and the Akuma is nowhere to be seen, he easily passes through the threshold of furious. He never lets Akuma get away. He will hunt this one down and destroy it. He marches off in the direction of Dankern with the Finder hot on his heels.

Dankern is a small and empty village when they find it. All of the villagers keep their doors and windows shut tight.

“I think I know why no one’s around,” The Finder states. “You’re covered in blood. It doesn’t exactly give off a warm impression…”

“It doesn’t make any difference.” And it doesn’t. Kanda doesn’t care about what others think.

He finds a pond just outside of the village. He takes off his Exorcist coat so he won’t soak the hems. He rinses the blood off of his face and hands, out of the ends of his hair. Goz takes his coat and works out the stains for him, without his permission. _Annoying._

The Finder is dead set convinced that Kanda is going to solve whatever mystery is causing the abundance of Akuma in the area. And God, does Kanda wish he could unstick this guy. The whole thing is so annoying. He’s supposed to meet Daisya. Not frolic in some woods with a neanderthal.

Nearby the pond, Kanda spots a cabin. It seems just as empty as Dankern had been.

“Is it just me, or is that cabin really kind of creepy?” Goz remarks. There’s movement in Kanda’s peripheral. When he turns to look, it’s a young girl with a knit shawl wrapped around her head and shoulders. She’s gazing out at the pond serenely.

“Ah, hello?” The Finder calls. She jumps and turns to them quickly. “Nice day isn’t it. Do you happen to know who lives in this shed?”

She shakes her head and replies, “No one has lived there for a very long time.”

The Finder then spouts some nonsense about a witch living in the cabin. _This Finder is impossible_. He can’t even conduct a proper interview and just makes a fool of himself. The only person he knows that’s more of a bumbling idiot is probably Allen Walker and he’s pretty sure that the beansprout would make a better Finder than this guy. He’d certainly be more helpful when it came to destroying Akuma. Kanda is loath to admit that Allen is a pretty strong Exorcist.

The sun is already setting, and it seems like the only way he’ll be able to get out of this damn forest is if he figures out what is going on in Dankern. It’s time to take matters into his own hands. “Have you noticed any suspicious people around town recently?”

“Suspicious people?” The girl asks.

“Yeah, you see, we were following somebody, and we think they might be trying to hide out in Dankern village.” Goz rambles.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t seen who you’re looking for.” She says. Then she glances out over the pond and Kanda turns to look too. And he sees…

_Lotus flowers._

Lotus flowers in bloom wading just above the rippling waters of the pond. Their petals are soft and pink, the way they were in his memories, his hallucinations, his dreams.

 _“I’d like to see that…. The whole field in full bloom… someday the two of us could see it together….”_ Those words. _Her_ smile. The lotus flowers.

“You have lotus flowers here…” Slips past his lips with no regard to whether he actually wanted to say anything.

“I’ve lived in this town my whole life, and I’ve been coming to this pond for as long as I can remember.” The girl tells him. “And I’ve never seen them blooming until today.”

“It could be this is the first time they’ve blossomed in your lifetime. The seeds of a lotus flower can sleep in the soil for a thousand years. And then one day they bloom again.” When he had gotten his freedom after… After... he had read all of the botany books on the flower the Asia Branch had. Then when he had been moved to the European Branch, he read all the books there. Then when he was apprenticing under General Tiedoll he had picked up whatever books on the flowers that he could find. Tiedoll had tried to paint pictures of the flowers for him, thinking that he was just simply obsessed with a pretty flower. Kanda had always ripped up the pictures or tossed them in a fire. He didn’t love the flower; he’d just _needed_ to know.

“They bloom every thousand years?” She asks. “Lotus seeds can really stay asleep for such a long time”

“Yes.” He breathes.

“I wonder what it’s like for them to be awake or if they’ll ever want to bloom again.” She says softly. “I feel sorry for them. It takes so long to bloom, and they die so quickly.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that.” He counters. “The lotus will blossom long after you and I are gone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Believe me.” And really, he’s read far too much about the flowers to not know.

“I wish I could see it.” She says. And he’s reminded of _her_ again. Maybe these lotuses blooming is a sign he will find _her_ soon? Maybe he will bring _her_ here to show her these flowers. “You know a lot about lotuses for such a young man.”

And he thinks about _him._ About what had happened after he told _him_ about the flowers he saw.

“There only flowers.” And they are. They’re only flowers.

The girl, Sofia, offers to house them for the night in the home she stays in with her father. The food Sofia cooks for them is pretty decent. It’s not Jerry’s soba noodles, but Kanda doesn’t hate eating it. The Finder absolutely devours his serving and then some and Kanda is reminded of the beansprout. The kid can put away an entire massive feast meant to serve royals and still have room for more. Kanda wonders why if he eats so much the kid is still so short. For a second, Kanda wonders if Allen has had enough food today, wherever he is, searching for General Cross. When Kanda catches the thought, he instantly shuts it down. What does whether the beansprout has eaten enough have to do with him? _Nothing._ Kanda _does not_ care about Allen Walker.

Goz talks to the father and daughter a lot during the meal. He asks them all kinds of personal questions and blabs about the rumors surrounding the village and the woods surrounding it.

“Have you seen anyone around lately that wasn’t a villager?” Goz asks. Kanda thinks that’s an incredibly stupid question to ask, considering they, a pair of literal strangers, just met this girl today. Luckily, the idiot catches his misstep. “Uh… besides us, of course.”

She tells them that she works in the city on the other side of the woods, the one they had come from earlier in the day, so she isn’t all that caught up with the goings on of the town. Some of the parts of her story don’t quite add up but Kanda can’t figure out why. What is the piece he’s missing? The beansprout would probably get it immediately and call him “Stupid Kanda” for not getting it. He’s not stupid. He just doesn’t want to waste time talking to people. The kid has better people skills than him too. He dazzled the entire science division when he first got to the Order. And Johnny never shuts up about who cool Allen Walker is. And Lenalee always preaches about how kind and polite Allen Walker is. Kanda _hates_ Allen Walker.

Before Sofia shows Kanda and Goz to the guest room they’ll both be staying in, she tells them about the superstitions of the people of Dankern. Their obsession with a witch that supposedly lives in the empty cabin by the lotus pond. The villagers call the cabin the witch’s cabin. Sofia gives Goz some jellybeans and the man gushes about how much he loves them. Kanda is now definitively sure Goz firmly ranks second on the list of most annoying and useless people he’s ever met.

That night Kanda dreams about lotus flowers and beansprouts, and _her,_ and _him._ He wakes in a cold sweat in the middle of the night only to find that Goz is gone and the window to their room is open, letting in the frigid January air. He throws on his Exorcist coat and jumps out the window. He finds a trail of jellybeans leading out of the village and into the woods.

He runs into the Akuma that had gotten away earlier while he follows the trail.

“What is your purpose in this forest?” Kanda asks it, unsheathing Mugen from where it is strapped to his back. “Why do you kill people who come to this village?”

“I’m only doing my job. Following orders. Her orders.” The akuma rasps.

“Mind telling me who she is?” He doesn’t get an answer though as the Akuma only continually apologizes before Kanda destroys it.

The jellybean trail leads him to the witch’s cabin by the pond. What he finds at the cabin is Goz tied up and Sofia’s father hovering over him inside. Goz sobs the entire time that they work to untie him. _What a crybaby. How did the beansprout have the patience to look after that new vampire exorcist that was always crying?_

“When I woke up here, I was tied up!” Goz sobs. It’s very unbecoming of a Finder if you ask Kanda. But wait, he was asleep?

“You mean you were asleep the whole time?” Kanda interrupts Goz’s ramblings. He snaps out of his crying immediately.

“That’s right! I don’t even know how I got here!” The Finder says.

“You came here all by yourself?” Kanda asks. He’s starting to feel like the missing puzzle pieces are starting to show themselves. Things are starting to make sense.

“I don’t remember anybody else. But I don’t think I’d remember even if somebody was there, with the way I was dreaming.” He then goes on a rampant tangent about a dream he had about some steak.

Once they get Goz untied and the three of them exit the cabin, Sofia’s father gets a wild look in his eye. He starts to beg them to leave the town.

“Please, you have to believe me! Please! There’s a witch living in this town!” The old man begs

“We’re staying.” Kanda tells him sternly. “Pull yourself together. Where is the witch?”

The man only cowers some more, so Kanda drills him. Demands information. The old man ends up running off before answering any of their questions.

Screams in the distance draw them further into the woods away from the cabin. They find the father being pierced through by an Akuma. Goz grabs the man while Kanda swiftly destroys the Akuma. Like that Akuma from earlier in the night, the old man only apologizes before he succumbs to the Akuma virus. _Could it really be her?_

They make their way back into Dankern. The village is shrouded by fog, a chill hangs in the air and Sofia stands in the middle of the road.

Kanda’s growing suspicions are coming to a head.

“I have bad news. I’m afraid your father is dead.” He tells Sofia.

She only nonchalantly responds with “That is bad news.”

And Kanda knows he’s right. She is the witch. And not just a witch but an Akuma. A level two Akuma.

He is surprised by the compassion Goz shows to the Akuma. It reminds him of a certain boy with white hair and a red scar and pretty gray eyes. _I want to become a destroyer who can save,_ that boy had said once. Goz cries and cries while he runs and hides from all of the villagers that have become level ones. Kanda leaps across the roofs destroying as many as he can. He hears Goz scream and sees that he’s been surrounded by the remaining level ones.

Kanda doesn’t think as he sprints to jump in front of Goz as the Akuma open fire.

“You’re not suited to be a Finder.” Kanda says once the Akuma stop shooting. His hair has fallen out of its ponytail and it gets in the way when he coughs up blood from the Akuma virus.

“Kanda!” Goz runs up to help him. He doesn’t need this weakling’s help. “This is bad! If the virus gets into your body through any of those wounds, you’ll…”

So, much like that beansprout. Excessively worrying over people and things when they don’t need it.

“You don’t have to worry about me. My body isn’t affected by the Akuma virus.”

He releases his Netherworld Creatures and destroys the rest of the level one Akuma. Then he turns to Sofia the Akuma who transforms from her human form into her Akuma form. They exchange blows and he gets the upper hand before she shoots out a bright light. Kanda closes his eyes automatically and when he opens them, he’s in his cold and lonely room back at Headquarters. The hourglass with a lotus blossom in it sits on his bedside table. He watches as the flower wilts and dies. His heart thunders in his chest.

 _It’s impossible!_ He thinks. He closes his eyes. Then, _yes, it is impossible._ And when he opens his eyes again, he’s back in the village of Dankern. He slices through the Akuma in a finishing blow.

“You can read the memories of your opponent.” He states. “You show him his greatest desire in the form of a dream in order to distract and confuse him.”

He’s had far more convincing dreams and hallucinations before. And she showed him this memory, but she does not understand what it means or what he truly longs for. His true desire can’t be granted by another.

As the Akuma falls in defeat, Goz runs over crying. His compassion for the thing truly is like Allen Walker’s. And it shakes Kanda just as much as the dream the Akuma had shown him. Goz wails into the night.

Kanda and the Finder end up leaving the desolate village to sit beside the pond with the lotus flowers as morning dawns over Dankern. Goz hasn’t really stopped crying since Sofia the Akuma was destroyed.

“There is another Exorcist – a clumsy beansprout of a boy – who says he can see the souls of Akuma.” What is Kanda even saying? Allen hadn’t even said this directly to him. It was something Lenalee had told him and then he had heard the beansprout say to Lenalee on the train ride back from Rome when she’d asked a month ago.

“I’ve heard.” Goz mumbles.

“According to him, whenever Innocence is used to release a soul from the body of an Akuma, that soul flies away to heaven to live forever in peace.”

This was apparently the right thing to say, because the Finder stops crying and starts shouting in excitement. Kanda gathers up Mugen and with one last look to the lotus flowers in the pond, he leaves the town to meet up with Daisya in the next city past the woods. 


	5. The Battle of Barcelona

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter covers episodes 36-39. This chapter was kinda hard to write. I have a cat who I affectionately like to call my Desk Gremlin, and he decided several times while I was writing that he wanted to roll all over my keyboard and delete several sections of this multiple times. Needless to say, I tried to salvage it (its probably better than I think. probably) but if it seems disjointed or there's a continuity thing that's probably why.  
> I'm very excited for the next chapter. I already have it mostly planned out so I'm very excited! I'm not going to spoil anything other than that its going to be a bit more of my own writing than rewriting the anime or the manga. Expect it in a day or two!

Allen meets back up with Lenalee along the Northern border of Spain in a small restaurant. She tells him about running into a finder named Goz and an Exorcist with a parasite-type anti-akuma weapon like Allen’s, named Suman Dark. How the three of them had saved a town from a pack of wolf-like Akuma. She also tells him about this “wacky tale” that Goz had told her about. Apparently just before the finder had met up in Germany with her, he’d solved a case with Kanda. Which was surprising to say the least. Allen was pretty sure that last he heard, Kanda had been on route to find one of the other Generals and if Allen knew anything about Kanda, it was that the man would never stop to help someone if he didn’t have to.

“Goz asked me if you really could see the souls of Akuma, like Kanda had told him.” She says over her plate of paella.

“Kanda talked about me?” Allen nearly choked on his food.

“Yeah, apparently he said some really nice stuff about you.” She props her face up with a palm to her chin, elbow on the table and gives him a big grin. “Goz called Kanda his hero and wouldn’t stop talking about how he’d saved him many times.”

“Kanda saved him?” Why does the food taste so bitter suddenly? The rich spices of the yellow rice are almost chalky to him.

“Yeah, according to Goz anyways.” She tells him. “You know Kanda isn’t that bad of a person, right?”

And yeah, Allen knew Kanda wasn’t that bad. But still. Kanda going out of his way to save someone? So out of character. Why is this paella giving him such intense heartburn?

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He waves her off and then swiftly changes the subject to discuss what their next course of action should be. They decide to head South, taking a train through Madrid down to Granada. The train ride will take them a day, and when they board, Allen settles himself in for the long ride.

He’s been debating with himself whether he should tell Lenalee about his recent revelation or not. She is his friend after all. But… He doesn’t really want to tell her. How would she react? Would she still want to be his friend? Plus, who knows how long they’ll have to continue traveling together. What if he just makes everything awkward by telling Lenalee that he doesn’t like girls? He stares out the window for a long time until he eventually falls asleep.

Later, after a hoard of Akuma attack their train and he and Lenalee get stuck camping in the Andalusian olive groves, and just before Allen’s stomach eats itself, they run into a group of Finders heading West in search of one of the other Generals named Tiedoll.

“Oh! That’s the General that Kanda was assigned to!” Lenalee had commented.

The Finder in charge of the group introduced himself as Devon. He was very nice and soft-spoken, and he let Allen eat his fill and then some. He’s fatherly in a way that reminds Allen of General Yeegar. They talk about the surge in the number of Akuma and how they had been traveling in large packs now. It was very strange how the Akuma traveled.

The Finders set him and Lenalee up each with a sleeping bag of their own and they laid down around the fire with everyone else to sleep. Allen stays up late just watching the fire burn down, thinking. He thinks about the anomaly with the Akuma. They don’t normally travel in such large groups. Usually only ten at a time. But the Finders said the packs were reported to number in the hundreds. Allen just couldn’t figure out what they were looking for and why they were traveling together. He wondered where Master Cross could be. They had been tracking him down for close to a month now. They’d started the mission in early January and its early February now and they still had no idea where he could be. He also worries about whether he should tell Lenalee about how he doesn’t like girls or not. He doesn’t want to risk losing her friendship. It means everything to him. Her friendship made living at the Order bearable, it made the prospect of seeing General Cross again not as terrifying. She is the closest thing to a sister he’s ever had. She is his best friend.

He’s only just closed his eyes, when Lenalee bolts upright in her sleeping bag next to him. He hears her panting like she just ran a marathon.

“It was only a dream.” She whispers to herself. She must have had a nightmare.

“What’s the matter?” He rolls over to ask her. That’s what a good friend should do.

“I… I’m so sorry… I’m fine” She whispers back, quiet so as not to wake any of the sleeping Finders around them. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. Good night, Allen.”

She lays back down facing away from him. If she doesn’t want to talk to him about it, he won’t press. He rolls back over to face the fire again.

“It was just a bad dream.” She murmurs to herself.

* * *

The next day they escort the group of Finders to a nearby city and separate off to continue their own travels. The Lead Finder, Devon, bids them good luck on their search. The Finders will be heading towards Barcelona, on a lead about General Tiedoll’s whereabouts.

“You don’t run across someone like Devon every day, huh?” Lenalee says as they walk away. _Yeah, Devon is a good man,_ he thinks.

They’re a ways out from the city they left the Finders in when they hear a boom behind them. Turning, they see a signal flare shining above the city.

“A signal! Its Devon and the Finders!” Lenalee shouts in surprise.

“Let’s go!” He says. He feels the anxiety creeping in. “We will not be too late again.”

Lenalee activates her Dark Boots and they zip down the road to the city. They find the Akuma ramming themselves into the barrier the Finders had set around themselves. As Allen and Lenalee defeat most of the Akuma surrounding the Finders, the Finders switch their barrier devices to capture, stopping many of the level ones and making it easier for him to destroy.

“Thanks for the help guys!” Allen yells to them.

The ground shakes and a level two breaks through the ground. There’s chaos while the Finders scatter to find cover, its special power being able to shoot fire from its mouth. Allen follows the level two as it chases Devon into a tunnel. He destroys it just in time before it kills Devon.

Once all of the Akuma are destroyed, Allen and Lenalee decide to escort the Finders most of the way to Barcelona.

* * *

Kanda has been wandering along the Mediterranean coast of France with Daisya and a Finder for days. The salty smell of the air leeches into everything they own. Kanda doesn’t like the ocean or the beach. There’s course and rough sand everywhere. And the winter weather is awful. Kanda hates it.

And also, Daisya won’t shut up about the _scenery_. Kanda can appreciate a nice view but Daisya. Daisya does not. He finds it boring and a bored Daisya is a menace. He talks constantly. Even more so than Lavi Bookman does. He rattles his stupid bell Innocence he stuck to his stupid hat with every stupid step he takes. He is _annoying._ Not as annoying as that Finder from Germany, Goz, or that beansprout, Allen Walker, who is the pinnacle of everything that Kanda finds annoying. _Stupid white hair and self-sacrificing tendencies._

They’re nearing the boarder of France and Spain when they stop near a small coastal city.

“What a beautiful day!” Daisya remarks, his voice dripping with snark. “Perfect for a swim. You wanna join me?”

“We don’t have time to go swimming…” The Finder says tiredly. The Finder has been corralling Daisya across Western Europe for the better part of the last month and honestly, Kanda has no idea how the man hasn’t just dropped from exhaustion. “There are reports of large swarms of Akuma heading towards Barcelona.”

Daisya just laughs him off. Kanda doesn’t normally like Finders, but he finds that he does feel a bit of sympathy for this one. It’s taken everything in Kanda not to chop off Daisya’s head since they met up in Germany.

“With all due respect, we don’t have time to waste if we’re going to find General Tiedoll before the Akuma.” That’s another reason Kanda doesn’t mind this Finder. He insists on not wasting time, which Kanda wholeheartedly agrees with. “Weren’t you both trained by him?”

“That’s right.” Kanda states.

“More or less.” Daisya says. “Kanda and I both did a lot of training with Tiedoll when he was on assignment for the Order. Isn’t that right?”

“I’ve only heard rumors; what’s the General like?” The Finder asks. And now Kanda doesn’t know if he likes this Finder so much anymore. He keeps prying and Kanda doesn’t appreciate that. He turns to glare at the Finder. “Sorry. Never mind.”

Behind the Finder rises a storm of level one Akuma. Kanda hands the Finder his bag, unsheathes Mugen from his back and says “Move. You’re in my way.”

Daisya tosses his bag to the finder who runs to get behind the two Exorcists. Daisya activates his annoying Innocence and together they attack the looming Akuma. Daisya kicks his Charity Bell (the stupid name he gave his Innocence) around like a soccer ball and it clangs and makes the Akuma shriek. Kanda can feel a headache coming on, though he appreciates that he gets to hack and slash through some Akuma with his sword.

Soon the Akuma are all dead.

“I’d say this is pretty conclusive proof that more Akuma are heading to Barcelona.” Daisya says, his tone is always like he’s telling a joke.

“True.” Kanda replies.

“Man… the Order is sending us all into certain death once again, but I guess that the life of an Exorcist.” Daisya jokes some more.

“Yet you act like you’re having the time of your life.”

“Hey, as long as I don’t get bored, I’m a relatively happy man. Ever since I became an Exorcist, bored is one thing I’ve never been. In fact, I haven’t felt anything but alive.”

Kanda hasn’t felt anything but dead since before he became an Exorcist. He’s barely alive, hanging on because of a promise.

“And if we’re lucky, the General will too. He’s a nasty old man, but if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be the practically-perfect person I am today” Daisya boasts.

“Let’s move.” Kanda is tired of wasting time standing here on a cliff above the ocean chatting.

* * *

Lenalee gets a call from Komui a day after she and Allen drop Devon’s Finder Unit at Barcelona. A herd of Akuma numbering in the hundreds is headed towards Barcelona and all of the Exorcists and Finders anywhere near Spain are to drop what they’re doing and get to Barcelona.

The order is a terrifying echo of the one they had gotten when General Yeegar was attacked. Allen is filled with that same panic again. The fear that they’ll be too late. He and Lenalee turn around and run back the direction they came from as fast as possible.

Distantly, Allen wonders if Kanda is heading to Barcelona too. His mission was the same as Devon’s Unit: to find and protect General Tiedoll.

* * *

In the mountains just North of Barcelona, Kanda and Daisya come across a vaporized Finder’s body. Their own Finder had split off to locate Noise Marie, who they were originally supposed to meet in France. They had all just gotten the orders from Headquarters that all Exorcists and Finders in the areas near Spain were to head to Barcelona as fast as possible.

“Akuma, huh?” Kanda asks while Daisya examines what’s left of the body.

“They passed this way earlier this morning… Which means we have to pick up the pace if we want to catch up to them.” Surprising coming from the serial dawdler.

Kanda notices an odd wind coming from the shore and he makes eye contact with Daisya before they sprint off towards the shore. As they run around the boulders, he spots a familiar back sitting and facing the sea.

“That you, Kanda and Daisya?” The back asks.

“Oh, it’s you.” Kanda says.

“Here I was wondering what could be taking you so long.” Daisya snarks. “I should’ve known you’d be slacking off somewhere. I swore not to rest till we found you!

“Daisya… Shut up.” Noise Marie says. And yeah, that’s why he was one of the few people Kanda liked, despite the memories his presence brings up. Marie stares unseeingly out to the sea, listening intently.

“What do you hear?” Kanda asks, walking up to the man. He may be blind, but his ears could hear a mouse from miles away.

“A hundred… two hundred… There are more than I can count, and I can count pretty high… But there’s a lot of them.” Marie says. “They’re miles ahead of us. They’ll probably make it to Barcelona by nightfall.”

“Woah!” Daisya shouts. “There’s no way we’ll make it by nightfall, I don’t care how fast we run!”

“How about General Tiedoll?” Kanda cuts in.

“It’s hard to say… Hold on… I think he’s near there, too.”

“Then, dammit, let’s go!” Daisya takes off running.

“Wait.” Marie calls, stopping Diaysa in his tracks before he can get very far. He leads them to a boat docked in a cove nearby. They decide to take the boat to Barcelona, since it’ll be faster by sea. There’s a sense of urgency in the air, stronger and thicker than the salt that clings.

* * *

Allen and Lenalee have been hurrying to get back to Barcelona as quickly as they can. Running and jogging, using Lenalee’s Innocence to cover as much ground as they can. But the sun is already setting, and they still have so many miles to go.

“We have to hurry!” Allen shouts to the wind, to the ground, to the trees, to God if he’s listening.

* * *

When Kanda makes it to Barcelona, the sun had set long ago. The minute they get into the harbor, the Akuma turn and shoot at them, exploding the boat. Kanda goes flying through the air with the force of it, but he sticks the landing and activates his Innocence. _Wish the beansprout was here to see that. He wouldn’t call me stupid Kanda anymore but cool Kanda instead._

There’s Finder bodies littering the docks. And the streets. And the buildings. Kanda destroys as many of them as he can, trying to stay aware of where Marie and Daisya are. The Akuma seem almost unending though and eventually he finds that he’s gotten separated from the other two.

When his Golem starts to ring, a couple of hours later, he ducks into the empty sewers. The maze of tunnels reminds him of the labyrinth of underground passageways in Mater. His Golem connects to all of the other exorcists Golems in Barcelona, but its only Daisya and Marie that answer. _So, the beansprout isn’t here after all._

“Well, there goes that whole stick-together-there’s-safety-in-numbers plan.” Daisya’s annoying voice crackles out of the Golem’s speaker.

“I had no idea there’d be so many of them…” Kanda admits. “They just keep coming.”

Daisya complains a bit about how hungry he is. His connection isn’t very stable, so his voice cuts in and out. Kanda elects to ignore him.

“Daisya, you’re breaking up.” Marie unhelpfully says.

They need a plan. A strategy. Kanda is loath to admit it, but they would be better off fighting as a team than solo.

“I assume you both found good spots to lay low?” He asks.

“I found a place about three kilometers to the east of that big, crazy-looking tower.” Daisya says. Kanda tries to remember the map of the city. He probably means the cathedral in the center of Barcelona.

“Let me think… I’d say I’m about five kilometers to the west of it.”

“And I’m in the southern part of the city.” Kanda says. He tries to formulate a plan while the two chat over the line.

“Great. This is shaping up to be one long night.” Daisya complains some more.

“I hear Akuma in every direction. There’s still no telling how many.” Marie says. He sounds anxious.

“Let’s try to meet up.” Kanda’s finished thinking through his plan. “Stay within ten kilometers and use our Golems to track each other’s location.”

“Then why doesn’t Old Man Marie just sit tight while us young bucks go track him down?”

“When will you be here?” Marie asks, ignoring the old man comment.

“Expect us by dawn.” Kanda says with all of the determination he can muster. And then he’s off to track down the others and defeat some more Akuma.

* * *

The deep black of the sky has started to lighten to a dark blue as Allen and Lenalee run over the hills. In the distance, he can see the outline of Barcelona. They had been rushing for hours and were still many miles away.

The anxiety that had first settled into Allen’s bones hasn’t let up. He’s pretty sure adrenaline is the only thing still keeping him going.

* * *

“I’m really going to enjoy killing you.” Crackles out of Kanda’s Golem. The voice isn’t Daisya’s or Marie’s. He doesn’t know this voice.

“Daisya?” Marie calls.

“What the… Dammit!” He hears Daisya shout.

“You say something, Daisya?” He asks. No response, so he tries again. “Are you there?”

Silence.

* * *

It must be four or so in the morning when Kanda slips into a desolate alley. He slides down the wall to sit on the cold stone floor. He just needs to catch his breath for a second.

“Did you locate Daisya?” He asks Marie over the Golem connections. They haven’t heard from Daisya in hours.

“No… not yet.” Marie says, he tries to reassure them. “His Golem was transmitting a weak signal earlier. Maybe it gave out?”

“Maybe.” Kanda has a feeling that’s not true.

“Daisya can look after himself.” Marie tries again. “He’s bound to be here by morning.”

“Alright. I’ll start heading your way, too.”

His breath has evened out again. It’s time to go. He has to meet up with his teammates. Before he gets out of the alley, manic laughing that belongs to the voice Kanda doesn’t know and screams in a voice Kanda does scratches out of the Golem’s speakers.

“What? Daisya? Is that you!?” A pit has opened in Kanda’s stomach.

“Daisya, no!” Marie shouts over the line.

* * *

Allen and Lenalee get to the city’s walls just as the sun peaks over the horizon. The metal gates have been blown inward and there is no one around. Only Finder’s coats lay empty on the cobbled roads.

“Where is everyone…” Lenalee says.

“Were we too late?” Allen chokes out. They make their way further into the war zone that Barcelona has become.

* * *

The sun has risen by the time Kanda finds Marie standing under a bridge, looking into a small courtyard.

“That’s Daisya’s Golem.” Marie says. Kanda’s heart plummets when he looks into the courtyard.

There’s a body hanging on a light pole, a black Exorcist coat billowing in the breeze around it. A little black Golem hovers just above it. Its Daisya. Kanda closes his eyes and leans against the wall. He thinks he might be sick. He can’t look for too long. His eyes prick in a way they haven’t in almost nine years.

Kanda stands there with Marie for a while, the sun inches further up into the sky. Kanda takes a deep breath and looks at Marie. He’s crying, silently.

“We should get him down from there.” Kanda says. He needs to do something. If he doesn’t do something, he will explode. He heads into the courtyard and Marie follows. Together they spread out a blanket on the ground and carefully take down Daisya’s body. They can’t find his Charity Bell. Its eerily quiet without Daisya’s usual chatter or the chiming of his Innocence. Kanda finds he actually misses it, prefers Daisya’s constant noises to this overwhelming silence. 

He and Marie stand watch over Daisya’s body until a group of Finders that survived the night gather around them.

“We’ve received instructions to have his body transported to the Order along with the Finders’.” Someone says. Kanda doesn’t turn to look at them.

“And the Akuma?” Kanda asks. He almost hopes there’s more to destroy. He needs to hack and slash something. Marie is still silently crying next to him.

“We’ve successfully driven every one of them from the city.” The same Finder says again. _He’s probably the Lead Finder._ “There are still a few outside the south border, but we’re keeping an eye on them.”

“We can’t just leave them and hope they’ll go away on their own.” He finds himself saying. Life keeps moving even when someone so full of life does not. This is a universal truth he’s known for a long time.

“Besides, the General is still out there somewhere.” Marie says. Kanda feels resolve forming in his bones. What was it that that beansprout always says? _Never stop. Keep walking._

“There’s only one thing we can do.”

“Yeah.” Keep walking. It’s time to go. “Look after Daisya.”

And he and Marie walk away. Out of the city. To the south.

* * *

Allen and Lenalee continue making their way through the silent Barcelona. They had run into some Finders in the city collecting bodies and they talked to them to get a sense of what happened. The Finders said that the group of Exorcists sent after General Tiedoll had made it to the city last night.

“That would be Kanda Yuu, Daisya Barry, and Noise Marie, right?” Lenalee had asked the Finders.

“Right. I heard that one of them died, though I’m not sure which one.” Allen feels fear zip up his spine. The adrenaline that had carried him there was starting to wear off but now it’s ratcheted up tenfold. _Was it Kanda?_ He didn’t know the other two Exorcists personally, but Lenalee had told him some stories about the various Exorcists that she’d worked with over the years. The names were familiar. But… there was a possibility that it was Kanda… who’d died.

“The other two left to go find their General an hour or two ago. The Exorcist’s body is at the docks with the rest of the Finders’ bodies. They’ll be shipped to Headquarters in a few hours.”

Allen looks at Lenalee. Her eyes are wide and teary. She sees everyone in the Order as her family, she must be barely holding it together. They run off in the direction the Finders point them to.

Its silent at the docks. No one talks. No one cries. The coffins line the pier in droves. Allen can’t breathe again.

The Finder, Devon, who they had escorted to the city, lies in a coffin at the end of the dock. Allen feels that like a punch to the stomach, barely keeping from doubling over in pain. The man had been so kind. It was like losing General Yeegar and Mana all over again. The Exorcist that had passed is not Kanda Yuu. Allen thinks someone swept his feet out from under him. He feels almost grateful that the Exorcist that died wasn’t someone he know, and then feels infinitely guilty for the thought.

_Dammit! He was too late again. Again, and again and again! How much stronger does he need to become?_

The sun shines over the ocean far too brightly for the horror that the night left in Barcelona.

* * *

Kanda and Marie find General Tiedoll idly sketching a coastal view just to the south of the city.

“General!” Kanda calls to him. The man doesn’t even flinch, just turns slowly towards them.

“Kanda! How long has it been?” The old man greets. He’s cheery in a way that makes Kanda feel queasy.

Kanda and Marie take turns telling General Tiedoll of what happened during the night in Barcelona. About how one of his apprentices is now gone. Tiedoll breaks down and cries almost immediately.

“Poor boy… Daisya deserved better than that.” Tiedoll takes off his glasses to wipe at his eyes. “May he rest in peace. He was always a good kid, even when he used to break my glasses with his Charity Bell,”

Kanda remembers. He remembers when they traveled together when he was younger and Daisya would kick his Innocence around like a soccer ball. He always used to mention how before he found out he was an Accommodator, he wanted to be a professional soccer player.

“His body is scheduled to be shipped to Headquarters today.” Marie says, choking up towards the end.

“We’re escorting the body. Marie and I would be honored if you would join us on the trip.” Kanda finishes. Tiedoll ignores them and pull out his sketch pad instead. He mumbles about Daisya’s hometown in Turkey. From the way Tiedoll describes it and how he draws it, Kanda suddenly has to reevaluate everything Daisya ever said about his life before the Order. The place he lived looks like it was beautiful. Daisya had always made it sound stifling and awful.

Kanda looks to Marie, who nods that he heard Kanda turning to him for confirmation that they’re thinking the same thing.

“General, we believe the enemy is after you for your Innocence,” He informs while the General draws more details to his picture. “And they’ll stop at nothing until they get it.”

Tiedoll finishes his sketch, rips it out of the drawing pad and says “Daisya, may your hometown find you and bring you comfort, no matter where you are. Goodbye, my dear old friend.”

And then he lights the picture on fire.

“I won’t be travelling with you.” Tiedoll says as he stares at the fire in his hands. “I’m a General of the Order and a General can’t walk off the battlefield in the middle of a war. And besides, it’s my duty to find and train new Exorcists.”

Kanda knew he’d say that. The man was sentimental, but he had a strong sense of duty. Kanda looks to Marie again who nods in understanding. He was thinking the same thing.

“General Tiedoll, we’re coming with you.” Kanda says. Marie echoes the sentiment. The General turns to them with a watery smile.

* * *

Allen and Lenalee get a call on her Golem later that day, long after the ship with the Finders’ and the Exorcist’s bodies have left and shortly after the sun has set. Its Komui, calling to check in on them. Lenalee talks to her brother for a long time, and all Allen can do is sit and observe. She cries for a while but eventually she hangs up and comes back over to where Allen sits.

The city is riddled with destruction. The citizens who had been evacuated have started to come back and repairs are already starting. The Finder Units quick acting kept civilian casualties at a low, and Allen is grateful that there wasn’t an even greater unnecessary loss of life.

“Are you okay?” He asks Lenalee.

“Yes, I will be…” She trails off looking out at the street around them. “My brother said that the Tiedoll Unit is nearby and that we should check in with them.”

Seeing Kanda again after… how long has it been? Two months? It was just after they had come back with Krory and just before General Yeegar had passed back in December. So much has changed. Allen doesn’t know how it will go.

They work through the night, helping where they can: first aide for those who were injured, fixing damage to the buildings and streets around them. He tries not to think about all that the Order has lost, and how much could have been saved if he was only a little stronger, a little faster. And before morning dawns again, Allen and Lenalee sit by a fountain that somehow still works, despite the devastation of the city.

The Tiedoll Unit ends up finding them while they are sitting there. Allen doesn’t know why, but his eyes zero in on Kanda immediately. The man’s normally pretty face is wane and haggard. There’s dark circles under his eyes and a smudge of dirt across his jaw. Allen’s heart clenches in his chest. He’s never seen Kanda (stoic, uncaring Kanda) look like this. He stands behind a scruffy old man with curly hair and glasses, the golden buttons on his black Exorcist coat that mark him as a General, and next to a man tall enough to rival Krory but far wider than the vampire. After greetings are exchanged, General Tiedoll leads them into the heart of the city, where the cathedral is. Lenalee talks quietly to Kanda the whole walk there.

“There’s no doubt this city has seen some devastating things over these last few days.” General Tiedoll says as they sit together on the steps of the cathedral. Kanda and the other Exorcist, Marie, stand on the platform further up the stairs from them.

“Yes, I only wish that Allen and I could have gotten here sooner.” Lenalee says, echoing the same sentiment he’s been feeling for days. “We came as fast as we could, but by the time we reached the city, the battle was already over.”

Allen can feel Kanda’s dark eyes watching him. He’s not sure what the man sees. Kanda had spent the whole night fighting and had lost a teammate in the process; he’s probably judging his and Lenalee’s regrets as useless and unfounded.

“It was hopeless.” Allen admits despite how the swordsman might judge him. “We might as well have stayed home for all the good it did. God knows how many people we could have saved if we had just gotten here earlier.”

Allen stares out over the city as the sun rises again.

“The battle may be over, but the war isn’t,” General Tiedoll sagely says. “There’ve been four General’s attacked so far. So, it’s a safe bet who their next target will be.”

General Cross he means.

“I hope for his sake that you find him before they do. But I don’t imagine he’ll be too pleased about the idea of suddenly having two Exorcist bodyguards.” The General says while standing up.

“Yeah… Good point.” Allen says to the man. If Allen knows anything about Master Cross, it’s that he will _hate_ having bodyguards. And then he remembers that they still haven’t even found the man yet. “But General Cross doesn’t have to worry about it, because we don’t have any clue where he is.”

General Tiedoll smiles gently down at the two of them and says “That shouldn’t be too hard…”

He then goes on to blow Allen’s mind with the fact that Timcanpy was able to track General Cross all along. Tim points them east, directly into the rising sun.

“Nothing’s gained by dwelling on lost battles.” The General advises. “The war against the Millennium Earl is just beginning.”

Before Allen and Lenalee head off on the next part of their journey, he looks back at Kanda who is already staring at him. Allen thinks he’s been shot through with electricity when their eyes meet. Kanda looks at him so intensely. His face is still tired and dirty, but his eyes glow in the sun. Allen always knew that Kanda was pretty, but he’s pretty sure the man has never looked this beautiful.

* * *

Kanda watches Allen and Lenalee’s retreating backs. He still feels… something… from when Allen had turned back to bid them all goodbye. He’d been observing the beansprout, when he’d turned around, their eyes meeting. Kanda’s not sure what happened. The sun was rising behind the kid, haloing him with light. His eyes were a little swollen from all the crying he must have done, but Kanda hadn’t expected that his nose would be bright red too. Kanda isn’t sure why but the word _cute_ was all that would come to mind. Which is stupid because Allen Walker is _not_ cute. Kanda _hates_ him.

“I thought they’d never leave.” He grumps. “That boy is nothing but trouble.”

“That’s true,” For some reason Tiedoll agrees with him and it startles Kanda. “But from this point on – the path set out before them is fraught with dangers the likes of which they’ve never imagined. There’s not a doubt in my mind.”

He’s talking in his weird prophetic way again. Trying to seem cool and cryptic. Kanda doesn’t like it.

“Speaking of new journeys, it’s time we started ours.” General Tiedoll turns in the opposite direction of where the beansprout and Lenalee had disappeared to and starts walking. Kanda and Marie follow him.

Kanda wonders how far east the beansprout will have to travel before he finds his General.


	6. Journey to the East

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen learns something new from a book and is reminded of the power of friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd been looking forward to writing this chapter for a while now! Now the fic is basically caught up to episode 50 of the anime. I'll probably be following the manga canon after this point.  
> You have no idea how long I spent looking at a map of Europe and Asia trying to figure out what route it is that they take east and how long it took them to get there. I used context clues from the setting and things that they say to help track their route but I really just winged it on the timing.  
> I wasn't sure if I'd wanted to include the plot with the girl Mei Ling that can see the future but I decided to include it to pad out the word count a bit and have more moments of seeing the teams friendship. I also wanted to showcase how just wonderful Lenalee is. Like I love Lenalee so much.  
> Anyways hope ya'll enjoy! Things should start really getting exciting starting next chapter!

Timcanpy floats above Allen’s head, the setting mid-February sun behind them shining off Tim’s little golden body. It’s been about a week and a half since Barcelona and Tim shows no sign that they’re getting any closer. They are passing through north eastern Italy now. Allen has spent many hours on trains and in carriages and on foot traveling and just as much time debating with himself if he wants to tell Lenalee his revelation about his feelings - or rather lack of feelings - about girls yet.

He was originally thinking he might tell her after they had dropped off Devon’s Finder Unit in Barcelona but… well… they’d gotten a little side-tracked, hadn’t they? And now… well… Lenalee was still grieving for the friends they had lost. He was grieving too, and he couldn’t bear to burden her more. Sometimes she’d cry at night; she probably thought she was silent, but Allen could hear her hiccupping breaths. She needed a friend right now the most and him telling her would be far too selfish. He couldn’t do it.

He watches Lenalee’s back as she walks in front of him. Maybe they should stop for the day and set up camp. It’ll be dark soon and they are many miles out from the nearest town or city. He looks over his shoulder at the setting sun behind him.

“It’s getting pretty late. I think we should set up camp soon.” He says.

Lenalee stops walking and nods her head, but doesn’t say anything. It’s quiet, save for the chirping of birds, as they set up their simple tents and get a fire going. The sun has started dipping behind the horizon when they sit across from each other in front of the fire to eat their rations.

“You know, General Tiedoll views his apprentices like they’re his kids.” Lenalee says after they’ve finished eating. She doesn’t look at Allen, just stares into the fire. It dances in her dark brown eyes. “Kanda, and Daisya, and Marie, they’re like his own children to him. And Kanda would never say it, but he saw Daisya like a brother. They trained and traveled together for many years with General Tiedoll.”

She stops for a second. They hadn’t really talked about what happened in Barcelona since they were there. They hadn’t really talked about much other than what they were doing next. _Moving forward,_ was what he’d thought they were doing.

“I’ve known Kanda for a really long time. I haven’t seen him as sad as he was in Barcelona since we first met at the Asia Branch nine years ago.”

That was Kanda sad? Allen thought he’d just looked tired. _And beautiful_ , his brain helpfully supplies.

“You really think so?” He asks.

“Kanda’s not… good with people. I’ve known him for a long time so I can read him better than most people but he’s not good at showing his feelings. He… he hides how much he cares with anger. I don’t know much about what happened to him before he joined the order, but I know he lost someone he cared about deeply.”

Allen doesn’t know what to say. He kind of figured that Kanda wasn’t all bad. He’d seen how he acted around Lenalee – he never yelled at her, and he didn’t curse at her, or call her names.

“It’s not that he doesn’t care about anyone. He might say he doesn’t. But really, he cares enough to trust that those around him are fully capable of taking care of themselves. The Finders and the other Exorcists, he truly believes that they are all capable of surviving.”

Now this is news to him. Lenalee looks up from the fire and he quirks a brow at her.

“He’s not a bad guy, Allen.” She says a little defensively.

“Sure.” He agrees. He knows Kanda’s not all that bad, he just doubts that the man cares about much of anything besides soba noodles and slicing things open with his sword.

She huffs a laugh at him, it’s the first happy sound she’s made since Barcelona.

“He’s not!” She insists. She’s starting to smile.

“Sure, he’s not.” Allen says infusing his voice with sarcasm. A smile starts to pull at the corners of his mouth.

Allen lays in his tent that night with his thoughts still humming in his head. He hadn’t known about how close the Tiedoll Unit was. He knew that the General was a nice guy (much nicer than General Cross), but he didn’t know that they were as close as family. And when he thinks about it, he realizes he doesn’t really know much about Kanda at all. They’ve been on three missions together and have never had a conversation that didn’t hurling insults at each other. If Lenalee thinks he’s an okay person, then maybe he is. Maybe if he can spend time with Kanda, he can see him like Lenalee does.

How much time has she spent with Kanda though? She said nine years? And she sure did say a lot of nice things about him. And she always seems happy to see him.

_Does Lenalee like Kanda?_

Something sour and rancid settles next to his heart. Allen feels cold even under his sleeping bag and the warmth from the fire penetrating his makeshift tent. There’s no way that she does, is there? She wouldn’t. Allen tosses and turns. He doesn’t sleep that well that night.

* * *

Lenalee calls Headquarters to check in the next day when they get to a city. They’ll be taking a train to Croatia and Lenalee wants to let her brother and the Order know. She makes the call while they wait at the train station. He sees her coming back with a wide smile on her face. She hasn’t smiled like that in a week and a half.

“What’s up?” He asks her.

“My brother wants to add some more Exorcists to our team.” She says, excitedly.

“What?”

“Lavi and Krory are going to meet up with us in Bulgaria.”

He’s going to see his friends again!? Allen smiles with Lenalee, and with renewed excitement they get on their train.

It’s as they are passing through a tunnel under a mountain that it dawns on Allen that once they meet up with the others, he probably won’t get a moment alone with Lenalee again. Time is running out for him to tell her. If he’s going to do it, he needs to do it soon. It’ll only be a few more days till they meet up with them. Anxiety starts to twist inside Allen.

He looks at Lenalee where she sits across from him reading a book. Should he tell her? Can he tell her?

* * *

“Lenalee?” Allen says, several anxiety filled hours later. The trees whizz past the train windows. Its green and beautiful and Allen tries to channel some of that serene energy into himself. It doesn’t help when Lenalee looks up from her book at him.

“Remember when we were in Liverpool?” He asks. She nods.

“Remember how everyone had called you my girlfriend?” She nods again.

“Well, remember how you said we were just friends and you didn’t see me that way?” She squints her eyes at him.

“Where are you going with this, Allen?” She asks. _Where is he going with this?_

“So, I – well, I-” He’s stuttering now. _Pull it together, Allen Walker._ “I spent a lot of time thinking, and I – I don’t see you that way either.”

“Okay?” She says slowly.

“And I don’t think I…” He trails off. He’d spent so long thinking about whether he should or shouldn’t tell Lenalee that he didn’t even think about _how_ he was going to say it. He takes a deep breath and tries again. _Simplify the words. Don’t think too hard about it._ “I don’t think I like girls.”

She stares at him with wide eyes.

_Oh no. She hates me._

The words start spewing out of him then, “It’s not that I don’t like girls, I just don’t like-like girls, you know? Like, I like you! But not in that way and I thought about it and I don’t want to date girls, I don’t want a girlfriend, I don’t want to kiss girls. Really I thought about it a lot.”

She blinks rapidly at him then. Allen’s throat closes up and he can’t speak anymore. Its silent for a tense minute.

“You’ve been thinking about this since Liverpool?” She asks him. He still can’t speak so he nods. “Were you afraid to tell me?”

This gives him pause. He still remembers the sting from where she’d slapped him during the mission in the rewinding town. He was afraid to tell her.

“No,” He lies. “I just… So much happened and I didn’t know when a good time would be to say anything…”

It’s not entirely a lie… Lenalee thinks for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

“Thank you for telling me, Allen.” She says sincerely. She gives him a sweet smile and Allen feels the tension he’d been holding since Liverpool release. “This doesn’t change anything between us, you know. You’re still my friend, and I won’t see you any differently.”

Allen slumps into the corner of his seat and the train’s wall. He feels so relieved he might cry.

“Thanks.” He sighs, all the tension fading out of him. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. She doesn’t hate him.

* * *

They’re making their way along a mountain pass into Bulgaria. The trail is narrow as it winds up and around the mountain. It’s so narrow, they walk in single file: Tim floating first, then Allen, then Lenalee.

“So,” Lenalee says suddenly from behind him. “If you don’t like girls, does that mean you like boys?”

Allen trips on a rock on the path and lands face first into the ground.

“Oh, are you okay?” She asks. Allen’s mind is blank. Absolute static. She helps him get back up and his brain still hasn’t turned back on. She coaxes him to walk a few steps and that works to kickstart his brain again.

“I hadn’t really thought about that…” He admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hmm, maybe give it some thought then.”

* * *

They meet up with Lavi and Krory in Bulgaria at the end of February during the Rose Festival. The air is rich with the scent of blooming winter roses and the people dance and party and drink. Allen doesn’t really get time alone to think about what Lenalee suggested.

Lavi and Krory infuse their little group with renewed energy. Allen feels better, stronger with his friends here. Lavi cracks jokes constantly and Krory is fun in his naivety. They watch the fireworks and eat food and they laugh like they haven’t in weeks. Lavi puts his arm around Allen’s shoulders while they walk around visiting food stand after food stand. When Allen looks over at him, Lavi gives him the biggest smile all teeth and gums. _If you don’t like girls, does that mean you like boys?_ Allen’s heart does a painful somersault in his chest. Lavi certainly is handsome…

Later, they sit together around a table in the inn they are staying at, catching up. A cup of rose tea warms Allen’s hands.

“One thing concerns me,” Lavi says, his tone suddenly turning from fun to serious. “A total of six Exorcists were assassinated in the last set of attacks and among them several victims were killed in a similar fashion as General Yeegar.”

Allen and Lenalee gasp at the same time. No one had told them this.

“No wounds were found on their bodies,” Lavi continues. “Yet one of their organs had been removed.”

“How is that possible?” Krory asks.

“I’ve never heard of an Akuma being capable of committing such a horrendous act. But we know there are people in this world with abnormal powers.” Lavi answers.

Allen can remember vividly the powers of the Noah clan girl named Road. And the pain he had felt while fighting her.

“Are you referring to the Noah clan?” Lenalee says. Lavi nods in affirmation. They fall silent, thinking.

“Do we know anything about this clan?” Krory’s timid voice rings in the silence. They all look to Lavi.

“No, not too much… the only thing we’re sure of is that their existence is rooted deep within history and they’re completely untraceable. Although they often appeared at turning points in history, they’re never mentioned in literature or records. However, the Bookmen have become aware of their existence but nothing beyond that. And that’s all we know.”

“They claim to be apostles chosen by God, yet their actions are evil incarnate to the core.” Allen says to his mug of tea. “What does all of this mean, Lavi?”

“I don’t know…” Lavi says.

They retire to their rooms not long after that. The three boys are sharing a room while Lenalee gets a room of her own. He’s glad they each got their own bed at least. Lavi and Krory fall asleep almost immediately. Allen lays awake thinking again.

“My dear Eliade…” Krory says in his sleep, tossing and turning and kicking. Yeah, he’s glad he got his own bed.

“She’s so perfect.” Lavi sleep-talks back to Krory.

Allen thinks about what Lenalee had said. _If you don’t like girls, does that mean you like boys?_ Allen has no idea. It’s not like he’s never met any guys that like other guys. He grew up in a circus and he’s traveled all over the world. He’s just never thought of it before in relation to himself, the same way he’d never really thought about girls before… His thoughts start to jumble so he decides to abandon the topic for now.

He thinks about Devon the Finder. He’d been able to save him once but was too late a second time. How many more times will he have to be too late?

“Well, we didn’t run into any Akuma today,” Comes Lavi’s voice from the bed next to his. “What a relief. You awake?”

As quietly as they can, Allen and Lavi slip out of their beds and onto their room’s balcony. They talk genially and stare at the full moon together.

In the morning, they fight a large group of Akuma heading into the town they’re staying in and Allen is reminded of just how much he appreciates his teammates, his friends.

* * *

They’ve been chased across Turkey, through the Middle East, and over the Himalaya’s by a shapeshifting Noah woman named Lulu Bell and her Akuma, and they were separated and then reunited finally in China. Allen has no idea how they made it. He and Krory had gotten split up from Lavi and Lenalee. The two of them nearly died of starvation multiple times (one of the cons of being a parasite-type Exorcist). Lenalee was also gravely injured while they were separated as well, but Lavi had gotten her to Bookman in Tibet for treatment quickly.

In between nearly dying and running for his life and looking after Krory, Allen hasn’t really had the chance to think further about what Lenalee had said. But Lulu Bell backs off on the attacks once they end up all back together, giving them all more free time.

As they make their way through China, Lenalee buys a book. Its apparently gotten very popular in the country and Lenalee won’t let him read it until she’s finished it first. They’d shared books earlier in their travels; one of them would buy a book, read it and then give it to the other to read, then they’d talk about it afterwards. It had been a good way to pass some of the long hours traveling. And whatever is in that book must be good because she is constantly hmm-ing and aww-ing at it. At one point she blushes a bright scarlet red while reading it and Allen is nearly dying from curiosity.

When she finally does hand the book over to him, Allen reads with the dawning understanding of the phrase “curiosity killed the cat.”

It’s in Mandarin, which does cause Allen some problems while reading it, but Lenalee helps him out with translations when needed. The book is set in a fictitious ancient China with magic and martial arts (which Lenalee tells him is an exceptionally popular genre in the country) and about a gifted man who strikes a different path from society to save innocent people who is then killed and resurrected into the body of a crazy man. A crazy man who is known for being a cut-sleeve (Lenalee informs him that this is the Chinese term for men who like men). And Allen starts to think he knows why Lenalee got this book and is having him read it now.

It certainly is an interesting novel and Allen finds himself hmm-ing and aww-ing at it the same way that Lenalee had. It’s a thrilling adventure filled with the main character raising the dead, and being a voracious flirt, and a fascinating murder mystery plot and an intense romance that spans two lifetimes. And the second main character (who is also the romantic interest of the main character) is an incredibly tall, stoic, haughty man with the most handsome face in this fictitious world. And Allen is reminded of someone… Someone he also knows who is incredibly tall, stoic, and haughty with a very handsome face (arguably the most handsome face Allen has ever seen). As the protagonist falls in love with the cold second main character, Allen finds himself falling for the character too. The times that they would jump in to save the other, the trust and understanding they held, everything made Allen’s heart race. And when the two eloped after saving the day, Allen almost cheered out loud for them. _Zhiji_ , they’d called each other. Lenalee said that meant soulmates, someone that knows me as I know myself. Allen thought it was so romantic.

And then Allen understands what had made Lenalee blush so badly. When he got to the… wedding night… Allen’s face became so red and Lavi made fun of him so much for it that he nearly chucked the book off the side of a mountain. It’s not like Allen didn’t know about… sex or even sex between men. He hadn’t exactly lived a sheltered life - people in the circus could be quite loud and Master Cross often found his lovers in brothels - it was just that he was looking at it all with new eyes.

When he finishes the book, he hands it back to Lenalee.

“I think, I have some stuff I need to work through before we talk about the book.” He says to her.

“Take your time, I’ll be here if you need anything.” She tells him with her kindest, sweetest, and most understanding smile. He’s so grateful for her. And now he knows for sure that she got that book for the exact reason to make him think.

And so, Allen thinks. He thinks about how sometimes his heart races when Lavi throws his arm over Allen’s shoulder and gives him a warm smile. He thinks about how sometimes when he stands next to Krory and realizes how short he is in comparison, his face heats in embarrassment, not anger. He thinks about the boy he knew in India, Narain, who ended up turning into an Akuma. He’d been really close to him. And he thinks that maybe his feelings for Narain hadn’t been as platonic as he originally thought. He thinks about Kanda and how he had always found the man to be exceptionally pretty. He thinks about the first time they saw each other after their mission together in Mater, when Allen had been so engrossed in telling Johnny his story, that he knocked himself out of his chair and Kanda had caught him. Kanda had called him beansprout and when Allen had looked up at him, the white, fluorescent lights of the science division had haloed Kanda’s head. And Allen had to admit that what he had originally assumed was breathlessness due to anger at the nickname, was probably breathlessness at how beautiful Kanda was. He thinks about kissing boys - not specifically his friends, because they are his friends – and finds that he can imagine it. He finds that he kind of really likes the thought. Three days after giving the book back to Lenalee, two and a half months after his realization that he doesn’t like girls, in the middle of March, Allen concludes that he definitely likes boys.

* * *

They stay at an inn the night after his realization. It had taken weeks, but they’d finally made it to the eastern part of China. Timcanpy was still pointing them further east though. Pretty soon they will hit the ocean and if they have to keep going, they might have to travel to Japan or even all the way around the globe to the America’s. They all sit around the table in the lobby of the inn discussing this and once their plan is set out, Bookman excuses himself first for bed. Krory follows shortly after, and after a bit of flirting with the innkeeper’s daughter, Lavi heads off to sleep next. Allen and Lenalee sit across the table from each other sipping tea and it reminds Allen of that time in Liverpool when he’d first started questioning his feelings.

As the room clears for the night, Allen works up his courage and thinks through how he wants to tell her this time. He can be so brave usually, running head-first into any battle, but talking to Lenalee about his feelings? That terrifies him immensely.

“I’m ready to talk about that book now.” He says once they are the only ones left in the room.

“Yeah?”

“Back in Bulgaria, you had asked me if because I don’t like girls, if that meant that I like boys.” He looks to her before continuing. “I hadn’t thought of the possibility until you asked me that.”

“And?” She prompts after he’s quiet for a second.

“I think you were right. I’m pretty sure that I do.” He stops. No that’s not quite the right phrasing. “I know that I like boys. Or guys? Men?”

 _Good job. Nice and concise, Allen_.

“You’re sure then?” She asks him.

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

They sip their tea for a while.

“I’m proud of you, and I’m grateful that you wanted to tell me.” Her sincerity always catches him off guard. She truly is his best friend.

That night he sleeps the best he has in months.

* * *

They’ve been hiking for what feels like forever. Allen’s sure that his stomach is going to eat itself.

“Aren’t we there yet?” Allen asks. Its late March now, and his winter clothes are starting to become unnecessary as it turns to warm spring. Allen is miserable. “Come on guys, I’m really starving here.”

“Yeah, I feel you, Allen.” Lavi tries to comfort him. “I’m tired, too. And I’m thirsty, I’d give anything for a drink!”

“I know,” Lenalee chimes in. “Hang in there, everyone.”

“I think we should be getting close to a town…” Bookman says. And like magic, a town appears just down the road. Well, Allen’s pretty sure that it’s not magic, but still. He and Lavi take off running towards the town as fast as they can, the others not far behind.

Unfortunately, there’s no people in the town.

“Do you think maybe… it’s a ghost town?” Lenalee asks.

“It can’t be a ghost town, I’m thirsty!” Lavi cries. Allen might just keel over at this rate.

“There’s something wrong with this place.” Bookman observes, stoping their shouting.

They wander the city. Its eerily quiet and empty. There’s what appear to be waterways all through it, but no water anywhere. The water is as scarce as the people it would seem.

“The water’s dried up.” A voice says. It’s a man from the town. “Forgive me, are you travelers?”

Allen’s been saved!

“Oh, fantastic!” He says. “It’s just nice to know that there are people in this town!”

The man leads them to his home and feeds them a nice meal. Over food, he tells them about how the water has dried up recently. A large fresh-water lake near the city used to overflow and bring water into the city, but a month ago its water level dropped and has continued dropping since. None of the locals know why. They say that even after a heavy rain the water level still decreases.

“That’s certainly a mysterious phenomenon.” Lenalee says. The group share a knowing look. When strange, unexplainable things happen, usually there’s Innocence involved.

“Indeed.” Bookman agrees. “One worth looking into.”

After the meal they decide to split into two groups: one to search the lake, and one to stay in the town and question the people. Allen and Lenalee get chosen to stay behind. Allen because of his eye and Lenalee for her skill with the language. She did grow up in China after all.

Allen circles the town looking for any signs of Akuma and when that doesn’t work, they search for a person to talk to. It takes a while, but they do end up talking to a nice elderly woman.

“The story around town was that the fortune teller could see anyone’s future by using a crystal ball,” She tells them. “But then, about a month ago, they suddenly stopped telling the fortunes and no one knew why.”

Together, Allen and Lenalee head to the house that the old woman pointed out as the fortune teller’s house. They knock on the red door set into the wall around the house, and with no response Lenalee pushes the door open.

“Who are you?!” An old man shouts in the gardens inside the wall. Lenalee trips and Allen falls as well, both tumbling through the door. “What did you come here for?”

“Well… you see, sir,” Allen starts as he sits up, brushing some dirt off of his Exorcist coat.

“We’re doing some investigating,” Lenalee continues for him. “And we heard that you stopped telling people’s fortunes around the same time the water started drying up.”

“How dare you,” The man suddenly shouts in indignation. “Get out!”

He chases them out the door waving his walking stick around.

“Wait!” Allen says.

“Please, just tell us why you stopped seeing people.” Lenalee tries.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Grandfather, who is that?” A young girl’s voice says from behind the man.

“Leave me alone!” The old man shouts and then he shuts the big, wooden, red door in their faces.

They wander around the town for a while longer before Lenalee gets a call from Lavi as the sun sets. He informs them that their group had been watched by wary townspeople, so they were only able to search the perimeter of the lake and were going to wait till nightfall to check in the water.

Allen and Lenalee find an inn that will lodge their group and settle down as the sky darkens. They can’t really do anything right now. Lenalee suggests they unpack their and their teammates clothes and do some laundry.

“So, boys huh?” Lenalee suddenly says, while they sort out their clothes.

Allen’s back goes ramrod straight in surprise. “Wh-what?”

“Boys. You said you like boys and I was wondering if you liked any boys in particular.” She says nonchalantly.

“What!? No! Do you?” He deflects.

She hums in thought for a second, looks out the window, then looks down to the clothes in her hands. It’s one of Lavi’s undershirts that she’s folding back into his bag. “Maybe… I don’t know. There’s someone that I could end up falling for.”

Allen remembers how she had talked about Kanda after Barcelona. She still talked about him from time to time and even called him every couple of days and every time it set Allen’s nerves on edge. _Does Lenalee like Kanda?_

“Could it be that you like –“ He’s cut off by a knock at the door.

“Who’s there?” Lenalee calls, putting down the shirt she was folding and heading towards the door.

“Please open the door… Hurry!” A young girl’s voice says.

When she opens the door, it’s the girl they had seen at the fortune teller’s house.

“I’m sorry it’s late, but I saw you today and I knew I had to find you.” The girl says as she makes her way into the room. Allen watches as Lenalee’s face goes from wide-eyed surprise to her normal charming smile.

“It’s no problem, I’m glad you’re here.” She reassures. The girl looks past Lenalee at Allen with big, scared eyes.

“I think I’ll go get ready for bed.” He says. The girl didn’t come here to talk to him, and she might not want to talk with him in the room. He trusts that Lenalee can handle it. If its anything important, she’ll either come and wake him up or she’ll tell them all in the morning. He leaves the room and heads to his own. He can hear their muffled voices through the walls, but he can’t make out anything specific that they say.

He dims the lights in his room and lays down, letting his mind wander before he sleeps.

Does Lenalee really like Kanda? What was there even to like about Kanda? He is stubborn and coarse and impolite (though Lenalee would probably say that he’s straightforward and honest). Allen could admit that Kanda wasn’t all that bad, he’d known it for a while now, but still. He was far too mean and arrogant for someone sweet and kind like Lenalee.

Kanda did have two good things going for him though: he was incredibly tall and incredibly pretty. Okay, maybe not tall like Krory, but he was taller than Allen and Lavi. And Allen could admit that maybe he was kind of cool when he danced around Akuma with his sword as easily as breathing.

But still. Lenalee deserves someone so much better. Someone like Kanda… well he was a lot like that second main character from the book they’d read, right? He’s cold and stoic, his face doesn’t convey his emotions, he doesn’t talk excessively… He should be with someone that was like the main character then. Someone that was loud, and expressive. Someone that was just as powerful as he was and were compatible in a fight. Someone like –

His left eye activates, sensing the presence of Akuma nearby. He jumps out of bed, shoves his feet into his shoes and runs to the room Lenalee and the girl are in.

“Lenalee, the Akuma!” He shouts in warning as he bursts through the door.

BANG! BANG! An explosion sends him flying forward into the room. Allen shakes his head to help stop the ringing in his ears. In his peripheral he sees Lenalee push the girl under the table to hide. He activates his Innocence into its cannon form and destroys the level one Akuma that appears in the blown open doorway. He can detect more outside, so he sprints in that direction.

He’s shooting at several Akuma hovering near their inn when he hears Lenalee shouting behind him.

“Lenalee!?” He calls over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off of the Akuma floating in front of him. He doesn’t get a response, but he can assume that she ran out of the inn. He makes his way out there as well, only to find the girl that had been with Lenalee being carried off by a flying, serpentine level two and Lenalee surrounded by level ones.

If he were to shoot at the level two, he might hit the girl or if he does manage to hit the level two without hitting the girl, the girl would fall a considerable height. Lenalee’s Innocence is far better suited to chase and destroy the Akuma. He shoots at the level ones.

“Lenalee, get outta here!” He yells.

“Thanks Allen!” She calls back as she takes off into the air. He does his best to destroy the rest of the Akuma quickly so he can catch up with Lenalee.

Then, Lenalee drops down from the sky next to him. Her hair is wild from the wind and her eyes are desperate.

“It got her. It took Mei Ling!” She says. “She’s the fortune teller, not the old man.” 

“Why did it take Mei Ling?” He wonders out loud. Usually Akuma don’t abduct people, they just kill them right then. “What could it possibly want?”

“It would appear that the Akuma are after the girl’s crystal ball.” Bookman’s voice comes from behind, surprising Allen since he was supposed to be out at the lake with Lavi and Krory. Allen and Lenalee turn to look at the man, when the old man from the fortune teller’s house steps out from behind Bookman.

“Do you know something?” Lenalee questions. Her voice is pitched higher than usual, she must be very nervous. Allen can’t blame her though; he’s probably thinking the same thoughts she is. _Will they be too late again?_

“They want the ball?” Allen adds.

“Yes, I believe it’s very likely that Mei Ling’s crystal ball is indeed Innocence.” Bookman says somberly. “I’ll provide more details later. Hurry and go now.”

And so, they do. They take off in the direction of the lake. Lenalee yells to him over the wind that Mei Ling threw the crystal ball she uses for her divination into the lake about a month ago, the same time the water started to dry up. Which makes sense if her ball was Innocence, that it would be the cause of the water receding. She also says that she thinks the Innocence gives Mei Ling the power to see the future.

When they make it to the lake, the Akuma that had taken Mei Ling floats over the middle of a large whirlpool in the center of the lake.

“Mei Ling!” Lenalee cries.

“Too late.” The Akuma laughs in its metallic voice. It opens the hand it has wrapped around the girl and she falls and falls and falls, hurtling towards the water.

The girl screams as she falls. Suddenly a massive white light erupts from the center of the lake.

“What’s happening!?” Lenalee says while they shield their eyes. They hear Mei Ling scream again and before Allen’s eyes can adjust to the bright light, Lenalee takes off.

“There she is!” He hears her shout.

As his eyes adjust, he can see that the white light was an explosion, the water in the lake being displaced into a big wave and Lenalee is still in the air. She thankfully has the girl in her arms. Allen stretches out his activated Innocence arm to grab them, jumping to higher ground to avoid the wave. As the light dims, he can see an orb in the middle of the lake, tendrils of water being sucked into it. Lenalee stands next to him with Mei Ling in her arms still. The girl is so small and young.

“Is that it?” Lenalee asks her gently.

“Yes.” The girl’s voice is hoarse from how much she had been screaming during her fall. “That’s my crystal ball. The one grandfather and I threw into the lake”

Allen listens as Lenalee tells the girl about Innocence and how they believe that Mei Ling is the Innocence in the crystal ball’s accommodator. That would make her one of them, an Exorcist.

“I’m like you, an Exorcist?” the girl asks, her voice so small and timid. Allen looks at her. She’s so young, probably no more than eleven or twelve. Her hand’s shake where she clutches Lenalee’s coat.

Their conversation is derailed when a level two akuma (a different one than the one that had abducted Mei Ling) charges over the water towards the crystal ball. It shoots flames out of its mouth and tries to break into the barrier surrounding the ball. With an explosion, the Innocence destroys the Akuma.

“No!” Mei Ling screeches from Lenalee’s arms. She starts to cry then. And Allen can only stand there awkwardly. Lavi and Krory run up to them from behind. Both of them are missing their Exorcist coats and look pretty banged up.

“Allen! Lenalee!” Lavi says.

“Are you both alright?” Allen asks as they come to a stop in front of them.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” Lavi replies.

“Well…” He trails off and looks to the girls, unsure of what to do.

“No… No... Never!” Mei Ling cries. Lenalee tries to calm her down, it doesn’t work all that well as the girl starts to panic.

“Please don’t make me! I can’t! I can’t touch it again!” She hyperventilates for a second then, “I didn’t mean to. I promise I was only trying to help. I love the people here and I wanted to do what I could to make them happy! Why did this happen? Why?”

Allen looks to Lavi and Krory. Lavi’s eyes dart from Lenalee to Mei Ling to the crystal ball that has just about sucked up all of the water in the area. Krory glances at Allen, worry clouding his face.

“It’s alright.” Lenalee says to her, her voice is soft and comforting. “Don’t worry about it.”

Lenalee walks into the tree line surrounding the lake and sets the girl down. She talks to her for a bit, trying to calm her down and the three guys stand watch for more Akuma attacks. Allen assumes that if she is an accommodator then the future she must have seen in her crystal ball - the one that drove her to throw it into the lake - was her own as an Exorcist.

There is a loud crashing sound as the Innocence starts to spin out of control. The wind whips viciously about.

“Mei Ling, there’s something I want to say, okay?” Lenalee says. “You should know that the path you’re about to take may lead you to an even more painful, harder future than the one you’ve already seen. Knowing that, do you still want to do it?”

“Yes!” Comes Mei Ling’s confident voice. It makes Allen’s heart warm. Every time he’s been around the girl, she has been meek and scared, but it seems like she’s found her resolve.

“Okay. I’ll be beside you all the way.” Lenalee says.

With new resolve, the boys take on the left over Akuma while the girls use Lenalee’s Dark Boots to leap into the sky, Mei Ling in Lenalee’s arms again. Up, up, up the pair goes and then in a flash of green light, they blast towards the ground, gaining speed rapidly. The green light turns to yellow as the two pierce the energy shielding the crystal ball.

“Did they do it?” Lavi shouts as he swings his hammer down on one of the level two Akuma.

Then the energy shield around the ball expands rapidly sending them all flying backwards. Allen must black out for a second but when he comes to, the sky glows with yellow particles. They look like fireflies or snow. It’s beautiful. Allen lays on the ground, catching his breath and staring at the sky as his other senses come back to him.

Allen looks around and sees Lenalee hovering above the dried bed of the lake, she’s still holding Mei Ling, but the girl has the crystal ball in her small hands. A chiming bell sounds and then water starts to gush out from around the girls, the lake water returning to where it belongs.

“I’ve got you now!” Krory shouts and darts at the Akuma they were fighting that had been stunned by the lights, catching it by surprise, and latching on to it with his teeth.

“Alright!” Allen and Lavi shout. And then the displaced water comes at them like a tsunami, and Allen realizes that they aren’t up above the normal water line, they’re down inside the lake’s footprint. He grabs Lavi and turns to run but the water catches them before they can get to higher land.

Eventually Allen, Lavi and Krory make it to land, waterlogged and frozen. The sun has started to rise and as Allen looks out over the now filled lake, he sees Lenalee and Mei Ling just above the water’s surface. They both look peaceful and happy. Allen thinks that it’ll be alright now. And that he’d really like to sleep now, definitely get into some dry clothes.

* * *

Lenalee calls her brother to tell him that they’ve found a new accommodator. He tells them that a Finder will be coming to take her to the Asia Branch. They decide to rest for a day before continuing with their journey, they’ll leave around the same time that Mei Ling does. They all need a good night’s rest and to restock their provisions, and Mei Ling wants a chance to say goodbye to the people of her city and her grandfather.

* * *

Getting Mei Ling to the Asia Branch doesn’t go as planned. They find out that the Noah woman, Lulu Bell, who they thought they’d ditched had actually followed them to the city. She almost snatches Mei Ling once and the house they are staying in almost blown up. They decide that they’ll take a carriage to the Asia Branch instead of waiting for the Finder to arrive. Now Allen sits at the front of the carriage while they speed through the Chinese countryside, a swarm of Akuma hot on their trail.

Even with Allen’s eye and Mei Ling’s ability to see the future, it’s not easy. And then Mei Ling faints from using her Innocence too much. And then the carriage overturns and is destroyed. And then Allen, Lenalee and Mei Ling (who is still unconscious) get separated from Lavi, Krory and Bookman.

Then Lulu Bell attacks Allen, Lenalee and Mei Ling personally. And they find themselves overwhelmed. Allen and Lenalee do their best but it’s difficult when it’s only the two of them. Lulu Bell takes Mei Ling’s Innocence. And before they can chase after her, Mei Ling starts to cry.

“It’s gone.” She says in a hollow voice. Then she breaks down completely. They defeat most of the remaining Akuma, the rest running off with the Noah, so they walk Mei Ling to the city where they were planning on meeting the Finder at. They inform the Finder and Headquarters about what’s happened, and the Finder agrees to take Mei Ling back to her home. The Cross Unit set out the next day to continue following Timcanpy east.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book that Allen and Lenalee read is actually my other current favorite piece of media called the Untamed (Chen Qing Ling in Mandarin which is the live-action show, its on Netflix) or the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (Mo Dao Zhu Shi in Mandarin which you can find fan translations into English online). I highly recommend it, the show is fantastic. There's also an animated version too if live-action isn't your cup of tea (though the live action is wonderful and I can't recommend it more).


	7. A Hole in His Heart Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then Allen dies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god this chapter was so hard to write!! I've been fighting it for days! First I procrastinated on it because Christmas happened and that's Allen's birthday and I didn't feel it was right to write his "death" on his birthday. And then when I actually sat down to write it, words just weren't happening! But things should start to really get exciting from here on as people start to realize their feelings and the overall plot starts to ramp up too!

Allen’s arm hurts. They’ve been fighting Akuma almost nonstop since the failure with Mei Ling. His red fingers twitch uncontrollably and every small movement stings.

“Just a minute there Allen, let me see that left arm.” Lenalee grabs his wrist tightly in her hand. She’s no gentler in her examination than her brother would be.

“Ah!” He yells in pain as she slides up the sleeve of his Exorcist coat. The texture of the coat on his arm feels like sandpaper instead of the soft cloth it normally does. He refuses to look at his arm. It stings too much.

“What!” Lavi shouts.

“His… his arm its crumbling” Krory says as he stands over Allen. Allen can’t help it; he glances down at his arm. It’s a grotesque thing, his arm. He’s always covered it, with long sleeves and gloves. The red and scaley thing. Though now some of the scales are flaking off and it hurts. It hurts.

He yanks his arm back and shoves the sleeve back down, stuffing his hand back into its glove.

“It’s fine! Honest!” He tries to placate them. “It’s not an injury, right?”

Lenalee squints her eyes at him in concern.

“Look, it’s just because we’ve been fighting Akuma continuously as of late.” He tries again.

“Your left arm…” Lenalee tears up “Is a bit fragile…”

He’s fine. He just needs to rest a bit. And they are so close to finding General Cross, he can rest when they find him. He just needs to be able to fight a little longer. He’s fine.

* * *

The sea sparkles before him, the smell of salt weighs heavily in the air. Allen loves it. There’s nothing quite like the vast openness of a blue ocean. It makes Allen feel just a bit free. Seagulls caw from the pier jutting out near him. There are large ships floating nearby and people bustle about constantly.

Lavi steps up next to him. Like usual the man has a goofy grin plastered on his face. Allen turns and gives him a smile in return.

“This city certainly is a lively place.” He says. He’s gotten good at compartmentalizing over the years, so he doesn’t even think about how his arm is crumbling beneath his sleeve.

“That’s because Guangzhou is a port city, so it’s a mix of cultures and people from all over the world.” Lavi informs him.

“You sure do know a lot about it, but that’s not surprising coming from the next Bookman.” Lenalee says from behind them. They turn around and she jerks her head back in the direction of the city’s downtown. “My brother just called and said that General Cross was last spotted in the next city over just the other day. Let’s go and see if we can find someone to tell us where he is.”

Allen glances over at Lavi. His eyes are trained on Lenalee, his normal impish smile mellowing out to something more gentle, more genuine. _Hm?_

The three of them make their way back into the heart of Guangzhou. There certainly are a lot of people here. Allen spots Krory and Bookman seated at a table, quietly sipping tea together and points them out to the other two. Lenalee giggles at the sight.

“You know, sometimes I forget that Krory is nearly ten years older than us.” She says while her giggles don’t stop.

Lenalee runs over to the pair then, leaving Allen and Lavi behind.

“You and Lenalee are close, right?” Lavi asks him as they walk slowly towards the others.

“Yeah, we’re friends.” He says.

“Just friends?”

“Yeah?” Allen says back suspiciously. Krory spots them over Lenalee’s head and waves them over.

They agree that getting to the next town to find General Cross is their immediate course of action.

* * *

“The guy at the steamed bun stand told you General Cross is the new boyfriend of the lady who owns this place?” Lenalee asks incredulously.

“Yeah, and from what I know of the General, I don’t doubt it for a second.” Allen says.

They are standing in front of a brightly lit, two-story brothel. Red paper lanterns illuminate the whole building. It looks pretty fancy and well-funded – just the kind of place Master Cross usually goes to find his lovers.

_Great. We found him._

Allen doesn’t particularly want to see Master Cross again. It’s been almost a year now and he really doesn’t want to see that sleazebag of a man again. Of course, they didn’t traipse all over Europe and China for no reason, so it only makes sense that eventually they would have to find him.

“No first-timers allowed. And definitely no kids!” A massive bald woman yells at them in Mandarin, blocking the doorway. “Why don’t you get lost.”

“Can girls even get that big?” Lavi blurts suddenly. Next thing Allen knows he and Lavi are being hoisted up into the air by the woman he assumes is the bouncer for the place. Allen thinks his soul might have left his body; he has no idea what’s happening anymore.

“Please go around to the back door.” The woman whispers to them in English, just loud enough to be heard over the bustle of the street and the brothel within. “You can’t get through to the mistress’s room from here. We are supporters of the Black Order.”

Then to Allen’s absolute surprise she sticks her tongue out to show the Black Order emblem tattooed on it. Allen hears Lavi choke on his saliva.

After being put back down, the group makes their way around the back of the building as instructed. Inside is a woman that looks to be exactly Master Cross’s type: undeniably beautiful, has lots of money, and undoubtedly loyal to him. ( _Kanda is far prettier than_ her, Allen thinks. He coughs into his sleeve when he realizes he just thought this.) She greets them in a lavish set of robes and her face painted with makeup. She says her name is Anita and the woman that is the bouncer is named Mahoja.

“My apologies for being so blunt, but,” Anita’s voice is soft but laced with authority. She knows the power she holds. Exactly Master Cross’s type. “General Cross Marian is no longer here.”

There’s about three beats of silence as their group processes then, “What!?”

“He left eight days ago on a ship heading to Japan. And the ship he was on… we know it was attacked. It sank to the bottom of the sea, there were no survivors.”

* * *

Allen climbs the tallest mast of Anita’s ship. The boat is massive, and the mast stretches high into the sky. When he reaches the top, he takes a deep breath of the salty air. Its blue as far as he can see, the ocean and the sky almost the same shade. It’s comfortable in the sunshine, cold winter turning into a warm March. Tim floats next to him, his constant, silent companion.

“Timcanpy, Master is beyond this ocean, right?” He asks the air. “Stupid master. If you’ve died, I’ll hate you for it.”

Allen’s always had such conflicting mixed feelings towards Master Cross. He’s a slimy, womanizing jerk but he’d been there for Allen after… he’d taken care of him when he’d been bedridden for months after… taught him how to be an Exorcist. And the man was far too resilient to be taken down on a ship. He was like a cockroach.

Its peaceful up here, at the highest point around, even higher than some of the tallest buildings in the bustling city behind him. He almost can’t hear the crew down on the deck finishing up getting the ship ready to set sail. The rising sun is so warm, like a gentle hug.

The hair on the back of his neck stands on end and then his left eye activates. There on the horizon, he zeroes in on an approaching squirming black mass. Then it gets just a bit closer and Allen can make out that its hundreds of Akuma.

“Everyone!” He shouts down to the deck, hoping his voice will carry. “Akuma are coming!!”

As they approach, the Akuma block out the sky and the sun making it as dark as nighttime even when it is late morning.

There’s a flurry of movement as the sailors, Mahoja, and Anita grab whatever weapons and barrier devices they can, and the Exorcists activate their Innocence. Then the swarm is upon them.

It’s even darker with the swarm around them and Allen braces for attack when he realizes that the Akuma are whooshing past them, not even acknowledging the ship.

Below Allen on the deck there’s a collective shout of surprise as they all realize that they are being passed over too.

“What is going on?” He hears Lavi’s voice. Allen looks away from the swarm to look down at his comrades, his friends. Then they are getting further and further below him.

No, he’s rising further and further away from them.

“Well, look what we have here!” A mechanical Akuma voice says. “It’s an exorcist! I figured as much from all the black he’s wearing.”

“You’ve got good eyes!” Another says. They carry him higher and higher into the sky chatting amongst themselves. Allen watches as the ship slips out of his eyesight behind him as he soars over the town they were just about to leave. He’s so high in the sky a fall from this height would definitely kill him, but he isn’t going down without a fight.

He aims his Innocence in its cannon form at the Akuma around him and shoots. He’s past the city now, into the forest and the mountains further inland.

Next thing he knows, he’s free falling as the Akuma carrying him explodes.

“Allen!” Lenalee appears through the smoke left from the explosion. She reaches her arm out and he grabs her hand. Her innocence slows down their momentum making them float slowly down to the ground more than fall now.

There’s another explosion nearby, this one larger and louder than that of Akuma’s being destroyed or Akuma’s doing the destroying.

“It has emerged!” The Akuma around them shout.

Allen doesn’t know what he’s looking at. It’s something he’s truly never seen before and Allen likes to think that he’s seen a lot of things in his life. It appears to be a giant flying torso the size of a mountain – no head, arms, or lower half of the body - and is a bright white-blue like it glows from the inside. Where the heart would be is just a hole with the top half of a human man sticking out.

“What is that?” He hears himself say.

“Go!!” the Akuma scream around them. “Kill it!!”

There is a loud roaring sound from the thing, and the Lenalee uses her level two technique, Sound Shackles, to send them a far distance away from the thing. It all happens so fast; Allen forgets to breath.

“You’re fast.” He wheezes out.

“Sorry, are you alright?” She asks. Her hair has fallen out of its normal ponytails and floats softly around her head. Allen briefly thinks that it’s similar to how Kanda’s hair had looked when it was down - the bangs and the length and the color of it.

“Yeah.” He assures. He looks back at the… the thing and the breath he only just regained leaves him in a rush again. “It’s being attacked!? The Akuma came to attack that white thing?”

He looks to Lenalee to see what their next move will be, but her eyes are wide and trained completely on the thing.

“That’s...” She says as she starts to tremble. “Suman Dark.”

Then she falls to the ground screaming, pressing her face into her hands.

“He’s a Fallen One.” She mumbles out. “Someone who failed to become an Apostle.”

“What?”

“When a person’s synchronization rate with Innocence falls below zero, or when a ‘non-compatible’ forces itself to synchronize with Innocence… it happens” She reaches one hand out and grips his coat tightly. “It’s prohibited now, but… I’ve seen experiments at the church. They tried to turn a boy into an Exorcist and he…” He wraps a comforting arm around his friend. “That’s why I know what it is. But why? If Suman is compatible, then why is he a Fallen One? What happened to him?”

Allen looks between Lenalee and the thing… Suman Dark… the Fallen One. He vaguely recognizes the man’s name. He’s probably an Exorcist that Lenalee had talked about at some point.

_“He’s a parasite-type like you.”_

Oh yes, Allen remembers now. Sitting with Lenalee in a restaurant in Spain around a big plate of paella after they met back up after separating in Liverpool. She’d told him about a Finder she’d been sent to help and Suman Dark who they’d run into while helping some civilians from wolf-like Akuma. She’d talked about the Finder having just run into Kanda too. He remembers Johnny mentioning how he played chess often with an Exorcist named Suman who had an Innocence type like Allen’s. Johnny liked to brag that he had thirty-eight wins and seven losses to Suman.

“Unforgivable! Unforgivable!” Suman rumbles out. The sound is deafeningly loud. Then out of the empty holes where arms would normally be, shoots out blinding lasers that he uses to destroy the Akuma circling and attacking him.

The shockwave shakes the ground and the entire forest surrounding Suman blazes with fire.

“Unforgivable!” Suman booms.

 _What power… He annihilated all those Akuma in one shot…_ Allen looks around. The town nearby   
is in shambles too.

He stands up – they have to do something. Suman is destroying the town, not just the Akuma.

“I heard that Suman was part of the group of Exorcists that was attacked around the time that Barcelona was attacked.” Lenalee says while he helps her stand, her legs shaking. “All of the others in his group died but his whereabouts have been unknown since then. The Akuma must have appeared because they knew he became a Fallen one.”

She’s cut off by Suman shooting out lasers again this time hitting the mountains around them.

“He’s destroying everything in sight!” He says. “If this continues - “

“We have to help Suman.” Lenalee interrupts him, peering up at him with desperate tears in her eyes. “The experiment I saw at the church…. I asked Hevlaska persistently, but she never told me anything about it. The boy I saw who became a Fallen One, I don’t know what happened to him. I don’t know anything.”

He looks back to Suman and the human sticking out from where the heart on the thing’s torso should be. That person is Suman and maybe… Maybe if they can get to him… Maybe they can pull him out.

He says this to Lenalee and together she flies them up to Suman. Around the heart are pointed, horizontal spikes that they land on, on either side of the hole. The hole that Suman’s body disappears into what looks to be a portal of some sort.

“Wait Lenalee! You shouldn’t step into the hole!” He warns her. She pleads with Suman to recognize her, not even listening to Allen. So, taking initiative he says, “Let’s pull him out!”

As he reaches out to grab Suman, a screaming child’s head breaks out of the hole between him and Suman.

“Help.” She squeaks, desperately. “Mommy? Where are you?”

The girl starts to sink back in. Without thinking, Allen shoves his hand after her and grabs the girl’s collar, yanking her out. He slips though, the hand he was using to hold the spike slipping off and into the hole.

“Take her.” He shoves the girl at Lenalee as he falls in.

* * *

He’s floating.

He’s floating.

His head is exploding! He see’s flashes of memories that are not his, feels emotions that do not belong to him. It’s too much. It’s too much!

“My head is going to explode! Stop!!” He screams.

“Dad…” He hears a girl say. And then he knows. He knows why Suman became a Fallen One.

“I don’t want to die… I don’t want to die…” Suman’s voice says.

“You… stopped fighting and… asked for mercy...” Allen says to the emptiness surrounding him. “From an Akuma… You betrayed the Innocence.”

Suman betrayed the Innocence. He got scared of dying and ran from the battlefield because he wanted to see the family he left behind to join the Order one last time.

The air around him trembles and he hears a distant roar similar to when Suman had set off the massive blasts before. He must have done it again.

Screaming erupts around him and the visage of screaming faces surrounds Allen. _Is Suman screaming? Is he in pain?_ Allen thinks that the mass energy of destruction isn’t normal. What could be the cause?

_Is the Innocence using Suman’s soul to power the attacks? Is the Innocence trying to kill him?!_

Its punishing Suman, punishing a criminal, just like God.

“Stop it, Innocence!” Allen yells. “Don’t kill our friend!”

He activates his arm and the world around him shatters. He sees it then, Suman’s Innocence. It looks like an arm, a right arm as opposed to Allen’s left. Allen reaches out to it and then he’s being belched out of the hole he fell into and falling towards the ground.

Using his arm’s ability to stretch and grow, he grabs the spikes surrounding Suman and pulls himself up to him.

“Suman try your best to stay alive!” He says. “I’ll help you out right now!”

He reaches to hook his right arm around Suman to pull him out when Suman starts screaming and then coughs up blood in Allen’s face.

“Who is it?” Suman rasps out. “Who’s there?”

 _Thank God, he still has some consciousness._ Allen thinks, relieved.

“Suman!” Allen says.

“I curse you. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you.” Suman repeats over and over again. “God, Exorcists, and everything else. I curse you.”

Then the Fallen One starts to move, and when Allen looks at the trajectory, its moving towards a village just beyond the mountains.

“Suman, stop!” He begs.

“You Exorcist bastard! Die!” Suman spits blood in his face again.

“I’m sorry, but if this goes on you will destroy that village! I won’t let you do that! Haven’t we been fighting to protect people?”

He reaches out to Suman again. If he can only pull him out, the rampage can end.

“Die!”

Teeth pierce his hand. Suman has latched onto his outstretched hand and bit him. It hurts. It hurts.

“Please open your eyes!” He tries to reason with him again. “Suman, I will always protect you from the Innocence! So please stop, you can’t sacrifice them!”

“Die!” Suman clamps down harder on his hand.

“Please try.” He pleads. Allen tries to block out the shivers as he hears and feels crunches from his hand where Suman is biting him. “Please try your best, Suman. I will always save you. Don’t die!”

This time instead of a crunch in his hand it’s a snap as the bones are crushed when Suman yanks his head back.

“Shut up!” Suman screeches and then Allen is falling again. He lands on the ground with a painful crash. And he watches in terror as Suman sends a blast ripping through the town and the surrounding mountains.

He has to save Suman. He has to. He has to save Suman and stop this merciless destruction. He lifts his hand (his cursed Innocence hand) and says, “Innocence activate to maximum.”

Then the Innocence releases. His arm grows and grows to a size it has never been before. Allen’s whole body thrums with power. With his Innocence arm the same size as the Fallen one, he grabs on tight to stop its thrashing.

“Damn.” He grits out. “I won’t let you go! I won’t let you die!”

If Allen has the strength, the power, he will always help. Always. He will be a destroyer that also saves. It’s what he promised to Mana. It’s what he said to Kanda.

“Please stop, Suman. I beg of you. Don’t get caught up in the Innocence. You wanted to live so much before!” He just has to get through to the man. If he can then maybe he can get the chance to pull him out of the Fallen One’s body. “I saw a young girl in your memory. As an accommodator, it was the last memory of your daughter. You didn’t want to join the Order, but you chose to join so that there would be money to help your daughter who had an incurable disease. You didn’t want to die. You were supposed to have left, to never see her again, but you yearned for your family. You sold our companion’s information to the Noah just so you could live on! Didn’t you want to live, Suman!?”

Maybe if he can get back up there, he can cut off Suman’s Innocence and along with it his right arm. If he can cut it off, then Suman can go on living. He can go back home to his wife and daughter. He has to do it.

“Here we go, Innocence!” He shouts.

Something rips then.

Allen’s arm deactivates. And before his eyes, his fingers and hand and arm twists and snaps. And it’s all he can do to keep breathing as his mind whites out from the pain. He can barely maintain his consciousness. He hears screaming and isn’t sure if its him, Suman, or the villagers as Suman releases another destructive beam.

The pain is immeasurable, and Allen is in shock. He can’t move from where he’s toppled over face first into the ground.

“Jaime!” He hears Suman roar the name of his daughter. Then the fallen one comes crashing to the ground.

Allen tries to get up, but his left arm cracks and cracks and the shooting pain blankets his mind again. It hurts. It’s so painful. _I can’t fight anymore. I can’t do anything._

A tiny hand slaps him in the face and when Allen forces his eyes open, he sees Timcanpy with his little hand raised, floating above him.

“Tim. What are you…” Tim bites his ear then and yanks. “Wait, are you mad at me?”

Tim opens his little mouth baring his pointed teeth. Allen realizes that Tim is trying to remind him not to give up.

“I’m sorry, okay!? I’ll try.” He made a promise. And he will keep it. “I’ll try.”

Collecting his strength, he shoves the pain to the back of his mind (he’s always been good at that anyways) and stands, running to where the Fallen One crashed to the ground. He climbs the crumbling white torso and stumbles to the hole that Suman is in.

“Suman!” He calls.

“Exorcist.” Suman stutters out.

Allen gives him his most charming smile that he can muster. “I’m Allen Walker.”

Suman stares at him with immensely sad eyes.

“My life will end soon.” Suman says. “I’m going to die, and this monster will probably disappear too. I’m sorry. I just wanted to see my family. Forgive me.”

Suman starts crying. His skin has become translucent and Allen can see his skeleton through it. No, he won’t give up. He can’t. His friend asked him to save Suman.

Despite the pain, Allen activates his arm again. He still has the strength to help, so he will. He won’t give up.

“Suman, I’m going to amputate the Innocence in your right arm using mine.” He tells the other. “I’ll be able to pull you out then, but my left hand is broken and has no strength.”

He holds out his right hand (the one that Suman had crushed with his teeth earlier).

“You must bite it, and never let go!” He smiles for Suman again. _It will be okay. It has to_.

Before either of them can overthink it, Allen thrusts his left arm down into the portal on Suman’s right side. He reaches in and then he grasps Suman’s Innocence.

The Innocence fights back, sending shockwaves of pain through Allen’s already painful arm. He screams again.

“Stop… Stop… It’ll take your life!” He distantly hears Suman begging him. “Stop… I killed them… I killed my friends and all those people… Stop it already.”

Allen pulls himself together and holds out his right hand for Suman to bite onto.

“I-I’m alive. I pray that the people around me will be happy.” Allen stutters. “I… I’m wishing for y-y-your happiness.”

“I want to live. I want to live!” Suman bites deeply into Allen’s hand again and they shout in unison as he severs Suman’s innocence and rips him out of the Fallen One at the same time. There’s a flash of light and then Allen passes out.

* * *

When Allen wakes up, it’s nighttime and he is laying on the leafy floor of a bamboo forest. It hurts but Allen lifts his head to see where Suman landed.

There, just a ways away from him is the man, free from the Fallen One’s body, kneeling on the ground.

“Suman!” He calls. Allen scrambles to his knees and tries to crawl to him. “You’re alive! That’s great, you’re saved! Now you can…”

He trails off as his eyes work to adjust to the darkness. Suman doesn’t respond to him in any way.

“Suman? What’s wrong? Please say something?”

Then his eyes fully adjust, and he can see properly. Suman… his eyes are lifeless. There is nothing, no light behind them. He doesn’t talk or respond to Allen. His body is alive, but his soul is dead.

Allen feels a warm pulsing in his left hand and when he looks, its Suman’s gently glowing Innocence.

_Why…?_

_Why?_

“Why?!” He screams to the silent bamboo trees around him. He uncontrollably cries for a while then; he cries for Suman, he cries for the daughter the man left behind, he cries for himself, for the pain shaking his body. When he is all out of tears, he turns to the golden Golem always floating nearby.

“Timcanpy, get Lenalee and the others. This doesn’t mean he’s dead. He’s still alive. We’ll take him back to Headquarters.” The man will get the proper burial he deserves.

Before Tim can fly away, Suman’s skin starts to bubble up and then bursts.

“Bye-bye, Suman.” An unknown voice says from behind Allen.

Allen turns to the man behind him. It’s a handsome man in a dapper suit and top hat. He has a freckle under his left eye. He looks exactly like the Noah man that attacked Suman in the memories Allen had seen.

“No- Noah” Allen stutters out in shock.

“Come, Teez.” The man holds out his hands, palm up. And Allen watches as a swarm of black butterflies leave Suman’s lifeless body and coalesce into the Noah man’s hands.

“Well, well. Perhaps you’ve gotten bigger now.” He says to his hand as two big butterflies appear in them. The man raises a hand to his mouth and kisses the butterfly.

“You! What did you do!” Allen says. The man looks at Allen like he is only just realizing he’s there. Then the Noah man lets out a shout.

“What the?! You’re the cheating boy!” The man says.

“Huh?”

“Oh, I see. You don’t remember me as I am now.” The man crouches down to be at eye level with Allen. His golden eyes are piercing. “Actually, could you be Allen Walker?”

Allen reacts without even thinking. He slaps the man across the face with his broken Innocence hand.

“Cut the crap!” He yells in the man’s face as his arm falls limp at his side. “What did you do to Suman?! Did you kill him? Answer me!”

The man gives him a stunned look before breaking out into a laugh and saying, “He was my enemy. Shouldn’t I kill him?”

Allen bites his cheek as the man plops down to sit in front of him. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it, blowing smoke right into Allen’s face.

“Well, since you didn’t run after seeing my power, I’ll tell you about it!” The Noah man cheerily says around his cigarette. “Listen well, boy.”

 _Damn it._ Allen thinks. His body is so beaten and broken that he can’t even stand up, let alone fight. _If only I was stronger. If I was stronger…_

Once again, he wasn’t strong enough.

“This is a Teez. A cannibal Golem created by the Millennium Earl. It’s in butterfly form because of his taste. When these guys eat humans, they breed and multiply.” The man monologues, Allen doesn’t listen to him trying to assess the situation around him. “But that’s their own ability, not mine. The Teez are just a tool. My ability is this.”

And then the man sticks his entire arm through Allen’s body.

_What!?_

“Don’t worry, you won’t feel any pain.” The man says. “My body can pass through anything. Except for what I want to touch.”

Then he starts to pull his arm back through Allen’s chest.

“So, let’s say that perhaps, while I’m pulling out my hand, I think to myself that I want to touch your heart, boy. Without even making a cut on your body, I can take a hold of your warm heart, and rip it out.” And Allen can feel it inside him, the man wrapping his hand around his heart and squeezing. Allen’s heartbeat sounds loudly in his ears. “I can take out your heart while you’re still alive. How do you think that’ll feel?”

Allen can’t think. All he feels is the hand on his beating heart. He hasn’t felt this helpless and terrified in… months? Years?

“This is how your friends died. Boy, will you die too?”

How his friends died? General Yeegar had had organs removed without any incisions to indicate how they were removed. The same went for Suman’s comrades. And Daisya Barry. He can see Kanda’s tired, haggard, sad look on his beautiful face after Barcelona in his mind’s eye.

Allen won’t go down so easily. He doesn’t know if Kanda would make that same kind of expression if Allen were to die, but this is the man that made stoic Kanda look like that. He’s the man that killed General Yeegar. He won’t let him get away with hurting those he cares about. He won’t. He glares up at the Noah man.

“Hmph. You ruined my fun.” The man says, pulling his hand out of Allen’s chest. “I won’t take it. My gloves would get dirty anyway. That’s why I usually let the Teez eat ‘em. Suman cooperated with me a bit, so instead of killing him off, I turned him into a nursery for the Teez. Thanks to him, there are a few more of them.”

The man stands back up, brushing dirt off of his pants. Allen tries to take inventory of his own injuries. Tries to come up with a strategy.

“Too bad, boy. I wanted to play cards with you again, if we met while I was in my white form. But right now, I’m wandering around killing the people who are connected with a certain man.” The Noah pulls out a playing card from his jackets inner pocket. “Boy, are you Allen Walker?”

Before Allen can even register it, the man has his gloved hand wrapped around his neck.

“Tell me, boy. Are you Allen Walker?” His tone turns deadly. Allen knows that if he tells the man, he will be killed. So be it. He won’t give this man - the man that has killed so many of his comrades - the satisfaction. Allen takes a breath, ready to lie his way out of there.

“You are correct.” A small, emotionless voice warbles from the card. “This guy is Allen Walker. Delete him.”

Allen jerks back too slow as the Noah man slams the hand not on Allen’s neck into his Innocence arm. Allen feels lighter. Too light. Abnormally light. His eyes slide from the man over to his own left side. His left arm is gone, torn from his shoulder. It lays several feet away from him, limp.

The man throws him to the ground. And Allen just lays there he can’t move. _His arm is gone?_

“Did you know, boy? We can destroy the Innocence. Both Noah’s family and the Earl.”

“Stop.” He tries to say as the man saunters over to his disembodied arm.

“All of the innocence I stole from the dead has already been destroyed. If any of the ones I destroyed was the Heart, all of the Innocence that you guys have would have been wiped out. That’s the sign that it was the right one.”

No. No. No. No.

“I wonder, boy, if your Innocence is the heart?” The man points to a spot just to Allen’s right. “That over there, is Suman’s Innocence, isnt it?”

No. No. No. No. No.

“If Suman’s innocence destroys itself when I demolish your Innocence, it means that yours was the Heart, boy.”

No. No. No. No. No. No.

The man bends down to Allen’s arm on the ground.

“STOP!” Allen screams his lungs out as his arm and the Innocence contained in it turns to dust. Allen feels… nothing and everything.

“What? I missed?” The man asks looking at Suman’s still intact Innocence.

_Allen’s wasn’t the heart!?_

“Oh well. My current job is to assassinate all of the important people anyway.” The man says nonchalantly, like he didn’t just destroy everything that Allen is.

“Delete. Delete.” The small warbling voice says again.

“Okay, okay.” Allen hears the man say to appease the voice.

“Run, Tim.” Allen hoarsely says to Timcanpy. He knows he’ll die now for sure, he doesn’t have his Innocence anymore, and his other arm is too beat up and broken to fight. This is it. “Take Suman’s Innocence and run. Go. If you don’t everyone will be unable to go look for Master.”

This is the last thing he can do for the Order. For his teammates. For his friends.

“You must go.” He’s too weak to turn his head but in his peripheral, he can see Tim’s golden shape swallow the glowing Innocence and fly up out of the bamboo forest.

“Well, that was a wise decision.” The man huffs.

“Thank you, Tim.” Allen whispers. He doesn’t have any strength left in him. He stares up at the stars as the Noah man walks up to him. The man places the butterfly over Allen’s chest.

“Just make a hole in his heart, Teez. Its better if this brave fellow is given a bit more time before he dies. He will die as he agonizes over the fear invading his body, as blood pours from his heart.”

The butterfly enters Allen’s chest, and the stabbing feeling makes him arch off of the ground. As the man pulls his hand and butterfly back out of Allen’s chest, he tears one of Allen’s buttons off as he goes.

“Have a nice dream. Boy.”

Allen stares at the sky as the man scatters Allen’s pack of playing cards around him.

 _Huh. Has the sky always been this dark shade of blue-black?_ Allen thinks as his vision starts to blur. He thinks of silky hair the same shade as the sky and eyes that are just as cold as the air around him.

 _“You’re gonna die soon. I hate your type.”_ Allen hears a deep voice echo in his head.

 _“How incredibly naïve. Selling yourself out for some pitiful strangers. Isn’t there anything important to you!?”_ Allen’s chest is growing heavy as the blood seeps out of his heart.

 _“You useless idiot. What do you think you’re doing, running out of power at the last minute!”_ He’s sorry. He’s so sorry.

_“I hate people who don’t keep their promises.”_

_“We’re destroyers not saviors.”_

_“Beansprout.”_

And then Allen dies.


	8. A Hole in His Heart Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He’s gone, Kanda” She says so quiet he can barely hear her.  
> “What?” Who’s gone?  
> “Allen… he’s gone.”  
> What?  
> What?!  
> “What?!” He all but yells into the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaahhh! This chapter was so much fun to write! I love writing from Kanda's POV and all that! It was so much fun! He's just so angry!  
> Quick life update on me, school will start back up for me next week so probably expect one more chapter and then I'll be going to a weekly updating schedule. I'm not sure what day of the week will by my posting day but it'll potentially be Sunday or Monday.  
> Also happy new year, everyone! I hope this year is a bit more gentle to us all. (And may this year bring us more D.Gray-Man manga updates)

Kanda puts his hand to his brow to block the bright late March sun. The Tiedoll Unit had made a nice loop around Europe and were now ping-ponging their way across Russia heading in a generally eastward direction. Tiedoll wouldn’t tell them _why_ they were heading east, but Kanda assumed it was for one of the various special missions the Order assigned the General. Or he was possibly trying to get rid of the person that was tailing them. But it was also possible the man was just leading them around looking for beautiful sceneries to sketch and wasting their time.

They’re in a city along the southern border of Russia, investigating some reported unnatural phenomena. It’s nice, exactly what Kanda likes to do. Not flitting about the countryside. Maybe some Akuma will show up and he can destroy them. Tiedoll and Marie lag behind him as they walk through the city’s main square, taking their sweet time like old men. _Annoying._

His Golem starts to ring.

“I’m getting a call.” He informs the others before ducking into the largest restaurant in the city. He makes his way to the telephone booth in the corner.

“Hello?” He asks when he plugs his Golem in. There isn’t a response at first, only an odd sniffling noise.

Then, “Kanda?” says a soft woman’s voice, thick with tears.

“Lenalee?” She had called him from time to time in the almost two months since Barcelona, but she was normally cheery and would happily chat about anything and everything, mostly about Allen and the places they had been though. He didn’t like to waste time, but Lenalee was someone that didn’t usually say stuff to just say stuff and chatting with her was calming, so he’d make time to talk to her (more like stand near the phone while she talked but still).

She sniffles into the phone. _Is she crying?_ Kanda gets the deep sense that something is wrong. Something’s happened.

“He’s gone, Kanda” She says so quiet he can barely hear her.

“What?” Who’s gone?

“Allen… he’s gone.”

What? Where did he go? Does she mean he’s… _gone_ gone?

What?!

“What?!” He all but yells into the phone. He feels like he might be falling through the earth at the moment.

“We were following a lead on General Cross. We were going to leave China and sail to Japan. We were attacked.” She stops for a second taking stuttered breaths. “There was a massive swarm of Akuma. And Suman Dark turned into a Fallen One and Allen he tried to save him and…”

She trails off and starts to truly cry. Kanda’s mind has gone blank, a spinning blank canvas. Vertigo tugs at his stomach. _That self-sacrificing asshole. Why did he try to save a Fallen One?_

Kanda had heard about the experiments, back then. Scientists liked to brag about that kind of stuff in front of other scientists, and Kanda had been frequently surrounded by scientists back then. Lenalee had also told him about what she’d seen over the years. Kanda knew what a Fallen One was and he knew that a Fallen One couldn’t be saved.

_Idiot Beansprout._

“There was a man from the Noah clan… he… he attacked Allen and…” She’s broken off by a violent sob. _A Noah attacked the kid?_

She sobs for a long while and Kanda can only stand there and listen. He wouldn’t know what to say that wouldn’t come out mean anyways.

“Allen sacrificed his arm while trying to protect Suman’s Innocence.” She finally says. “The Noah man did something to him… to his heart… And when Lavi and I went to search for him, we couldn’t find his body.”

What?

“Lenalee, wh–“

“Oh, Kanda.” She cuts him off. “There was so much blood! There was so much blood, Kanda!”

He tries to process what he’s heard. Allen was seriously hurt while trying to protect someone, and they can’t find his body?

“Lenalee, is the beansprout –“ He starts, clenching his fist at his side. His nails bite into his palm. “Allen, is he dead?”

“I don’t…” She tries. “We don’t know. But he… he lost an arm and that Noah man, he did something to him - we saw it in Timcanpy’s memories. The man, he said stuff. I think he was the one that killed General Yeegar and Daisya Barry. Allen… He screamed so much, Kanda. And there was so much blood.”

So, he probably is dead then.

The beansprout is… Dead? Gone? He knew it would happen sooner or later with the way the kid threw himself into situations he didn’t belong but… Why does Kanda feel so empty all of a sudden?

Lenalee continues crying on the line, until eventually she comes to a hiccupping stop.

“We’re going to continue on with our mission to go to Japan to find General Cross.” She says, through a façade of determination. Kanda’s known Lenalee long enough that in a few minutes she’ll get off the call and think herself into a depressive state again. It might be so bad this time that she has a breakdown again.

Why did she call him? Why did she tell him? Why did Allen die? Why does Kanda feel like this?

“Lena, stay safe.” Is what he says instead

“You too, Kanda.”

Then he hangs up.

Kanda knew it. He knew that that stupid Allen Walker was going to get himself killed one of these days. And he’d even been thinking just the other day that he was surprised the kid had managed to survive this long. His chest hurts. Like he’s been kicked to the ground and stomped on.

_Whatever._

It’s the stupid kid’s own fault.

Kanda stomps out of the restaurant to join Tiedoll and Marie again. His face must be doing something, because Tiedoll gives him that frustrating look that seems like he can see straight through him.

“What’s happened?” Tiedoll asks him in that annoying gentle tone.

“Lenalee Lee just called me to inform us that Allen Walker was attacked by a member of the Noah family and killed.” He says clinically. “She says they think the man that attacked Walker was the same one that killed Daisya. They are continuing on with their mission to Japan to find General Cross.”

His fingers tingle and feel cold. He needs to go hit something with his sword.

“Kanda…” Marie says. Why is Tiedoll looking at him with so much pity in his eyes? Why does Marie have that sad expression on his face.

“Let’s go. We have a mission to carry out.” He turns and walks away. It feels like something is bubbling inside him.

When the Akuma do eventually show up during the investigation, Kanda throws himself at them. Slicing and shredding and tearing. Destroying. He’s so angry. Angrier than usual.

He’s angry because his chest hurts. He’s angry because his eyes prickle like they haven’t in nine years. He’s angry because Tiedoll calls him reckless after they retrieve the Innocence. He’s angry because Marie places one of his big hands on Kanda’s shoulder and just stands quietly next to him. He’s angry because _someone_ is a stupid, stupid idiot. Was… was a stupid, stupid idiot with a martyr complex. Serves him right for trying to be everyone’s savior.

Tiedoll takes them up a mountain after. Saying something about how he _must_ paint the sunrise from the top the next morning. Its fine because Kanda likes camping. He gets to swing his sword at some trees to get wood for a fire and he gets to just exist under the big blue sky like he always used to want to (though sometimes, when he lets himself actually think, being under that vast expanse of blue makes him sick to his stomach). He doesn’t want to be around the others though, so he sets his tent a ways off from them and goes to bed early.

* * *

_Gray eyes stare happily at him. Glowing like that one time in the Mater sunset. A red scar cuts across the left eye. A slim man that holds surprising strength stands before him. Kanda feels happy and free just looking at him._

_Kanda reaches out a hand to the man and he gives Kanda the sweetest, kindest smile he’s ever seen. A red hand lifts to Kanda’s pale outstretched one and where their fingers brush, Kanda feels like a livewire has touched his skin. Then the man’s hand starts to unravel like a ribbon. It unravels all the way up to his shoulder._

_Kanda watches then as a red rose blooms over the man’s heart. Kanda steps forward as the rose morphs into liquid. Blood. It runs down the man’s front._

_“Kanda.” The man says quietly, a small, lonely smile on his face. Then the shiny eyes become flat and lifeless. Like fog on a cold morning. And the man drops to the ground._

_The ground is covered in lotuses. Everywhere in every direction. They swallow up the man._

_“Yuu.” A voice says behind Kanda. And when he whirls around its_ him.

He _smiles at Kanda, blood coats_ his _teeth and dribbles from the corners of_ his _mouth._

_“Yuu.”_

Kanda shoots up from his sleeping mat, drenched in sweat. He needs to get out of his tent.

Out. Out.

He scrambles out, grabbing Mugen, shoving his feet into his boots and takes off running. The moon is high in the sky, illuminating the area. He sprints down the mountain, dark trees whipping and cutting at him. The cuts heal almost instantly, before he can even bleed.

Kanda breaks into a small clearing with a gurgling spring. He falls to his knees at the edge of the water.

He can’t...

He can’t…

He…

He can’t breathe.

It was a dream. It was… but…

_Why can’t he breathe?_

He grasps around for Mugen that fell nearby. When his hand brushes the sword, he grabs it and holds it tightly to his chest. He can feel his heart racing beneath his fists.

_How do you breathe?_

He tries to remember the meditative techniques he’s honed over the last nine years.

Focus on each of the senses. Ground himself. Feel how air comes into his lungs and then out.

He’ll be okay. He’s okay. He’s alive…

He’s alive and they aren’t.

 _Stop it._ He opens his eyes (when did he close them) and looks around him. The moon shines off the spring making it sparkle. He knows the trees and the moss around him are green, he saw them during the hike up the mountain earlier, but now, in the dark, everything is in shades of black and white.

Black and white and gray. White like… Gray like… Black like death.

A mechanical maniacal laugh sounds around him. And then a level two akuma jumps out from the trees next to him.

“What is this?” It says. “What is such a pretty human like you doing out in the woods at night, all alone?”

Kanda shifts his weight to be able to attack quickly.

“If I kill you, I’ll have enough to evolve to a level three!” It says with a crazy glee.

 _A level three?_ Kanda assumed they existed, though he had never seen one before. Too bad he’ll have to destroy this Akuma before he can see it. He wanted to try out his new dual sword technique on a stronger Akuma.

Perfect timing anyways. He really needs to fight something.

* * *

After, as he makes his way back up the mountain towards camp, he spots something up in the trees, just watching. He can only make out the silhouette of a large man, the one that’s been tracking them across Europe and Russia. Kanda holds his sword tighter, ready to attack if necessary. The man doesn’t move to strike though, so Kanda continues back to the top of the mountain.

When he gets to camp, the sun is starting to peak over the horizon. Kanda knows he won’t be able to fall back asleep, so he works on stoking the fire back to life and then packing up his camping gear. When he gets back to the firepit, Tiedoll and Marie are both sitting around it.

He sits down around the fire too. It’s quiet for a while and then Tiedoll says, “We’re going to make our way to Japan as fast as possible.”

Kanda snaps his head up to look at the General. Tiedoll has his hands clasped in his lap, hunched over, looking into the fire.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed it too.” Tiedoll says, with an air of seriousness. “We’re being followed. I believe he is a Noah. And I’ve received word from Cross Marian asking for us to join him and his team in Japan.”

Kanda feels… he feels… he doesn’t know. During the last eight months or so since the beansprout joined the Order, the kid and Lenalee have been joined at the hip. What will it be like to see her without the beansprout? He hopes she doesn’t cry on him, or something.

“Cross is sending us an aid to help us get across the ocean to Edo where we will meet up with the Cross Unit. We just need to get to the coast no later than two days from now.”

* * *

Kanda’s grateful that Tiedoll moves with purpose to get them to Japan. No wandering and stopping at a pretty view. They are on a train that will take them most of the way to the coast. Kanda does his best not to dwell on the anger that’s been bubbling inside him, but the tight confines of the train make it difficult to do anything other than introspection. And he hates it.

He finds himself bouncing his leg unconsciously more often than not. He keeps a tight hold on Mugen the whole ride. On the one hand he’ll get to fight a whole bunch of Akuma when he gets to Japan. On the other hand, he’ll have to see all of them again. Well, all of them minus the beansprout.

 _I guess I’ll have to get used to that._ He had gotten used to seeing the beansprout around headquarters and hearing about him from others (mostly Lenalee).

Kanda feels like someone is stepping on his chest again.

He remembers that the beansprout had been so awed riding on the train in a plush first-class compartment on their first mission. He’d been stupid and idealistic and naïve. And so enthusiastic. He’d listened so intently when Kanda had had to explain to him what Innocence was.

Suddenly the first-class compartment he’s sharing with Tiedoll and Marie feels too cramped. He can’t breathe.

“I’m going to stretch my legs.” He says as he gets up and speed-walks out of the compartment, taking Mugen with him. The hallway isn’t any better either, people walk back and forth constantly in the narrow walkway.

Kanda looks to his right, the front of the train. Kanda looks to his left, the back of the train. He decides to go left. Maybe if he walks all the way to the end of the train, he can try to meditate on the open gangway at the caboose. Or find a nice empty boxcar. Or maybe he’ll run into some Akuma on the train and get to swing his sword around.

Kanda gets lucky. Three cars down, a man turns into a level one when Kanda enters. So, Kanda does what he was made to do, he destroys the Akuma. His chest still hurts though, so he keeps going left down the train. In the fifth car he sees black-haired pigtails and white hair poking above the top of the seat. He remembers sitting across the aisle from Lenalee and the beansprout after that mission in Rome. That atmosphere had been light, friendly. It’s not Lenalee or the beansprout though, just an old man and his teenage daughter.

He keeps walking.

He passes through eight more cars before he runs into the storage cars. The first three storage cars are filled with crates that Kanda pays no mind to. The fourth is filled with sheep that Kanda wades his way through. The fifth is blissfully empty. He sits down crisscross on the metal floor. He can feel the vibrations of the train’s movement resonate in his bones. He can hear the wind whistle through the cracks in the car’s doors. He can finally breathe.

He meditates for a long time. Breathing in and out. Emptying his mind. The anger he’s been feeling for days no longer feels overwhelming, it’s just rumbling beneath the surface now.

He’s been sitting for long enough that his legs are sufficiently numb when the car’s door opens.

“Kanda?” Marie asks.

“I’m here, Marie.” He croaks. His throat is dry and hoarse from disuse. It must have been hours, then.

“Are you alright?” Marie sits down none too gracefully next to Kanda. “You’ve been off since that call from Lenalee the other day. The General and I are worried about you.”

“No, I haven’t. I’m fine.” He says. He doesn’t want to talk especially about _feelings_ or whatever.

“Kanda… I can hear your heartbeat. It’s been erratic since the call.” Damn that man and his super-hearing. Maybe Kanda should have healed his eyes when he’d healed his brain too. “I know Allen Walker was a friend of yours.”

“He was not.” Kanda snaps. He never thought of that idealistic idiot as a friend. He _hates_ Allen Walker.

Marie’s eyebrow lifts in manner that says he is fully unconvinced by what Kanda has said.

“That beansprout was an irritating, nosy, self-sacrificing idiot. He was _not_ my friend.”

“Sure.” Marie agrees in a tone like he doesn’t agree at all. It makes Kanda tense up. He feels so defensive. What does he have to defend against? Marie can have his own preconceived notions about Kanda’s _friendships_. It doesn’t matter.

They sit there on the floor, Kanda feeling like a spring being coiled tighter and tighter or a rubber band being stretched further and further. And just when he feels about ready to snap, Marie says, “We’ll be arriving shortly. Tiedoll wants you to come back to our compartment now.”

“Fine.” He doesn’t want to go back. But if it means they’ll be getting off the train soon, maybe they’ll get to fight some more Akuma. Maybe a whole lot of them. Maybe Kanda can meet a level three.

* * *

“And why shouldn’t I slice it up right now!?” Kanda yells. The fresh ocean air does nothing to soothe him. If anything, it makes him angrier.

“Marian modified me so, I can’t kill humans. He sent me to help.” It says, flinching away from where Mugen is barely touching it.

“Kanda calm down. This is the aid I spoke about.” Tiedoll tries to mollify him.

“You’re telling me that Cross Marian can reprogram Akuma and make them do his bidding?” Kanda says. “I don’t believe it for a second.” Kanda really just wants to destroy this thing. He really just wants to feel that zinging in his blood after he slices through an Akuma. Anything to just make this thrumming anger stop if only for a second.

Marie stands tense next to him too, he’s also wary of the thing – this _modified Akuma_. Did the beansprout know about this? Did he know that his master could do this?

“If you’d just get in the boat, I’ll get us all to Edo really fast.” It says gesturing towards the reasonably-sized fishing boat moored at the end of the dock. Its big enough that Kanda can see it has some living quarters inside the hull but not big enough to be classified as a ship.

“Come on kids. Let’s go.” Tiedoll sighs, walking towards the boat with his hands in his pockets looking for all the world like meeting a modified Akuma is just a normal everyday occurrence. Marie tilts his head to hear Tiedoll’s footsteps, before shrugging his shoulders and following. Kanda sheaths Mugen and straps it to his back.

“What!?” Kanda shouts again, throwing his hands up in the air for good measure. Why is no one acknowledging how strange and unnatural this is!

“Stop throwing a fit, Yuu. We have places to be.” Tiedoll calls.

If Kanda didn’t have such good control of his emotions he would just start screaming.

“We have to catch up with the Cross Unit, and this is the only way. So, stop wasting time.” Tiedoll scolds him. Kanda? Wasting time? He does not! So, he stomps his way down the dock and angrily jumps up into the boat. It bobs up and down in the water.

“Good boy.” Tiedoll says. Kanda is going to punch something. He opts for sending Tiedoll a glare instead.

“I’m going below deck. If that _thing_ does anything out of line. I _will_ kill it.” He says, pointing at the Akuma.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that! I’m set to self-destruct if I hurt a human!” It says in an uncomfortably cheerful tone. Kanda lets out a frustrated growl, throws his hands up in the air again, and stomps his way down below deck.

Maybe he should try to sleep off the anger. It’ll make time pass faster at least. He hasn’t slept too well the last few nights anyways.

He feels the boat jerk as it’s untethered from the dock and heads off into sea.

Below deck its dark and musty and barely as big as the shoebox of a room he has back at Headquarters. Along the walls are boxes of food and supplies. The boat ride is only supposed to take them three days with the help of that Akuma. The Cross Unit has nearly five days on them. Kanda spots a hammock swinging lazily between two wooden support poles.

It looks as good a place as ever, so Kanda goes to lay down in it. He pulls Mugen off of his back and cradles it to his chest as he gets comfortable. The hammock sways gently and it lulls him to sleep.

* * *

_A young man with white hair smiles softly up at him. They’re standing so close together that their chests brush when they breathe. Kanda can feel the warmth radiating off him._

_“You’re here.” Kanda sighs out. He lifts a hand and gently moves the man’s bangs out of his left eye to better see the scar that mars his beautiful face. He’s so bright, like a sunflower._

_“I’m here.” The man says. Kanda traces the star on his forehead with a fingertip._

_“Don’t go anywhere.”_

_“I won’t go anywhere.” Gray eyes sparkle with thousands of stars. Glowing and glittering and Kanda is mesmerized. He could stare at those eyes for hours - days even._

_“Will you stay with me, Yuu?” The man asks._

_“Will you stay with me, Yuu?” A different male voice echoes from behind Kanda._

_Kanda turns to look at the source of the new voice, but no one is there. He notices that he’s surrounded by flowers, pink lotus blossoms and red roses. When he turns to look back at the man in front of him, there’s no one there either. He spins around in a slow circle._

_“Yuu?” A woman’s voice calls. Kanda spots_ her _standing a distance away, surrounded by the flowers._ She _isn’t facing him, but Kanda would recognize_ her _anywhere._ She _wears an Exorcists uniform, and_ her _blonde hair is pinned up into a messy bun at the back of_ her _head._

 _“Maybe someday the two of us could see it together.”_ She _says to the flowers._

_“I promise.” He hears himself say._

_“Yuu?” That male voice says again from behind him. And this time when Kanda spins, its_ him _that he sees._ He _bounds across the flowers to come to a stop just in front of Kanda._ His _hair is messy, and Kanda huffs out a laugh as he reaches to pat down the unruly hair._ He _giggles sweetly,_ his _eyes squeezing into half-moons._

 _“You promised me.”_ He _says, and this time when_ his _lips part in a smile, a gush of blood flows out of_ his _mouth. Then that smile turns to something deranged._

 _Stabbing, piercing pain._ He _has run through Kanda’s chest with his Innocence. Kanda looks from his chest back up to_ him _in horror._

 _“Will you stay with me, Yuu?”_ He _says as tears run down_ his _face. Then the Innocence is ripped out of his chest and Kanda drops to the ground. He’s bleeding out and he isn’t healing, and the flowers are smothering him._

_It’s dark._

_So dark._

_He stops breathing._

He sits up so fast, he gets thrown out of the hammock. Mugen digs into his knees where he fell on top of it. It’s too dark to see. He is disoriented and doesn’t know where he is, but the rocking of the ground under him fills him with nausea.

There has to be a way out. He crawls across the wooden floor till he finds stairs, then he climbs up those. Then he’s met with a door. It takes him a few tries before he can throw it open. Everything is off kilter. The floor sways beneath him and he feels like he’s walking sideways. A cold sweat shivers down his back.

He stumbles his way to the side of the boat and then he throws up into the dark ocean below.

“Yuu!?” Tiedoll yells over the howling ocean winds. “Are you alright?”

Kanda stays hunched over the railing of the boat as the last of the contents of his stomach become fish food. He can sense Tiedoll’s presence behind him, but he still flinches when the General places a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t.” Kanda snaps.

“Yuu…”

“I said don’t!” Kanda slaps Tiedoll’s hand away. Tiedoll looks at him with sad eyes.

“I’m fine. Just seasickness. I’m fine.” Kanda tries for a softer tone this time.

Tiedoll perks up a bit at that and starts digging around in the satchel bag he carries everywhere.

“Here.” Tiedoll holds out something in his palm. “I know you don’t like sweets, but this is a ginger candy, and it should help with the nausea.”

Kanda takes it and shoves the candy into his mouth. Its spicy like the pickled ginger that Jerry serves with his soba noodles and not all that sweet. Kanda doesn’t hate it. The nausea starts to fade away, but his chest still aches where he had been stabbed in his dream.

“Are you really alright?” Tiedoll asks.

“Yeah. I’m fine. I just want to get to Edo already.”

Tiedoll looks out to the horizon.

“I understand. I also hope we can get there soon.” The General gives him an encouraging smile. Then the man makes his way to the bow of the ship where he had set up his painting easel. Kanda looks out towards the horizon too, leaning his weight against the boat’s railing.

His chest still hurts. But not in the way it had the last few days. Before, it had felt like he was being stepped on, his ribs crushed beneath an invisible weight. Now… Now it feels like he has a hole in his heart.

* * *

“Marie, what can your ears perceive from over there?” Tiedoll asks as they stand on a mountain overlooking Edo. It’s nighttime but Kanda can see the massive Akuma that loom over the city. There are large quarters of Edo that are completely destroyed. The cherry blossoms bloom around them and fill the air with the sweet smell of flowers in spring.

They stand still as Marie listens for a second.

“Among the noise of the Akuma’s large mechanical screeches, I can very faintly hear Lenalee, Lavi, and the voices belonging to the rest of Cross’s squad.”

Kanda tenses up. Oh, he wants to go there right now. He’s been itching for a good fight.

“Okay, go to them.” Tiedoll says. And like a dog that’s been cooped up inside finally being let out, Kanda and Marie take off running down into the city.

He follows Marie’s lead to find the Cross Unit among the crumbled buildings. Then he spots a group of people in dark clothes on a roof of a still-intact warehouse. There’s an odd man in the middle of the group in white clothes and gray skin. Even from this distance he can feel the murderous intent wafting off of him. _Noah._

“Let go of the Exorcist, you monster!” He hears a gruff voice yell. Kanda picks up speed when he hears a gunshot follow not far behind that.

“Teez, eat them.” He hears. Kanda slides through the open door into the building below the fight.

“Chaoji!” Lenalee screams from the roof above him. Kanda activates his innocence and sends a blast up. Then, not wasting a single second, he leaps up through the hole he created to the roof and slides in between the Noah man and a brawny guy in a cloak.

The Noah man has Lenalee in his arms. Kanda barely recognizes her, her hair is nearly shaved down to her scalp, and she’s covered in bandages. _Must have been one hell of a breakdown,_ Kanda thinks.

“We’re getting a lot of guests today.” The Noah man says. “So, is the cheating boy, Allen, your friend as well?”

“As if I would care about that beansprout.” Kanda replies.

Kanda doesn’t waste any more time, dashing forward to attack. The man is surprisingly nimble as he dodges Kanda’s attacks.

“Sorry for this, miss.” The man says, and Kanda barely has time to react before Lenalee is being thrown at him. He catches her with one arm but isn’t able to block the blast the Noah man sends at them.

Then Lavi is there with his stupid hammer deflecting the attack. And then the Noah is gone.

“Yo, boss!” Lavi says cheerfully despite being covered in scratches and bruises. “Fancy meeting you here in this scene of carnage!”

“What the hell are you all doing?” Kanda asks. He needs to understand the situation better. Where is General Cross? What is up with those giant Akuma?

“Oh, well, it kinda looks like our General has work to do in Edo.” Lavi jokes. “And you?”

“Same thing, I guess.”

He’s barely uttered out the words before the grotesque face of the giant Akuma leans over them. Kanda still has Lenalee in his arms, she’s barely conscious and her legs are wound up in bandages, so he is still unable to do anything.

“Gyaaa!” The monstrous Akuma shrieks. Kanda follows its silhouette to see that its fully ensnared in Marie’s threads.

“Huh? What’s wrong with him?” Lavi asks, like an idiot.

“Obviously, he’s caught by Marie’s threads.” Kanda tells him. He always enjoys when he’s smarter than Lavi Bookman. “The melody he plays with them is poison to the Akuma.”

The Akuma shrieks again as Marie sends another wave of Noel Organon into it. Kanda feels his blood start to settle out of anger and into excitement to fight. He passes Lenalee over into Lavi’s arms and activates Mugen into its dual sword form.

He’s been looking forward to this moment. They’d run into a level three on the boat ride over (after his… dream) and he’d gotten to use the new technique on it. It had worked perfectly of course, and Kanda got to feel smug about how strong he had gotten since Barcelona.

With Lenalee safely out of the way, he takes a running leap off of the roof at the Akuma

“Be careful, Yuu!” Lavi shouts after him. Kanda does a spinning slice through the Akuma’s ugly face. Then he lands gracefully on the roof of the building next to Lavi and Lenalee.

“Hey, you.” He says to Lavi.

“Y-yes!?”

“Don’t you dare call me by my first name, or I’ll cut you up.” He threatens while he glares daggers at the most annoying man in the world (with Daisya and the beansprout now out of the running, Lavi now owns the number one spot).

Suddenly it gets very bright. At the tallest building in the middle of the city a black orb has started to form. Kanda can see the shape of the Millennium Earl inside it.

“How impertinent of you.” The Earl’s voice booms through the city.

Kanda has just enough time to react, pushing himself in front of Lavi and Lenalee to protect them as the orb expands, annihilating the entire city.

Everything is pitch black for a second before the moon cuts through the darkness. Kanda’s dug Mugen into the ground to give him something to hold on to so he wouldn’t be blown away. There’s a metallic taste of blood in his mouth and his hair falls untied around his face.

“Bastard.” Kanda spits out the blood in his mouth. “I won’t fall so easily.”

Not too far from him, Marie sits up.

“Guh… This is bad. The sound of Cross’s squad’s heartbeats are weaker than ours.” Marie informs him. “They’re barely alive.”

And Kanda knew that. He’d seen how beat up they were. The bandages and the bruises, the scrapes and scratches. How Lenalee had been barely conscious.

“Urgh…” He hears Lavi shifting around behind him. “Lenalee…”

“Lavi!” Lenalee’s voice shouts, its oddly muffled. Kanda snaps his head around to see what is up with Lenalee.

It is nothing like what he expected. A giant, glowing crystal pillar stands erect out of the ground.

“Hey… What is that!?” He calls to Lavi.

“Again!?” Lavi only says in disbelief. His green eye is larger than Kanda’s ever seen it before.

“Kanda… Lavi…” He hears Lenalee’s voice again. “Everyone… Everyone…”

_What!?_

A hand presses against the side of the crystal from the inside. A small woman’s hand.

“Everyone!”

“Is that Lenalee Lee’s voice?” Marie says confused. He can’t see it, so he doesn’t know. But Kanda does. Lenalee is… inside the crystal. “I’ve never heard… such a sound before…”

Marie pauses, then shouts, “Kanda, look out!”

Kanda barely dodges as the Noah man from the roof charges at him.

“We’ll be taking her.” The man says with a smug grin. Kanda almost recognizes his voice. Where has he heard that voice?

“Yuu!” He hears Lavi shout from far away. Kanda’s being driven away from the group.

Kanda is distantly aware of Tiedoll using his Innocence to destroy another one of the looming goliath Akuma. He can’t take his attention off the Noah that he’s fighting though, the man is quick and sly in the way that he fights.

“Lenalee!!” He hears Lavi scream, he’s never heard that kind of desperation in the Bookman’s voice before and when Kanda glances out of the corner of his eye, his muscles seize up for a moment. The Millennium Earl floats down to the crystal that Lenalee is in. He watches in horror as the Earl forms another of those dark orbs in his hand. Kanda’s too far away and he can’t break from his fight with this Noah to go there.

_Not Lenalee too._

And then there’s a dark shape above the crystal. And the Noah he’s fighting stops moving.

And then Kanda hears him.

“Good evening. Earl.” Allen Walker says.

Kanda’s heart tumbles over itself as he looks back at the others. There’s a man there with white hair and a white cape going toe to toe with the Millennium Earl.

Allen Walker is here. Allen Walker is alive.


	9. Learning to Live Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen seeing Kanda again after not seeing him for months: Oh no, he's hot :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap this is the longest chapter to date! A whopping 10,780 words! I wanted to give ya'll a bit of a longer chapter and move the plot a bit farther with this one, since I'm going to be transitioning to weekly chapter updates. I haven't settled on which day of the week would be best for me yet, but it will most likely me Sundays or Mondays.  
> Also if you haven't stumbled across me yet, you can find me on Tumblr @bnerdler I post d.gray-man content, updates about this fic, and the Untamed content, as well as some other odds and ends.

The first thing Allen notices is that he is breathing. The second thing he notices is that the air he breathes is cold and damp like that of an underground cave. And when he opens his eyes, he sees that he is in fact in a cave.

Awareness comes to him slowly, and then all at once.

“I’m… alive…” He whispers.

Everything aches: his head, his chest, his arms.

His arms…

His arm.

Allen looks to the stump where his left arm used to exist. He’s wrapped around and around in bandages. His right hand so thick with gauze and wrappings that it’s heavy. There’s an IV line attached to his forearm.

 _Why am I alive?_ He should have died. He did die. They why is he…

_Blood spilling from my heart… I’m sure I felt the sensation of death washing over me._

_The sensation of trying to escape but never being able to._

He died.

Allen starts to shake as his eyes overflow with tears. There are cuts on his face that sting where the salty tears trickle through.

 _Why am I crying?_ He curls in on himself as he’s overwhelmed by memories of Suman and that Noah and the feeling of his arm being destroyed.

_I don’t know why, but I just can’t stop shaking._

He cries and cries.

 _Mana._ He failed Mana. He failed in his promise again and now he doesn’t even have his Innocence to try again. He’s a failure. He can’t keep his promises. _Why am I alive?_

 _“Never stop moving. Keep walking.”_ Mana’s voice rings in his head. Following Mana’s orders, Allen rips the IV out of his arm and does his best to get out of the hospital bed he’s in. And then he walks.

Left turn.

Right turn.

Right again.

He turns corners at random. All he knows is that he must keep moving forward through this stone cave. He has to lean against the wall for support and he has to stop a couple times when his legs give out, but Mana’s voice, Mana’s words keep urging him forward.

He walks through dark, empty halls in this labyrinthine cave. Allen is reminded of that time he was also badly beaten up, when he’d carried Toma the Finder and dragged Kanda through Mater. The path had been so much simpler then. Now it feels like Allen has lost everything that he is.

“Keep walking. Keep walking.” He whispers to himself whenever he stumbles.

Right turn.

Left.

One foot in front of the other. He will keep moving. He has to. He has no other option.

He walks until he can’t anymore, a massive door blocking the path. He stands there in front of that door, with intricate, colorful paintings so out of place in this dark, cavernous bulding, trying to push it open. The only arm he still has aches, and he can feel the injuries that Suman gave him on that hand start to open back up as he presses into the door. The despair starts to close in on his mind.

“No matter how hard you push that door it won’t open.” Someone says. “What are you doing here?”

Allen looks over his shoulder to the voice. It’s a handsome, blonde young man, probably around Komui’s age, casually leaning against a column.

“Why won’t it open?” Allen asks him. This obstacle, why is it blocking him from moving forward? Why is he always incapable of keeping the promises he made?

“The guardian deity for this place is behind that door, which my great-grandfather sealed from the inside. Is there something you want here?”

Allen thinks for a moment. A deity… sealed from the inside… It doesn’t really matter.

“Not really.” He says. “I was just walking and found myself here.”

He turns back towards the door and places his hand against it again.

“Is there any way I can open this door?” He asks the stranger.

“Instead of trying to open it, why not go back?” They say. “What will you do if you could get through?”

“I’ll just keep walking. I don’t want to stand still.” He has no other option. He has to.

“Even without your left arm?” Allen whips his head back towards the man. Anger fills him. Who does this person think he is? “I’m not trying to pick a fight with you. I’m only asking out of curiosity.”

“Who are you?” Allen asks.

“I’m the chief of the Asian Branch of the Black Order, Bak Chang.”

So, he’s still in Asia then? He’s at the Black Order still.

“Allen Walker, would you like to become one of our staff here?” The man says. “You can serve as a supporter from now on.”

What?

“Find a different path.”

What?

“The Black Order has plenty of other positions besides the Exorcists. I’m sure there is something else you can do with your abilities.”

What?

“If you do that, even God will not blame you.”

“God?” Allen says. “I don’t care about that.”

He turns then and slams his bandaged fist into the door that won’t budge.

“I’ve made my own promises! To myself that I would destroy the Akuma!” He shouts as he hits the door repeatedly. “To my friends that I would fight alongside them!” Bang. “To this world, that I would save it!” Bang. “To my father that I would keep walking until I died!” Bang.

Allen realizes he’s crying again. His hand is bleeding through the bandage, leaving a bloody streak on the stone door that just won’t move.

“I made a promise to all of them!” He yells. His legs give out and he falls to a kneeling position in front. “Open up! Damnit!”

He can’t. He can’t stop moving. He can’t.

“This is the only path I can take.” He cries. “So, I can feel alive.”

He has to be an Exorcist. That’s what he was born to do. He can’t be anything else.

“I understand Allen Walker.” Behind him, Bak Chang walks up. “Your Innocence is not dead.”

Allen turns teary eyes on the man.

“Before I could tell you that, I had to be certain about your feelings.” Bak Chang says. “I wondered if you would want to return to the battlefield, after knowing about the Fallen Ones, and tasting the anguish of death. Also, both Komui and I had to know in order to prevent the creation of another Fallen One.”

Bak gives him a wink then.

“You did go a bit overboard with the ‘I don’t care about that’ part.” Allen can feel the corners of his mouth start to turn up into the beginnings of a smile at that. “Let’s go. Wong’s been looking all over for you so he could change your bandages. After he’s done that, we’ll talk about how to restore your left arm.”

* * *

In the short time that Allen has been at the Asian Branch, he’s met so many people. There’s Fou, the spunky guardian deity, who looks nothing like what he had expected. He thought the guardian deity would look a bit more like Hevlaska and not a human woman. He’s met Wong too, an overly affectionate older man who is also Chief Bak’s assistant. There’s the scientist trio that’s barely older than Allen. It’s lively here just like back at Headquarters and Allen likes it.

He doesn’t like that he can’t activate his Innocence and restore his arm. He’s been at it for hours now today, screaming “Innocence activate” over and over till his voice has gone hoarse and he’s sweating from the exhaustion that repeatedly trying to activate his Innocence leaves him with.

“I’m not giving up, Innocence.” He tells the swirling particles around him that were once his arm. “I’ll definitely restore you and go back to help everyone!”

It’s been two days since he first entered that room. Eventually, his new comrades had to leave to go do their real jobs, so he’s just been trying again and again. This time, just as his arm is about to reform, it falls apart into particles again, but the force of its disintegration sends him flying backwards into the wall. He smacks the back of his head pretty badly and tries to ease the sting with his bandaged right hand.

“Ow… still a no-go.” He says to the empty room. “I can synchronize just fine, so why won’t you turn back into a weapon?”

He gets no response. He’s been having a harder and harder time keeping the Innocence in an arm-shaped form, it turns to particles almost immediately.

_Just when I can’t be wasting time here! Damnit!_

He has to hurry back to them. He can’t keep wasting time.

With newly rejuvenated motivation he hops back up to his feet and smacks to top of his head right into Bak Chang’s chin.

“Chief Bak!” Allen yells running over to where the man’s sprawled across the floor. “I’m sorry! I was thinking about something, so I didn’t hear you come in!”

Bak slowly sits up and turns angry eyes on Allen.

“Take a break already, Walker! You haven’t even slept for the past two days!” Bak scolds him.

“But-“ Allen notices the papers strewn across the floor. “Ah! I’m sorry, I made a mess of your data files…”

He trails off as he takes a better look at the papers he’s started to scoop off the floor. It’s pictures of Lenalee, candid pictures that were probably taken without her knowledge. Bak screams as he sweeps the pictures out of Allen’s hand.

“I’m not a stalker.” Bak insists. “I am absolutely _not_ a stalker.”

And Allen can feel a curl of mischief settle within himself.

“Do you like Lenalee?” he asks the Chief.

Bak chokes before his face turns bright spotted red. Bak turns around and covers his face with his hands.

“Don’t look!” the Chief yells “When the great me gets extremely agitated, I break out into hives! Don’t look!”

Then Bak starts to shake violently before he passes out

“Wait… someone help!” Allen yells as he runs out of the room. Wong immediately pops around a corner.

Despite being worried, Allen has a hard time not laughing at the idea of the Asian Branch Chief having a crush on Allen’s best friend. The man seems to be good friends with Komui, so Komui probably doesn’t know. If he did, then… well Bak would probably not be alive.

While Wong gets Bak laid out in a futon and peels apples as they wait for Bak to wake back up, Allen wonders what having a crush like that would be like. What kind of guy would he fall in love with? He’s never really thought of it past the concept of “kissing boys would be a lot more fun than kissing girls.” But what kind of guy would he like? Maybe someone fun like Lavi? Or someone sensitive like Krory? Definitely not someone like Kanda. Kanda is far too mean and confrontational and cold, and he always gets on Allen’s nerves. Kanda is really strong though, and he is really pretty. Allen could definitely fall in love with someone as pretty as Kanda. _But wait, doesn’t Lenalee like Kanda?_

He’s broken out of his thoughts by Bak waking in a coughing fit. Wong fusses over the man.

When the coughs settle, Bak says, “Did you know that equipment-type and parasite-type Innocence activate differently?”

“They do? Is that possible?” Allen asks in shock.

Bak tells him about the differences between parasite-types and equipment-types. It’s not something that Allen ever thought too deeply about, his arm had always just been his arm and after he’d turned Mana into an Akuma, he’d been able to use it as a weapon.

“Parasite-type accommodators are like weapons, restraining the power of the Innocence with their own bodies. They are the anti-Akuma weapons.” Bak informs him.

“I’m a weapon?”

“I only said that to make it easier for you to understand. You’re definitely human.” Bak assures. “But for us, when we turned Innocence into an anti-Akuma weapon, we began by first understanding that Innocence. By uncovering which shape, nature, and function would best suit its abilities, we develop a style for it. It’s possible that you still don’t know your own Innocence very well.”

 _What?_ Allen thinks. His eyes go wide.

“I’ve been thinking that the reason why you are unable to activate is because you don’t have a style that matches your Innocence’s ability.”

“I… don’t know my Innocence… huh?” Allen looks at the bandaged hand in his lap, before looking back up when Bak sits up suddenly.

“Unfortunately, time is precious, and you can’t spend it leisurely trying to understand your Innocence.” Bak says. “We’ll have to take drastic measures.”

* * *

He’s been sparring with Fou for hours. She’s fast and nimble and Allen is barely able to keep up with her. If it weren’t for the acrobatic skills he forged in his childhood with the circus, he’d have been a goner long ago. Thankfully, because of that training, he is able to stay balanced while sparring with only one arm.

His muscles are sore from the constant movement, and he’s been getting increasingly frustrated as he keeps trying to activate his Innocence to strike back at Fou only for it to turn back into particles when it’s barely even been moved.

This time, when his Innocence falls apart, he barely keeps his head on his shoulders as Fou’s axe-shaped arm swings through his neck.

“Huh? It’s still… attached?” He says in shock, he’s panting trying to catch his breath.

Then Fou yawns loud and obnoxiously.

“Sorry, kid. I’m so tired, I can’t keep up my physical state anymore.” She says to him as her body flickers. “We’ve been fighting for over 10 hours, so I’m going to take a nap. We’ll continue after I wake up.”

With another big yawn, she phases through the door that Allen had tried so intensely to open a few days before. Allen still hasn’t caught his breath.

 _So, if she wasn’t sleepy, I would have lost my head?_ Allen thinks before he falls over asleep.

* * *

He’s in the dining hall with Rohfa, Shifu, and Rikei (the young scientist trio) eating like he hasn’t in months. That’s by far Allen’s favorite thing about being back at the Order: unlimited food, whatever he wants, however much he wants.

Rohfa has been sneakily putting pieces of her own food into his bowl, and who is Allen to complain. Its free food! He is aware of her crush on him though, the girl turns as red as a chili pepper if he so much as looks at her and after they have a conversation, she’ll run off around a corner where he can hear her yelling. Its sweet of her, Allen thinks, but it does make him feel a bit bad since he will never be able to reciprocate her feelings.

 _What kind of guy would I fall in love with?_ The thought has been sitting at the back of his mind and he’s tried to puzzle through it like he has with all of his other thoughts, but this one’s been so elusive. Like the answer is right there, but he can’t see it. He probably wouldn’t fall in love with someone like Johnny or Reever, they’re too smart for him. Definitely not someone like Master Cross. Allen would want his love to be loyal, and gentle, someone he can have long talks with or sit in comfortable silences with. Someone that will stay by his side. Maybe someone he can spar against too! That would be neat! Someone that he can fight together with and can understand each other’s thoughts with only a glance. Like in that book he had read with Lenalee. He wonders if he can find that book in the library here. He’s been having such a hard time sleeping these last few days, despite being bone tired. His cursed eye keeps activating at random, especially during the night and it gives him very intense headaches. His body is also sore from all of the fighting he does with Fou and healing from his wounds. A book to read to calm his mind would be nice. Maybe it would help him work through all of his own anxieties and thoughts.

“What are you staring at that piece of chicken for?” Rikei asks him, with a slap to the back. Allen hadn’t even realized he’d zoned out…

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

* * *

It’s been several days, and he’s still had no success activating his Innocence and reforming his arm. His left eye has been getting more and more anxious, it turns on during the night and stays on for almost the whole night. He’s also been getting more and more anxious to get back out to the battlefield. Lenalee and the others must be to Japan by now. His injuries are mostly healed now, just scabs and scars at this point.

He’s fighting Fou when she suddenly stops moving.

“Fou?” Bak asks through his surveillance Golem.

“Walker’s eye just unexpectedly…”

“Walker? What’s wrong with your eye?” Bak’s asks again. Allen lifts his hand to cover his left eye as it sends shooting pain through his head.

_It happened again… damnit._

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s just keep going.” Allen says. He’s so frustrated.

* * *

“You damn idiot!” Fou screeches at him as she lands a punch to his face that sends clear him across the room.

“Walker!” Rohfa cries as she runs over to him.

“I can’t take this anymore! Cut this shit out, Walker!” Fou curses at him.

“Wait, Fou, it doesn’t look like he’s been doing too well since –“ Rohfa tries to defend him. He can’t even say anything, too out of breath and lost in thought.

“Shut up! I don’t give a damn!” Fou curses. “Why aren’t you serious when fighting me!?”

“I… I am…” Allen huffs out.

“I don’t even feel any killing intent or whatever shit you have! How the hell can this be the best you’ve got!?” Fou yells at him while kicking him in the head. “You’re just scared! And the way you keep defending and never attacking is proof! Wimp! Coward! A little beansprout like you will _never_ reform your Innocence!”

And Allen just loses it at _that_ name.

_“Watch it, Beansprout.”_

_“Beansprout.”_ That’s the name Kanda calls him. And he hates, he hates, he hates.

“Walker’s snapped!” Rohfa has her skinny arms wrapped around him, holding him back from eviscerating Fou who looks suspiciously like a mean swordsman that Allen _loathes._

“What, you little Bastard? Wanna fight!” Shifu has a firm grip around Fou to hold her back.

“Calm down! This is turning into a petty brawl, not training!” The poor scientist cries.

“I don’t get it either!” Allen screams. “I’m not in this place because I want to!”

He wants to be back on the battlefield. He wants to be with his friends. He wants to be useful. He wants to keep his promises.

“I don’t get it!” He screams. “I don’t get it at all! Damnit. Damnit! How much longer do I have to keep staying here!?”

He storms out of the training room after that. He wanders the halls for a while till he finds a secluded nook and sits there to sulk. It’s a wide railing overlooking a pond in an empty courtyard.

He feels bad for lashing out at Fou. She has been doing so much to help him. What if she doesn’t want to train with him anymore? He should definitely apologize the next time he sees her…

But what if he is too late to catch up with his teammates…

“How… How was I able to activate all this time?” He says out loud. He can’t even remember how it felt having that ugly arm. He sighs.

“It’s dark here.” And then he just sits there for a while.

He startles when someone taps him on the shoulder and then screams when he sees Rohfa’s face lit from below by a lantern.

“Rohfa? What’s the matter?” He tries to scramble away in surprise.

“Well, I heard you say it’s dark, so I brought you a light.” She says as she plops down next to him and hands him the lantern with a big smile.

“Your arm… You must feel terrible about it after all the effort you put in.” She says conversationally.

“Huh? Oh, no.” He replies. “I actually feel pretty stupid that I’m finding this difficult.”

“That’s not true! You’re trying so hard!”

“Even if I give it my all, it’s pointless when there’re no results.”

“What is it you want to do?” She asks, cocking her head to the side like a puppy would.

“What?”

“After making friends, meeting the Noah, keeping them from attaining the heart, killing many, seeing your first Fallen One, and losing your Innocence.” She lists. “Has that made you want to protect your friends? Do you feel that you must defeat the Noah at all costs? After burdening yourself with the weight of all the lives you could not save? Do you constantly feel that you must fight? The thing that’s pushing you forward right now, is your kindness, isn’t it?”

He looks at her confused.

“And yet, while that kindness of yours makes you feel obligated to fight, it may also be burying the feelings that are more precious to you.” She looks at him with wide, open eyes. She is a good friend. “We don’t fight for the sake of fighting. Nor do we live for the sake of fighting. It’s because we have things that are precious to us. That’s why I think people fight!”

“You…” He says.

“What is that!?” Rohfa screeches from down the hall. Allen snaps his head up from the Rohfa right in front of him. “I-I-I’m flirting with Walker! I have a doppelganger!?”

Allen whips his head back and forth between the two Rohfa’s in confusion before the one before him clicks her tongue and says “Ah, she messed everything up!”

And then Allen watches as the Rohfa in front of him dissolves into Fou.

“F-Fou!?” He stutters in surprise.

“Oh. I already knew about this. Fou can impersonate others. She does it a lot to tease the Branch Chief.” Shifu says as he saunters up beside Rohfa, Rikei hot on his heels. “But why did she use Rohfa’s form?”

“Don’t get the wrong idea, Walker.” Fou says as she stands up. “I didn’t come here to cheer you up or anything! I’m still pissed at you! Don’t let this get to your head! Ah I’m sleepy! Being pissed off tires me out! Look at all the trouble I have to deal with because of that brat!”

Allen smiles gently as she walks away over to the pond in the courtyard. He feels better now.

“Thank you, Fou.” He calls out to her. “For the light.”

“We’ll start again after my nap.” She says back over her shoulder.

“Okay.”

The scientist trio wanders up next to Allen as they watch Fou walk away over the water.

“Fou!” Rohfa shouts. “Please don’t disguise yourself as me again!”

Fou has stopped moving, she just stands with her head tipped up towards the cave ceiling.

“Are you listening to me!?” Rohfa tries again. “Fou!?”

“Bak…” Comes Fou’s strained voice. “Bak… Bak… Hide Walker now, Bak!”

And then something happens. Fou’s chest bursts open and this black mass erupts from her.

“Fou!” Allen calls. He hops up to stand on the rail instead of sitting. _What is going on?_

“So, you’re the entrance to this barrier?” A mechanical voice laughs from the mass. Allen’s eye activates.

“How… it’s impossible for a mere akuma to break through my barrier.” Fou mumbles out.

“It was nothing. I didn’t do anything.” An Akuma like Allen has never seen before says as it steps out of the mass. “It was Noah’s Ark that let me pass through.”

Then it swings its head around to Allen. And Allen feels his heart truly beat again for the first time since he lost his arm.

“I’ve come to pick you up, Allen Walker.”

The shape of this Akuma is far different than the normal level two’s that he’s fought before. Its far more humanoid in its appearance.

“White hair, strange left eye… You must be Allen Walker.”

“An Akuma came out of Fou!” Rohfa yells, pointing up at it.

“But this Branch has been protected by the barrier for a century and yet, for it to have been broken this easily… Besides why does it know that Walker was being hidden here?” Rikei says.

Then Allen spots it. The black butterfly gently sitting on the Akuma’s raised hand. The same kind as that Noah man that destroyed Allen’s arm had.

“Walker…” Fou says. Her face and body are contorted in pain, her chest is a giant hole. “R…Run… This thing’s here to kill you… In your current state there’s no way you can win… You must run…”

“I can’t-“

“I won’t let him do that.” The Akuma cuts him off. And then Allen’s being shot through the chest by the Akuma. He falls backwards and Rikei only barely catches him. Everyone is calling his name.

“There’s something running through him!” Rikei says. “This is a thread?”

“My Dark Matter allows me to destroy any object.” The Akuma says proudly. “That thread will break down any matter into molecules, to then absorb them, thus erasing its very existence. And now boy, you shall be erased completely!”

Allen screams as the thread connecting the Akuma to his chest sends shocks of painful electricity through him. He’s dimly aware of Fou shouting his name.

“Master Noah ordered me to bring you to him if you are alive.” The Akuma says. “But he never told me that I _must_ bring you back alive. So, I shall take your molecules back with me.”

Allen passes out then.

* * *

When he comes to, he’s being carried on Rikei’s broad back. He can hear the evacuation siren’s blaring.

“He must have been broken down to a great extent, damnit!” He hears Bak say from somewhere behind him. “Handle him carefully. If you jostle him too much, the entire structure of Walker’s being could fall apart. Even with the smallest impact, he might break down to an atomic level.”

Allen open’s his eyes just barely and can see right through his arm where its slung over Rikei’s shoulder.

“Chief Bak!” Wong shouts from among the crowd. “All section leaders from the northern district have evacuated.”

“Okay, good!” Bak says. Allen glances towards the Chief and his staff to watch them. “What about the other thing?”

“All preparations are in order.”

“Fou, Fou, please.” He hears Bak beg the guardian deity. “I’m depending on you.”

Bak passes Fou to Wong and Allen’s vision blurs at the edges.

“Chief Bak, what are you planning to do?” Someone asks.

“I’m going to block this passage and isolate the Akuma in the northern district.”

Then he hears Bak say some kind of incantation and he watches as the walls start to grow inwards to block the path behind them.

Allen blinks and then Fou is in front of him calling his name.

“Hang in there.” She says. “You’re gutsier than you look, so I know you’ll be fine.”

Then Allen blinks again and Fou is no longer Fou but him. She’s taken on his appearance.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to reform your Innocence. Keep doing your best.” She smiles at him with his face.

“Fou?” He asks her. “What… are… you…”

“Since I’m a guardian deity and not an Exorcist, I probably won’t be able to defeat it. But I’ll buy more time for you somehow, so you’d better get outta here!”

Then she steps back beyond the closing wall and he realizes what she’s going to do. He thrashes about on Rikei’s back before forcing the man to drop him.

“No, you can’t! Fou! Stop! I’ll go! I’ll go, so Fou, Please!” He screams and begs. “Don’t!”

And then the wall closes completely with Fou on the other side and Allen surges forwards gripping Bak’s collar and shoving him against the newly-formed wall to beg him to open the door back up.

“Are you just going to let Fou die!?” He yells in Bak’s face.

“You… and the other Exorcists are our only hope.” Bak says calmly. “When one exorcist dies, do you know how much of an affect that’ll have on this war? There’s nothing we can do about Fou.” Allen watches as Bak’s face breaks out in hives and tears start to stream down the man’s face. “If you care for her at all, Walker, endure what’s happened now and keep moving forward.

“Stop pretending to be so calm about this.” Allen says. “You’re actually feeling sick to your stomach right now, aren’t you? You’ve broken into hives.”

He roughly let’s go of Bak’s shirt. He still feels like he could lose consciousness at any second, but even while his body loses its corporealness, his resolve hardens.

“I understand your feelings completely, Bak.” He presses his see-through hand to the wall. “I’ll open this myself and move forward. If I open this by myself, you’ll have no problem, right?”

“No problem?” Bak says. Suddenly, Rikei and Wong are tackling Allen to the ground. “Of course, I’ll have a problem, you idiot! “

“You really want to save Fou, don’t you Bak?” Allen argues. “As proof, even your hives are sprouting up everywhere!”

“Forget about my hives! Because you were attacked by Dark Matter, your body is being broken down into molecules!” Bak argues back. “You think you can fight like that? I can just punch you here and now, and your body might crumble to bits! What kind of an idiot would let you go in that condition! Listen to your orders, Exorcist!”

And oh, now he’s done it. Time to pull out the big guns. Allen will get his way.

“Are you sure about this, Bak? I’ll tell Komui that you’ve been stalking Lenalee.” He stage-whispers. “I’m pretty sure you won’t get off easily.”

“Wha- Walker are you blackmailing me!” Now the iron is hot, time to strike.

“There’s no use in trying. I will not withdraw.” Allen insists. “When we first met, you asked me if I still intended to return to the battlefield. I replied with a ‘yes’!”

“That’s because I wanted to confirm if you were still willing to fight as an Exorcist! With your innocence not even restored yet, in your current state, you’re just a vulnerable human being!”

“You’re wrong!” Allen interrupts. “You’re wrong. I… when I met that Akuma earlier… the blood that I thought was frozen within me pulsed excitedly through my entire body. The heart that I thought had stopped beating within me… I could feel it throbbing faster and faster. The feeling of my blood growing warmer as it traveled within me felt pleasant.”

“Walker? What are you saying…” Bak says.

“That’s when I realized it. Before, when you said that my entire body is figuratively like an anti-Akuma weapon, you may have actually been right.” Allen’s says, speaking faster and faster as he goes on. “The thing that my heart was helplessly longing for all this time, was the Akuma. I’m no longer a human being. I am an Exorcist. So please, let me return to the battlefield. To the Akuma.”

Then Allen feels it. The electricity in his veins that always used to accompany the activation of his Innocence. The rush he felt when he’d watch an Akuma’s soul escape its chains after he liberated it.

_Innocence… activate!_

“I’m going.” He says. “Thank you, Chief Bak.”

And then Allen’s path opens up before him. The path that had been blocked by an immovable door, is now wide open. And as he walks through it closes behind him. There truly is no going back now.

Inside, he sees the Akuma looming over Fou who is still disguised as him. He takes off running.

“Allen Walker, just what are you?” It asks Fou.

“I’m just… a little brat…” She smiles up at the Akuma.

“Oh, really. Then, die.” It shoots Fou the same way it had shot him earlier, a thread of Dark Matter connecting the Akuma’s hand to Fou’s forehead. Allen pushes off faster with each step until he can leap on top of the Akuma’s back.

It turns its helmeted head to look up at him and swings its arm around to strike him. Like how Mana had taught him, he flips off the Akuma to a short distance away. For the first time since realizing he was alive, he truly feels alive again. Before he was going through the motions, now he is really truly alive.

_Good. I have its attention now._

“Walker…” Fou mumbles.

“Just what are you?” The Akuma asks him. Allen shifts into a fighting stance, legs bent, knees soft, weight on the balls of his feet.

“An Exorcist.” He declares. Fou’s magic wears off and she returns to her normal feminine appearance.

“Well, this explains a lot.” The Akuma laughs, looking between Allen and Fou.

Fou glances up at Allen. She’s badly beaten, and it looks like every movement pains her.

“Wa…lker”

“Fou, Bak was crying.” He says with a reassuring smile in lieu of an explanation of why he’s there.

“Well, are you strong?” The Akuma interrupts. Allen looks away from Fou to the Akuma and his eye shows it its soul. Its more tormented than he’s ever seen, barely human anymore.

 _” Please, stop him - stop this thing!”_ Allen hears the soul beg. _“I’m right here. Help me! You can see me, right? You can hear me, right? Even though I’ve turned into this form – please help me! You exist for your sakes, don’t you?”_

“Yes.” He says to the soul.

With that, the Akuma charges forwards at him.

“My Dark Matter is still breaking you down to bits. Don’t make me laugh!” It screeches as it strikes out at him. He dodges each and every one.

“Fou!” He hears Bak shout from nearby. He darts his eyes around to see Bak scrambling over rubble to where Fou is. Bak lifts her from the ground and gently cradles her to his chest. It causes Allen to hesitate for just a second and he hits the wall he was going to jump off of just a bit harder than he expected.

From his toes to his fingers, his body splinters and cracks like a shattered stone. The Akuma grabs his face and slams him down into the ground.

Allen opens his eyes and is transferred to memories of when he trained with Master Cross. When he had first solidified his will to fight.

_I will fight for the Akuma; and live for the Akuma._

_That’s what I decided._

_The only things that I treasured, were the Akuma._

He’s flooded with memories of the happy moments he spent at the Order, of the times he spent with his friends. With Lenalee, and Lavi, and Krory…

 _“Beansprout.”_ And Kanda.

_“You’re naïve.”_

_“Isn’t there anything important to you!?”_

He does. He does have something important to him.

 _“I want to protect everything I can!”_ It’s what he had said to Kanda in Mater, and he’d meant it then. He must have lost sight of that.

_Innocence…_

He wakes up from his memories.

“My left is for the Akuma. My right is for the humans.” He says to his Innocence. “Both define me. Both are important to me. So now, I will answer you. These humans, and these Akuma, we will bring them salvation!”

He is a cloak of the purest white and a silver masquerade mask obscures his face. He’s blocking Bak and Fou from the Akuma’s Dark Matter. He is a shield. And he is a sword.

Allen is thrumming with power as the mask falls into his outstretched, crumbling hand.

“Let’s go, together.” He promises his Innocence. He has both of his arms again and he can stand on his own two feet. Allen feels whole again. With a quick slash with his left arm, he swipes through the Akuma’s torso, to prevent it from moving.

“Bring forth salvation, to this tormented Akuma soul.”

With the Akuma held tightly by his Innocence, he asks it a question.

“What is the identity and location of the one who ordered you to capture me?”

“’Identity and location’? Haha,” The Akuma chuckles. “If you let me live, I’ll answer.”

“Very well.” He smiles at it. “Tell me?”

The Akuma laughs in his face.

“You won’t!” It says in between laughs. “Of course, you won’t! You’re such a clown!”

Allen smiles at that, once a clown always a clown.

“It’s Master Noah. It’s Lord Tyki Mikk.” It says. Then it starts screeching. “I wonder how Edo is fairing right now. And your friends! Not only is the great Lord Mikk there, but four other Master Noah’s, as well as the Millennium Earl! Allen, isn’t that a bad thing?”

Allen reaches up his new left arm and touches the Akuma’s forehead.

“Thank you.” He says to it. Then the slices through it with his new clawed finger.

“Noah’s ark is there.” It whispers as it starts to dematerialize. “Take it, Allen. It can move through space. You can get to Edo…”

“Why?”

“Because it’s an order from Master Noah. But no, maybe not. Somehow, I’m feeling very good right now.” It whispers.

“Good night.” He tells the Akuma as he watches its soul float away to heaven where it will rest in peace.

* * *

He’s spent what felt like forever in the Asian Branch’s science division, being poked and prodded like when he’d first joined the Order, albeit a good bit gentler than when Komui did it. Everyone’s been busy trying to clean up the room that the fight had been in, so they can hook up machines to the Ark thing to research it a bit more.

His new arm is strange to say the least. He doesn’t have full feeling in it yet but “with a little bit of use it will be fine,” is what the scientists all tell him. Instead of red like it had been for the last sixteen years, its pitch black now. And instead of being scaley and veiny, its smooth like a snake. The transition between his arm and his shoulder is practically seamless too. And he quite enjoys how the markings around his shoulder look, it’s kinda cool. His arm is no longer grotesque looking like before. Still ugly… but not grotesque. The joints in his fingers are stiff as he flexes them, working through some of his old rehabilitation exercises he used to do. He feels stronger now. He and his Innocence are one. He feels whole.

After his checkup is complete, Allen has Wong lead him to the cafeteria where he proceeds to scarf down food. He hasn’t felt this hungry since he’d been traveling across China with Lenalee, Lavi, Krory, and Bookman. _Ah, he misses his friends._

Many staff at the Branch come to congratulate or thank him for reforming his innocence and defeating that Akuma. (Which he’s learned was a level three. He had no idea they could evolve past a level two!)

Once he’s eaten his fill, he is then led to Chief Bak in the surveillance room. The room is black save for glowing screens that show data and camera feeds from around the Branch. On the main screen in the middle of the room is recorded video of his fight with the Akuma. It shows him with his new form of Innocence. A white cloak envelopes his body and shields him and a silver mask sits just over his right shoulder, like a friend watching over him.

“Clown…” He says. “My appearance is almost that of a clown.”

“A clown, huh?” Bak says. “We’ll call it Crown Clown.”

“Was it strong?” He asks. “Was my Innocence strong?”

“Y-yes! It’s become quite a powerful anti-Akuma weapon, Walker.”

“With this, I can finally get back to everyone.” Allen says. He clenches his hands into fists.

They’re interrupted by one of the staff alerting Chief Bak that the phone lines are all running again.

“No matter what Chief Komui says, I will be boarding that Ark.” Allen declares as he walks out of the room. The Ark is the fastest way to get to Edo, where his friends are, where the Akuma are. He is ready to get back out there. If he were to try to travel there the traditional way, it would take a week or more, and he doesn’t have that kind of time to waste. His friends don’t have that kind of time for him to waste.

Wong told him about how he had informed Lenalee and the others that Allen had lost his Innocence. And that Miranda Lotto was now officially an Exorcist and had gone with them to Japan. Everything in Allen is screaming at him to “Go! Go! Go already!”

He eventually wanders his way back to the room he was assigned as Wong suggests he do, to rest up a bit. Then he spots it, a new Exorcist coat folded neatly on his bed. He hadn’t even thought about his coat, he’d been wearing the training clothes he was given by the Order since he’d first woken up after almost dying. It had gotten all ripped up while trying to save Suman and fighting that Noah, Tyki Mikk. As he shrugs his new coat on, he finds that it fits him better than his previous one (it also smells a good bit better too). He’s reminded of when he’d gotten his first coat that was just a little too big on him before his first mission. Kanda had scoffed at him that time, when he’d been so excited about finally being part of the Order.

 _What would Kanda say about his new coat?_ The thought drifts through Allen’s head as he’s making his way to the big, immovable door that Fou is resting behind, completely catching him off guard. He’s so caught off guard that he trips, barely catching himself from falling.

“What?!” he actually says out loud. _What does he care what Kanda thinks about how he looks? Where did that even come from?_

His face feels burning hot. He takes a few seconds to collect himself again before continuing on.

He somehow manages to make it to Fou’s door.

“How are you doing, Fou?” He calls.

“Yo, Walker.” Her voice echoes from beyond the stone. “I’m alright.”

“Really?”

“After resting in here a bit, I’ll return to normal. I’ll just be bored for a while since it takes time.” She says. “Guess I’ll see the weird Exorcist off from here.”

“That’s cruel.” He jokes at her. “Am I really that weird?”

“Idiot. Walker, you love both humans and Akuma. That’s pretty weird, don’t ya think?”

He laughs her off.

“I’m going to sleep, I’m exhausted.” He hears her loud yawn. “Someone like you should get lost already!”

“I’m heading out then.” He says. He turns and starts to walk away.

“And Walker?” Fou calls him. “I hope that this new determination will be enough to appease your heart. If not, then I hope you find someone or something that will.”

He smiles softly over his shoulder at the door.

“Thank you, Fou.” And then he does walk away.

_Someone to appease my heart, huh?_

When he gets back to the room that the Ark is in, Bak calls him over.

“Put this on.” He holds up a golden dangling earring. “It’s a transmitter that I’m developing. With this, you’ll be able to contact Headquarters.”

Allen takes it from Bak and clips it to his ear. It feels a little weird, he’s not used to wearing earrings.

“Can you hear me? Allen?” Komui’s voice chimes out of the earring.

“Chief Komui! What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Oh nothing. I’m supposed to be putting the brakes on you.”

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“We haven’t confirmed yet that the thing you have there is really ‘Noah’s Ark.’ I’ll acknowledge it as a machine that can transport someone through space, but because there’re still many things unknown about it, it’s possible it can be a trap. But since there’s really nothing I can do to stop you, we’re going to use this communicator to board it with you. If I deem it to be at all dangerous, I’ll have you turn right around.”

“What!? No!” Allen exclaims. “I won’t turn back!”

“That persistent attitude of yours hasn’t changed a bit, huh?” Komui chuckles. “However, you are our precious friend. Don’t you know I want to protect you? Or do you not consider us friends, Allen?”

And doesn’t that just smart? Those Lee siblings always know exactly what to say to guilt him into doing things.

“I get it…” He says. “Everyone at Headquarters is definitely my friend. Headquarters is the home I can always go back to.”

“Right. Let’s get moving then!” Komui says into his ear. Allen turns to Bak.

“I’m going now.” He makes his way towards the stairs leading up to the Ark.

“W-wait, Walker!” Rohfa shouts running up to the stairs with Rikei and Shifu just behind her.

“Rohfa, what’s wrong?” He asks, a bit surprised.

“Here!” She holds out a deck of playing cards to him. “Your Ace of Spades was missing, so the three of us made you a new one.”

He’d all but forgotten about the deck of cards that Tyki Mikk had taken and spread around when the man had almost killed him. He gives his three new friends a big smile and thanks them.

And then he’s off, stepping into the Ark. He feels weightless for a second and then he opens his eyes.

“Can you hear me, Allen?” Komui’s voice says through the earring. “Were you able to get inside the Ark?”

“Huh?” Allen looks around. He’s not sure what he was expecting but…

“What’s wrong!?” Komui asks alarmed.

“Ah, nothing. It’s just… I’m not sure what I expected but it’s not this…” He trails off straining his neck to look every which way.

“What do you see?”

“Um… It looks like southern Europe. Like a town in Greece. It’s filled with white-washed buildings.”

“How’s your body?”

It’s fine.” He says doing a quick check to make sure that he still has all of his fingers and toes. “I’m gonna walk around now.”

“Be careful not to get lost!” Komui warns.

Allen walks down all kinds of paths through the city. It’s far bigger than he originally thought.

“Hey, Chief Komui?” Allen says after a while of walking in silence. “Is everyone alright?”

There’s a pause on the line then, “In times of stress, its best to think of fun things.”

“Fun things?” Allen asks.

“Can’t you think of any?” Komui says in his usual light-hearted tone. “Let me… When everyone returns, I’ll greet you all with a ‘welcome home’ and a pat on the back. Of course, I’ll hug Lenalee as hard as I can. And you’ll get lots of food, Allen. Lavi will probably fall asleep on the spot, so I’ll put a blanket over him. The adults will toast the occasion, and we’ll throw a huge party before going to bed. It’ll be wonderful.”

Allen stops walking for a second to close his eyes and imagines it. He can almost smell Jerry’s cooking and imagine everyone laughing softly at a passed out Lavi. His heart aches a little.

“And then, though a little late, Kanda will show up with that look of his.” Komui finishes his musings.

Allen can picture that too: Kanda’s pinched face at everyone having fun. “Wasting time,” as he would call it. But the man would still sit at the far end of the room and sip some tea and pretend he wasn’t watching everyone. Allen’s heart aches some more. That’s exactly how Kanda had acted during that time after their big fight, when Allen had been ignoring him, and Kanda had been avoiding him. He’d sit as far as possible and pretend like he wasn’t paying attention to anyone or anything around him, but his eyes would always scan the room randomly, or his head would tilt about to better hear the conversations around him.

Oh, he wants to go home.

* * *

Allen is face to face with the Millennium Earl once again. He made it just in time to stop the Earl from attacking Lenalee. He barely recognized her though, since her hair has been practically shaved off and she’s wrapped up like a mummy in bandages (plus she was in a crystal or something). _What in the world happened while he was gone?_

“It seems we meet again, Allen Walker.” The Earl says.

“Good evening, Earl.” Allen holds the Earl’s wrist tightly, angled away from him and Lenalee. There’s a Dark Matter orb in his hand that he was going to hit Lenalee with.

“You’re quite the troublesome person.” The Earl says. “Every time I see you, you get in my way.”

“I won’t let you lay a hand on Lenalee.” Allen declares, gripping the Earl’s wrist tighter. The orb in his hand dissipates.

“Do as you wish.” He laughs. “In any case, I’ll let you two get reacquainted.”

The Earl leaps up and away forming a new Dark Matter orb in his hand.

“Seeing as you’re about to die!” Then he shoots the orb down at them. Allen shoves Lenalee behind him and sends Clown Crown up to stop the orb and latch onto the Earl’s hand.

“You won’t be getting anywhere near Lenalee!” Allen cries. He’s not sure why she isn’t activating her Innocence to fight or get away, it probably has to do with her wrapped up legs and how he’d been almost supporting her entire weight, but he will always protect his friend.

The Earl forms another orb in his other hand and Allen dodges it, dashing around behind the Earl. They clash several times and Allen makes sure to keep himself positioned between the Earl and Lenalee. Then the Earl pulls out his umbrella Golem and Allen watches as it transforms into a giant sword.

Allen raises his left arm to block the swing. It hits him with a tremendous force and Allen does his best to hold his ground. Allen breaks from the Earl.

“You’re causing everyone pain!” Allen shouts. “In order to stop you, I’ve returned to the battlefield!”

They clash again and again, and Allen has a weird feeling that he’s done this before, but he hasn’t. He has never fought the Millennium Earl like this. He follows the feeling though and is able to knock the Earl’s sword out of his hand.

“In order to save both humans and Akuma,” He says to the Earl, channeling all of his resolve. “I cannot allow myself to forgive you!”

He pierces the Earl with his clawed Innocence hand.

“Cross Grave!” He orders his Innocence.

The Earl flips backwards in a surprising feat of dexterity for such a large man and lands on his sword, floating several feet in the air.

“Regardless, we will face each other again.” The Earl says, his ever-present grin widening impossibly into something resembling a sneer. “Along with Little Miss Sleepy-head over there.”

Allen turns back to see that Lenalee has fully collapsed unconscious to the ground.

“Lenalee!” He calls out to her.

“Though, that does depend on whether you get the chance.” There’s a flash of magenta light and the Earl is forming yet another Dark Matter orb before shooting it down at Lenalee.

Allen reacts as fast as he can, spreading Crown Clown around them as he crouches over Lenalee protectively. After the blast hits, Allen scoops up Lenalee and leaps away, using the dust to cover their escape.

He’s racing through the smoke and mist when he runs into familiar red hair.

“Lavi!?” He shouts in surprise. Lavi turns a large green eye on him, looking for all the world like he’s seen a ghost.

“No way! Allen?” Lavi says.

“Lenalee won’t wake up.” He kneels down to rest Lenalee’s weight against the ground.

“What?” Lavi seems like he still hasn’t caught up with what’s going on.

_This isn’t quite how I thought the reunion would go…_

Lavi reaches out and takes Lenalee from him and Allen is so stunned by the tender, concerned look on Lavi’s face that he lets him.

“She’s been like this before.” Lavi sighs. “Don’t worry about it. Her life’s not in danger or anything.”

“Is that so?” Allen has _so much_ to get caught up on it would seem. But he breathes a sigh of relief that his friend is okay. _Wait!_ “Wait, before!?”

“The same thing happened.” Lavi says matter-of-factly. “After coming out of the crystal, she had no energy –“

“Hold it right there, you son of a bitch!” An angry voice shouts through the dust. “Die!”

Then suddenly a beautiful man with long hair breaks through the smoke charging at Allen full tilt with his katana ready to strike. Allen throws up his Innocence hand to block the incoming sword.

“K-Kanda.” Allen stutters out as his heart stutters too. Allen has a face-full of Kanda and he can’t really think past: _he’s even more beautiful than I remember. Has it really been three months since they last saw each other?_ Kanda’s hair isn’t in its normal ponytail and it sways around him like black silk.

“Beansprout?” Kanda says in recognition and yeah, now Allen’s brain is functioning again.

“My name’s Allen.” He snaps.

“What are you doing here?” Kanda asks him angrily.

“That’s what I should be asking you.” Allen can feel anger rising in himself too. Kanda’s sword still presses against his arm.

“I was after that Noah with the curly hair.” Kanda states. _Noah with the curly hair?_ Then Kanda turns to Lavi, who is still gently cradling Lenalee. “Hey, Lavi, do you have any idea where he went?”

Lavi looks around like he’s just realizing something.

“Come to think of it, what happened to that ripped guy I was fighting?” Lavi mumbles. _Ripped guy?_ Oh, Allen has so much to catch up on. Then the dust settles and Lavi and Kanda look around. “What’s going on here? The Noah have completely vanished.”

Allen watches Kanda swivel his head around, struck again by how pretty he looks with his hair down. It’s almost mesmerizing. _If I had known that revelations about myself would lead to being distracted in battle, I wouldn’t have had any,_ Allen ruefully thinks. Kanda turns his head back to Allen then, his face absolutely angry.

“Tch.”

“What the! What are you ‘tch’-ing me for? What’s with that face?” Allen snaps.

“You got in my way and now they got away.”

“They got away because you’re slow, Kanda.” He fires back.

“What did you just say? It was your punk ass that barged in here like a sloth, later than everyone else. You slow beansprout.”

“My name’s Allen, how many times do I have to say it.” Allen can feel his heart racing in his chest. “Oh, yeah, I forgot that your brain’s as slow as the rest of you, stupid Kanda.”

“That’s some attitude you’ve got there.” Kanda narrows his eyes at him. “I’ll show you who’s really the slow one here.” He lifts his sword to Allen. “Let’s go. I’ll chop off that white hair of yours and sell it to some old geezers!”

“Wouldn’t selling black hair get you a better deal?” _What? Why did you say that? Kanda has the prettiest hair!_

“For your insolence, I’ll leave only one strand behind.”

“Calm down, you two.” Lavi cuts in. “This is supposed to be a touching reunion.”

“Shut the hell up! I’ll cut all your hair off!” Allen and Kanda say at the same time. A thrill shoots down Allen’s spine.

“Break it up, you guys.” A tall man that Allen recognizes as Noise Marie says. Allen is broken from the moment then; he feels like he might have slipped into another world while arguing with Kanda, he almost forgot that other people exist.

* * *

Miranda scoops him into a sobbing hug, rubbing snot all over his new coat and Krory jumps in to make it a group hug not long after. He smiles fondly at his two friends, patting them gently on the back. He hasn’t seen Miranda since he and Lenalee had solved the mystery in her town. Lavi doesn’t hug him, but he sits close by, almost like if he wanders too far, Allen might disappear. Lenalee sleeps deeply with her head cushioned by Lavi’s rucksack.

_God, I missed my friends!_

General Tiedoll has ushered their group under a bridge that survived whatever it was that destroyed Edo. Allen didn’t believe he was actually in Edo at first - he thought there’d be more buildings and people. When he’d asked in disbelief if they were really in Edo, Allen had watched as Kanda rolled his eyes from the entrance of their hideout. They’ve made a fire to light up the area and warm them up as they all get caught up on what’s happened.

“So, Allen’s or Lenalee’s Innocence could be the heart?” Tiedoll muses. “Cross’s group planned to meet up with him and destroy the Akuma factory. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes.” Bookman agrees.

“But our reason for coming here is to find more Innocence accommodators.” Tiedoll says. Allen finds his eyes slipping away from his friends and to Kanda sitting just outside, facing away from them. He’d somehow found a string to tie his hair up. Allen thinks it’s a shame that his hair is up again.

“I know this may sound a bit harsh given that we’ve just met, but I have no intention of helping Cross.” Tiedoll tells Bookman. Allen snaps his gaze from Kanda to look at the General. “That man, Marian, thinks of other humans as nothing but pawns. Even you, his supposed guards, were just bait with his modified Akuma in the plan he laid out. I wonder if it’s even possible to cooperate with a man like that.”

_Master is really hated, huh?_

“Oh, yes.” Tiedoll sits up straighter. “I have a proposition for you all.”

“A proposition?” Bookman asks.

“I think it would be best for the Cross Unit to immediately pull back from the front lines.”

“What do you mean?” Lavi demands.

“You want us to pull out without fighting?” Allen adds.

“I don’t believe the time is yet right for fighting the Millennium Earl.” Tiedoll says seriously, looking each of them in the eye. “I believe survival is a job we must also carry out. As of right now, the only living exorcists in this world are Hevlaska back at the Order, Socolo, Klaud, Marian, and the nine of us present here. I don’t want to expose you all to danger.”

Tiedoll takes a deep breath then, and Allen knows that the General is remembering the loss of Daisya Barry.

“In times of hardship, isn’t a tactical retreat the best choice?” Tiedoll finally asks.

“Do we move forward or withdraw?” Lavi murmurs to himself. Then he huffs out a breath. “But General Tiedoll, we’ve actually heard those same words before. And at that time, this sleeping princess here said,” Lavi gestures to Lenalee. “’Let’s keep going. We can’t turn back here. If we go back now, all the effort of those who gave their lives will be wasted.’”

Allen looks around at his comrades. One of the sailors with a face full of freckles, Chaoji, is trying to hide that he’s wiping tears from his eyes. Miranda is staring emptily down at her hands. Krory has his head tilted back, eyes closed, with a sad expression painting his face. Allen feels eyes on him then and when he follows the feeling, his eyes lock with Kanda’s dark ones. Kanda immediately stiffens and turns back around. Allen shifts back to look at Lenalee sleeping soundly before him.

“We decided then that no matter how badly we were beaten up, we would forge ahead.” Lavi finishes.

“That’s right.” Krory chokes out. Allen wishes he’d been there. Wishes he could have been on that boat with his friends. Then maybe they wouldn’t have lost so many people, like Mahoja and Anita…

“We wish to keep going!” Miranda says with a determination Allen has never heard from her before.

“Us, too.” The three surviving sailors add in.

“And you want this, too, I presume?” Tiedoll asks Allen. Allen looks at his hands, one black and one white, and makes a decision.

He turns to Tiedoll and smiles saying, “Yes, I wish to keep moving forward.”

“Is that so?” Tiedoll sighs. “Then there’s nothing more to hesitate about.”

Tiedoll gets up and walks to where Kanda is keeping watch.

“The trip thus far must have been painful,” He says. “But the path you must walk from here on is truly strewn with thorns.”

Everyone breaks apart afterwards, wandering off to try to wash off some of the sweat and dirt they have caked on their skin or because they need a breather. Allen stays behind to watch over Lenalee.

He studies her sweet face. She must have been through so much while he was gone. He really is a rotten friend for not being able to be with her.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers to her unconscious form. “I suddenly disappeared on you. And… Suman… I couldn’t save him, either.”

Tears well up in his eyes. He regrets… he regrets not being able to make it back to her. He regrets not being able to save Suman. He wasn’t strong enough. But maybe now… Maybe now he can be with his new Innocence. Because he wants his friend to smile. He wants to keep his promises.

“Mn.” Lenalee groans and then her eyes start to open slowly.

“Lenalee!” He says while leaning over her a bit.

“Allen…” She says in a daze, dark brown eyes roaming around before they lock on his face.

“I’m sorry.” He says. “Forgive me, Lenalee.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” She asks him. Her eyes widen and she slowly sits up, reaching to gently pat his head. “If it’s about Suman… if it’s about Suman… You saved him, Allen. That’s why he didn’t die in vain. I’m positive that you saved his heart.”

Allen feels warm. It’s exactly what he wanted to hear from her. He hadn’t realized how worried he was that she wouldn’t forgive him for not being able to save Suman. They both start to tear up then.

“Welcome back, Allen.”

“I’m back…” He says while they both start to cry together. “I’m back, Lenalee.”

“Look who’s awake.” Bookman’s voice breaks their moment.

“Oh? Was Allen crying just now?” Lavi says a bit snidely. Allen snaps his head around and sees that while he was lost in his reunion with Lenalee, everyone has come back to the tunnel under the bridge.

“I-I wasn’t” Allen stutters. _Did everyone see that? Did Kanda see that?_ Allen’s face is on fire as he whips his head about to see if he can spot the stoic man.

“You cried, too, back on the ship.” Lenalee says to Lavi who turns as red as his hair.

“I didn’t cry!” Lavi insists.

“Oh? Did you really?” Lenalee jokes. They keep going like that while everyone around them laughs. Allen laughs too. Once everyone’s giggles have calmed down, they get their packs ready to head out. They still have to find Master Cross after all.

Allen eventually just stands under the bridge and watches Kanda approach Krory who stands at the edge of the destruction of Edo. It’s funny, their height difference. Allen always knew that Kanda was tall and that Krory was taller, but it really is funny to see them together. _I think I’d prefer to fall in love with someone that is about Kanda’s height,_ he thinks.

“Do you really plan on going?” He hears Kanda ask Krory.

“Lenalee said it herself…” Krory responds. Allen’s not entirely sure how well the two men know each other, save for that one incident when Kanda did a poor job introducing Krory to soba noodles. “We need to get moving quickly.”

Kanda sighs.

“What fools.” He says. Then he glances over his shoulder and his eyes meet Allen’s again. “Well, if you end up dying, it will be your own fault.”

Allen’s pretty sure that’s directed solely at him, who has in fact died recently. _What does Kanda think about that? Did he even know?_

Krory steps in front of Kanda then and stoops down to be eye level with him and Allen has to stifle a laugh as Kanda whips his head back to the vampire and stumbles back a step.

“W-what?” Kanda stutters out. _He’s cute when he’s stunned,_ Allen thinks.

Wait! What is he thinking!?

“We won’t know until we try.” Krory says giving Kanda a big, gummy smile.

Behind him, he hears Lenalee struggling to stand and mumbling motivational phrases to herself. He turns and goes to offer her a hand. She waves him off but when she tries again and still falls, he says, “Lenalee, let’s go together to meet my master.”

She nods and takes his hand.

“Together.” She says.

Then a black star opens up under her and Lenalee is engulfed in a magenta light.

“Found you!” Comes the grating voice of the Millennium Earl’s umbrella Golem. And then Lenalee is falling through the ground. And Allen reaches for her and then he is also falling through the ground.


	10. The Ark Arc Pt. 1: Wrath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up being longer than I'd anticipated it being lol. And if you've been following the saga on tumblr (you can find me @bnerdler) then you'd know that during the last week, every time I sat down to try to write this, my cat would drape himself across my arms like a swooning Victorian maiden. Which that's why this is getting out later than I had anticipated.  
> My first week of school was pretty good! I didn't get into the classes I originally wanted, but the ones I got aren't that bad. So it'll be fine, I guess. See ya'll next week!

Kanda is so angry. He’s so mad. He’s so furious. And while he sits outside of the tunnel under the bridge keeping guard, he silently fumes and makes of list of all the reasons he’s angry:

  1. He didn’t get to kill that Noah. He’s pretty sure that curly haired bastard is the one that killed Daisya. _And the beansprout._



Speaking of…

  1. Allen Walker is alive.
  2. Kanda had to use a scrap of fabric from the torn hem of his Exorcist coat to tie up his hair and it’s not doing a very good job.
  3. Allen Walker is alive, and all those useless Exorcists keep hugging and crying all over him.
  4. Kanda’s covered in dirt and grime.
  5. Allen Walker is alive and doesn’t seem to have learned his lesson at all. He’s still determined to go throw his life away for other people. Doesn’t he know how much he hurt Lenalee and his other friends by going and dying? Doesn’t he know how angry Kanda was?
  6. Lenalee and Lavi both knew that the beansprout wasn’t dead and just didn’t tell him that fact. They knew that he’d been taken to the Asian Branch Headquarters and they let him think that the beansprout was dead all this time.



It’s all just so frustrating. He wants to go and hit something so bad. Why does everything that stupid beansprout does have to be so God damned annoying? He either should die and stay dead or not get killed in the first place. And the kid had had the gall to argue with him and call him slow and threaten his hair. He’s going to shave that stupid white hair off of that idiot’s pretty little head. Its only as he stares out at the devastation of Edo, that Kanda unwillingly admits to himself that fighting with Beansprout when they’d run into each other through the dust had been… had made him feel like he did when he was destroying Akuma. ( _Alive_ , his mind unhelpfully supplies.)

Kanda turns his head just enough that he can watch the beansprout talking quietly but animatedly with Lavi Bookman. The two are sitting like a pair of sentries over Lenalee’s sleeping body, and Kanda feels that same twinge of worry he’d felt for her when he’d seen her in that crystalized Innocence. Kanda watches as Lavi jokingly punches the beansprout in the shoulder and the kid just gives a wide grin back and rubs at the spot that Lavi hit him. Kanda hates it all. He turns back around with a huff.

He watches the horizon for a while doing his best to tune the chatter out until Tiedoll raises his voice to address everyone sitting under the bridge.

“I have a proposition for you all.”

“A proposition?” That old man Bookman asks.

“I think it would be best for the Cross unit to immediately pull back from the front lines.” And Kanda has to agree. They are all smashed up and would only be a burden to everyone else on the battlefield.

“What do you mean?” Lavi demands.

“You want us to pull out without fighting?” Beansprout adds. At this Kanda turns around. There’s a fire burning in the kid’s gray eyes.

“I don’t believe the time is yet right for fighting the Millennium Earl.” Tiedoll says in that Wise Old Man voice of his. “I believe survival is a job we must also carry out. As of right now, the only living Exorcists in this world are Hevlaska back at the Order, Socolo, Klaud, Marian, and the nine of us present here. I don’t want to expose you all to danger.”

_Daisya…_

“In times of hardship, isn’t a tactical retreat the best choice?” Tiedoll finally asks.

“But General Tiedoll,” Lavi interjects. “We’ve actually heard those same words before. And at that time, this sleeping princess here said, ’Let’s keep going. We can’t turn back here. If we go back now, all the effort of those who gave their lives will be wasted.’”

Kanda watches the beansprout look around at the other Exorcists and those civilian sailors the Cross Unit dragged to Japan. He sees how Allen’s eyes turn to steel. And then those eyes slide to Kanda and his throat closes up and he snaps his head back towards Edo. _Why do the tips of his ears feel hot?_

“We decided then that no matter how badly we were beaten up, we would forge ahead.” Lavi finishes triumphantly. Then all the other’s in the Cross Unit start declaring their dumb intent to keep going too.

“And you want this, too, I presume?” He hears Tiedoll ask. There’s a moment of silence that has Kanda glancing over his shoulder to see that everyone is all looking at the beansprout stare down at his hands.

The kid lifts his head to Tiedoll and smiles saying, “Yes, I wish to keep moving forward.”

Kanda lets out a soft “tch.” The beansprout is going to get himself killed again at this rate.

“The trip thus far must have been painful,” Tiedoll says. “But the path you must walk from here on is truly strewn with thorns.”

Of course, no talk with Tiedoll would be complete without some weird prophetic phrases. Kanda rolls his eyes as the General approaches Kanda at the mouth of the underpass. Tiedoll places a hand on Kanda’s shoulder and Kanda crosses his arms looks up at the General.

“We will see them all off, and then be on our way.”

Kanda nods in understanding. Goodbye and good riddance. He really wants to go hit something with his sword, he’s been feeling off since the beansprout showed up. Must be because that Noah got away because of the kid’s fight with the Millennium Earl.

Kanda stays in his spot outside the tunnel while the Cross Unit starts to ready themselves for the rest of their mission.

* * *

“I’m sorry.” Kanda hears the beansprout whisper from inside the underpass. “I suddenly disappeared on you. And… Suman… I couldn’t save him, either.”

Kanda’s shifted from right in front of the opening to leaning against the side of the bridge to the right of the opening. He turns form watching the cherry blossom petals clog the rivulets of water that cut through the debris around the bridge to look inside at Allen bent sadly over Lenalee, who is still sound asleep. He looks… well he looks different. And Kanda has a moment of realization that _this_ is Allen Walker, _this_ is Allen when no one is looking, because he’s sure that the kid isn’t aware that he’s there. Allen – _this ­_ Allen – doesn’t have the placid smile he usually wears, or the charismatic glint in his eye. _This_ Allen is sad and regretful, vulnerable and alone. _This_ Allen holds a darkness that no one ever sees. And Kanda’s stomach twists violently.

Lenalee’s twitching fingers catches his eye.

“Mn.” She groans and then her eyes start to open slowly. Kanda watches as the mask slips back over Allen’s face.

“Lenalee!” The Beansprout says.

“Allen…” She says in a daze. Kanda watches as her eyes scan over the beansprout’s face.

“I’m sorry.” The kid says, sounding choked up. “Forgive me, Lenalee.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” She asks him softly. Kanda watches as her eyes widen and she slowly sits up, reaching to tenderly pat the beansprout’s head. Kanda has a bitter taste in his mouth. “If it’s about Suman… if it’s about Suman… You saved him, Allen. That’s why he didn’t die in vain. I’m positive that you saved his heart.”

The scene is so soft and intimate, and Kanda has the intense feeling that he’s watching something he really shouldn’t be watching. He clenches his fists into his coat pockets. Allen and Lenalee gaze into each other’s eyes for a while before they both start to tear up and cry together.

“Welcome back, Allen.”

“I’m back…” The beansprout says through tears. “I’m back, Lenalee.”

Kanda looks away then. He can’t stand to watch them be all gross and mushy anymore. Feelings shouldn’t be brought onto the battlefield. Instead, he forces his eyes to scan the surroundings. Lavi and that gloomy vampire guy are returning from their trip to a stream just a bit away. He’s not sure where Marie and the scruffy lady with the intense under-eye bags went off to. Tiedoll and Bookman are wandering their way back as well.

He should probably alert the beansprout and Lena to break it up already since the others are coming back… but… something mean grips his heart and makes him not say anything, just shift further off to the side.

“Look who’s awake.” Bookman says as he and Tiedoll walk into the underpass. Lavi jogs up when he sees that Lenalee is awake too.

“Oh? Was Allen crying just now?” Lavi says a bit snidely. Kanda can’t see into the tunnel anymore, he can only hear their voices echoing out.

“I-I wasn’t” Allen stutters. _Annoying._

“You cried, too, back on the ship.” Lenalee says to Lavi.

“I didn’t cry!” Lavi insists.

“Oh? Did you really?” Lenalee jokes. Everyone starts to laugh as she and Lavi joke together a bit more. When he hears Allen’s light and happy laugh Kanda can’t take it anymore. He walks off from the bridge to do a perimeter check.

 _What is wrong with me? Why am I so angry?_ He really wants to hit something.

He’s known for a long time now that the beansprout and Lenalee are really close. He’d watched their growing friendship back after his first mission with the kid. He’d been subject to long phone calls while Lenalee talked endlessly about how amazing the beansprout is. He’d seen it all unfold. And yet…

He needs to hit something. Those two shouldn’t be bringing feelings onto the battlefield. It only leads to despair, falling in love with a fellow Exorcist. Plus, Lenalee deserves someone far better than the selfishly self-sacrificing asshole that is Allen Walker.

_Whatever._

Kanda knows he shouldn’t stray too far from their little base, so he does head back not long after he’s left. When he gets back, the beansprout is standing idly at the mouth of the underpass. Lenalee is further inside, hastily shoving her stuff into her pack. The Bookman’s must have gone off together to have a secret meeting or something. That weird vampire guy – Krory, he remembers the guy’s name is Krory – stands at the edge of the destruction of Edo. Kanda walks over to him and is instantly reminded of why he hates him. The guy is obnoxiously tall. Not as much as Marie (who is as wide as he is tall) but tall enough that he looms over Kanda and he hates it. He can feel the beansprout’s eyes on him. The kid must be laughing at how short Kanda is next to the vampire.

“Do you really plan on going?” Kanda ask Krory. Kanda knows that… he’s not really asking Krory. He’s asking the beansprout standing behind them.

“Lenalee said it herself…” Krory responds. “We need to get moving quickly.”

Kanda sighs.

“What fools.” He says. Then he glances over his shoulder and his eyes meet glowing gray. “Well, if you end up dying, it will be your own fault.”

Kanda whips his head back as Krory steps in front him and stoops down to be eye level and in his surprise at how close the man’s face is, Kanda stumbles back a step.

“W-what?” Kanda stutters out.

“We won’t know until we try.” Krory says giving Kanda a big, gummy smile.

After, the vampire gestures for Kanda to lead the way back under the bridge. Allen is holding out his hand to Lenalee who seems to be struggling to stand.

“Lenalee, let’s go together to meet my master.” The kid says to her.

Lenalee nods and takes the beansprout’s hand.

“Together.” She says.

“Found you!” A grating unknown voice says from below Lenalee.

Then a black star opens up under her and Lenalee is engulfed in a magenta light. Kanda watches in horror as Lenalee slips through the ground, and then Allen dives in headfirst after her, shouting her name. Then Lavi and that freckled sailor boy jump in too. Kanda’s legs are moving before he even has the chance to think and he’s rushing towards the light that they all disappeared into.

* * *

“Oof!” The idiot Kanda just landed on grunts. It’s that sailor kid. What did they say his name was? Choosey? Chubby? _Whatever._ They’ve all sort of landed on each other inside some city.

“That surprised me.” The vampire announces like he isn’t sitting on top of Kanda.

“Y-you’re crushing me!” The beansprout’s distressed voice comes from somewhere below him. Kanda quickly shoves the vampire off of his back and slides off the pile.

Kanda looks around him at the city that they’ve found themselves in. Its devoid of life, only populated by Mediterranean style buildings and flowers. It’s quiet.

“What is this place?” He asks to the group. The beansprout hops up to stand next to him.

“This is the inside of the Ark.” Allen announces. Oh yeah, that Noah technology that the kid used to get to Edo from the Asian Branch. The beansprout had talked about it to Tiedoll. He feels the anger start to rise in him. What the hell did he get himself into following them all here.

“Why the hell are we here?” He glowers at the beansprout. The air around the two of them feels tense, shimmering like a fire.

“No clue.” The beansprout says. Kanda can’t take his eyes off of the kid. It’s all Allen Walker’s fault. If he hadn’t been so reckless in chasing after Lenalee, then Kanda might not have been so reckless chasing after him. The beansprout glares up at him with his smokey gray eyes.

“Hey, there’s a weird pumpkin under Lenalee!” Lavi says.

“Out of my way, shitty exorcists!” It says in an uncomfortably crackly voice. Kanda turns his glare from the beansprout to the pumpkin umbrella, and lunges at it with his sword drawn. The beansprout dives at the thing with his new innocence arm activated, claws pointed at the umbrella.

“So, this is your doing?” They say in unison. Kanda is loath to admit it, but a thrill shivers through him at the way their voices echo together while they threaten the umbrella.

“If you want to keep that head of yours intact, you’ll let us out right now!” Kanda threatens.

“Where’s the exit?” Allen chimes in.

“There is no exit…” The umbrella mumbles out. Then its eyes start to glow, and the Millennium Earl’s voice comes from the pumpkin instead.

“After many long years,” He says. “This ship has fulfilled its purpose and has come to a stop. Excellent work, Lero. It’s time to depart, my beloved Exorcists.”

A balloon in the shape of the Millennium Earl expands out of the pumpkin’s mouth. Kanda grinds his teeth at the Earl’s disgusting grin.

“You’ll set sail with this ship on its journey to Hell!” The Earl says as the balloon floats up to the impossibly blue sky. The ground starts to shake under them, and the buildings around start to crumble apart. “Be careful. Those parts that have finished downloading are beginning to break apart.”

“What the hell do you mean?” Kanda demands the grinning balloon, pointing his sword menacingly at it.

“This boat will soon be absorbed interdimensionally and cease to exist.” The Earl-balloon says. “Speaking in terms that minds like yours can understand, you have three hours of life left in this world.”

The ground quakes more intensely under Kanda. He doesn’t really understand all this “interdimensionally” stuff, but he does understand the “three hours of life left” part. Kanda bites the inside of his cheek. He can’t die. Not yet.

“Adorable little lady,” The Earl addresses Lenalee. “Don’t you have such wonderful friends? Look at how many have come with you. You won’t be dying alone, so at least you won’t be lonely.”

“Earl.” Lenalee grits out. Lavi holds her up so that she can stand with the rest of them.

“Don’t worry, though.” The Earl says, glee tainting his tone. “I’ll make sure that no one is sad. I’ll stop the tears of those who must live in a world without you.”

The Earl-balloon pops leaving a spray of confetti floating down towards them.

“We will get out of here.” The beansprout says with conviction, his fists clenching so hard his arms shake with the tension.

* * *

Lavi blasts through another building with his hammer. Kanda has never been more frustrated.

“There should be a house somewhere around here that leads to the outside world.” The beansprout says over and over like it’s the easiest thing to find. Even when the idiot doesn’t remember where the building was or even what it looked like (though Kanda will admit that all of the buildings look very similar).

“And just how many do you think we’ve broken?” Lavi asks rhetorically. He’s the one that’s been doing most of the building smashing since his Innocence is best suited for it.

“It’s pointless” The Earl’s umbrella, Lero (or something like that), taunts. “The Ark’s already stopped moving. It’s no longer connected to any other dimensions. Like I said, there isn’t an -”

Kanda punches the stupid umbrella, sending it flying. There’s a cracking sound as the cobblestone road they’re standing on starts to crumble too.

“Look out!” Lenalee shouts over the noise.

“It really doesn’t exist.” The umbrella says in Kanda’s ear. “There’s no way to get out of this ship. You will all die here.”

“There is one.” A familiar voice resounds from somewhere around them. Kanda grips Mugen tightly as he looks around at the falling buildings around them with no sign of the source of the voice. “An exit, that is.”

Kanda pivots quickly to look at Allen, as a tall man with coke-bottle glasses drapes himself across the beansprout’s back holding a key in front of the beansprout’s gray eyes. Allen spins around and falls in surprise at the man behind him. Kanda’s heart starts to race and a cold chill trickles across his skin. He does not like this.

“If it’s an exit you want, we’ve got one, boy.” The man says around a lit cigarette dangling from his lips.

“Four Eyes!” The beansprout, Lavi, and Krory yell.

“Huh? Is that my name?” The guy asks. He has an aura about him that Kanda doesn’t like. It’s slimy and familiar. And Kanda doesn’t like it.

“W-w-why are you here?” Lavi asks, startled.

“oh, ah… well…” The man mumbles. Kanda senses it then, what the unsettling black aura he’s feeling is.

“Hey.” He calls out to the idiot trio. “That guy’s radiating blood lust.”

Allen’s big eyes go impossibly bigger when he looks back at Kanda.

“Boy.” The man’s voice turns from joking to mean as he puts his hand on top of the beansprout’s head and presses down. “Why are you still alive?”

Kanda does not like this. Why does this man look so familiar? Why does this man’s voice sound so familiar?

Then the man slams his forehead into the beansprout’s. Allen falls to the ground again rubbing his forehead.

“Thanks to you, I had to put up with everything the Millennium Earl and those brats said to me.”

“What are you saying?” The beansprout says with all of his normal indignation. Kanda’s brain is whirring so fast. Allen stops talking and he seems to realize something.

The man arches his back with a mean grin on his face and Kanda watches as the coke-bottle glasses slip right through the man’s face, clattering to the ground behind him. The man’s skin tone changes from a healthy pale to dark gray.

“You want a way out, right?” The man says, placing the cigarette back in his mouth. “I can give you one.”

Then he swipes his curly bangs back from his forehead revealing cross markings marring the skin there and golden eyes. He’s a Noah. The one Kanda had fought before. The beansprout gasps in surprise. It’s the same Noah that had almost killed Allen. The one that killed Daisya.

“The Ark has no exits now, but with Road’s power, we can make one.” The Noah man brandishes the key again. With a bang, a door bursts from the ground behind the Noah.

“A door came out of the ground?” Lavi says (if Kanda wasn’t so busy observing his surroundings he’d remark “Obviously.”).

“That’s Miss Road’s door, Lero!” The umbrella shouts shrilly. The door is heart-shaped with a red-and-black checkerboard pattern decorating the panels, a golden crown sits proudly at the top.

“Road is the only Noah who can travel through dimensions without using the Ark.” The Noah man says. “So, how about we continue that little match from the train, only this time we’ll bet the exit against your lives. Oh, and no cheating now, boy.”

“What’s the meaning of this, Tyki?” Lero cries. “Master Earl won’t allow-”

“This key here will get you through Road’s door and the three leading up to it.” The Noah, Tyki, cuts off the umbrella, balancing the key on his pointer finger. “I’ll let you guys have it.”

Then the key passes through the Noah’s finger like the glasses had, and like he’d passed through buildings while fighting Kanda before Allen showed up in Edo.

“Think it over. Though it doesn’t look like much time’s left.” Tyki appraises the damaged buildings around them.

A tower breaks off from the near constant earthquakes and tumbles down, falling with a crash on top of the Noah and the door. Kanda blocks his face as it kicks up dust and debris at them.

“Tyki!” The umbrella yells.

“Th-the building collapsed on him!” The vampire announces (like everyone there didn’t just see it happen. Really when will these idiots stop stating the obvious).

A flash of light shines through the dust as the key comes zooming through the air at Kanda. He snatches it out of the air. It’s the same one that Noah had been waving around. It’s bronzed and looks old and its weight is surprisingly hefty in Kanda’s palm.

“You know, hunting for Exorcists is a hell of a way to pass the time.” Comes the Noah’s voice. “The door is at the highest point in the Ark. If you guys can make it there before it comes crumbling down, victory is yours.”

“I heard that the Noah are immortal. How is this playing fair?” The beansprout asks the buildings around them only to be met with the man’s echoing laugh.

“Ah, sorry about that.” Tyki says from somewhere they can’t see. “I don’t know where you heard that, but we’re humans, too, boy. If it seems like we’re immortal, it’s only because you’re all so weak.”

The ground starts to tremble under their feet again, and Allen’s startled yell resonate in Kanda’s ears.

“This isn’t good. Let’s go” Kanda says before he takes off running. “We need to find a safer place!”

He doesn’t look behind him, but he can hear the other’s running behind him. Maybe they can outrun the destruction and find a place to stop and regroup.

Lenalee suddenly screams from the back of the group. Kanda comes to a skidding stop and watches the beansprout dive down past where the sidewalk has disappeared behind them to catch Lenalee as she falls through the air. Something in Kanda twists painfully as the beansprout hops from falling stone to falling stone before he jumps back onto the main road. With a look shared around the group, they take off running again, heading further into the city, this time with the beansprout carrying Lenalee.

* * *

They’ve finally made it to more solid ground. Allen places Lenalee onto white steps outside of an unblemished building before he collapses next to her to catch his breath. Krory flops down on his other side.

“What should we do?” Lavi asks between huffs of breath. “We can’t run around forever. It’s just like the Earl said, this place is gonna be history soon.”

“You have two hours left.” Lero swoops in to tell them.

“No matter what we do, we’re doomed!” Krory says. Allen looks over to his right at Lenalee, who nods at him.

“We’re familiar with Road’s ability to move through space.” Allen looks at his hands as he remembers the rewinding town. How Road had taunted and overpowered them. The strange limbo place they had been in and the door she had used to leave, that had looked just like the one behind Tyki. “She’s definitely capable of traveling between dimensions.”

“So, Road’s door before might be some kind of trap but… there’s a chance…” Lavi muses.

“It could really be an exit.” Lenalee finishes for him.

“Not much of a choice, huh?” Lavi groans while rubbing the back of his neck.

Kanda makes a “tch” sound that draws Allen’s eyes. Kanda holds out the key in the palm of his black, gloved hand.

“So, who’s gonna use it?” Lavi asks. They all glance around at each other.

“Why don’t we rock, paper, scissors for it?” Lenalee suggests.

Just his luck, Allen loses. He walks over to Kanda, making eye contact when he holds out his hand for the key. Kanda’s eyes are dark and cold like the ocean at night as he transfers the key into Allen’s open palm. With the key now in hand, Allen makes his way to a random door. He hesitates. What if something bad happens, like it explodes in his face?

“I-is this door alright?” He asks tentatively turning back to the group.

“Does it really matter which we choose?” Lavi says. Lenalee gives Allen an encouraging smile. He looks back at the door and the golden key clutched between his fingers.

“Hurry it up, damnit.” Kanda’s deep voice startles him. With a deep breath in and a steadying sigh out, Allen inserts the key into the door’s keyhole and turns the lock. There’s a click and then the door transforms into something akin to a child’s painting. It has rainbows and butterflies in bright colors decorating it.

Allen turns back to his teammates and places his hand out, palm down.

“We’re definitely getting out of here.” He says.

“Yep.” Lavi agrees as he places his hand enthusiastically over Allen’s.

“Of course.” Krory says in his normal dignified tone, placing his hand on top of Lavi’s.

“Yeah.” Lenalee says next.

“Oh yeah!” Chouji puts his hand on the pile too.

There’s a hand missing, and Allen looks up at Kanda who stands several feet away from them.

“Kanda?” He calls hopefully.

“No way in hell.” Kanda snaps, glaring with very little heat at Allen.

“I figured.” Allen feels himself smiling at the man despite the rejection. It was so very Kanda that he can’t help it.

“Let’s go.” Kanda says, jerking his sharp chin at the door.

They open the door and step into a whole other world. The sky looks painted like the door had been, and the landscape is full of red rocks and sand.

“Where are we?” Allen wonders out loud.

“Guess we’re not out of the Ark, huh?” Lavi says.

Allen hears Kanda gasp and turn suddenly.

“Kanda?” Allen asks. He follows Kanda’s gaze up to the top of a hill where a rock formation sits. It explodes and through the dust steps a tall, well-muscled Noah man, who to Allen’s dismay, is not wearing a shirt, only a long jacket. Allen moves into a stance ready to fight.

“You guys, get moving.” Kanda’s voice cuts through. Allen whips his head to the man. _What?_

“Kanda!” Allen says.

“Yuu!” Lavi chimes in.

“This guy’s after our General. I’ve seen him a few times before.” Kanda says, pulling out his sword, ready to fight.

“We can’t leave you on your own, Kanda.” Lenalee argues, and Allen feels the same way.

“Don’t get me wrong.” Kanda says in a cold and detached voice. “I’m not doing this for you. Like I said, he’s after our General. It’s my job to kill him.”

Kanda moves to stand like a wall blocking the Noah from the group. The ground begins to quake again - they’re still inside the Ark after all. They don’t know when this room will be downloaded, but Lero had told them that they had approximately two hours till the Ark is destroyed.

Allen looks at Kanda’s back as he faces away from them. _Has he always been that broad?_ Leaving Kanda behind doesn’t sit right with him. His heart starts to patter at the thought.

“I’ll stay too, Kanda.” Allen blurts out. “Guys, while we’re fighting, please go through the exit and continue to the next room.” He tells them, making up his mind. “Once we’re done fighting here, we’ll catch up to you.”

“Allen…” Krory says. “Are you really that worried?”

Allen’s eyes slip from his comrades over to Kanda, who’s eyes meet Allen’s over his shoulder.

“Well, even though Yuu’s personality is like that,” Lavi shrugs. “He is technically one of our companions.”

Then Lavi thinks for a second.

“Wait! We don’t have time for this,” Lavi says. “If we’re in that much of a rush, wouldn’t it be better if everyone fought?”

“And if no one is able to escape, then what?” Allen counters. “What about Lenalee?”

“I can fight as well!” Lenalee says.

“There are Noah beyond here as well.” Allen argues. “The group that moves ahead needs firepower, too, so it’s best if just Kanda and I stay.”

“I’ll be damned if I get stuck here with you.” Kanda says.

“What? Kanda?” Allen stumbles back a few steps as he snaps his head around only to be met with Kanda’s sword pointed at his nose.

“I said I’ll handle him.” Kanda glares.

“H-hey... K-Kanda?” Allen stutters as the cool metal of Kanda’s sword slides across his left cheek and ear, pushing his hair out of the way. If he thought his heart was racing before, its truly thumping wildly in his chest now as he looks deep into Kanda’s dark eyes.

“He’s just like the devil.” Allen hears Lavi say, he’s still just staring wide eyed at Kanda. The air around Kanda shifts and becomes flaming with anger.

“Now get lost or should I start with you guys first?” Kanda threatens with a snarl. Allen feels like he’s choking a bit.

“A-are you serious?” Allen says. When none of them budge, Kanda activates his Innocence.

“First Illusion: Netherworld Creatures!” Kanda roars as he sends an attack that has them scrambling backwards. Allen jumps in front of Lenalee to protect her from Kanda’s reckless attack.

“Kanda, you dumb-ass!” Allen and Lavi shout at the man who seems wholly unapologetic. Allen takes back everything he just thought about. He isn’t worried, he’s mad. He’s so angry. Kanda is so averse to help that he even attacks his own comrades! Around him, Chouji and Krory yell at Kanda.

“Um, guys… Kanda’s just…” Lenalee tries to placate them.

“I don’t care!” Lavi shouts. “Let’s just leave his ass behind!”

Kanda just sighs and turns away from them. Oh, Allen is absolutely incensed!

“Now you’re just gonna sigh at us?” He yells.

“If anyone should be sighing, it should be us!” Lavi says too.

“Just leave him, then.” Allen huffs, throwing his hands up in the air. He turns around and starts to walk away. Kanda didn’t even think about their feelings… Allen regrets even worrying about him.

“Kanda?” Lenalee raises her voice from behind them. Allen stops to look back at the two. Kanda’s still facing away from them and doesn’t even acknowledge Lenalee calling his name. “Be sure to catch up to us, alright? Promise me!”

With no response, Allen can see the frustration start to fill Lenalee.

“Kanda, answer me!” She yells, startling the usually stoic man. Kanda turns to Lenalee then, his face surprisingly gentle. Allen feels something stir inside him.

“I got it. Now get moving.” Kanda says. Lenalee nods and rushes to join them again. As they make their way up to the top of a sand dune. Allen looks back at Kanda positioning himself to block the Noah from their path again. Kanda’s figure looks… lonely almost, with the backdrop of sand and rocks, his long Exorcist coat and hair floating around him in the wind.

Kanda glances over his shoulder and when he catches Allen’s eyes in his gaze, he gives a barely-there nod. Allen takes a deep breath and continues forward with the rest of the group.

_It’ll be okay. It has to be. Kanda will come back to them._

“Kanda… If you don’t come after us, I’ll kick your ass.” He whispers to the air.

* * *

Kanda watches moonlight white hair disappear over the crest of the sand dune. He can’t believe that idiot’s insistence on staying and fighting with him. Allen was what? _Worried?_ Idiot should worry about himself and the people that actually need it, like Lenalee or that sailor guy.

 _Whatever._ He will make it back to them. He made a promise to Lenalee and he doesn’t make a habit of breaking promises.

He sighs and turns to the Noah man. He’d memorized that silhouette as soon as they had realized the man had been following the Tiedoll Unit and had recognized him in an instant.

“Alright, then. I’ve kept you waiting.” He says to the Noah.

“I figured you’d be the one who’d be my opponent.” His voice is hoarse and gravely.

“Are you unsatisfied with me or something”

“No, I’ve been waiting for a one-on-one, is all. Those guys just kept talking their heads off, so I was wondering what to do if they didn’t stop.” The Noah grins maniacally and a yellow aura envelops him. Kanda moves into a fighting stance, raising Mugen in front of him.

The Noah starts to roar and purple lightning zips off of his massive body into the sky. Kanda will admit that he is a bit startled when a golden armor transforms to cover the Noah’s body. In response, he activates his dual sword technique.

The Noah chants “lightning, lightning, lightning” over and over as he condenses electricity in front of him before sending two massive waves of it at Kanda which he jumps over.

“Die!” The Noah roars and this time Kanda can’t dodge. He crosses his swords in front of his body and braces for the impact. Its hot inside the lighting, but Kanda’s been through worse. He breaks the attack and releases a successive attack of sword strikes. His attacks are met with lighting creating an explosion between them. The Noah man charges through the smoke and Kanda rushes to meet him. He slides to the side of the larger man and swipes at his stomach with his sword. He skids to a halt and spins around to see what the man’s next move would be.

“Not bad, not bad.” The Noah stretches his head from side to side, cracking the bones in his neck and shoulders. Kanda raises his sword ready to rush him again when he notices purple lighting sparking across Mugen’s blue blade.

* * *

On the other side of the door to the new room, Allen turns from the long gray hallway before him to look at the door behind them. Worry is starting to nibble at his insides again. He can’t get Kanda’s lone figure out of his head.

“Are you worried about Kanda, Allen?” Lenalee asks, startling him out of his thoughts.

“N-not a chance!” He deflects. “Are you, Lenalee?”

“Yeah, I’m worried.” She says with a nod. “But Kanda promised me that he’d be sure to catch up to us. That’s why I truly believe he’ll come.”

Allen takes a deep breath. Her confidence in Kanda is calming. With new determination they keep moving forwards.

* * *

This time when Kanda charges in and slices across the man’s stomach, his attack lands. He feels how his swords grate across the metal covering the man’s skin, but he doesn’t break through. At his side, Mugen sizzles with electricity, an energy that is not like the Innocence’s.

“Seems you really can fight.” He says to the Noah. “I always thought you couldn’t. You only ever stood and watched the battles. Every time we came into contact with Akuma, you would always be there, but all you ever did was stare. That’s why I thought you couldn’t fight.”

“Oh? That’s because there were three of you.” The Noah says, like it’s the most obvious reason.

“Who cares?” Kanda asks.

“First, second, third.” He counts. “I was trying to figure out which of you I should kill first. When I was watching you three, I was always thinking about that order.”

 _Oh, so he’s just an idiot,_ Kanda thinks.

“You’ve finally decided on your opponent, then?” Kanda says instead.

“I have!” The man yells. “It’s you! I can have a one-on-one match with you now, so that makes you first!”

“Going with the flow, huh?” Kanda huffs.

“I wonder who I should pick when I’m finished with you.” The Noah says, rubbing at his chin in thought. “Which of your pals from before should come next, huh? Who do you think would be good?”

“What do you mean?”

“After I defeat you, I should be able to have another one-on-one fight, right?” The man says with evil glee. “So, after going through that door, I’ll face another Exorcist in a duel. And once he’s through, I’ll pick someone else!”

The beansprout’s face flashes before his eyes. The kid had only just come back to life after being attacked by a Noah and seems all too willing to throw his life away again. He feels fury start to bubble inside of him.

“I’ll finish off every last Exorcist who’s inside this Ark!” The Noah declares. Lightning flashes across his body. “And then, finally, I’ll face Tiedoll!”

A bolt comes flying at Kanda and he easily redirects the lightning off to the side.

“You are dead wrong on that one.” Kanda says, letting his anger start to grow, using the power to further fuel his Innocence. “This will become your grave. After I beat the shit out of you, that is.”

“How typical of an Exorcist!” The Noah laughs. “You used your own anger to give yourself a boost. I’m the Noah Clan’s Skinn Bolic! What are you known as within Tiedoll’s group?”

“Kanda.”

“That so?” The Noah’s laughs grow louder as the golden armor covering his body begins to glow. “Take a look. This is the power of the Noah’s fury.”

A rain of lightning flashes down around him, making the area blindingly bright.

“Kanda,” The Noah, Skinn, calls over the sizzle and crack of lightning. “Do you like sweets?”

“I hate them.” Kanda smiles.

With the introductions seemingly out of the way, Skinn sends bolt after bolt crashing down and Kanda dodges backwards away from them. Purple lightning dances around Mugen’s blade making it hot to the touch.

Skinn roars as he charges in at Kanda again, and Kanda blocks with Mugen, making an “x” shaped cut across Skinn’s raised arms. And then, the cut heals right before Kanda’s eyes.

Kanda dodges more and more blasts of lightning. The rising electricity in the air makes the hair on Kanda’s arms and the back of his neck stand on end.

“Never forgive, never forgive, never forgive.” Skinn chants voice getting louder and louder. “Never forgive, never forgive. Never forgive Exorcists!”

Kanda leaps in and around flashes of lightning, trying to work his way closer. He slips into the Noah’s blind spot and swings Mugen across Skinn’s back using the Eight Flowers Praying Mantis technique to increase the damage. Skinn falls face first into the ground with a cry of pain and doesn’t move. Kanda does his best to catch his breath. And just when he’s caught his breath again, the Noah man starts to twitch. Kanda watches in shock as the man stands up, without a single scratch on him.

“That hurt.” Skinn says. “You’re pretty quick. Much faster than me.”

Which is true. Kanda is very agile in a fight. He’s still surprised that the man can stand even after taking a direct hit.

_It’s not that the attack was ineffective, but that Second Illusion isn’t strong enough to bring him down. He’s much stronger than an Akuma. So, this is the power of the Noah. Well, whatever._

There’s a distant crash and then the ground begins to rumble like it had back in the city. This room doesn’t have much time left, then. He sighs. He needs to get this done soon and get back to the others.

“Second Illusion: Sublimate!” He calls to his sword, releasing more power into Mugen. Kanda’s whole body vibrates with the Innocence as it connects to his soul.

“Take from my life and rise! Taboo Three Illusions!” He invokes. The energy around him surges, sending wave after wave expanding around him.

“Hey, hey! Slow down a sec!” Skinn says, startled. “You’re trying to end this already?”

“I never said I’d take the time to enjoy my fight with you.” Kanda says. “If that’s what you want, you can take as long as you need in the afterlife.”

“The afterlife, huh? If I’m going there, you’ll probably be coming with me.” Skinn raises his beefy hand to point at Kanda. “You’ve noticed it haven’t you, Exorcist? Your hand.”

Kanda looks down at the foreign lightning still dancing around Mugen.

“Though right now it’s probably only a small burn. I am the Noah of wrath, Skinn Bolic! My body houses energy measuring millions of volts! Do you get it? When you cut this body of mine with your sword, all of the energy stored within me flows directly into you! You got that!? Humans that incur the wrath of God will be reduced to nothing but ash!”

Truth be told, Kanda hadn’t even noticed that the lightning was burning his hands, he healed so quickly from it anyways that it didn’t even matter. Kanda rolls his eyes and smirks at the Noah, raising Mugen.

“I already said it before,” He says. “I will live.”

It’s not a choice. He made a promise (several actually). And who knows what the group will run into in the next room, so he needs to hurry this up and get to them.

Kanda and Skinn rush at each other again, but this time, Kanda is even faster. He easily evades the Noah’s large, flailing arms and lands several deep cuts with his sword. The more he hits and evades, the crazier Skinn seems to get, mumbling and laughing insanely to himself. Kanda backs away from the man and watches as the Noah falls to his knees, blood flowing from a multitude of slashes across his body.

Then the electricity ringing his hands becomes too much for his healing abilities to overcome. His black gloves disintegrate from the voltage and he feels the burns on his hands now. The smell of burnt flesh makes him gag and his hands shake from the effort of keeping them in a closed fist.

The electricity starts to run up his arms and all across his body. Each zap stings and he grits his teeth and wills himself to breathe through it. _Oh yeah…_ He hadn’t thought about the fact that while using Taboo Three Illusions, his recovery ability would be reduced.

 _Stupid Kanda,_ rings through his head.

“More than enough.” Skinn grunts. “Lasting this long is more than enough.”

And then Skinn starts to glow and all of the injuries that Kanda had just made of the man heal. A tinge of fear starts to grip Kanda.

“The time has come!” The Noah roars. There’s a cracking sound and then pain lances through Kanda as chains explode out of his chest.

“You were naïve, Exorcist.” Skinn raises an arm and Kanda sees that the chains are connected to the man. “Naïve guys are sweet! I love them!”

Kanda lets out a scream as he is hurled forward towards Skinn. A fist crashes against his face and Skinn uses the backwards momentum to fling him against a tower of rocks. Something snaps inside him, and the taste of blood fills his mouth. Probably a broken rib.

“Like I told you,” He hears Skinn say over the ringing in his ears. “When you cut me and block my attacks, you enable my weapons to transfer my energy straight to you. These chains are that very energy I have placed within you. How’s it feel to be attacked and pierced from the inside out?”

He’s being flung around again and this time his vision whites out from the electricity overflowing within him.

“What’s the matter? You dead yet?” Skinn taunts. And that, well, that brings Kanda back to full awareness. The seal across his chest burns hotter than the electricity sizzling through him. His heart gives a painful thump.

“I won’t die.” He declares. “I cannot die.”

He grips Mugen and tries to cut the chains to no avail. Skinn laughs and swings Kanda around into another tower of rocks. When the chains go slack, Kanda tries to get up while the Noah taunts him some more.

“You’re finished! You may be faster than me, but I’m leagues ahead of you in strength. In this situation, you haven’t a chance in hell. Furthermore, swordsmen must face their attackers! While you’re being swung around by my chains, you can’t position your attack. You’re sword’s nothing but a stick! It’s over, Exorcist. You’re through!”

Kanda grunts as his arms shake. His ponytail flops down over his shoulder obscuring his view. He can just barely hear the Noah’s heavy footsteps as he approaches.

“Now then, may you die, consumed by fear and suffering. May that countenance of fear quell my fury!”

Kanda bites his cheek and stabs Mugen into the ground to help him shakily stand. More than pain, more than the electricity, Kanda is filled with anger. Rage. Determination. He has things to do and is done wasting time with this fight. He turns a glare onto the approaching Noah, making him stop in his tracks.

“Don’t you fear death?” Skinn asks him. He recalls a conversation he had with Komui three or four months ago.

_“I won’t die.” He says to the Chief. “My wounds have already healed.”_

_“They’re healing slower than before.” Komui says._

_“As long as they still heal, there’s no problem.”_

_“But there will come a time when they won’t.” Komui says, worry tinging his voice. “In other words, Kanda, your clock has started ticking. You cannot misjudge it. The strength of your lifeforce._

“I won’t die.” He tells both the Komui in his memories and the Noah in front of him. He still has a promise to uphold, to _her._

“Ridiculous! That’s impossible!” The Noah says incredulously before his voice is buried by the sound of another earthquake rumbling through the room. This room’s time really will be up soon. He needs to hurry it up.

* * *

Another trembling quake shakes the ground beneath Allen’s feet, making him stumble. Dred makes his fingers feel cold.

“Another room is falling apart!” Allen says. He looks back past his friends at the long and dark hallway they’d been walking down.

 _Kanda…_ _please hurry back to us._

* * *

In the distance, Kanda can see the door that they had come in through collapse in on itself. The only way out is the exit then.

“I wonder which of us will walk outta here, Exorcist.” Skinn says.

“You having trouble remembering?” Kanda says, raising his chin in defiance. “My name is Kanda, you lightning bastard. I will be the one to live.”

“So naïve!” Skinn roars while sending a wave of lighting at him again, pulling the chains taut and preventing Kanda from moving. And when the onslaught is over, he’s being yanked through the air and into another rock formation.

“I’m not done yet!” The Noah roars, swinging Kanda around once more and increasing the voltage of the lighting to the point that Kanda’s Exorcist coat disintegrates like his gloves had before.

“Have some more!” Skinn bellows. “More, more, more, more!”

Kanda’s vision swims and as it starts to go dark, the condensed lightning above the Noah transforms into a pink lotus flower.

_I will not die. Not here. Not yet._

Mugen deactivates.

_That person…_

His regenerative abilities are incapable of keeping up with the onslaught of lightning. His heart stops.

_“Kanda.”_

_His eyes slowly open. He is laying down in a field of lotus blossoms, each brilliant in bloom._

_“Yuu, will you stay with me?”_ He _says while lying next to Kanda amidst the flowers. A smile as bright as the sun lights up_ his _face._

 _“You promised me.”_ She _says standing just behind him so that he has to crane his neck to see_ her _._

His heart gives a painful thump in his chest as it starts to beat again.

“How many times must I kill you before you finally die?”

His breaths are so shallow, he can’t breathe past the giant fist wrapped around his neck.

“I guess I’ll have to burn your head off.”

Despite the electricity making his fingers twitch and spasm he grips Mugen in his hand again. He clenches his jaw and stabs the Noah through with his sword. He opens his eyes to stare directly into Skinn’s.

“What’s this now?” The Noah asks.

“I was waiting for this moment.” He grits out before shoving his sword down through Skinn’s torso.

“Die, die, die!”

The electricity starts to ramp up and Kanda in turn starts to yell. He flips his wrist to make Mugen’s sharp blade face upwards. Kanda rips the sword upwards, slicing cleanly through Skinn’s large body.

Time slows as the fingers around his neck release him. Kanda drops to the floor. His hair is loose from its ponytail once again, obscuring his vision of the Noah man bleeding out in front of him. Mugen sizzles in his hand. He can hear Skinn’s gravelly voice cry out in pain and it lights a weak fire of satisfaction in Kanda.

“My body’s being destroyed by that Innocence-using bastard.” If he’d thought the man sounded crazed before, its nothing like how it is now. “You took my energy until your own weapon melted? But now you’re Innocence has been rendered unusable…”

Kanda’s head lolls to the side to look at his sword. The blade is cracked and jagged. It looks so fragile that if he were to use it again it would surely shatter on impact.

His healing abilities start to kick in. He slowly sits up and then rolls to stand. He watches was the Noah man’s skin turns from the bright golden-yellow to a rusty brown and cracks and crumbles.

“’Noah are Immortal,’ huh?” Kanda says to the shell of a body before him. “Who came up with that bullshit? People will all die, as long as they remain human.”

A breeze blows strands of hair into his face. The chains connecting from him to the Noah disintegrate leaving him free.

_It’s time to go._

He gently sheathes Mugen, mindful of its fragility, and makes his way to the door that the beansprout and the others had left through. He isn’t sure if it’s the ground that’s shaking or his legs, still twitching from the electricity that his healing hadn’t gotten rid of yet.

His vision blacks out for a second and Kanda stumbles to the ground.

“Shit.” He mutters to himself. “My left hand has gone numb. My knees, too. Is it because I used my life force for so long in that fight, that my recovery can’t catch up?”

He lifts his head and the building his comrades left through swims before his eyes; he’s unable to focus his eyesight.

“This is no time to lose consciousness!” He berates himself. There are people waiting for him.

 _“Right! I’m staying too, Kanda!”_ That stupid beansprout… If he had stayed behind, he only would have gotten in Kanda’s way.

He uses Mugen to help him back to his feet.

“Seems I’m remembering some lame crap…” He mumbles. “No way am I going to die in a place like this.”

Kanda puts one foot in front of the other, calling on years of training to move him forward.

Suddenly, there’s a flash of light and a clap of thunder. And Kanda quickly looks behind him to see lighting striking the Noah’s kneeling body.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Falls out of his mouth in surprise.

“Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive.” Comes the frenzied chant of the revitalized Noah. Kanda watches in horror as the man he’d thought was dead stands again.

“That guy’s still…”

“Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive.”

Kanda’s eyes widen impossibly as the lighting condenses into a massive ball of electricity above Skinn. Kanda sways as his vision blurs again. He digs the tip of Mugen into the ground to help him stay standing.

_Damnit. I’ve got to endure just a bit longer!_

“Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive.”

_Shit, he’s going to release a big one!_

Kanda glances behind him at the building with the only exit. He has to protect it. He wills his limbs to move.

“Bastard!” Kanda roars while unsheathing Mugen again. _Please be able to take it._ “Just die!”

He runs down the hill at Skinn, using the incline to gain momentum and swings his sword over his head. It lands with a loud clang but doesn’t pierce the man. He’s too close and a stray bolt hits him, sending him flying backwards.

“Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive.” Skinn repeats over and over. He’s being controlled not by his own will, but by the Noah’s hatred.

Kanda raises Mugen to his opponent once again, the blade even more brittle after the last failed hit.

“Mugen,” He invokes. “Second Illusion Blades!”

“Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive the Exorcists!”

The condensation of lighting explodes. Kanda cannot dodge this one, he has to protect the exit.

“Forbidden Third Illusions!” He calls to his sword, hoping that it can withstand the blast. “Draw on my life force and rise, Mugen!”

He crosses the dual blades in front of him and digs his heels into the sand as the blast reaches him. Somehow the power of the blast impossibly increases.

“Never forgive. Never forgive. Never forgive the Innocence.” He hears Skinn roar over the crash of thunder. “Noah are immortal! The one who will die is you!”

“I won’t die.” Kanda bites. “Until I can find that person. I’ll…”

Mugen shatters in his hand. The lightning explodes in his face. The sand blasts up around him and the heat of the lighting turns the sand to a solid glass, stabbing through him and lifting him into the air, where he hangs suspended.

“I did it. I did it. I destroyed his Innocence.” The Noah’s gleeful voice floats into his ears muffled like he put cotton in his ears. “I destroyed it! I destroyed his Innocence!”

Kanda squeezes Mugen in his hand and a blue light zips from the handle of his sword to all of the scattered pieces like a constellation in the sky.

“What is this light under my foot?” Skinn asks. “No this isn’t a normal light.”

“Mugen.” Kanda calls to his sword’s Innocence.

“What!”

“My life-draining Forbidden Third Illusion.” Kanda proclaims, lifting his head from where it had been hanging limply to glare at Skinn. “My sword won’t die so easily!”

There’s little clinking sounds as the fragments of his sword fit back together at the hilt. Kanda throws himself at Skinn, roaring and swinging Mugen vertically down through the man, cleaving him in half.

He pants, trying to take in breath, but each inhale falls short.

“With this,” He says. “It’s truly over.”

“You still don’t get it.” Somehow Skinn still speaks. “I’ve told you before, the Noah are Immortal! This isn’t anywhere near finished! Exorcist, why? Why won’t you die?”

Kanda glares at the man through the pieces of hair that drift in front of his eyes.

“I’ve already told you.”

“I get it! You’re- You’re-” Skinn stumbles over his words before he bursts into golden dust.

“Shut your damn mouth. It’s over already.” Kanda says.

He sighs, looking down at his shattered sword. He’s going to have to apologize to Komui. The room starts to crumble and fall in on itself, rock formations toppling over and the ground splitting open.

 _“Be sure to catch up to us, okay?”_ He remembers he promised Lenalee.

_Stupid Kanda._

Gray eyes, shiny with tears fill his vision. He tries to stand but falls immediately.

_I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise. They’re gonna be so pissed at me._

He thinks about Allen’s voice, shrill in its annoyance as they fight over something trivial. He can’t help but crack a smile.

Then the ground under him cracks and disappears and he falls into nothingness.


	11. The Ark Arc Pt. 2: Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All we can do right now is believe in Kanda and press forward.” Allen says, feeling his brave mask slip into place. “When Kanda returns, I won’t let him call me beansprout anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to split the Ark Arc into three chapters instead of the two. This one was just getting longer and longer even after I cut the entire Jasdevi fight (sorry anyone that was looking forward to that...) and was looking like it'd be close to 15k words but I really wanted to get a chapter out... So! Here's part 2. Not sure how long it'll take to get part 3 out, but it should be in the next few days! I realized the other day that my overall timeline of how long it's been since Allen joined the Order and stuff was a little wonky, so after the next chapter, I might spend a little time going back and fixing that.  
> If you follow me over on tumblr ( @bnerdler ) you can get updates on my progress writing as well as other random thoughts I have. And if you have been following me over there, you know I mentioned creating a Let Me Stay By Your Side playlist! You guys can check it out at:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3S2NyTmvtSvfEjLvyFoaEy?si=9CFRvE9sShys5GaWK6_0fA  
> I am always open for song recommendations as well!  
> Hope ya'll enjoy!

A loud rumble echoes through the seemingly endless hallway. Allen stops dead in his tracks. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach turning into something wrenching and painful.

“Kanda…” He whispers. Looking down the hall in the direction they came. Next to him, Lenalee takes a shaky breath, closing her eyes. Lavi tilts his head to the ceiling.

“Hah, looks like that room you left your friend behind in has finished downloading.” Lero jeers. “Master Skinn probably killed him and is on his way to kill you now.”

No… Kanda wouldn’t… He’s always going on and on about how he can’t die, and Allen has seen numerous times first-hand how quickly he heals. He can’t…

Allen takes an involuntary step back in the direction they came from.

No…

He takes another two steps before a warm hand grips his wrist tightly, spinning him back towards the group. He’s met with a sad green eye. He hadn’t noticed it before, but Lavi has a deep bag under his eye. Everything that happened to his comrades after Allen nearly died must have taken such a toll on them. With Lenalee’s legs out of commission, Miranda’s Innocence not being an offensive type, bookman who is skilled but old, and a ship full of civilians, Lavi and Krory were the only ones capable of fighting Akuma.

Krory comes over and puts one of his spidery thin hands on Allen’s shoulder, looking at him with tired eyes too.

 _“Let’s keep going. We can’t turn back here. If we go back now, all the effort of those who gave their lives will be wasted.”_ It’s what Lavi had said that Lenalee had said. They have to keep moving forward, to honor those they have to leave behind.

“Yuu’s just fine.” Lavi says now. There’s a tension in his voice though, like he doesn’t believe it fully himself. Allen tries to breathe through the weight on his chest. He has to believe it too.

“All we can do right now is believe in Kanda and press forward.” Allen says, feeling his brave mask slip into place. “When Kanda returns, I won’t let him call me beansprout anymore.”

But still… Kanda… Why does Allen feel so gutted? He didn’t particularly like the guy in the first place but… he must have been lonely, in that room all alone… Why does Allen feel so devastated?

* * *

He has left another friend behind in a crumbling room to fight a Noah on their own. It takes everything in Allen to grab Lenalee and drag her out of the library room they were fighting the twin Noahs, while she screams their friend’s name.

“Krory! Even though he was injured badly, he… If we don’t go back…” She cries.

“Lenalee…” He says.

“Let go of me!” She tries to wriggle out of his grasp. “We can’t keep getting separated!”

“Lenalee!” He yells over her, putting both hands on the sides of her face and squishing her cheeks to make her look at him. “Don’t worry. We’ll definitely all go home together. That means Krory and Kanda, too. I’m not giving up. I’m struggling and struggling to protect everyone. This isn’t like the strong Lenalee I always knew. You’re older than me, aren’t you, Lenalee?”

Tears roll down her squished-up cheeks, but she’s calmed down now. Allen gets a surprise elbow to the head though by Lavi.

“Your big bros here aren’t gonna give in, either!” Lavi crows while casually nudging himself between Allen and Lenalee. “Plus, Krory still has three flasks of Chomesuke’s blood. If any man can do it, its Krory. So, believe in him, Lenalee. In a situation as desperate as this, it may be tough but all we can do is believe in him and fight on.”

This seems to rally Lenalee’s conviction so they press on. With every step forward Allen tries not to regret their decision to leave their friends behind.

 _“You guys, get moving.”_ It was what Kanda had insisted they do.

 _“I believe in you guys.”_ It was what Krory had said to them while pierced through by Jasdevi.

He just has to believe that they’ll come back to them.

* * *

Where the first hallway after the door to the room they left Kanda in was more like an actual hallway - like Allen would expect to get lost in at the Order - the hallway after this door is a black swirling mist. It’s not fully black, Allen can see splotches of dark purple and shades of navy-blue twisting around them. It reminds him of Kanda’s hair when he’s seen it down and how it floats on a breeze.

_Please come back to me… Back to us…._

There’s a white pinprick of light in the distance.

_Keep moving forward._

Allen walks just a little faster, taking the lead in their dwindling group.

Soon the pinprick of light reveals itself to be a staircase, a long meandering staircase that goes up through the purple, blue, and black void they’ve found themselves in.

Pretty early on in their climb, Lenalee’s legs start acting up. Allen offers her his hand to help her up each staircase as her legs start to shake from the exertion of so much walking. He wants to stop and offer to carry her, but she probably wouldn’t accept. She’s stubborn like that.

“I have to keep trying.” He hears Lenalee say quietly. He turns to look at her and her eyes go wide. She pulls her hand out of his and covers her mouth in embarrassment.

“I said it out loud!” She says abashedly.

“So, you really are pushing yourself to walk.” He says, putting his hands on his hips.

“No, it’s not what you’re thinking!” She insists, waving her hands around in front of her. “I just thought that once we get back to the Order, I should do some training.”

“Lenalee, what’s with all the serious thoughts?” Lavi comically says, rubbing his arms like he’s gotten goosebumps from her words. “When we get back, I’m sleeping! Gotta sleep after these kinds of things!”

“Sleeping’s fine, but I just thought training might be helpful, too.”

“That’s no good, Lenalee.” Lavi continues joking. “You have to think sexier thoughts, or you’ll never get a boyfriend!”

Allen sees Lenalee’s tell-tale eyebrow twitch of annoyance and does not step in when she grabs Lavi by the collar and violently shakes him.

“Lavi, that has nothing to do with this!” She yells in his face, her own bright red.

“You’re so rude, Lavi.” Allen chides, content to watch Lenalee lovingly beat up their friend.

“That hurts!” Lavi gives an exaggerated wail before going on. “This is probably random, but… Uh… what about you, Allen?”

“Huh?” Allen jumps a little, not expecting to be addressed.

“What’re you gonna do when you get back?”

“Me? I’ll feast!” He doesn’t even need to think about it. “I’ll eat every single dish Jerry can make for me!”

“Yeah, I figured.” Lavi says. There’s suddenly a choked off laugh further down the stairs from them from Chaoji.

“S-sorry, it’s just that your chatter reminded me of us ordinary people.” Chaoji says apologetically. His freckles are barely visible around the dirt that cakes his square face. “Being servants of God, I figured your way of thinking was different from ours. Like your jokes, or what makes you laugh. If you feel afraid… I didn’t think you ever felt that.”

Chaoji places his hand over his heart and Allen is struck by how much it shakes. He’s really not that much older than them. Allen descends the stairs and places a hand over the sailor’s.

“We’re just like ordinary people.” He says looking up into Chaoji’s eyes. “We get scared, too. But it’s when you’re uneasy that you should think of fun things and be cheerful. It’ll be okay.”

He’s parroting Komui’s words, but it helped him move forward through the Ark before, he hopes it will be enough to keep Chaoji moving.

“How can you spout that crap at a time like this?” Lero screeches, shrill voice grating on the ears. “Those thoughts are useless in your situation.”

“You’re wrong, Lero.” Allen says. “The thing I’m looking forward to most when we get back…”

Komui’s words echo in his head again:

_“When everyone returns, I’ll greet you all with a ‘welcome home’ and a pat on the back. Of course, I’ll hug Lenalee as hard as I can. And you’ll get lots of food, Allen. Lavi will probably fall asleep on the spot, so I’ll put a blanket over him. The adults will toast the occasion, and we’ll throw a huge party before going to bed. It’ll be wonderful. And then, though a little late, Kanda will show up with that look of his.”_

“What I’m looking forward to the most is hearing ‘welcome home’ from Komui and the others. No matter how grim the situation, or how slim our chances, I’ll never give in.”

He gives the umbrella a polite but dismissing smile before taking the lead to continue forward.

_Kanda will show up… he will._

* * *

They reach a doorway leading to the last room and this time, with no hesitation, Allen steps through it. Only to be accosted by a small girl throwing herself at him.

“Allen!” She says joyfully. Allen stumbles back from the sudden weight. He recognizes her voice and face instantly, it’s not one he would soon forget.

“Road?” He yells. She giggles and then she’s kissing him. Her thin lips press against his own. He is so shocked that he can’t even move.

“Mistress Road! You can’t kiss an exorcist!” Lero squeals, flying to force itself between Allen and the Noah girl. Allen’s pretty sure his soul has left the building.

“Ah, Lero?” Road says.

_My first kiss… gone… with a girl… and not just any girl… a Noah…_

He’s reeling, absolutely reeling. This is not how he expected his first kiss to go at all! It was supposed to go to the guy he’s going to fall in love with! Not a girl that he holds no affection for!

“Allen? Hey! Hang in there, man!” Lavi pats him on the back, but Allen’s brain feels like it’s just stopped doing brain things His eyes travel dazedly around the room. “Allen? Hey, Allen!”

“Road, what are you doing?” A familiar voice calls from across the room. “Do you like the boy that much?”

Allen comes back to himself when his eyes land on the Noah Tyki Mykk. The man that killed him. He sits at the head of a long table laden with food, eating from a plate of his own, handsome in a dapper suit.

“I’ve become quite famished waiting for you all.” He says in that suave tone of his. “Shall we eat? I’d like to talk with you a bit before our fight.”

“I’ll have to refuse.” Allen dead pans. He has no fondness for the man. “I take my time when I eat my meals.”

“Your time, huh? Wouldn’t you like to know how much you’ve got left?” Tyki gestures to the large archway window overlooking the city with the knife in his hand.

_The city! The Ark!_

He runs to the window, his friends hot on his heels, before stopping dead in his tracks at what he sees before him.

“The town’s…” Lavi trials off in disbelief.

_It’s gone… It’s all gone…_

“Every place, save this one has been destroyed.” Tyki’s says nonchalantly from his seat at the table. “The only building remaining is this tower.”

_Kanda! Krory!_

Allen can’t breathe. He can’t…

 _It’s all gone!_ Everything past the tower and a small garden surrounding it is gone, it’s just empty nothingness. A void.

“That can’t be!” Lenalee gasps. There’s a loud bang behind them and when he turns, Allen sees that Road has locked the door they came in through with a thick metal chain.

“Won’t you sit down.” She says.

“Take a seat, Exorcist.” Tyki insists. None of them move. “Are you frightened?”

Allen feels anger, hatred course through his veins. Hot, and boiling, and _mean_. This man… This man. Allen won’t take any shit from this man again. He clenches his fist and walks to the seat at the other head of the table, opposite from the Noah man’s. When he gets to the seat, he slams his palm down on the tabletop, feeling deeply satisfied at how the plates rattle and stares Tyki Mykk right in his golden eyes.

The other’s follow and they all sit tensely around the table. It’s silent, and he feels each second pass with an increasing weight. It only serves to make him angrier. _Wasting his time._

 _Road Kamelot._ She had injured Lenalee to the point that she was unconscious for weeks. She had nailed Miranda’s hands to her clock, leaving her with deep ragged scars. She had tested Allen’s morals and brutally stabbed him in the eye.

 _Tyki Mykk._ He had killed Daisya Barry, making Kanda look like _that_ after Barcelona. Killed General Yeegar. Sent a level three Akuma into the heart of the Asian Branch. Manipulated Suman Dark into betraying the Order. And had killed Allen that night in the bamboo forest. His anger only seems to increase.

“Well then, it seems we can have a nice long chat now, boy.” Tyki says, a smirk twisting his handsome face. Allen only glares at him harder. “C’mon, don’t make those faces! It’s not cute at all, you know. This isn’t a trap or anything. I said there’d be no cheating, didn’t I?”

Road hops down from her spot by Tyki and runs to where Allen sits, giggling, before throwing her arms around his shoulders. Allen tries to lean away from her, she makes his skin crawl.

“You’re safe, Allen!” She giggles in his ear.

“Mistress Road!” Lero cries. “Don’t flirt with him! Stop it! Stop!”

“At the top level of this tower, my door’s all ready to go!” Road ignores the umbrella. Allen leans his head away, she’s far too close. She lets him go but continues to stay uncomfortably near him, giving him a saccharine smile. He turns his own polite smile on her, the one that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’d be nice if it led outside.” He says. He only gets a giggle in return. Allen turns his glare back to Tyki across the table.

“What did you want to talk about, _Lord_ Tyki Mykk?” Allen says, emphasizing the title sarcastically. “Or should I call you Sticky Fingers the Evil Bum?”

“Don’t be so harsh, boy. You’ve got to be the first Exorcist to force a Noah to strip to his underwear. Don’t you think our meeting was fated?”

“Not really.” Allen shrugs. “I’ve caused tons of people to strip down to their underwear playing cards.”

“Oh, what a dark thing to say. Are you really fifteen?” Tyki says, raising an eyebrow skeptically. He’s sixteen now but that’s not what the man was really asking about.

“Is this about my Innocence?” Allen reads between the lines, lifting his Innocence arm – the one that Tyki had severed from his body and destroyed.

“To tell the truth, I was pretty shocked when I heard about it.” The Noah man sighs. Allen stares hard at the freckle under his left eye. “It really seemed as though I’d destroyed it.”

“But you didn’t. It’s still right here.”

“Oh? Have you become interested in Innocence now, Tyki?” Road laughs.

“A bit.” Tyki puts his chin into his hand in a contemplative pose. “Well then, boy, is that left arm the reason you’re still alive after the Teez ate a hole in your heart?”

He can feel Lenalee and Lavi’s eyes on him. He doesn’t know how much they know about what happened that night, and he hadn’t specifically told them in detail what happened to his heart when he recounted what happened to Tiedoll back under that bridge. He hadn’t wanted to worry them.

“A part of my Innocence restored my heart.” Is what he says. “There’s no problem.”

Tyki appraises him before lighting a cigarette to smoke. Allen wants to punch his smug face.

“Road, isn’t it about time you gave the boy his space?” The Noah asks. Road, who had been sitting on the arm of Allen’s chair, throws her arms around his shoulders again and sticks her face uncomfortably close to his again.

“What? But I love him!” She childishly cries.

“Hey now, nothing good will come of an Exorcist dating a Noah.” Tyki chides before addressing Allen again. Road shifts so that she is sitting in Allen’s lap now. “You know the Millennium Earl’s plan for the world’s demise?” Tyki stands up from his seat. “Half of me’s only in it to mess around. I knew being evil was the way to go! But thanks to you, boy, I’m a bit self-conscious. Your extermination, though? I know I have to take that seriously.”

A black butterfly lands lightly on Lenalee’s shoulder. Allen’s had enough. He pushes Road off of him and dives across the table using his long Innocence finger to pin the butterfly to the chair, effectively killing it. He’d been boiling with rage, but now he just feels a chilly, frigid, fury fueling his body.

“Tyki Mykk,” Allen pins the man with an ice-cold glare. “I also have something I’d like to say. If you lay one hand on my friends, I may end up killing you.”

Then he takes off running down the long table, the tablecloth slipping underneath his feet.

“I don’t hate you, boy, but…” Tyki grumbles around his cigarette. A large butterfly unfurls from his palm, this one striped like the evolved one that the Noah had used to eat a hole in Allen’s heart. Allen runs faster, using his clawed fingers to cut through the barrage of black butterflies that come his way before he rams into the star-shaped shield Tyki conjured to hold in front of his body.

“Let’s have our last dance.” Tyki breathes cigarette smoke right into Allen’s face. Allen backs away to lead Tyki a distance from the table to fight properly without potentially injuring his friends in the crossfire.

Tyki has a star shield in each hand and a plethora of butterflies hovering around him, cigarette still lit in his mouth. Allen levels a glare at him.

“Boy, what are you thinking right now?” Tyki asks him. “Are you going to enjoy killing me? That time we played cards was pretty fun, wasn’t it? I’ll show you how to make a poker face.”

“It’s sad.” Allen sighs. “Each time we meet, you seem more and more human. Were it possible, I’d have preferred this to be a poker game with no one’s life on the line.”

He doesn’t want to kill any humans, but this man – no, this _Noah_ continues to threaten the lives of everyone Allen holds dear.

Lenalee suddenly screams.

“Lenalee! Choaji!” Lavi calls. Allen glances quickly over, not wanting to take his eyes off of the Noah in front of him for too long and sees that Lenalee and Chaoji have been captured into a translucent cube with dots making the whole thing resemble dice, while Road watches idly from where she floats atop Lero like a witch on a broomstick.

“Teez.” Tyki commands his swarm of black butterflies. Allen turns back to the fight at hand, activating his Crown Clown to protect him and destroy the Teez. He’s quickly distracted by Lenalee screaming Lavi’s name, glancing over his shoulder. Tyki uses his moment of distraction to slam his star shield into Allen’s side.

“Poor old Mr. Eye-patch.” He taunts. Allen can’t take his eyes off the man this time to check on his friends. “It’ll be nice if Road doesn’t destroy his heart during their fight, but you should focus on me right now.”

Allen sends Crown Belt around the shield at the Noah but not before Tyki dances away and up into the air like he’s climbing a staircase and not literal air.

“I see.” Allen says. “Your ability is to move through anything right?”

“Right. I can pass through anything I touch at will. That includes walking on air.” Tyki says, lips curling up into a smug grin. “I possess the right to pass through all things in this world. However, your Innocence is a different story. It’s such a nuisance since it’s not of this world.”

Allen uses Crown Clown to attach to the marble ceiling and stand upside down on it, looking down on Tyki Mykk. And then the battle truly begins.

* * *

He’s lost count of how many butterflies he’s destroyed and how many times he’s clashed with Tyki’s star shields. He can tell that the Noah man is starting to ramp up his attacks, getting ready to attempt to destroy Allen’s Innocence again. Phantom pains shoot down his arm as he remembers that night.

When he’d been trying to find his way through the Ark and talking to Komui, the Chief had advised him that if he got into a situation where he thought his Innocence could be destroyed, to run like hell.

 _“If the weakness of the Akuma and Noah is Innocence, then the Innocence’s weakness is in turn the Noah.”_ Komui’s voice had crackled out of his earring transmitter. _“It’s like they have the same strict balance as light and dark do. Your Innocence cannot afford to be lost a second time.”_

Like hell he would run from this fight.

Tyki comes racing at him with a massive black orb surrounding his body.

“Oh, aren’t you going to run?” The Noah asks, reaching his hand out for Allen’s left arm. Allen faces the orb head on and punches it with his Innocence arm.

“I won’t run!” Allen roars.

“You can’t stop it. This is absolute power!” Tyki sneers. “It’ll release you Exorcists from that God or whoever’s entangled you, boy!”

Purple lines of light twist their way up Allen’s arm, and it hurts like a bolt of electricity. He gasps at the pain.

“Shatter and split, Allen Walker.”

The orb expands with enough force that it sends Allen crashing back towards the table his friends are at. He lands against the box holding Lenalee and Chaoji hostage. Lavi kneels on the ground just off to his right, normally bright green eye flatly staring off in the distance.

“Allen!” Lenalee screams just behind him. His arm hurts. It forcibly deactivated, and fissures run through the surface of his black skin.

“One blow wasn’t enough, huh?” Tyki lands on the ground just in front of him. “Just shows how sturdy it is after having evolved. But I’ll end it with the next blow. Don’t try resisting now, boy.”

Allen can see what Kanda had talked about before, Tyki Mykk’s aura of bloodlust ripples palpably around the Noah’s body as he approaches Allen.

“Hey, Tyki! You’re beating my Allen up too much.” Road scolds.

“Just sit back and watch.” Tyki says.

“As if my heart, my resolve, could be shattered.” Allen grits out. The taste of blood tinges his mouth on every word. “Like I would ever run from the darkness!”

“You don’t enjoy having your arm broken to bits, do you?” Tyki asks him sarcastically. Allen opens his mouth to respond, only to choke as he coughs up blood. He must have cracked a rib slamming into the thing containing Lenalee.

“Allen, you shouldn’t come into contact with the Noah’s power!” Lenalee admonishes, banging her fist against the cage next to Allen’s head. “It won’t just be your parasitic-type Innocence that’s affected, but your body as well!”

He looks back at her and tries his best to give her a reassuring smile through the transparent wall between them. Allen takes a deep breath, turning back to the Noah man.

“Tyki Mykk, it seems you have misunderstood what an Exorcist is.” Allen says. “You think that as long as you break the anti-Akuma weapon, Innocence, that an Exorcist would become a normal person. Just another powerless human, right? Those people are the ones you should really fear.” Allen starts to synchronize with his Innocence, feeling its power resonating within himself. “Power may be something that’s granted by the Innocence, but the ones to be feared are the Exorcists who wield it! As long as my heart is tied to my Innocence… As long as the vessel, my body, is not destroyed… As long as I am an Exorcist… As long as the things important to me still exist in this world… This Crown Clown will not be shattered so easily!”

He can feel the Innocence vibrate with power through his bones, through every inch of his body. His arm glows green, healing itself

“Tyki Mykk,” Allen addresses the stunned man. “You underestimate humans far too much.”

Tyki stares at him with wide, gold eyes before they crinkle up and he bends over laughing hysterically.

“Really, just who are you?” He asks, laughter dying down to leave only a deadly serious tone. “Alright, I understand completely now. I have to kill you first, boy, otherwise that Innocence won’t die, right?”

A blinding light starts to glow behind Tyki. He raises a hand and that starts to glow too.

“Reject! Reject! Reject!” The Noah man starts to repeat. Allen is faced with a blast of light taking over his vision. “This is a ‘thank you’ for the lecture. I’ll give you a taste of my power.”

Then all Allen sees is black.

* * *

Allen can’t breathe. There’s no air.

He can’t see. Everything’s black.

_Which way is up? Which way is down?_

“Is it painful, boy?” He can hear. He can hear Tyki Mykk. “I’ve removed all the air so you can’t breathe, so, I guess it would be. I’m free to breathe, even here, however.”

Allen’s arm forcibly deactivates as Allen’s lungs are crushed by the lack of air around him.

“You’re still conscious?” Tyki says from somewhere in front of him. He can’t see. “It’s futile. Just give up already, boy. I’ll break that Clown neatly, along with your corpse. When it comes to ridiculous clowns, the Earl’s more than enough.”

The voice sounds like its further and further away but Allen can still feel that bloodlust so he knows that Tyki must be close by.

“Are you approaching your limit, boy?”

 _Now!_ He wills to his Innocence. _You can’t stop working now!_

“What’s wrong? It’s your chance to attack.”

Allen’s body goes limp. He hangs there, suspended in the vacuum.

_“You useless idiot. What do you think you’re doing, running out of power at the last minute!”_

Allen’s left eye activates.

_I won’t die. I want to live._

He needs to keep living. To defeat the Noah, to defeat Tyki Mykk.

“ _Beansprout._ ”

No… that’s not it. That is not his reason for living.

_I want to protect both humans and Akuma._

Its why he came back to life the last time. It why he was able to get his Innocence back in this form.

_Innocence, to get out of this space, I need enough power to repel Tyki Mykk._

He can’t die. Not here. He has things to do still. Friends that are waiting for him, friends that he’s waiting for. Souls to protect.

_If it’s impossible to activate normally, then grant me even greater synchronization, even greater power. Greater unity._

He reaches out to the Innocence in his arm with his heart and soul.

_You and I as a weapon to protect the world!_

There’s a hand grabbing his heart. He knows this well, has had nightmares about it.

“I don’t know what you were trying but do you think I’d just let you do it?” Tyki says in his ear. “I’ll take out your heart like this.”

The hand on his heart squeezes, and Allen forces his mind to concentrate on synchronization and nothing else.

_Block it out. Concentrate._

The black vortex around him is broken by the green light of his Innocence. It pushes back against the vacuum created by the Noah’s power and Tyki retracts his had from Allen’s chest. The power of the Innocence is so strong, it disintegrates the entire left sleeve of his Exorcist coat. Allen takes a deep breath.

“My left is for the sake of the Akuma.” He says, into the space his Innocence has given him. “My right is for the sake of the humans.”

He grabs his left wrist, following what the Innocence wills him to do. His left arm transforms. His fingers fuse together to form a hilt and Allen grips it with his right hand and slowly pulls. His forearm and then his bicep all transform to become the blade of a massive sword that he wields in his right hand.

* * *

He broke through the vacuum Tyki created and he’s free now. He feels a little off-balanced without the weight of his arm on his left, and the added weight of the sword on his right, but he didn’t spend nearly two weeks battling Fou one armed and years in the circus for something like this to throw him off completely.

“Why are you so persistent?” Tyki asks as Allen’s new sword hits the star shield.

“Even someone like you should understand.” Allen grunts while leaning his full weight into the sword. “Don’t you also have things you wish to protect?”

Tyki’s gold eyes widen in surprise at Allen referencing his other life.

“Something I want to protect, huh?” The man says to himself but then his eyes harden, and a wicked grin overtakes his stunned expression. “It’s not as if I don’t have anything but there are times when they don’t matter!”

Tyki pushes against Allen who skids backwards a few feet, shoes slipping on the accumulated dust before gaining traction on the floor.

“It becomes so much fun to destroy and kill,” Tyki says, darkness bleeding out of him. “So much so that I can’t help myself. That is my role as the Noah with the memory of pleasure, Tyki Mykk, boy.”

Allen angrily roars and charges forward again, slamming his sword at the Noah man with so much force the star shield shatters, and Allen’s sword slices clean through across the man’s chest.

Tyki staggers in front of him, patting down his body to check that everything is still there.

“What’s going on?” Tyki says, disbelief evident in his voice. “I didn’t die. What manner of trick is this, boy?”

“It’s not a trick.” He says what the Innocence tells him happened. “The thing I cut wasn’t your body.”

White crosses appear across Tyki Mykk’s body where his sword had passed through. The Innocence in his veins sings in triumph as the man coughs up a spatter of blood.

“The thing I destroyed,” Allen continues. “was the Noah inside you.”

The man falls to his knees screaming in pain as the Noah within him is exorcised.

“Preserving the life of the human, while killing the demon within.” Allen says, Crown Clown settles warmly around his shoulders like a fatherly hug. “That is the power of Crown Clown and I.”

“Are you saying you’ll destroy the Noah within me, boy?” Tyki grunts, gripping his head like he’s trying to keep it from exploding. Allen crosses the distance between him and his opponent in a few steps. “Without killing me? Just the Noah? You’re so naïve.”

_“Tch. You’re so naïve, Beansprout.”_

“You’re so full of yourself!” Tyki spits blood at him. Allen raises his sword threateningly at his chin.

“No matter what happens, I’m prepared to bear the burden.” He assures.

Road jumps down from her perch on Lero up in the air and starts running at them, aiming to help Tyki who only puts out a hand to stop her. They seem to have some kind of silent conversation before Tyki slowly raises to stand.

“Tch. It’s time for you to take your leave of this war, Tyki Mykk!” Allen yells, anger boiling him from the inside out. He launches himself forwards and stabs his sword through Tyki’s heart. Allen watches as veins stem out from the stigmata across his gray forehead, and his eyes go dull as the man falls unconscious. Allen wrenches his sword back and gravity takes Tyki Mykk’s body to the floor. His skin loses its gray color, leaving him a natural pale and the stigmata shrink until they disappear. The freckle under his left eye is more prominent when he looks like a human instead of a Noah.

Somewhere behind him, he hears Chaoji loudly yelling in victory before it’s cut off.

“Choaji!” Lenalee screams in terror and Allen turns quickly to the cage the two float in, now high up in the air.

“Don’t move.” Road says coldly, none of her normal wild joy evident. “Move an inch and I’ll stab you all.”

Around Allen and his friends are candles, pointed wax cones that are lit at one end. Allen can still remember how it had felt to have his left arm impaled to a wall by these and how Road had stabbed his left eye with one.

“I’m sure Allen and his Crown Clown won’t die,” Road says. “But the rest of you likely will.”

Road wanders over to Tyki Mykk and sits down on the ground next to him, lifting his head to settle it in her lap.

“I like Allen,” She says. “But my family’s special. I’m sure you share this feeling Allen.”

“Tch.” He slowly lifts a foot to move.

“Don’t move.” Road warns and the candles loom in closer. “I’m a little hot-headed right now. Would you like to see me puncture your friend’s bodies?”

A glance up into the transparent cage Lenalee and Chaoji are held captive in reveals Chaoji collapsed to the ground with three of the candles protruding from his back. Lenalee crouches over him protectively, but even from this distance, Allen can see the panic marring her face.

“But that alone’s not enough.” Road says, her voice is dark with anger. “My family has been reduced to this. One of your friends must be punished for it, Allen. That red head. His name’s Lavi, isn’t it? His mind is currently within me. I’ll rip his heart to shreds.”

“Stop!” Allen shouts.

“Please don’t move, Allen.” Road warns. “You’re left eye should remember how terribly painful my candles are, no?”

He does, he remembers.

“If you don’t want that human and pretty little Lenalee to become a terrible mess, you’ll wait until I’ve finished breaking Lavi.”

Allen slowly turns to look at Lavi floating in his own transparent cage near Lenalee and Chaoji. He kneels within it, eye wide open, but face blank. Allen does not dare move.

* * *

The cage around Lavi breaks, and Allen watches as he drops to the floor, landing lightly on his feet.

“L-Lavi?”

“Now, if you want to save Lenalee and the human, you will have to kill him.” Road tells him. All of the candles surrounding Allen disappear leaving him free to move.

Lavi charges at him, swinging a fist at him that Allen blocks with the flat side of his sword. Lavi punches it repeatedly, before the force knocks Allen’s sword out of the way. Lavi lands a solid hit on Allen’s stomach that sends him skidding backwards. While trying to slow down his backwards momentum, Allen’s feet catch on each other and he falls onto his back against the cold marble floor.

He doesn’t even have time to think before Lavi falls out of the sky and kicks him where he’d just landed a punch. It’s so strong that the floor beneath Allen cracks and he screams with the pain of being crushed under Lavi’s foot. He manages to move his head to dodge Lavi’s fist as it smashes into the stone next to his head. Lavi pulls back ready to throw another punch.

 _Something must be possessing him,_ Allen decides. He lifts his sword and pushes it right through his friend’s torso like he had done to Tyki Mykk, in hopes of exorcising whatever is making Lavi do this.

Lavi grabs Allen by the face and smacks his head back into the stone.

“The Sword of Exorcism won’t work.” He hears Road smugly say. “It’s not like he’s possessed by an Akuma. You’ll have to use Edge; that left hand of yours!”

Lavi lifts his body off of the sword and stands over Allen with his green eye devoid of life. Allen’s arm drops to the side, his sword clanging against the ground when it lands.

“Tear him to pieces with your claws.” Road yells gleefully. “Otherwise, you won’t be able to defeat him.”

“Like he could do that!” Lenalee’s muffled voice comes from inside the cage she’s still held in.

Road’s face turns manic and the tips of the candles surrounding Lenalee’s cage turn into whirring drills.

“Allen, if you don’t change to your Edge, I’ll kill them.”

“That’s unfair, Road!” Lenalee yells.

Lavi grabs Allen’s collar and hoists him into the air, throwing him away. Allen stumbles to stay standing but Lavi is already rushing him with his fist raised. He brandishes his sword to block each hit.

“Now, change!” Road roars. “Or would you like to hear Lenalee’s screams?”

Allen’s been backed against one of the columns around the wall of the room. Lavi continues to swing at him, this time catching him squarely across the face.

He can’t fight his friend. He won’t fight his friend. He’s already lost two.

Allen wraps his arm around Lavi’s back and presses his forehead against the red head’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug.

_Come back. Come back. Come back._

He can’t keep losing his friends.

“Lavi, can’t you hear my voice?” He tries. “Didn’t Krory say that the two of us are the only ones who can protect Lenalee and Chaoji here? Surely Kanda, too…”

_Kanda too…_

He grunts as Lavi punches him in the stomach. Lavi grabs his collar and slams Allen back against the column causing Allen’s vision to white out momentarily. When it clears, his feet are dangling inches off the floor and blood trickles down the side of his face. Lavi holds him by the collar still.

“Lenalee, who values us,” He gasps out. He has to bring back Lavi. “Her friends, over the entire world, is crying!”

“I am not your friend.” Lavi says. His voice is so different from the Lavi he knows. Its empty of the excitement and joking lilt that tinges everything he says. Lavi punches him again, this time sending him through the column. Allen falls to the ground and tries to breathe, tries to will himself to stand again.

“Do you get it now?” Road cries in glee. “This is that child’s true self.”

“I never thought of you guys as my friends, even once.” Lavi says while activating his hammer. “I am the successor to the Bookman line, nothing more.”

Allen wobbles his way to stand, using his sword like a crutch to bear some of his weight.

Lavi activates his fire seal, releasing a serpent of red fire like Lavi’s hair that dances all around the room. The mouth of the fire snake comes roaring at Allen and he activates Crown Clown to block it. The flames split in two where the blade of his sword slices through.

Allen dodges and blocks the fiery snake heads. His sword is useless against the flames since they were born from Innocence like his sword, he admits that he’ll have to use Clown Edge if he wants to attack…

_I can’t!_

He won’t hurt his friends! He’ll bring Lavi back! Somehow…

Lavi activates his heaven seal, shocking Allen with lightning. A scream is wrenched from his lungs and he falls to the floor. He uncontrollably twitches in the aftershocks.

“Lavi…” He tries to say but there’s ash in his throat as Lavi activates his fire seal again. The fire licks at Allen’s fingers spurring him to move. He sits up and stabs his sword through Lavi. “If it’s Road’s power that is doing this to you, then I’ll either sink or swim with this. Road!”

With all the force he can manage, he plunges his sword completely through Lavi where if flies straight into Road where she had sat a ways away observing and holding Tyki Mykk’s unconscious but now human body. The sword lodges itself into her chest, knocking her backwards. Lero the umbrella screams in surprise.

“Sorry to disappoint.” Road laughs, gripping the hilt. “It wasn’t a bad idea to attack me in Lavi’s blind spot, but…” She sits up like a ragdoll. “Have you forgotten how your attacks didn’t work against me in the rewinding city?” She starts to pull the sword from her chest. “Even if it is an exorcising sword, I am on a different level. I am me and at the same time, I’m not. It’s impossible for someone who doesn’t know my true from to kill me.”

_No!_

The flames start to rise and Lavi still stands over Allen.

“Why didn’t you listen to me?” Road continues. “Some things are simply impossible, even for you, Allen.”

“Fire Seal.” Lavi says and Allen is swallowed by the flaming serpent again. Somewhere he can hear Lenalee screaming their names.

He’s engulfed by flames and waits for the burning sensation to hit him once the initial shock of a burn passes. And then he waits some more. But the burn never comes. The fire isn’t hot.

_I’m being engulfed in the Fire Seal, but it’s not hot._

The flame isn’t burning him!

_Lavi!_

Lavi – the real Lavi – increases the power on his Fire Seal. The fire serpent swings around the room before swooping at Road. The flames take over the whole room and Lavi kneels in the center not moving.

_Do something! Do something!_

Allen frantically searches around the room before his eyes land on his sword where Road had been before the flames caught her. He reaches out for his Innocence and the sword arcs through the air and into his waiting hand. He activates Crown Clown, and the silver mask settles comfortably over his nose, the white cape around his shoulders. He breaks from the fire and lands on top of the cage still holding Lenalee and Chaoji. The height in the air allows him to survey the flames. There’s a large spiral in the middle of the room where Lavi must be at the eye of it, and several small writhing fire snakes surrounding it.

He leaps off and into the middle spiral of fire. He breaks through the wall of flames with his Innocence and screams Lavi’s name over and over. He lands in front of his friend and urges Crown Clown to wrap around the both of them protectively. Then the fires turn to stone all around the two.


	12. The Ark Arc Pt. 3: His Heart's Melody

“We’re alive.” Lavi rasps out. Allen has no idea how he even has air to speak (Allen’s own throat is pretty burned from the smoke inhalation) but he wouldn’t be Lavi Bookman if he wasn’t chattering about something so Allen feels relieved more than anything.

“Do you have a problem with that?” Allen tries to say. He sounds a bit like a frog. He tries to take another breath as he and Lavi lay on the still warm stone ground, but it tickles his throat too much and it becomes a coughing fit instead.

“You’re too reckless, Allen.” Lavi says, before devolving into a coughing fit of his own.

“I’ll throw those words right back at you.” He laughs a little.

They lay there trying to catch their breaths.

“Lavi! Allen!” Lenalee shouts and when Allen tilts his head up, there she is, free from the cage and coming at them with tears in her eyes that aren’t falling yet.

“Hey, Lenalee, you alright?” Lavi asks, tone lighthearted but still scratchy from the smoke, while sitting up. Lenalee bites her lip.

“Lavi…” She raises her left hand before roaring, “You idiot!”

She slaps Lavi across the face leaving a red handprint on Lavi’s cheek.

“L-Lenalee’s slap of love…” Allen observes. ( _Please don’t slap me too. Please don’t slap me too.)_ Lenalee collapses to her knees in front of Lavi where he sits among the dust on the floor. Allen almost laughs as he watches her try not to start crying.

The group is startled out of their moment of relief by maniacal laughing behind them. Road stands atop one of the stone snakes, dagger through her scorched body laughing wildly.

She turns jerkily towards them.

“A-A-Al-len.” And then her body bursts into dust. That umbrella, Lero, screams horribly.

* * *

With Road gone, there’s nothing to hold the world inside the Ark together anymore. Lavi had used his hammer to bring himself up to the top, where the Noah had said the door out would be. Allen prays that it’s still there. The Ark probably won’t last for even half an hour.

_Krory… Kanda…_

As the adrenaline from the battle slowly leeches out of Allen’s bones, all of the aches and pains he’d gotten start to intensify. He’s got at least several cracked ribs, and there’s burns and bruises and quite a few lacerations all over his body. He definitely twisted an ankle at some point. And his head aches where he’d hit the back of it several times throughout the course of the various fights. But… but nothing hurts a much as his heart does. It’s like his heart has been pierced again, and his blood slowly leaks out of the hole that’s left.

He wants to go back and get his friends. He wants to see Krory’s goofy face and Kanda… He still has to make him call him “Allen” instead of “Beansprout” in that deep voice of his. He should stay here and wait for his friends to catch up. They promised they would.

“Allen?” Lenalee says. They’re sat next to each other waiting for Lavi to get back from scouting for the door. “You aren’t planning on staying behind even if the door is there, are you?”

Allen turns wide eyed at her.

“Wow, bullseye.” He blurts out.

“Don’t ‘bullseye’ me!” She smacks him on the head.

“Th-that hurt, Lenalee.” He says trying to rub at his head, but it only seems to exacerbate all of the goose eggs he can already feel forming along his scalp, not to mention the scab that matts up his hair at the back of his head. “It seems that you’ve made up for losing the ability in your legs with brute strength.”

“Shut up.” She snaps at his teasing.

“Kanda and Krory might have been held up somewhere,” He lays out his plan. “So, I’ll go look for them and come back before the Ark is completely destroyed.”

“I’ll come too!” She says determination filling her eyes.

“No, Lenalee, you and the others should get out of here.” He cuts her protests off. “Out of all of us, I’m the one who can move most easily.” He gives her his confident smile. “I know what I’m asking is no small thing, but please listen to me.”

“I always thought it was horrible;” She says in a wobbly voice. “The way you smile like that, Allen.”

She starts to cry, and he leans over to wipe the tears that make tracks through the dirt on her cheeks.

“When you smile like that, it means you know what people are feeling.” She says. His smile starts to slip a little. _Has she seen through me?_ “But I’ve come to understand how you think, Allen, because if our roles were reversed, I think I’d do the same.”

She takes his hand from where he was wiping her tears and just holds it comfortingly.

“Home is a place we should all return to.” She starts to cry some more.

* * *

“Hey! It’s still here!” Lavi’s voice echoes down to them. “I’ll pull you up, so all three of you grab on!”

Allen has Lenalee wrap her arms around his neck so he can carry her, and he helps Chaoji up with an arm around his thick waist onto the head of Lavi’s hammer.

“Ready you two?” He asks them.

“I’m kinda heavy…” Chaoji says as he leans more of his weight into Allen’s side.

“It’s fine, it’s fine” Allen assures with a smile.

“Are you sure?” Lenalee questions him.

“Yeah, please hang on tightly.” He insists.

In the distance, Lero cries around Tyki Mykk. Road has disappeared and the man seemed unconscious. And he was just a man now. Allen _had_ exorcised the Noah from him…

“Ready?” Lavi shouts down to them, startling Allen from his thoughts.

“Hoist us up, Lavi!” Lenalee shouts. And then they’re soaring up into the air as the hammer carries them up to the floor that Lavi is at.

This room is dark and floating carved pumpkins hover around the door. This door is just like the one Tyki had shown them when they’d first run into him on the Ark: golden embellishments, red and black checkered design across the body of the double doors, a bejeweled crown on top.

“Come on, let’s hurry.” Lavi ushers them towards the door. “We don’t know when this door will disappear. If we don’t hurry…”

_Kanda… Krory…_

Allen looks down the hole that they came up through. Tyki Mykk is still down there and he’s human now, he has those friends that Allen had met on the train that first time. What if they are missing him like Allen misses his friends? He’s been trying not to think about the cold despair that’s been weighing him down.

“Hey, Allen?” Lavi calls. Allen makes his decision and activates Clown Crown.

“I’ll go get Tyki Mykk and Lero.” He says to the group.

“Hey, wait.” Lavi says walking over and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you serious?”

“Now that he has lost the Noah, Tyki Mykk is nothing more than an ordinary human.” He asserts. “You saw it too, didn’t you? When we first met him back on the train, he had human friends. Those people might be waiting for Tyki Mykk to return without knowing any of this.”

If it was him… If it was Allen and his friends disappeared and he didn’t know what happened to them…

“I don’t really care, but…” Lavi trails off. “If the Order found out that you saved a Noah, you might…”

“Save him?” Choaji says in a small voice from behind them. When he turns around, Allen can see that Chaoji’s face is pinched in confusion and anger. “Did you not kill him?”

“He’s still alive.” Allen says, wondering where this is going.

“Why?” Chaoji asks. “They’re the ones who partnered with the Akuma, and killed Mistress Anita, Mahoja, and many of my comrades. So, why would you… Why would you save them? Are you betraying us? If you save them, then you’re our enemy, too!”

“Chaoji!” Lenalee reprimands.

“You’re an enemy!” Chaoji shouts at Allen. The veins protrude on his freckled forehead as he seethes. “An Akuma, just like the rest of them.”

Allen senses an intense bloodlust that shakes him to his core. It’s coming from below and the ground where Chaoji stands cracks. Without thinking, Allen runs forward and shoves Chaoji out of the way. Then the ground explodes up into his face and he’s trapped by black tentacles. He can hear his friends shouting his name, but it’s muffled.

“D-don’t come near!” He tries to tell them, but he’s being squeezed and squeezed. The things holding him start to move and he’s being dragged back down to the main floor of the tower.

* * *

The door has been destroyed. There is no way out now. Tyki Mykk’s Noah memories were not fully Exorcised like he thought they were. Instead, he awoke something far more powerful and far more terrifying than he could have thought.

Allen is severely outmatched. Tyki, wearing the black tentacles like armor, is far faster than Allen and stronger than him too. Tyki’s power is overwhelming even with Lavi’s help. They’ll fight anyways but in the dark corners of his mind, Allen can’t help but think that they are fighting a losing battle.

And then Tyki completely obliterates the tower.

They fight more but it feels completely useless.

* * *

The ground opens up under him into a dark endless hole and Allen is falling and falling.

“Oof!”

 _Huh?_ He’s not falling anymore? He’s pretty sure his leg was almost yanked out of his hip socket just now when he stopped falling.

“What’s with this filthy brat?” The person holding him by the ankle as he dangles in the air says. “I finally come to see you, and I find you like this.”

Allen tries to see who it is, but their face is a skull and Allen has no idea who it could be.

“So filthy.” They bite out. “You haven’t changed since the day I picked you up, my Idiot Apprentice.”

Then Timcanpy lands on the skull person’s head, and Allen looks around and sees the massive coffin-like Innocence the person stands on.

“This is…” Allen mutters trying to put all the pieces together. “The anti-Akuma weapon, Grave of Maria.”

_Which means…_

“It’s, uh, been a while.” Allen greets.

“That’s quite the happy look you’ve got.” The skull face deforms into a mask that covers the left side of Allen’s master’s face. Cross Marian holds Allen upside down by the ankle. “Shall I drop you?”

And then he does drop Allen, where he smacks right into the ground at the edge of the hole he’d just been falling down. Allen sits up and stares at Master Cross. He looks as put together and haughty as ever. His long red hair lays artfully messy over his shoulders, and his glasses and coat are spotless.

“Master…” A glint of gold on top of Cross’s head distracts Allen’s eye. “Tim, too!”

Cross glances down at him, eyeing Allen’s sword clenched in his right hand.

“It looks like you’re finally able to manage a worthwhile activation.” Cross appraises, he sounds almost proud and it catches Allen off guard completely. “But even so, you’re all rags. Here.”

Cross holds out his hand to help Allen up and all Allen can do is stare at it warily.

“Huh? What?” Allen’s still having trouble catching up with everything that happened since he started falling down that hole just a moment before. “Y-yeah, sor-“

He’s cut off as Cross grabs what’s left of the collar of Allen’s Exorcist coat and sends him flying across the space where he crashes to the ground right in front of Chaoji and Lenalee.

“You’re filthy!” Cross roars at him. “Idiot apprentice! You, get yourself over there, too!” Cross turns to Lavi, who stands a ways off dumbfounded by the turn of events. “You’re in the presence of a beautiful being. Filthy things go over there.”

Lavi makes his way over and through the rubble to Allen, Lenalee and Chaoji. In the distance, Tyki rises.

“One of the Noah Clan, huh?” Cross gruffs. “I come to check out what’s happening, and what do I find? You lot rampaging on a ship that’s on the verge of destruction.” Then he fully directs his attention to Tyki Mykk. “You’ve lost consciousness, haven’t you?”

Cross takes a big sigh and starts to unravel the chains around the Grave of Maria.

“Drowned in the Noah, have you?” He sighs haughtily. “Your ancestors would roll in their graves.”

Cross starts to chant an incantation and the coffin opens up.

“What is that?” Lavi asks. They’ve all huddled together. Lavi’s pretty beat up; he lost his signature headband at some point or another.

“The Grave of Maria is about to be released.” Allen informs. A song starts to float through the air, as the corpse of Maria steps out the coffin and sings. She’s just as creepy as Allen remembers her being. Sickly pale, the teal of her dress doing nothing to bring life to the pallor of her skin and the black mask that covers her eyes and the top half of her head.

“Magdala Curtain!” Cross invokes.

“Is this a hymn?” Lavi cups a hand around his ear to try to hear better.

“It’s the Magdala Curtain” Allen says as a camouflaging force field envelopes their little group.

“You brats just sit back and watch.” Cross orders, though Allen can’t see past the field surrounding them, but he trusts that Master Cross can take care of it. Lavi squats down by Lenalee to help untangle some of the tentacles that Tyki had wrapped around her.

“Can’t Tyki see us?” Lavi’s questioning doesn’t end (as is the curiosity of a Bookman).

“Magdala Curtain is one of the techniques of master’s anti-Akuma weapon, Grave of Maria. It’s a defensive technique that sends illusions directly into the opponent’s brain. Maria will only obey master’s orders. Also, the equipment-type anti-Akuma gun that Master possesses is…” Allen trails off when he hears five gunshots fire outside of their circle of shelter. “Grave of Maria and Judgement. My master is an exorcist who possess two anti-Akuma weapons.”

The curtain around them starts to thin out to a gauzy translucency and Allen can see Cross firing shot after shot at Tyki and actually doing damage.

“S-so one-sided…” Lavi mutters and Allen has to agree, even with the two of them they were no match for Tyki Mykk in this form. Allen deactivates his sword; it turns back into his arm with a glowing green light. Once the hilt turns back into his hand, he wiggles his fingers and shakes his wrist out.

Allen watches the fight unfold as Master Cross continues to have the upper hand against Tyki.

“This just proves how great the gap in our power is.” Allen sits quietly as Lavi voices the same thoughts he is having. “We’re still weak.”

Then the ground rumbles signaling that this part of the Ark will disappear soon too.

* * *

The Millennium Earl has shown up to retrieve Tyki Mykk and destroy the rest of the Ark. And Allen… Allen’s lost his friends once again. He can’t get the vision of Lavi and Chaoji falling down, down, down out of his head. The faces of his comrades is plastered to the back of his eyelids and he sees Kanda’s lonely silhouette and Krory’s kind smile every time he closes his eyes. He can still feel how Lavi’s hammer had crumbled into a thousand pieces between his fingers as he’d tried to pull them back up.

Lenalee had sank to her knees in despair at the edge of the impossible cliff next to him and Allen had screamed in anguish.

 _Chaoji, Lavi, Krory… Kanda._ All of them gone.

“Oh, there are still some left?” The Earl says, eyeing Allen and Lenalee. The ground under them tips sideways, and Lenalee, unsteady on her feet, slips down into the abyss. Allen reacts as quickly as he can and reaches his right hand out with Crown Belt to wrap around her arm. He uses the claws of his left hand to desperately cling to the rising rock wall.

“Allen!” She shouts.

“I’ll save you.” He grunts out trying to hold on. “I’ll definitely save you, so please don’t move.”

He couldn’t stay back to help Kanda. He couldn’t stay back to help Krory. He couldn’t protect the door. He couldn’t keep Lavi and Chaoji from falling. But here, right in front of him is Lenalee and he has to save her. He has to.

His clawed fingers start to slip on their grip of the wall and then he loses traction completely and they’re falling too. Allen uses Crown Clown to swing Lenalee over to a ledge he spots and then swings himself to an adjacent one. In the process he scrapes his leg and his right arm against a jagged rock.

Up at the top of the cliff, on a floating piece of rock, the Earl stands with an unconscious Tyki thrown over his shoulder like a rag doll and laughs at them. Rage floods through Allen as he remembers his friends faces, how Lavi’s face had changed from fear to acceptance as his hammer had broken apart and realized there was nothing he could do to stop their fall. Krory’s confident smile as they left. The stoic way that Kanda had stood all alone, wind in his hair and fiery determination in his eyes.

“It seems I’m a bit late in offering my greetings. Good Evening.” The Earl greets. Cross stands on one of the last bits of solid ground with his gun raised towards the Earl.

“Hey there. You haven’t changed a bit you tawdry porker.” Cross says back.

“It’s been so many years now, hasn’t it?”

Allen climbs his way over to the ledge that Lenalee is on. When he lands, he offers his arm to help steady her on the shaking ground.

“Has it now? Sorry I don’t keep a record of every time I meet ya, fatso.”

“Well! When you say it like that it sounds like we see each other all the time!”

The land shifts some more bringing where the Earl and Master Cross stand down to the same level as Allen and Lenalee, a gaping chasm between the pairs.

“That woman’s cloaking ability,” The Earl turns his wicked grin towards the corpse of Maria. “Allows you to remain undetected, does it not?”

“I don’t feel like listening to your incessant babbling. If that’s what you’re here for, then buzz off.”

“’Buzz off?’ Well now, I believe this Ark is mine and you’re the one trespassing.”

“Didn’t you already throw it out?” Cross asks rhetorically. “This Ark had its wings clipped and can’t leave Edo. The Fourteenth… It’s because of the curse placed on it by the Noah traitor.”

Allen can only just hear the men talking over the crash of the destruction around him and Lenalee, but this stirs something in him, piques his interest.

“So, you were indeed the man the Fourteenth passed on his role as musician to.”

“Musician?” Lenalee echoes his own question next to him.

“If you’re after this Ark, you’re a bit late.” The Earl continues on. “The heart of this ark has already been downloaded to the new one. Without a heart, the vessel cannot move. Even if the musician were here, he couldn’t do anything. You’re a fool, Cross. You’ve no way to escape. In the end, this Ark will be nothing more than a grave, sucking up the blood of those Exorcists.”

Allen has been standing there frustrated and listening to these old men passive aggressively talk to each other. But this… He knew the Earl was cruel but trampling on the memory of Allen’s friends fills him with a boiling rage. Its overflowing. His Innocence activates with a flash.

“Don’t! Your wounds still haven’t –” Lenalee shouts at him, but he doesn’t listen. Using his Innocence, he bursts across the gap, hurtling at the Millennium Earl.

“Earl!” He roars while transforming his left arm into its sword form. His sword slams into the one the Earl brandishes with a clang. Somewhere Lenalee screams his name.

 _Hate. Hate. Hate._ Allen hates the Millennium Earl. This clown of a villain with golden eyes and disgusting grin. The clash of Allen’s Innocence with the Dark Matter that makes up the Earl’s sword creates intense flashes of lightning that arc around them.

“Hatred… You have lovely eyes, Allen Walker.” The Earl says right in his face. He’s not sure what happens next, so fueled by rage. He just wants to hit the Earl with his sword over and over for taking his friends.

 _Kanda... Krory. Lavi. Chaoji._ He can see all of them. Hear their voices.

_“Beansprout.”_

Allen screams and clashes swords with the Earl again.

A hymn overtakes his mind sending a shock through him like someone dumped a bucket of cold water over him while he slept. Maria’s melody takes over his body and makes him use his sword to anchor him to a rock face.

Allen shouts in anger, he’s spitting mad.

“Knock it off!” Cross’s hollers. “Has losing your friends made the blood rush to your head? Idiot Apprentice!”

“Please release Maria’s spell!” Allen begs. _Let me fight. Let me fight. For my friends, let me fight._

“Don’t fight the Earl with hatred.” Cross’s cold eyes and cold words reprimand him.

“Master Earl!” He hears the shrill voice of Lero squeal. Allen fights against Maria’s magic to watch the Earl and Lero disappear through a door with an unconscious Tyki Mykk in tow.

“Yes, yes. Farewell, Exorcists.” The Earl says to them just before the door slams shut.

Cross uses Maria’s magic to make Allen climb up to where he and Lenalee are on the last sliver of land. Everything past their little island is blue abyss. Allen falls to his knees when Maria’s magic is lifted, and his sword returns to his arm.

“You two know of my mission, I presume.” Cross says. Allen refuses to answer, still simmering in anger.

“To destroy the Akuma factory.” Lenalee says for him.

“From here on, that’s what we’ll be doing.”

“So that means the factory’s within this ship?”

“Rise, Allen.” Cross commands. Allen lifts angry eyes to his master’s back. “I saved you from the Noah because I need your help with something.”

* * *

Timcanpy transports them to a new room. This one is dark and there are dead bodies with skull-like faces littered all around.

“Look behind you.” Cross instructs. Allen turns and there before him is a massive blue crystal in the shape of an egg. It’s held suspended in the air by two golden pillars. “That is the ‘Egg’ used to create the bodies in the Earl’s Akuma-creating rituals. I’d like to destroy it here and now, but it’s not that simple.”

A rock falls from the ceiling and is incinerated on impact with the Egg.

“A barrier?” Lenalee asks, turning from the Egg to Cross. The top of the Egg has started to disappear.

“We could remove it, but there’s not enough time.” Cross says. “Not only that, but the Egg is also being downloaded to the new Ark. When that thing’s completely vanished, the old Ark’ll be history, along with us. That’s where you come in, Allen.”

Allen swings his head from the rapidly disappearing Egg to Cross.

“Me?” He asks.

“You can move this Ark.”

“What?”

“If you do that, both the download and the destruction of this ship will cease.”

“What are you saying?” Allen doesn’t understand what’s going on at all. He can control the Ark? What?

“Stop arguing and do as I say!” Cross rebukes him.

“W-wait a second!” Allen’s still trying to catch up. He always feels like that with Cross, like the man is five steps ahead of him and Allen’s already sprinting to keep up, but he just gets further and further ahead. “I really have no idea how to get this ship to move!”

“You can do it.” Cross insists with the determined look in his eye. The one that means that Allen really needs to stop asking questions right now. He’s startled by Lenalee’s scream of surprise as beams of light burst through the ground. “It’s started here, too?”

Cross chants an incantation, a blue sigil forming in the air in front of his hand and encircling the Egg.

“With this spell, I’ve delayed the download.” He tells them. “Use that time to move the Ark.”

“But how?” Allen cries. He has no idea how to move the Ark. How can he do something he doesn’t even know how to do?

“Use your heart.”

“My heart?”

“I’ll open a special room. Follow Tim.” Cross sends Timcanpy flying in a flurry of golden light right at Allen’s chest. “Once you do that, you’ll understand. Only you can do it, Idiot Apprentice.”

* * *

Allen blinks and then he’s lying on a white couch in an empty white room. It’s silent. So incredibly silent. On one wall there’s a giant floor-to-ceiling window that shows nothing of the outside - functioning more like a mirror than an actual window - and a white piano against the opposite wall of the couch.

“This place…” His voice breaks the eerie silence. “Master? Lenalee?”

“ _Use your heart.”_ Master had said, whatever the hell that means.

“Is this place in the Ark?” He’s really got so many questions and hasn’t gotten any answers.

“The Millennium Earl himself does not know of this place.” An airy voice says. “This is the secret room of the Fourteenth.”

Allen spins on the spot wildly looking for the voice. He doesn’t know this voice. He’s supposed to be alone in this room. There, in the window, where his reflection should be is a shadowy figure.

“You’re…” It’s the figure from the recurring nightmares he’d had when he was trying to regain his arm at the Asian Branch, the figure that had kept him from going to Lenalee and his friends in his dreams. The figure lifts their finger and points to the piano reflected in the window.

“My key.” The figure says.

“Key?” Allen looks to the piano before him. Tim floats just where the music stand on the piano is, little golden wings flapping to keep him aloft. “Timcanpy?”

“My Timcanpy.”

“Timcanpy belongs to my master!” He tells the shadow. “He’s not yours!”

“Timcanpy… Allen… These two hold the legacy of the musician.”

“The musician?” The Earl had said something about that during the fight earlier. He’d accused Cross of being the musician. “The Earl was talking about that.”

Allen turns away from the piano and approaches the window, the shadow person mirrors his every move.

“What is this ‘musician?’ Who are you?” He asks the figure. “Are you the Fourteenth? Why me?”

The figure gives him no reply, but an awful feeling curdles in his stomach.

“Idiot Apprentice!” Comes Cross’s voice roaring through his earring transceiver. It’s so loud in the quiet room and so sudden that it leaves a ringing in his ears. “Get off your ass and stop the download! C’mon! You’re in the room, right?”

“Allen, are you alright? Can you hear me?” Lenalee calls too.

“Lenalee! I’m fine.” He assures. “Anyway, Master, what is this room?”

“Hey, is there a piano in there?” Cross asks instead of answering him.

“What?”

“There’s no time! Answer me!”

“Yes, there is.” He looks to the piano where Tim still hovers.

“Good. Play it.” Cross says.

“What?”

“The piano’s the heart that can move the Ark!”

“This piano’s…”

“The Earl doesn’t know of that room.” Cross explains in a rushed voice. “That’s why he doesn’t know of the existence of a second heart. Tim has the score.”

Allen watches Tim float up and down over the piano’s keys.

“Master… I’ve never touched a piano before in my life.” Allen whines. “I also don’t know how to read music. There’s no way I can play th-“

“I’ve already said you can, dammit!” Cross yells, cutting off him off. “You’ve got the legacy.”

“Legacy? But…”

“Allen!” Lenalee cuts him off now. “I don’t understand the circumstances either, but the General says you can do it. So, I believe you can do it, too. If it’s you, Allen, the ship can move. We came to Edo to help the General with his mission. If we don’t accomplish that, we’ll tarnish the feelings of those who came with us.”

Allen takes a sharp intake of breath. Their friends. Lavi, and Chaoji, and Krory, and… Kanda.

“You can do it.” Cross’s gruff voice crackles out of the golden earring. “No, only you can do it. Listen up… Play that…”

Master’s voice crackles in and out.

“Master!” Allen raises his voice.

“Don’t just try to stop the download.” Cross’s voice sounds a bit distant. “Move the Ark according to your will!”

There’s a bunch of static and then nothing.

“Master?” He calls. “Master!”

 _Only I can…_ He stands and walks to the white piano and Tim.

“Well, I have no other choice.”

“Allen must play.” The light voice of the shadow figure says. He looks to the figure reflected in the window and finds that they’re looking right back at him. There’s no discernable features on their face, but Allen feels like even the deepest parts of his soul are being seen. “The score belongs to Allen, after all.”

Timcanpy opens his little mouth to project an image of two concentric circles with lines and symbols – familiar symbols – fanning out from each circle.

“This is the score?” In the middle of the circles, a golden emblem forms. This one too… is familiar. “This is…”

“The secret room of the Fourteenth.” The figure stands over the piano like Allen does. “The Millennium Earl himself does not know of this place. You cannot download what you do not know of.”

Allen’s head is whirling and whizzing with thoughts and questions. He reaches out a shaking right hand to the score.

“It can’t be…” He says in disbelief. “This seal is… No, it can’t be! It can’t! Why is this mark here?”

“That is the song.” The figure says. “The melody dwells within you, Allen.”

As Allen looks at the score, his hands move of their own accord across the keys. The weight of the keys under each finger as he presses them down feels right somehow.

“My hands are moving.” He gasps. “Are these the lyrics to the melody?”

His hands know what to do and the melody that resonates out of the piano’s open top is intimately familiar. He knows this song…

“The melody…” A voice in his mind sings the words from the score. “Who is singing inside my head!”

“Allen, talk to me!” Cross says through the earring. “Hurry up and start the Ark! Transmit your desires into the song!”

His fingers freeze on the keys.

“My desires?” Allen asks.

“Quickly!”

“Desires.” The shadow says.

“My desires… the download… the Ark… my desires are…”

 _Bring them back. Give them back to me, my friends._ _Stop the download and give me back my friends!_

He starts to play again.

* * *

Cross and Lenalee say some stuff to him over the transceiver but he is in too much shock to say anything. Questions flood his head.

“Allen, we’ll go to the room you’re in, so open a door here.” Cross orders him. “If you wish for it, it’ll open.”

He presses a key and wishes as he was told. The door to the room creaks open and Lenalee tentatively walks in followed by Cross.

“Lenalee, I’m glad you’re safe.” He lifts his head from the piano to smile at her.

“Allen…” She seems startled for a second before she walks over to him by the piano. “You stopped it! I heard the piano. Were you playing it?”

He nods.

“Thank goodness.” She sighs. Cross loudly takes a drag of a cigarette, and Allen turns a glare on him.

“I know exactly what you want to say.” Cross says in the condescending tone he always uses. “Quit giving me such a scary look.”

“Why?” He asks, taking a step past Lenalee and towards Cross. “That… That score is –“

“Dinner time!” Someone screams.

“What?” Allen says.

“Mr. Lavi, it’s not like he’s a dog or something...”

“Chill out. Watch, Chaoji.”

 _Lavi? Chaoji?_ He turns to Lenalee, wide-eyed in surprise.

“If Allen’s hungry, he’ll come running!” Lavi says. Their voices sound like they are coming through a speaker system. “Time to eat!”

Lavi continues to shout, this time names of Allen’s favorite foods.

“Someone’s calling out from somewhere in the Ark.” Cross talks over Lavi.

A screen with the image of a beat-up Lavi and Chaoji wandering the city inside the Ark lights up over the piano.

“Food’s here, Allen.” Lavi yells, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound. “Dinner time!”

Lenalee falls to the ground and starts to cry like all of the energy has left her. Cross huffs and sits gracelessly in one of the chairs around the room.

“Looks like the town’s back, too.” Cross says, rubbing the back of his head. “I guess they were just pulled into a dimensional gap. It’s not like they died or anything.”

“What!?” Allen cries. “Lavi, we’re here! Can you hear me?” He turns to Cross. “Master, can’t they hear our voices from in here? Quit getting comfortable and answer already!”

Lavi keeps roaring names of food and calling his name.

_Wait…_

“If Lavi and Chaoji are there…” Allen meets Lenalee’s hopeful, teary eyes. “What about Krory and Kanda?”

Lavi must come to the same conclusion because suddenly he’s shouting, “I know what Yuu’s underwear looks like!”

Allen watches through the screen as a door behind Lavi and Chaoji slams open.

“Bring it on, you idiotic rabbit!” Kanda says, angry like always.

He… Allen’s breath is whisked away at the sight. Kanda’s Exorcist coat has been ripped to shreds leaving him essentially shirtless. He’s lost the hair tie that was holding his hair up, instead his raven locks frame his dirt-smudged face.

“Yuu!” Lavi cries, running to Kanda to help him carry the weight of Krory’s limp body that Kanda has leaning against him.

“Tch.” Kanda clicks his tongue and looks away from Lavi’s beaming face with a put-upon frown and…

 _Oh,_ Allen thinks. _He’s beautiful._

“What happened to Krory?” Lavi asks Kanda. “Why are you carrying him?”

“I found him passed out on my way.” Kanda says eying their surroundings. “In any case, what’s going on here?”

“I don’t really know, either.” Lavi replies. The redhead rubs his chin for a second thinking then yells, “Hey! Get your ass out here, Beansprout!”

“Who’re you calling a beansprout, stupid Lavi?” Allen roars indignantly at the screen. His friends on the other end jump in surprise.

“Allen?” Lavi whirls around looking for him. “Where are you?”

“The beansprout’s voice is coming from the sky!” Kanda says looking around too.

“The name’s Allen, stupid Kanda!” Allen’s face breaks out into a smile despite it all. “I won’t forgive you if you say that again!”

He feels so… relieved, excited, happy. The despair that had been weighing him down has lifted and he feels weak in the knees. He might just fall to the ground and cry next to Lenalee.

Kanda snorts a little, and a small smile turns up the corners of his thin lips.

_Oh…_

“Allen, how are Lenalee and the General?” Lavi asks.

“They’re both fine.” He calls, tearing his eyes away from Kanda on the screen to glance at Master still in his chair and Lenalee crying on the floor. “I’ll open a door and come get you guys, just stay there!

Lavi whoops in glee.

“Thank god.” Lenalee sobs, rubbing the tears from her eyes. Allen walks away from the screen and to the piano to press a key, not even realizing how far he’d wandered away from the piano (he’d nearly had his nose pressed against the screen).

 _Let me go to them,_ he asks the Ark.

The door to the room glows around the edges and then Allen’s running before he can even think, bursting through it to his friends on the other side. And there they are, facing away but right in front of him and Allen can’t help the wide grin that splits across his face.

“Guys!” He calls and they all spin around. Allen’s eyes swipe over Lavi’s happy smile and Krory draped over his shoulder to Kanda like he’s a magnet and Allen’s eyes are a piece of metal. Oh, he’s breathless. Despite all the dirt covering Kanda, he’s still so pretty. Kanda’s dark eyes land on him and he tilts his chin up like he’s assessing Allen.

A small hand lands on his upper back and Lenalee leans past him out the door to beckon their friends inside. Together they all get Krory inside and laying down on the couch. Allen’s eyes keep slipping to Kanda and he finds that sometimes, Kanda’s looking back at him

 _Oh,_ he thinks.

* * *

Allen wanders the streets of the city with Lavi, Chaoji and Kanda looking for any signs that the Noah are still there. Tim lands lightly on his shoulder, a warm, comforting weight and it hits Allen that it’s been several weeks since he last saw Timcanpy.

“Come to think of it,” He says to the golden Golem. “I haven’t seen you since China, huh?”

That night… The night that he’d died and made Tim escape with Suman Dark’s Innocence. Allen takes Tim in his hand and feels his eyes start to water with tears.

“On that night,” He blubbers. “Things were so hectic I’d almost forgotten, but… I’ve missed you, Timcanpy! You’ve gotten bigger, too, haven’t you?”

“Um… Excuse me, you two…” Lavi says while Allen wails.

“Shut your face, Beansprout!” Kanda’s loud voice cuts through Allen’s reunion with Tim.

“I’m not a beansprout.” He whirls on the man, and Allen notices for the first time just how angular Kanda’s eyes are as they narrow into a glare at him.

_Oh._

“We’ve looked all over this city.” Kanda says, breaking their eye contact to look at the town around them. “It seems none of the Noah are still hanging around.”

Allen’s eyes travel involuntarily down Kanda’s body to the black marking spread across the man’s lean chest. It looks like an Om symbol but not quite and its surrounded by an almost complete circle that fans out and over his left shoulder like the rays of the sun.

“Kanda, something’s been bothering me for a while.” Allen says. “What’s up with that huge mark on your chest? You haven’t always had that big of a tattoo, have you?”

He’d seen the mark a few times before, like when he’d done some field first aid on Kanda during their first mission in Mater and then again after he’d been pummeled by Vittorio in Rome. But it hadn’t been as big or as dark back then as it is now. The pale of Kanda’s skin makes the black markings stand out starkly across the skin over his heart.

“It’s nothing.” Kanda says haughtily looking up and away from all of them. It sets something inside Allen ablaze, the way that he acts so cold and aloof.

“That’s not very nice of you, Kanda.” Allen says. “Come on, keep up your end of the conversation.”

“Shut the hell up.”

Allen feels electricity run up and down his spine.

“Why are they always like this?” Lavi sighs. Allen glares at Kanda until the man’s eyes flick down from the sky to bore right into Allen, and… Allen turns away with a sharp stutter of breath that he tries to cover as a sigh. He mechanically starts to walk forward, leading the group on through the empty city.

“Anyway, isn’t there a way out of here, Beansprout?” Kanda barks at him.

“My name’s Allen, you bastard!”

“Quit fightin’, you guys.” Lavi grumbles. Allen turns to the closest door and reaches out to open it, but continues to look at Kanda.

“I’m checking right now to see if we can get out.” His gaze doesn’t leave Kanda’s, even as he steps through the door. He steps and… there’s no ground. Allen’s hand darts out to grab the first thing he touches to stop his fall. There is a whole bunch of yelling and then he’s not falling. Allen opens his eyes he hadn’t realized he’d closed.

“You damn beansprout!” Kanda bellows. Allen looks up and finds that the thing that he’d grabbed was in fact Kanda’s ankle. Kanda has a hold of Lavi’s shirt who hangs upside down.

“Can’t breathe!” Lavi chokes out, voice muffled from how his shirt is pulled over his head. Chaoji leans out over the threshold of the door gripping Lavi’s leg to keep them all from falling.

“Looks like we can’t get out of here just yet.” Allen calls up.

“Damn you, Beansprout!”

“It’s Allen.”

“If you’re gonna fall, fall by yourself!” Kanda roars at him.

_Oh._

“Seriously, you’re choking me!” Lavi cries.

“I’ll pull you guys up!” Chaoji grunts with the effort of holding all of their weight.

“S-sorry about this, Chaoji!” Allen calls up in apology. Allen meets Chaoji’s eyes and is reminded of the last thing that Chaoji had said to him. He’d called Allen his enemy and accused him of betraying them. There’s anger still in Chaoji’s brown eyes.

A little glowing green light whizzes through the air and around Chaoji’s wrist where it solidifies into a silver bracelet. And then they’re all being pulled up and through the door, where Allen crashes to the ground.

“Oof!” He grunts as Kanda lands on top of him and then Lavi on top of Kanda. With a groan they all spread out to sit in a circle. They’ve been walking for what feels like forever, and the exhaustion from the constant near-death experiences is starting to make Allen’s body ache. All the cuts and bruises he’s sustained throughout all of their fights coming back to the forefront of his attention. Lavi hovers around Chaoji and inspects the Innocence that’s settled there.

“That’s right! You’re an accommodator!” Lavi announces. “Super strength!”

“What?” Kanda says, obviously slow on the uptake. His long raven hair falls over his shoulders, somehow soft and straight despite the dirt and dust and sweat covering all of them. It makes Allen’s heart beat just a little faster.

_Oh._

“It’s stuck on my wrist.” Chaoji twists his arm this way and that, looking at how the metal of the bracelet glints in the light.

“Maybe it was able to find you because the Ark’s calmed down now.” Allen reasons.

“This is Innocence; the power to defeat Akuma.” Chaoji mutters to himself. “Miss Anita bestowed this on me. I’m sure of it.”

“By the way… my Innocence is messed up… I wonder if it’ll be okay.” Lavi says forlornly as he holds up a makeshift bag with what was his hammer inside. Kanda holds up a similar bag that jangles when he moves it. “Yours too, Yuu?”

“Chief Komui will fix them for you.” Allen reassures, trying not to laugh as Kanda gives the bag the meanest glare he’s ever seen the man give (even compared to the one’s he’s leveled at Allen).

“That guy’s the problem.” Kanda’s thin eyebrows twitch and wrinkles form between his brows. Lavi sighs and Kanda follows suit.

“More importantly, I’m worried that Krory hasn’t woken up yet.” Allen says to the group. “If we can’t get out of here, we might not be able to get him care. Lenalee and Master are watching him together for the moment.”

There’s a moment of silence before realization of what they’ve done hits them.

“Together!” Lavi gasps. “The womanizer and Lenalee are… together!”

They all leap up and take off running in the direction to the room with the secret heart. Allen tries very hard to pay attention to where he’s running and not to the way that the muscles on Kanda’s back move as he runs.

_Oh._

* * *

Allen slams through the door to the piano room with Lavi hot on his heels and yells when his eyes adjust to the low light of the room. Cross stands there with Lenalee’s small face in his gloved hands and she looks up at him with tears in her eyes, Lavi’s Exorcist coat laying lightly over her shoulders.

“That’s illegal, Master!”

“Are we too late?” Lavi cries.

“Y-you guys have got it all wrong!” Lenalee says. “We were just…”

“What’s that, idiot apprentice!” Cross yells at Allen. “If she’s sixteen, she’s already a fine woman, no?”

“Master!” Allen yells back.

“General!” Lenalee yells too.

* * *

“The Edo Connection? What’s that?” He asks Cross after they’ve all settled down.

“It doesn’t matter, just say it!” Cross says, exasperation clear in his voice. Allen tries to ignore Kanda’s quiet snort. “You’re such a pain! After that, we can get out of here.”

“You’d better explain everything thoroughly later, Master.” As soon as Allen finishes talking, Lavi throws his arms over Allen’s shoulders in a strangling hug.

“Allen! I wanna hear it, too!” Lavi points to the piano.

“Get on with it, Beansprout!” Kanda glowers. Allen pulls out of Lavi’s arms and stomps over to Kanda, getting right in his face. He stands slightly on his tiptoes to make himself just a little taller.

“Didn’t I tell you the name’s Allen?” There’s a twitch in Kanda’s jaw and his lips purse together and Allen is at eye level with them and he notices that Kanda’s lips look red and soft.

_Oh… Oh no._

Lenalee jumps in between him and Kanda, pushing them away from each other.

“Quit fighting!” She scolds them. Any fight that Allen had left leaves him. Defeated, he walks over to the piano and starts to play the score.

“R-release the ship’s Edo Connection.” He stutters, self-conscious of the eyes watching him. “Ark, please open the gate.” 

A light around the door glows and when he finishes playing, he turns to his friends.

“That door should open out to Edo now.” He tells them. Lavi lets out a whoop and runs out the door. Kanda gives him a weird look; head cocked a little to the side and hand on his hip. Allen’s eyes get a little stuck on Kanda’s abs. He’s still shirtless.

_Oh. Oh no._

“Hey guys!” Lavi shouts halfway out the door. “You all alright?”

Allen swiftly turns and heads right out the door.

“Seems we’ve made it out in one piece.” He announces once he makes it to the other side. General Tiedoll, Noise Marie, Miranda, Bookman, the other sailors, all of them stand around the Ark gate dumbfounded. Then Miranda breaks down and starts sobbing.

“Kanda, are you alright?” The large, blind Exorcist, Marie shouts running at the doorway. Allen peers over his shoulder as Kanda steps out, lit from behind.

“Shut it, Marie.” His face is distorted in annoyance but it’s obvious that its mostly just a façade and somehow… Allen finds that he likes the expression on his face. He likes how Kanda looks. A lot.

_Oh. No._

“General! Did you hear that?” Marie yells back to General Tiedoll who sits a bit away crying into his hands.

“Ask if my apprentice-to-be is safe, too.” Tiedoll snuffles.

Kanda clicks his tongue and turns on his heel to head right back into the Ark, before dragging Chaoji out by the scruff of his neck.

“Here you go.”

“Hi…” Chaoji says sheepishly.

“I’m so grateful!” Tiedoll cries. Allen’s eyes slip back to Kanda again and is stunned breathless by the small smile he finds there.

_Oh no… I…_

* * *

They open a gate to the Asian Branch. As soon as Allen steps through the gate, he’s surrounded by all the friends he made when he was there. Bak breaks out in hives immediately when he sees Lenalee and Rohfa comes bounding up to him, blush making her face red.

“I’m so glad you’re safe!” She tears up, before they overflow down her red face.

“Please don’t cry!” He tries to comfort her. He’s caught off guard by Cross suddenly roughly shoving him out of the way.

“This your woman, Allen?” Cross says, looking Rohfa up and down. Allen’s eyes go wide. He hadn’t told Master that he doesn’t… he doesn’t like girls! He likes… Allen’s face goes as red as Cross’s hair.

“Wh-what are you saying? You’re m-mistaken!” He stutters. Allen’s swivels to look behind him as Kanda steps out of the gate. Kanda quirks an eyebrow at him, obviously questioning the state of Allen’s blushing face.

Allen likes…

* * *

Allen opens a new gate door to Headquarters. And when they get there, Komui stands there with arms wide. Lavi pushes Lenalee forwards with a soft smile and Lenalee runs to her brother who gives her a bone-crushing hug. The scientists and Finders all gather around and cheer. Allen’s eyes start to prickle with tears when he sees a banner that says “Welcome Home” on it. Amidst the cheers, confetti floats like colorful snow around them.

A happy smile spreads across Allen’s face, so wide his cheeks hurt from it. He turns to his friends and finds a matching smile on Lavi’s face. And then his eyes fall on Kanda and he has to stifle a laugh when he notices the brightly colored confetti pieces that land in his hair. And then Kanda’s eyes travel across the room till they land on Allen and his face smooths into something pleasantly neutral, eyes softening around the edges just a little, and corners of his lips twitching up almost imperceptibly. And he’s beautiful. And a blush settles high on Allen’s cheekbones. And…

_Oh no… I think I…_

Allen feels a little breathless and he’s pretty sure that has nothing to do with any cracked ribs or other injuries he sustained and everything to do with… And he feels a bit dizzy and he’s pretty sure that that too has little to do with the concussion he probably has… Because… Because… Kanda is beautiful and maybe Allen…

When Noise Marie claps Kanda on the back, Kanda’s little barely-there smile slips into an annoyed glare at the tall Exorcist and Kanda’s bottom lip pushes out into what can only be considered a pout and…

_Oh…_

_Oh no…_

_I think… I think I like him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! The end of the Ark Arc! And the culmination of Allen's series of revelations! It's gonna get fun from here on out :D
> 
> Sorry I procrastinated a bit on this chapter... To be fair though, my laptop charger died, and there was a new d.gray-man chapter this past week, which had me more than distracted. I also wrote a little yullen one-shot as an early birthday present to me since my birthday's on Tuesday. I don't know when I'll have the next chapter up, but it probably won't take as long as this one did, cause I've been really looking forward to that one and am very excited to write it.
> 
> You can check me out on tumblr @bnerdler or check out the Let Me Stay By Your Side playlist on Spotify at  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3S2NyTmvtSvfEjLvyFoaEy?si=xr0g2e3qSQ6JEs4F6sVhTg


	13. A Thesaurus and Drunken Poker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen needs a thesaurus and the kids get drunk and play poker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter! This one was as much fun to write as I thought it would be! It's kinda late, so I don't have much to say other than enjoy!

Kanda growls lowly in frustration. He’s fine. He’s healed. He doesn’t need to stay in the infirmary anymore. And with that stupid vampire’s stomach rumbling so loudly, he can’t even try to sleep through it all. Not to mention how loudly that idiot Lavi complains about it all. Loud. So loudly in fact, that everyone in the room is intimately aware of all of his grievances.

“Krory’s stomach’s so damn noisy, I can’t stand it!” Lavi complains, pulling at his hair in frustration. Kanda secretly hopes he pulls out all that stupid red hair and makes himself bald. Maybe he should have snuck out with that beansprout when the kid had left. He’d seen it happen, how the beansprout had stuffed all of his empty plates under his blanket and crawled out the door when he thought no one was looking. But Kanda was. He was looking. The kid had seemed… off since the stuff at the Ark. Something was different. Maybe his eyes were a little more distant, a little shinier. Or he wasn’t as quick to joke about with Lavi. He had barely asked after Lenalee’s health, which surprised Kanda since he was under the impression that they were… something. Though maybe the beansprout had escaped their ward to go check on Lenalee. Which does not sit right with Kanda. Maybe he should just snitch that Allen left the hospital wing.

_Whatever._

Kanda swings his legs over the side of the bed and puts on the cardigan Tiedoll had brought him when they’d first been taken to the infirmary. The nurses flit about like flies and it smells like antiseptic making Kanda’s nose sting. He stands up and is frustrated to find that his legs still hurt a little. It’s been almost two whole days since the battle, he shouldn’t still be sore.

“Where ya off to, Yuu?” Lavi asks him.

“Who the hell could sleep in a place like this?” He snaps. “I’m going to my room!”

“Kanda! You can’t leave the infirmary yet!” Marie calls from his own hospital bed. He of all people should know how much Kanda dislikes the hospital and how unnecessary it is for him to even be here.

“Shut it!” He bites over his shoulder. And then Tiedoll bursts through the door all shiny red glasses and curly hair.

“You should listen to what Marie says, Yuu.” He scolds. He holds a big bundle of flowers under one arm.

“Get out of my way.” Kanda says before tacking on a quick, “Please.”

“I’m just here to visit my adorable kids. Please return to your bed, Yuu.” Tiedoll stares him down.

“I’m not your kid.” He tries to make his tone not as mean… he really does. But Kanda needs out. He really wants to get out of this hospital room that he has to share with all of the other idiot Exorcists that were in Edo. “Don’t start with the nicknames just because we’re back.”

“An apprentice and a child are one and the same. You could at least treat me like a father while we’re home.” And while it’s true that Tiedoll is probably the closest thing he has to a father figure; he’d rather die than admit to it.

“Don’t resist, Kanda. You know he’s just that kind of guy.” Marie says from his own bed.

“I… I… Can’t stand that about you!” Kanda roars. He tries to dodge around Tiedoll, but the old man is pretty agile for his age. When they call in some extra nurses to wrangle him back into his bed, Kanda is practically spitting with rage. Tiedoll tucks the blankets in around him with fervor, like he’s trying to tie him to the bed to get medical treatment that Kanda very much does not need.

He grumbles under his breath and glares at anyone that so much as breathes in his direction. When Tiedoll leaves his bedside to check on that new Exorcist, Chaoji, Kanda kicks a leg loose from out of the sheets.

“Allen, wanna get some food with me?” Lavi whines again. “Hey, Allen!”

Kanda knows that the beansprout is not there, but no one else does. It might be funny to see what happens next. It’s a good thing Kanda’s got such a good control over his emotions or he might actually snicker out loud as Lavi continues to call out the beansprout’s name to no response. Then Lavi gets up and goes to Allen’s bedside and pulls back the blanket to reveal a mound of empty plates.

“Allen’s gone.” Lavi announces to the whole room. All of the nurses and doctors immediately stop moving, almost in synch. Its eerie. Then all hell breaks loose as people start to run around trying to find the kid.

 _Now!_ Kanda uses the chaos to escape the infirmary. And then slip out of the hospital wing all together. He tries to stay to the darker, less traveled corridors to avoid being dragged back to the hospital. There is a palpable energy though that radiates out from the hospital wing, as more and more people that Kanda passes murmur about how “That Allen Walker kid ran away from the infirmary. The head nurse is going to have his head.”

Kanda tries not to think about it too hard. There’s going to be murmurs about his own great escape from the infirmary going about soon. He just needs to find a place to hide or something before anyone notices his absence.

Kanda stops dead in his tracks when he hears the sound of a piano floating through the air. He knows for a fact that there’s not a piano in any of the rooms in the Order except for the newest addition: the Ark. And he knows that there’s only one person that would play that piano. If Kanda can hear it here, in a random hallway, can the head nurse hear it? Is Kanda the only one?

 _Maybe I’ll wander the halls a bit more._ If he runs into Allen, he can warn him that the staff from the hospital wing are on the hunt for him. He’s not trying to find Allen and he’s not worried... He’s just looking out for… someone that more or less brought him back to life. (He ignores how his mind brings up the words “comrade,” “teammate,” “friend.”)

* * *

Allen sits on the piano stool with a pile of food he pilfered from the cafeteria next to him. Tim projects the score into the air and Allen reads it over and over, each time it leaves him with more and more questions.

“When I read this score,” He tells Tim. “I can hear the music, the tune inside my head.”

He feels… like someone else is inside his head, like his body and mind isn’t only his own. He lifts the long sandwich to his mouth to eat but stops short before he takes a bite. When he abandons it, Timcanpy takes the sandwich from him and munches happily.

“I feel sick.” He sighs. “I… I am walking on my own path, right? Not something that was chosen for me, right? But why… the characters that are written on the score, are the ones that Mana taught me a long time ago. I’d forgotten all about them but… only Mana and I could read those characters. It was one of those children’s games…”

He needs to talk to Master. He knows something, the truth or whatever. Allen sighs again, turning to the piano. He places his hands lightly on the keys and starts to play the song. He was hoping it would be enough to distract him, but it only seems to tie his thoughts in knots. So, he plays again. And then he plays again. His left hand starts to cramp up on the third time playing it through, so he stops. He should probably do his rehabilitation exercises or see about suckering some Finders into playing a round of cards with him to work on his dexterity. He definitely doesn’t want to go back to his room in the hospital wing. That room that he’d shared with all of the people that had come back from Edo. With Kanda… He’d found very quickly after realizing that he might actually like Kanda ( _like_ like Kanda, find him really beautiful and maybe he wants to… kiss him kind of like Kanda) that he could barely look at him without blushing. And the man’s bed was directly across from Allen’s in that infirmary room.

It was stupid. He felt so stupid about it all. Every time Kanda’s cold eyes would sweep across the room, Allen found himself hoping they’d land on him. And the times when they did, his heart had started to race. And when their eyes would meet, Kanda would instantly entice him into a biting argument. Which was so different from the way that Kanda bickered with Marie. It had been… fascinating to see it. Kanda would say mean things, but his tone was light-hearted. Allen found himself wondering what it would take to be that close to Kanda. And Allen had known the man was pretty, beautiful even, but it hit him like a ton of bricks whenever Kanda would tuck a strand of his long, unbound hair behind his ear or flick it over his shoulder. And he could understand a bit now what Lenalee had said about Kanda’s personality way back just after Barcelona: that Kanda hides his feelings with anger and that he trusts all of the people around him to be fully capable too. He realizes now that Kanda attacking them to make them leave him behind in the Ark had been… had been his way of caring. All in all, Kanda was far more complicated than Allen had originally thought. And he found that the more things he learned, the more he liked.

Allen gets up from his seat by the piano and wanders over to the big window. It’s not like he can actually see anything out of it, just white nothingness and the shadow figure instead of his own reflection.

He’d called upon all of his years traveling with Cross when he’d escaped the infirmary. He just couldn’t be in there anymore, what with Krory’s stomach rumblings and Lavi’s complaining, and the not quite angry but definitely not kind looks Chaoji would send his way. He really hoped that Marie couldn’t hear how Allen’s heart would beat a bit faster whenever Kanda talked with his super-hearing, but the way the man would tilt his head a bit whenever it happened, made Allen worry that he actually could. He’d walked around the Order aimlessly for a while, swiping food from the cafeteria as he went, hoping to maybe run into Master, until he inexplicably ended up here in the Ark. He’d connected the door to the piano room to a random hall in the Order and had snuck in through there.

“You sure made a mess of this room, Beansprout.” Someone says at the doorway. In the reflection of the window, he sees Kanda, leaning casually (beautifully) against the door frame.

“My name’s Allen, jerk Kanda.” He says on reflex.

“Tch.” Kanda eyes the food Allen left scattered around the room. “If you aren’t a beansprout, then are you a pig or something?”

“What! I am not!” A sudden, indignant blush rises to Allen’s face, making him a little light-headed.

“Well, you eat a lot and make a mess of things. If you aren’t a pig or a beansprout, then what are you?”

“Why are you even here? Just to be a dick?” Allen stomps over to Kanda, getting right in his space. His heart starts to roar in his ears at the way Kanda narrows his angular eyes down at him.

“I was looking for… the bathroom.” Kanda hesitates at the end.

Allen quirks an eyebrow. Allen may have a shit sense of direction, but he knows for a fact that they are nowhere near the closest bathroom.

“So, you’re lost.”

“No, I am not lost.” Kanda blusters. “I am not!”

“Yeah, okay.” Allen says, not believing it for a second. _God,_ he thinks, _he’s so beautiful this close up._ Kanda’s hair is still down, and it makes butterflies flutter in Allen’s stomach (which with all the food he ate, he’s kinda surprised there’s even room for butterflies).

“I’m not lost.” Kanda crosses his arms over his chest. The light purple cardigan he wears makes his dark eyes seem even darker, even deeper. _He’s so beautiful_. Allen realizes that he maybe needs to learn some new words. “And anyways, Beansprout –“

“Allen.”

“Anyways, since you escaped from the hospital wing, the head nurse is on the hunt for you.”

Allen eyes the man warily. Kanda is caring in his own way but he’s not the type to go out of his way for someone.

“Your hiding spot’s too obvious, Beansprout. Plus, you were playing that piano so loud anyone could find you.”

He had heard Allen playing?

“Why are you telling me this?” Allen asks. Kanda makes a pinched face and refuses to answer. ( _Still beautiful. Maybe I should find the library and see about stealing a thesaurus. There has to be other words to describe Kanda besides beautiful.)_ Kanda steps into the room and out of the doorway to let Allen pass. Kanda makes an awkward aborted gesture like he’s trying to motion for Allen to leave first.

_The library it is._

Allen waves a hand at Timcanpy - who’d been munching away at some of Allen’s leftovers - for him to follow. He slides past Kanda to peek out the hall, looking left then right to make sure the coast is clear. He can hear some noises echoing down the hall but doesn’t see anyone. Allen stiffens sharply when a warm body sidles up behind him and Allen has to fight back a blush when he feels Kanda’s long hair brush across his back as the taller man leans over him to also peek out the doorway.

“What’re you being stealthy for, stupid Kanda?” Allen barks. He tips his head back to look at Kanda looming over him, to find the man already looking down at him.

“Mn…” Kanda only hums in response.

“There you are! You two!” A shrill woman’s voice yells from down the hall. Careening around the corner comes the head nurse, skirts clutched in her hands as she runs at them. “How dare you sneak out of my ward!”

Allen jolts backwards right into Kanda, who loses his balance and then they’re falling. Allen lands on top of Kanda on the cold tile floor, shoulder digging into the Kanda’s chest.

“Get off me you idiot!” Kanda roars shoving at Allen on top of him. Allen’s gone very still at the feeling of Kanda under him, electricity shooting through his veins. “Get up!”

Allen comes to his senses and tries to scramble off of him only to slam the crown of his head into Kanda’s sharp chin.

“Fuck.” Allen mutters, rubbing the top of his head.

“Fucking hell, Beansprout!”

“Mr. Walker, Mr. Kanda!” The head nurse yells as she slides into the doorway then stalking menacingly right towards where they’re tangled on the ground. “You two are coming back to the infirmary with me.”

Then she grabs each of them by the collar and drags them through the halls back to the hospital wing, ranting the whole time.

* * *

Allen is given a clean bill of health by the head nurse later that night and uses that new freedom to go to the cafeteria with his friends. He’s hoping that he’ll be able to find out where Master Cross went, so he can talk to him about… everything. (And he also secretly hopes he’ll run into Kanda again who was given permission to leave the infirmary several hours before Allen was. The man had practically sprinted out of the shared hospital room the minute he was freed and hasn’t been seen since.) He also never made it to the library to check out a thesaurus for words other than… beautiful either.

He and Lavi had rounded up Miranda and Lenalee from their hospital room and were happily stuffing their faces with plate upon plate of food. He had really truly thought he’d lose all of his friends on that Ark, but being able to sit here with them like this… It lets Allen’s smile feel a little less strained.

“Pleased to meet you.” A blond-haired man, with a severely stern face for such a young guy interrupts their peace. “Starting today, I shall be observing you. I am Inspector Howard Link.”

The man holds out a baked pie towards Allen, who is halfway through a bite of pasta.

“I have taken the liberty of baking you a pumpkin pie to celebrate our acquaintance.” Link says. “Please help yourselves.”

Allen’s eyes zero in on the pie. It’s a thing of beauty (he really needs to get a thesaurus to find other words). The crust is a crispy, flakey golden brown and roasted pumpkin seeds delicately decorate the top. _Kanda likes pumpkin, doesn’t he?_

“Ooh! I’ll gladly have some!” Allen swipes the pie out of the man’s hands, despite all of his friend’s protests around him.

“What are you doing, Allen? He just said he’s going to be observing you!” Lavi slaps the table repeatedly.

“Why are you observing Allen?” Lenalee questions Link.

“Mr. Walker will be tried for heresy and I am to supervise him till then.” Link automatically replies, body stiff like a board. Allen’s really too engrossed with the pie to pay much attention. That is until…

“What!?” Lenalee yells, standing up so fast, her chair clatters loudly to the ground before storming out of the cafeteria screaming for her brother.

“Uh, thanks for the pie…” Allen says to Link in the awkward silence that follows once Lenalee’s out of sight. Allen politely motions for the stern man to sit at the table.

“So, why is Allen going to be tried for heresy?” Lavi asks while glaring at the newcomer.

“He is being tried for his connections to the fourteenth Noah.” Link replies in his dry voice. Allen doesn’t feel so excited for the proffered pie anymore…

“The fourteenth?” He says around his bite.

“It’s the Noah that was erased from the Noah clan.” Link says matter-of-factly. “The Noah family we knew had only thirteen members, but there were originally fourteen. Hence, the ‘fourteenth.’ Have you not heard of this?”

The shadow figure had called the piano room in the Ark the fourteenth’s secret room…

“First, please answer these.” Link smacks a massive stack of forms onto the table already littered with plates. “Hand in all the documents in the morning after you wake up.”

“How in the hell!” Allen blurts out. “It’s all gotta be done in one night?”

“Since it is noisy here, let’s move to the library.” Link declares.

“What? The library!” That spurs some enthusiasm in Allen, so he starts to grab up the papers to head out. He was planning on going to the library anyways, now he has an excuse to get there sooner. There’ll be a few extra steps once he gets there, what with now having to sneak away from this Inspector Link guy, but he can finally get his hands on a thesaurus.

* * *

Kanda had practically sprinted out of the infirmary the minute he’d been allowed to. He’d been insistent that he didn’t need any further medical treatment. He was perfectly fine, though he desperately wanted soba noodles. He’d put on his most sour face and very quickly walked to the cafeteria and slurped down his favorite noodles. He’d only had to glare at overly curious Finders twice, before everyone got the hint to leave him alone.

He listened to the gossip around him and was shocked to learn that Inspector Lvellie has come here and is holding a big meeting with all of the big wigs of the Order. It sparks pure fury in him to know that that man is here.

When he finished his noodles, he went to his favorite training room where he proceeded to beat the stuffing out of dummies in the room with a dull practice sword. His hands itched to wrap around Mugen’s hilt again. But Komui still had the sword since it was well and truly broken.

He’s still mad at himself for actually finding that stupid beansprout earlier. He hadn’t meant to - because he wasn’t worried – but he’d just sort of found himself there at that room with the piano. And Allen had been standing so quietly in front of the window. It was awful. He hated it. He hated every second that he’d stood there and watched Allen stand silently in that messy room (and he hated how long he’d actually spent watching him). It was strange seeing the beansprout so quiet and so still. With the others he was so loud and expressive and while Kanda had known for a long time that much of it was an act, it was still a bit unnerving to see the Allen under the mask.

Kanda hurls the practice sword in his hand at the far wall where it embeds itself between two of the cement blocks making up the wall. He stomps his way over to the bamboo mats that Lenalee had brought to this room a few years ago and then just left there. He forces himself to sit down on one of the mats and start to breathe deeply. He shifts into lotus position and starts to meditate. Let’s his mind just go.

He’s taken two thousand, seven hundred and sixteen breathes when the door clicks open. Light footsteps echo through the room before the person drops down with a sigh next to him.

“What is it?” He asks.

“Nothing.” Lenalee says. “Just thought I’d try meditating with you for once, since it’s been a while.”

“It’s Lvellie, huh. In the past, whenever that guy came here, you would always run to my room.” He says eyebrow twitching. It had always been like this. When he’d first met her eight years ago, she was fresh from her torment at the hands of that man and she’d always sought Kanda out as a person to listen to her. In return, he’d taught her the meditative techniques that Tiedoll had taught him, but she still always came to him anyways.

“I just hate having everyone worry about me. Ever since we were small, I could stay by your side and you wouldn’t ask me any questions, so it helps me relax. But I guess I’m just running away…” She trails off. It’s usually like this: let her spew her thoughts and then she’ll be okay. She usually just needs someone to listen to her, not tell her what to do.

She heaves a great sigh and then rubs at her short hair in frustration.

“I can’t go on like this anymore! I have to become stronger!” She whines. “But… but…”

She starts to make incomprehensible noises into her hands. _Okay, now it’s time to redirect her._

“I think you’re a strong woman.” He says. She peeks at him between her fingers. “Now, shut up and meditate. If not, then get out.”

“Okay.” She sounds more confident again. _Good._

He returns his focus to his breathing and hears her work to time her breathes with his. And they meditate for a while. Kanda takes two hundred and forty-eight breathes before Lenalee starts to talk again.

“Lvellie’s assigned a man named Howard Link to supervise Allen.”

“Why?” Kanda can feel his lips twitching down into a frown.

“They want to… try him for heresy.” Kanda’s pretty sure he misses a breath there. Getting tried for heresy is essentially a license for Central to torture and kill anyone they don’t like… And Kanda knows just how Central likes to torture their people. Hell, they don’t even see the Exorcists as people. They certainly don’t see Allen that way.

“Why would they try the beansprout?” He asks.

“I don’t know. I went to talk to my brother about it but ran into Lvellie in his office and… well, now I’m here.”

“Mn.” He hums. They fall into a troubled silence again. Kanda tries to count his breathes again but only makes it to five before he’s interrupted by Lenalee’s Golum ringing.

“Lenalee Lee, report to Hevlaska’s chamber.” A woman says. “Inspector Lvellie requests your presence.”

Then the line goes dead and Lenalee turns her big eyes on Kanda, fear evident on her face.

“Come on. I’ll walk you there.” He says, getting up from his spot on the mats. “I need to head back to my room anyways.”

She gets up too and follows him out of the room.

“I sure hope you plan on showering.” She tries to make a joke, but her voice wavers.

“Whatever.” He grouches.

“You know,” She chatters. “That Inspector Link guy they assigned to Allen, they said he was going to be supervising him for twenty-four seven.”

“Mn.” He doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. He does, however, trip over an uneven brick in the walkway.

“That guy made Allen a pumpkin pie. Like he handmade it.” Lenalee says. Kanda blows some of the bangs hanging over his forehead out of his eyes.

“Stop talking and just walk.” He snaps. She doesn’t stop talking, instead chatting anxiously the entire way to Hevlaska’s chamber where he leaves her to return to his room.

* * *

Kanda sips his hot tea in the cafeteria the next morning when the beansprout, Lavi, and some blonde guy walks in. The guy keeps his hair immaculate, his suit with no wrinkles and holds himself impossibly straight. _A stick up his ass,_ Kanda thinks. Then he looks a little closer. The rigid way the man walks just behind the beansprout. How his eyes dart around the room, scanning each and every face. The bulge of a hidden weapon under his clothes.

_Crow._

Kanda would know those mannerisms anywhere. They didn’t just assign some secretary of Lvellie’s to watch over the beansprout. They assigned one of his dogs. _A Crow._

His knuckles whiten around his cup as he watches Allen’s face light up in a laugh at something the Crow says to him. Anger and rage start to surge through him. He can’t move from his spot though he wants to run, and he can’t stop watching as the beansprout continues to smile at the Crow. He watches as the beansprout piles plate after plate of food onto his tray, and then when that is filled, he starts to balance plates on his arms. And then the Crow takes some of the plates from Allen and puts them on his own tray to carry for him. Kanda’s just about going to break the cup in his hand.

Flapping arms catches his attention. Lavi waves enthusiastically and bounds over to the table that Kanda sits at. He’s followed by Bookman, the beansprout, and the Crow.

“Yuu! Good morning!” Lavi says far too loudly.

“Don’t call me that.” He snaps back. His eyes slip over to the beansprout who ducks his head down to try to hide a smirk behind his mountain of food.

_Cute._

Kanda’s going to shatter the cup in his hand. Lavi flops down into the seat next to Kanda and throws a heavy arm around Kanda’s shoulders. Bookman (the only person with some sense in the world) sighs in exasperation and sits on Lavi’s other side. The beansprout sits across from Kanda and the Crow sits down a little too close to him. Kanda hates.

“A pleasure to meet you. I am Inspector Howard Link.” The crow says to him, holding out a hand for Kanda to shake. Kanda glares but otherwise doesn’t acknowledge the man.

They all start talking loudly, ruining the peace that Kanda had had. He doesn’t even pay attention just seethes. Seethes and watches the beansprout’s face. He hadn’t realized it when they were over at Jerry’s station getting food, but there are deep purple bags under Allen’s eyes. And the smile he’s put on this morning is his fake one. The one that doesn’t reach his eyes and make them sparkle. The closed-lip one that doesn’t show any of his teeth that are snow white like his hair. The fake one. It makes Kanda boil.

The beansprout pushes back a bit of the longer white hair that frames his face with greasy fingers. The amount of food that kid shovels into his mouth is kind of disgusting. _How does he even have room for all that? He’s so small_.

Movement at the doorway catches Lavi’s eye and makes him throw his weight at Kanda as he swivels around to look. Lenalee floats into the cafeteria. There’s something off about the way that she walks. Like she’s lighter on her feet but also like the weight of the whole world is weighing her down.

“Lenalee!” Lavi calls to her. The beansprout perks up too at the mention of her name. Lenalee bypasses Jerry and food to make her way to their table. Kanda scrutinizes her. She definitely cried a whole bunch, if her puffy face is anything to go by.

“Lenalee, are you okay?” The beansprout asks lightly as she all but falls into the seat next to him.

“I…” She eyes the Crow nervously. “My Innocence is gone.”

“Someone stole your innocence!” Lavi roars. “Sweet Lenalee’s innocence! How is your brother doing? Who took it, I’ll beat them up if your brother hasn’t yet!”

Thank God Bookman smacks the back of the idiot’s head before Kanda can snatch the beansprout’s knife from across the table and skewer him through.

“That hurt, old panda!”

“Shut up you idiot.” Bookman smacks him again for good measure. There’s a reason the old man is Kanda’s favorite out of the two Bookmen. Though, the redhead’s antics did make Lena smile lightly and some of that sparkle come back to Allen’s eyes. It seems to give Lenalee the courage to continue talking.

“My Dark Boots are gone. Hevlaska has my Innocence now.” She says. “It’s not that I’m not compatible with them anymore… Hevlaska thinks that they’re evolving.”

“Evolving?” Bookman asks in surprise.

“Like…?” Lavi trails off.

“She thinks it’s a phenomenon like how the Akuma evolve. She… she said that the Innocence eats up a user’s life force.” Here she looks to Allen sadly. Kanda’s chest hurts. “Hevlaska thinks that… that my Innocence may be becoming a parasitic-type, but she’s not sure. Something… bad… could happen the next time I try to synchronize with my Boots.”

Lavi sits stiffly next to Kanda, his green eye darting between Lenalee’s face and Bookman’s. The beansprout puts a small chocolate croissant from his assortment of breakfast foods on a little napkin and then in front of Lenalee. There’s a softness in the way they interact, a kindness that Allen doesn’t show to anyone else. Kanda’s tea tastes like vinegar. He sets his cup on the table with a rather loud clink and gets up.

“Yuu, where ya goin’?” Lavi asks.

“The training room.” He gives Lenalee a look that he hopes she knows means that she can come find him if she needs to meditate or talk it out, to which she nods in understanding.

* * *

Kanda spends a really long time in the training room, messing around with all of the different kinds of practice swords. He tries not to think about it, but it reminds him of when after he’d first synchronized properly with Mugen after… and he’d been allowed to go to the training rooms at the Asian Branch and try out all of the different sword types to find the one that fit him perfectly, before that old man had forged Mugen into the katana it is now. Or was… It’s still in pieces at the science division.

Lenalee does find him in the room eventually but just sits quietly in a corner and meditates.

The next day, the same thing happens again. He goes to the practice room after listening to the gossip in the cafeteria and Lenalee comes in a while later to sit in a corner and meditate. He just leaves her be until she finally cracks.

“There’s been rumors that Allen might be working with the Earl and the Noah, since Central put General Cross on house arrest and Link to supervise Allen.” Kanda pauses moving through his sword forms to let her know that he’s listening. “It’s totally not true, you know that. But they’re saying that since he tried to save Suman after he betrayed the Order, that Allen might be a traitor too.”

Kanda remembers what happened with Suman. How it had gotten the beansprout nearly killed for his efforts. How angry it had made Kanda after.

“And I don’t trust that Link guy.” She continues. Kanda had been avoiding all of the communal areas for those very reasons. He didn’t want to deal with the gossip and that guy followed the beansprout everywhere. And he’d heard a rumor that the Crow even slept in Allen’s room. It all made Kanda sick to his stomach. He spins to slice through a practice dummy with ease.

“He’s a Crow.” Kanda states. He’s not sure if Lenalee noticed it.

“A Crow…”

“Mn.”

They don’t get to talk anymore past that though, because a Finder pokes their head into the room to tell Lenalee that her brother’s looking for her. And then he’s alone again. For once the quiet unnerves him, like he’s waiting for something to happen. Though, when something does happen, it’s not what Kanda had been wanting.

Lavi Bookman comes barreling into his training room.

“Yuu, I need your help!”

“What do you want, Eye Patch?” Kanda levels the Jian sword he’d been practicing with at Lavi.

“Allen’s been having some trouble with his left arm when it’s in its normal form and Komui suggested that he do some of the old rehabilitation exercises that he did when he first used his arm.” Lavi gives him a fake angelic grin.

“And how am I supposed to help?” Kanda asks skeptically.

“Well… you see… Allen said that the kind of therapy he used to do to help with his, ya know, dexterity was to play poker.” Lavi says, flapping a hand around for emphasis.

“Okay, and?”

“And you know Lenalee’s been out of sorts since that stuff with her Innocence.” Lavi rubs at the back of his neck.

“Okay, and?” Kanda repeats.

“And… I think we can kill two birds with one stone.” He imbues his voice with bravado.

“I’m not helping you.”

“What! Why, Yuu?” Lavi whines dramatically.

“No.” Wherever that beansprout goes, that Crow goes, and Kanda thinks he might rip the guys prim head off if he’s around him for too long. And Lenalee’s still working through her hang ups about her Innocence.

“Is this about Link?”

“No.”

“We’ll just have to jailbreak Allen. I was already planning on doing that anyways.” Lavi shrugs not even listening to Kanda.

“Lavi, I’m not helping you.” Kanda says, trying to get through to him. Lavi stares at him for a beat too long, thinking up his next strategy to convince Kanda to help.

“There’ll be alcohol.” Lavi says like it’s the sure victory that it is. Kanda has not had a drink in a while - not like alcohol actually does anything for him. (And he’d know. He drank his way through the entire wine cellar at Headquarters and all the pubs at the nearest city when he was fourteen.) But… still the burn of tequila and the quick buzz that it gives him before his recovery abilities whisk away all the effects of the alcohol is a sensation he hasn’t felt in a while.

Kanda’s mind whirs trying to weigh the costs and benefits of helping Lavi Bookman. Maybe with how much he overworked the seal on the Ark, he’ll be able to get buzzed for a little longer than thirty seconds. He might even be able to get a full minute.

“Fine.” He acquiesces.

“Really!?” Lavi jumps up and down.

“Yes. What’s your plan?”

* * *

Allen trails behind Link through the halls on the way back to his room from dinner at the cafeteria. He’s been working on not looking at the shadow figure he sees in every reflective surface. He’s mostly used to seeing it by now, but it still… scares him. The implications of it… are terrifying but it hasn’t talked to him since he’d taken over the Ark.

He hasn’t gotten to talk to Master either, but he did get to steal a thesaurus from the library the other day and has just been running through the list of synonyms for beautiful. He hasn’t really seen Kanda since breakfast yesterday though… The man always turns and walks in the opposite direction when Allen sees him. It’s oddly like that time after their first big fight, when he’d ignored Kanda and Kanda had avoided him for a month. But this time, it’s impossible for Allen to ignore him. His eyes stick to his every motion. He really… _likes_ Kanda. It scares him almost as much as this stuff with the Fourteenth Noah. He’d like to be able to talk about it with Lenalee… but he doesn’t want to burden her. She’s been a bit distraught since she lost her Boots.

They pass a dark hallway to Allen’s right. Hands shoot out from the darkness and wrap around Allen’s arm to drag him into the hallway. Before he can yell for Link, a large, calloused hand covers his mouth and he’s pulled back against a lean chest.

“Don’t you dare make a sound, Beansprout.” Kanda hisses in his ear. Allen had been trying to wiggle out of the arm wrapped around his waist but freezes at the voice. Everything seems to still and speed up at the same time. He stops breathing but his heart races. He can feel the strong lines of Kanda’s body pressed against his own.

“Okay, I got his feet!” Lavi whisper-shouts and then he’s being hoisted into the air, Kanda hooking his arms under Allen’s armpits and Lavi holding him by the ankles.

“What are you two doing?” Allen whisper-shouts up at them while they start to carry him down the hallway.

“Jailbreak.” Is all Lavi says.

“Wha-“

“Shh.” Kanda cuts his protests off. They carry him through the maze of hallways at the Order before he begs them to put him down. Which, with a nod from Lavi, Kanda drops his torso none too gently to the ground.

“Fuck, Kanda!” Allen shouts.

“Shh!” Lavi shushes him. “Come on this way, Allen.”

Lavi leads them down some more hallways till they reach what Allen thinks is a random room, only to find that once Lavi opens it is a warm lounge with Lenalee already sitting on one of the two plush couches surrounding a table in the middle.

“Allen!” She says happily. Allen takes in the little room, with red walls and red couches and black coffee table, velvet dark purple curtains covering the one floor-to-ceiling window in the room. The table has a surprising array of bottles that upon closer inspection reveal themselves to be different types and brands of alcohol. A deck of cards rests next to one of the bottles. Allen’s hands involuntarily twitch towards it.

“Okay, please tell me what in the hell is going on here?” He rounds on Lavi and Kanda.

“Tch.” Kanda clicks his tongue and walks past Allen to sit on the couch that Lenalee isn’t occupying.

“Jailbreak!” Lavi says enthusiastically.

“What does that even mean!?” Allen cries in frustration.

“At breakfast you said you needed to do rehab for your left hand right? And what better way than a game of cards with friends.” With that, Lavi bounds over to the plop down next to Lenalee and throw an arm across the back of the couch. Leaving the only seat available the one next to Kanda who glares at him with those deep eyes. Allen throws a stinky look at Lavi then sits next to Kanda at the farthest spot on the couch that he can manage.

“Fine. Let’s play then.” Allen agrees.

“Finally.” Kanda huffs, reaching out to snatch the largest bottle of what appears to be tequila from the table.

* * *

“Hey Allen,” Lenalee drunkenly yells at him. “Hey Allen! You sure can hold your liquor good for a fifteen-year-old!”

She means to point at him, but her finger ends up being aimed somewhere over Allen’s head.

“I’m not actually fifteen.” He laughs. Everything is so light and happy. He feels electric from where his knee knocks against Kanda’s.

“What?” She gasps, hand posed dramatically over her heart. He motions for her to lean across the table like he’s going to tell her a secret.

“I’m actually sixteen.” He whispers. “My birthday is December twenty-fifth but… but… like, that was around when General Yeegar died, ya know? And then we went to find Master, ya know? I just forgot in between it all. But then when I remembered I was too em-embarrassed to correct anyone about my age.”

Lenalee gives him the most scandalized expression and he laughs at her.

“Allen, how could you!” She cries. He continues to cackle.

* * *

It was Kanda’s worst decision in his whole entire life to help Lavi. Unlike his theories, the alcohol does nothing for him. He’s downed an entire bottle of tequila and a bottle of vodka with nothing to even show for it, so he’s given up drinking. Which he really wishes he could get at least tipsy. After several rounds of poker and a significant amount of yelling, Lenalee got herself absolutely drunk and now dozed against Lavi’s shoulder. Lavi was quite a bit tipsy too but the alcohol - instead of bringing out his more annoying tendencies - just made him weirdly quiet and calm. And then there was the beansprout, who had gone all out with cheating at every round of poker they’d played and had downed an entire two bottles of wine and was working his way through the other bottle of vodka. He swayed back and forth in his seat and kept looking at Kanda and cooing at Lenalee’s sleeping face. It was very, very, very annoying.

Kanda sighed and closed his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back into the couch. It’s getting late and he’s pretty tired. He tries to ignore Allen’s drunken babbling. That is until it goes really quiet. And then a warm weight lands on his lap. He opens his eyes just enough to see Allen staring up at him with his gray eyes. A smile warms the beansprouts face, and he giggles like a drunken fool.

“Exquisite.” Allen says. Kanda’s brow twitches. “Enchanting. Ravishing. Bewitching.”

Kanda opens his eyes fully as Allen lifts his human right hand to poke Kanda’s nose. The idiot in his lap laughs when Kanda goes cross-eyed from watching the hand before saying some more words.

“What are you even saying, Beansprout?” He snaps.

“I stole a thes-thesaur-thesaurus.” The beansprout stumbles his way through the last word. “Stunning. Gorgeous. Lovely.”

Kanda can’t take his eyes off Allen. Maybe the alcohol really is working, and he just didn’t realize it. Allen’s white hair fans out around his red face on Kanda’s lap and he looks… what was one of the words that the beansprout had said? _Enchanting._

“Dazzling. Enthralling. Mesmerizing.” Allen slurs, poking Kanda’s nose to punctuate each word. “Beautiful.”

Lavi snickers, breaking the spell that was holding Kanda lost in swirling gray eyes. Kanda snaps his head up to the redhead meeting his eyes with a glare. Lavi looks like a cat that got the cream, giving Kanda a smug, knowing look. Like he knows something that Kanda won’t even ever think. In retaliation, he raises an eyebrow at the way Lavi’s arm curls around Lenalee’s narrow shoulders and Lavi’s light jacket that he’d placed over Lenalee’s lap.

The beansprout’s hand that was poking Kanda’s face falls to his chest with a thump followed by snores as the beansprout promptly falls asleep. Kanda continues his stare-off of sorts with Lavi, before Lavi breaks it off with a smile.

“We should get them to bed.” Lavi says quietly. “I’ll take Lenalee. You take Allen.”

Lavi ignores Kanda’s squawks of protest and scoops Lenalee up into a bridal carry. And then he’s alone with a sleeping Allen in this quiet room. Kanda takes a deep breath and looks down to the beansprout. He’s not sure he’s ever seen the beansprout this peaceful. He’s seen a wide range of expressions on this face, but never peace. It looks good on him. Whatever’s been troubling him the last few days has left a permanent wrinkle in between his white eyebrows. He’s not even thinking when he reaches out a hand to smooth out the crease. The alcohol must have actually affected him. It must have. Allen looks older too, like he's actually growing into his features, less of a naïve child and more of a man. He still didn’t know what to make of the beansprout’s declaration that he’d turned sixteen months ago. Allen’s nose twitches in his sleep like a rabbit’s. He might seem older but he’s still…

_Cute._

Kanda chokes on his breath when Allen shifts to lay on his side, shoving his face into Kanda’s stomach. He doesn’t dare move as Allen continues to wiggle about. Instead, he sits there more tense than he’s ever been. And then the tension bleeds into annoyance when he feels drool start to dampen his shirt.

_Time to go._

He hefts a very big sigh and then shoves the beansprout around to get him off his lap. He grabs one of the beansprout’s arms and puts it over his shoulder. Then he stands, taking the unconscious beansprout with him. Allen mumbles something in his sleep as his head lolls onto Kanda’s shoulder.

Kanda grumbles as he wades through the empty bottles scattered about the floor and out into the hallway. He looks left then right. Then left again. And then right. _What was the way to the beansprout’s room?_

White hair tickles the side of his neck. _Left it is._

He wraps his other arm around Allen’s lower back, and when his hand lands around the beansprout’s waist, he’s momentarily distracted by how thin it is. He knew the beansprout was fit but the way that his hand spreads across muscular skin is… The alcohol must have really actually done something.

Kanda drags the beansprout through the hallways. He makes random turns hoping he’ll come across a familiar landmark and tries not to think about how warm the beansprout feels against his side. Lavi really chose the most remote room possible in the entire Order and it’s so late at night that there aren’t even any people milling about to ask for directions.

He’s in a tall, arched hallway with large windows when he sees someone frantically running at him.

“Mr. Walker!” Kanda realizes it’s that Crow. He stops in his tracks “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all night.”

The blonde-haired man rushes right up into Kanda’s space and fusses about the beansprout. It makes his skin crawl. Then the Crow starts to sniff the air loudly.

“Is that alcohol?” He turns angry eyes on Kanda now. “Mr. Kanda, what happened. Is he alright?”

Allen mumbles something against Kanda’s shoulder, and Kanda can’t take it anymore. He shoves the beansprout at the Crow.

“He’s drunk off his ass and your problem now.” Kanda says.

“Well, thank you for returning him in one piece.” The Crow says sarcastically before situating the beansprout to piggy back carry him. “Come, Mr. Walker, let us get back to your room.”

The Crow nods to Kanda who only glares back before hurrying away with Allen. And Kanda watches them go with the intense taste of vinegar sitting sourly in his mouth.

* * *

Allen peeks an eye open and immediately has to close it again against the bright light of the room. Someone (Link) opened the curtains that cover his window.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Link says far too loudly. “What in the world happened last night?”

Allen would like to ask the same question. He definitely remembers drinking and playing poker with his friends but after a certain point (probably after the first bottle of wine and about halfway through the second) it becomes all fuzzy.

“Uhg.” He groans, stretching his arms and legs. He smacks his lips and groans again. His mouth tastes like something crawled in it and died. “Link. I want to brush my teeth.”

Allen attempts to crack an eye open again and sees that Link is already dressed for the day, hair smoothly braided back, and suit already buttoned immaculately. He sits in the one chair in Allen’s room reading a book. Allen’s clothes lay folded neatly on the bedside table ready for him to wear for the day. (Link must have set those out for him.) He swings his legs off the bed and changes quickly.

“To the bathrooms, then.” Link declares once Allen is finished changing, closing his book with a snap and rising to his feet.

Together, they walk to the communal bathroom on Allen’s floor. Allen brushes his teeth and ignores the shadow figure he sees instead of his reflection like he’s been doing since that day on the Ark. It’s as he’s rinsing out his mouth that Lavi and Bookman stroll into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

“Morning.” Lavi greets.

“Ah, good morning.” Allen says back. Lavi sidles up to the sink so that Link stands between him and Allen.

“Allen, you tired? Has Two Spots been interrogating you again?” Allen tries not to snicker at Lavi’s nickname for Link, referring to the two red spots on Link’s forehead.

“How rude!” Link cries in indignation.

“Link, you’re wasting your breath.” Allen says with a smirk. “Lavi’s a kid, so he likes giving others nicknames. If you don’t like it, you’ll have to be more forceful.”

“Hey, Allen,” Lavi laughs. “Have you forgotten that I’m older than you?”

“Not at all.” Allen leans down to wash his face.

“It seems like you’re doing alright after all this.” Lavi says, voice garbled around the toothbrush in his mouth.

“Yeah, I guess.” Allen looks up at the shadow figure in the mirror. “Even though I see something weird, I have no idea what to do about it at the moment. It’s pointless to get myself worked up over it.”

* * *

Allen follows Link to the cafeteria for breakfast, and the two Bookmen tag along. On the way they pass a cavernous room that is blocked by a sign with the words “Science Division Only” emblazoned on it. Allen stops to inspect it.

“What’s up?” Lavi jogs up behind him.

“Oh! Mornin’!” Reever calls from the inside the blocked off room. “Now’s the time to start unraveling the mysteries behind this thing.”

“The Egg!” Allen says in surprise. Inside is the Egg from the Ark. Its lit from all angles by spot lights and attached to all kinds of different machines. “You brought the Egg from the Ark here?” 

“Yep, we’re gonna examine it.” Reever declares.

“Forget that, you should hurry up and fix my Innocence!” Lavi says, half-jokingly.

“We’ve got a lot of requests like that at the moment, but for now we need to focus on this.” Allen thinks about Kanda who also had his Innocence smashed to bits on the Ark. It had been strange seeing the man without his sword the last few days. Reever turns proudly to the scientists working diligently at the various machines. “This is an incredible chance to find out more about the Akuma. Once we understand this thing, we may uncover a way to end this long war with the Earl. That’s the hope I see.”

“Hope…” Allen murmurs mostly to himself.

* * *

In the cafeteria, Allen loads up a tray with an absolutely massive amount of food. He will forever be grateful to the Order and Jerry that he gets to eat like this every time he’s there.

“Mr. Walker!” Link starts to scold him, like he’s done at every meal they’ve had together. “Your menu isn’t very healthy. You’re only fifteen, so you need to think of a more balanced diet plan.”

Allen eyes Link’s plate full of cakes and other desserts. He’s not going to say anything about the age comment.

“Don’t you only eat cake?” He jabs.

“I’m nineteen, so it’s okay.” Link says a bit snobbishly.

“There’s no way that’s true!” Allen challenges

“It is!” It’s easy to rile Link up since he has a perpetual stick in his ass. Bickering with Link, though, is nothing like bickering with Kanda. It doesn’t send the same thrills coursing through his veins. He wonders what happened after his memory goes dark of the night before. He hopes he didn’t say anything embarrassing to Kanda…

“What a peaceful morning.” Lavi sighs from one of the tables. Allen sticks his tongue out childishly at Link just to see him splutter before going to join the Bookmen.

He’s happily munching away at his assortment of food when the scar on his face starts to sting. Then his eye activates. He drops his fork with a clatter.

_There’s Akuma in Headquarters!_

Allen leaps out of his seat and vaults over tables, crashing through Finders and Scientists as he runs to the exit of the cafeteria.

“There’s Akuma!” He hollers at Lavi over his shoulder. He careens around corners tracing the path that his eye shows him. He’s can hear the patter of Lavi, Bookman and Link following him. “There’s a ton of them coming from the lab we saw Reever in!”

They run as fast as they can to the lab only to skid to a stop at seeing a wall instead of the doorway.

“The entrance to the lab is blocked!” Allen’s heart is in his throat. _All those people inside…_


	14. There Will Come a Soldier, Who Carries a Mighty Sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to get out! Idk if yall got a flurry of emails about me updating only to find that it wasn't actually a new chapter. I'd been wanting to go back and fix up my earlier chapters for a while now so I spent a week doing that. And if you follow me on tumblr (@bnerdler), you'll know that this past week I was dealing with carpal tunnel that made it painful to write. I'm doing alright now.
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song Soldier, Poet, King by The Oh Hellos.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I'm very excited about the next chapter, so it probably won't take me too long to write. I'm hoping to have it up by the end of the week, but no guarantees.

Allen races behind Link through twists and turns to the piano room. Bookman follows just behind him. Lavi had split off from them in front of the blocked off doorway to alert Komui to tell them that Allen will be setting up a new gate with the Ark to get inside the lab.

_Please, don’t let us be too late. Please._

Allen hopes that Link knows the way to the piano room, because at the speed they’re running he’s not sure he’d be able to remember the way in time to not miss the turns. (The only place he doesn’t get lost running to is the cafeteria…)

“Enemy alert!” Comes a woman’s voice blaring from the Headquarter’s PA system. “To all exorcists and members currently within the Order: Akuma have infiltrated the Fifth Lab. Two Exorcists are currently heading to the scene. All Generals and the following Exorcists should proceed immediately to the Ark’s third gate: Noise Marie, Miranda Lotto. Please proceed to Gate Three.”

“Looks like Lavi made it.” Bookman says a bit out of breath.

“Are we almost there, Link?” Allen asks the man leading them.

“Shortly.”

They’re passing near the training rooms when Kanda comes sliding around the corner at full speed ahead of them.

“Beansprout!” Kanda shouts. “Are you going to set up the gate?”

“Yeah.” Allen shouts back. He wasn’t out of breath from running, but suddenly running into Kanda has him absolutely breathless. Kanda nods at him when they pass, before he dashes down the hallway.

“Wait, Kanda! Where are you going?” Allen calls to his retreating back.

“Swords!” Kanda yells over his shoulder before disappearing around a corner.

“What does that even mean?” He cries loudly in surprise. Then Kanda pokes his head back around the corner he just disappeared from, face dark with anger.

“Swords.” He grunts, like that’s justification enough. And then he’s gone. _Oh, I really like him._ Bookman tugs on Allen’s sleeve and they’re running to the piano room again.

When they get to the room, Allen all but hurls himself at the piano, barely crashing into in. He plays the score in double time.

“Ark, open a new gate into the Fifth Lab.” He says while playing. “And connect this door into the Ark.”

In his mind, he pictures opening the door from the piano room and being in the city inside the Ark. Across from the piano room’s doorway is the new gate that will take them into the lab. When he’s done playing, he turns seriously to Link.

“Do not follow us. You aren’t an Exorcist.” He says. “After Bookman and I go through that door, it’ll let you get back to the hallway. Go find Komui or Lvellie and see how you can help there.”

“Okay.” Link says, saluting him like he always does. Allen’s a bit shocked that Link isn’t going to fight him about this.

“Bookman, let’s go.” Allen doesn’t check that Bookman follows him before he darts out the door, into the city within the Ark and through the door right across the way. He throws it open, activates his Innocence into its sword form, and then he’s stepping through.

* * *

When Allen gets through the Ark, he takes a moment to orient himself. Reever stands in the middle of the room, gun in hand. A skull person like Allen had seen around the Egg when the Ark had been collapsing, stands threateningly in front of Reever, a glowing hand pointed right at Reever’s forehead. Allen leaps over the head scientist and slices right through the Skull.

“A-Allen!” The man stutters. Allen spares a quick glance around and sees… so many scientists, so many of his friends laid out on the ground, their blood staining the stone floor. In the air all around Allen are hundreds of level three Akuma. He’s never seen this many in one place.

“I won’t forgive anyone of you.” He feels the rage start to boil in his veins. It makes his skin itch. In front of the Egg is Lulu Bell perched on the shoulder of an Akuma. Allen instantly recognizes her as the Noah woman that had chased Allen and his friends from eastern Europe, through the Middle East, and across China. “Lulu Bell.”

“My master is furious. I’m taking back his Egg.” Her quiet voice reverberates loudly across the lab. Bookman jumps out of the gate, landing next to Allen. “Akuma, don’t let the Exorcists get near the Egg.”

As soon as she finishes speaking, all of the Akuma start to snicker in glee. Allen and Bookman ready their Innocence and the fight begins.

* * *

Allen’s lost count of how many Akuma he’s destroyed. It’s a lot though. He’s not fully healed all of his injuries from the Ark, and he can already feel the aches start to intensify.

There’s a loud screech as more Akuma dive down at him and Bookman.

“There’s so many of them!” He yells. If only Kanda were here. If only the other Exorcists were here.

“Gate, open.”

A bright light fills the room as a gate from the Noah’s Ark opens under the Egg.

“I will not hand over my master’s Egg.” Lulu Bell says.

* * *

Kanda dances around scientists as he runs into the room that houses the third gate. He’s got two practice swords from the training room strapped to his back and another in his hand.

“Komui!” He hollers when he spots the man standing in front of a bunch of monitors. Lvellie leans against the table next to Komui. His posture alone makes Kanda’s skin crawl. At his voice, Komui spins on the spot with shock clear on his face that quickly transforms into frustration.

“What are you doing here?” Komui demands. “You should be on standby, shouldn’t you?”

“What kind of bullshit is that?” Kanda bristles. Komui slams his hand on the table and Kanda really takes a second to take in the Chief. His hands shake and the worry lines on his face are deeper than usual.

“Without Mugen,” Komui says between his teeth. “There is nothing you can do. You’re just a hinderance!”

“Komui, you son of…” Kanda trails off. Anger sizzles in his bones. It’s not his fault that Mugen hasn’t been fixed yet.

“Please, Kanda, bear with it.” Komui stares down at his shaking hands. “I cannot afford to sacrifice you now!”

“Tch.” Kanda turns away and storms out of the room. He’s distantly aware of Marie calling his name. Once out in the hallway, he ducks to stand by the side of the door to listen in.

Komui and Lvellie approach Marie and Miranda.

“The only ones we can depend on right now are you two.” Komui says. “Those currently fighting - Allen and Bookman, and the Generals - will need your help.”

 _Beansprout…_ Allen’s in there fighting who knows what odds and Kanda can’t even do the one thing he was made to do. He punches the wall with all his strength. It leaves a bloody print as the skin over his knuckles splits open. Its fine. It’ll heal in a few minutes anyways.

* * *

Allen tries to make his way to the Skull that is working to turn the scientists into more Skulls. The scientists (the ones that are conscious anyways) all look up at him with either despair or hope in their eyes. Allen slices through Akuma after Akuma to get there in time.

“Just hold on!” He shouts to them. “I’m coming to save you!”

Bookman backs him up with his Heaven Compass, needles piercing the bodies of the Akuma in his path and destroying them.

“Stop!” He screams as the Skull lifts a hand to transform one of the scientists. Allen swings his sword but is blocked by two Akuma with a shield.

“On!” He hears the gruff voice of the Skull invoke beyond the shield. He watches in horror as a magenta light engulfs the scientist who screams in pain.

“Stop it!” Allen cries. The Akuma force him back and up to the second floor of the lab. They slam him into a wall. He grits his teeth and activates Crown Belt, stabbing through the Akuma blocking him and destroying them. He sprints over to the railing of the second floor to see that the spell is already completed. The scientist is now a Skull.

“Dammit!” Allen curses. A big, metal hand grabs his face and he’d being rammed up through the ceiling into the third floor.

“Got ya.” The Akuma holding him slyly says. The hand over his face starts to squeeze his head. “Die.”

Allen screams as his skull is crushed.

“Heaven Compass!” Bookman’s needles rip off the Akuma’s arm and blow the Akuma across the cavernous room. “Did I make it in time, kid?”

Allen looks out over the balcony to try to find Bookman, calling out his thanks in the process, till he’s cut off once he spots the man on the main floor.

“Bookman?” Allen says in a small voice. The man is stuck to the wall by spiderwebs and his body is rapidly turning into sand.

“I’ve been struck by an Akuma’s ability.” Bookman says. Allen doesn’t have time to act as a consolidated level three Akuma (like the giant one’s Lavi had told him they fought in Edo before he got there) crashes through the balcony with its giant face.

* * *

He’s gotten away from the giant Akuma only to be surrounded by several level threes.

“This time, no one’ll get in the way!” One of them says. This one roughly grabs a fistful of his hair and hoists him up into the air.

“Now we can kick the shit outta you!” Another chimes in, grabbing his right wrist and wrenching it around to try to force him to drop his sword. The other Akuma grabs ahold of his leg that he’d been kicking about to try to dislodge the Akuma. He screams in pain as each of the Akuma pull. Through teary eyes he can see just how badly outmatched he is. The Egg almost disappears through the Noah’s gate underneath it. The Skull’s continue to turn the scientists into more Skulls. Bookman is still disintegrating before Allen’s eyes.

“You’ll pay.” He grits out.

“What?” The Akuma snidely says.

“You’ll pay for what you’ve done to my home.”

“Ridiculous.” The one griping his hair laughs, painfully pulling his hair. “What can you possibly do?”

Allen looks up at the Akuma surrounding him, determination in his eyes as Crown Clown’s silver mask settles on his face. With just a thought, he sends out Clown Belt in every direction to skewer and impale the Akuma even past the three holding him.

“I won’t let you have your way!” Allen declares. The air is filled with Akuma smoke as the ones he hit with his Innocence are destroyed. He falls to the first floor and promptly slices through more Akuma with his sword there. With the Akuma out of the way he turns to where Bookman is.

“Are you okay?” Allen calls. “I’ll save you!”

He goes to start running to Bookman only to be blocked by an Akuma that kicks him with enough force to send him soaring up to the second floor. He smacks into the wall and falls to his knees, panting to catch his breath. Tim floats just near him like always He missed having Timcanpy always in his peripheral when he was at the Asian Branch.

“Please save me.” A man begs. He wears a lab coat and holds his arm like its injured and when Allen asks if he’s okay, he sways into a nearby column.

“Yes,” The scientist says, sliding down the column to rest on the floor. “Somehow…”

A level three appears behind the scientist with an evil grin on its face.

“Perfect.” The akuma sneers before aiming its hand at the scientist. “I’ll send you to the next world.”

With a howl, Allen dashes forward to protect the scientist before the Akuma can hit him. The Akuma deflects him and runs away. Allen almost gives chase, then he remembers the scientist. He needs to get the man to safety.

“Are you injured?” He asks.

“I’m fine.” The man says, slowly standing up. Allen walks over to him. “Thank you, Allen Walker.”

The man tightly grabs Allen’s wrist, and Allen watches in terror as the scientist transforms into Lulu Bell. She swiftly slaps him with great force across his face.

“To be so easily fooled by my shape-shifting,” She laughs at him. “I see you’re still as naïve as ever.”

His vision starts to blur, and he staggers to the ground. Then it all goes dark.

* * *

“ _Beansprout.”_

“Wake up, Allen!” He hears Johnny scream. Using Crown Belt, he instinctually hits the two Akuma holding him. He only has a moment to take in what’s happening. After he was knocked out by Lulu Bell, she had had two Akuma attempt to carry him down into the Noah’s Ark. She’s gone (presumably left through the Ark with the Egg), but the Akuma were stopped by the surviving scientists deploying barriers around him and Bookman, who thankfully hasn’t succumbed to the Akuma’s special ability yet.

“Thank you, guys.” Allen says as he fully comes back to consciousness. There’s a loud _pop_ and then the barrier around Allen disappears. He starts to sink into the Ark gate that the Egg went through.

“Time Record, Activate!” Miranda shouts. Time stops moving forward around Allen, and then the Egg bursts up through the Noah’s Ark, back into the lab, with Allen right on the top of it. The rings of Miranda’s Time Record encircle the Egg in golden light

“The Ark’s a pretty sweet ride, boy.” Someone curtly says. Around him General Cross, General Tiedoll, and another man and a woman in a General’s Exorcist coat land on the Egg. The unknown male General wears a terrifying metal mask and holds a scary presence. The man continues to taunt the Akuma who rise to surround the Egg. Nearby, Miranda sits perched on Marie’s shoulder so he can protect her while she uses her Innocence.

The ground starts to shake as the previously dormant giant amalgamation of level three Akuma’s starts to move again. It crashes through everything on its way to loom over the Egg and the Exorcists. Allen shivers as it stares directly at him, with its massive empty eyes. Then the General in the mask starts to laugh.

“Looks like I’ve hit the jackpot today!” He hoots in a deranged excitement. “We’ve got a big one on our hands, guys. Any objections to my taking the first shot?”

Allen vigorously shakes his head, despite the dizziness it brings.

“I don’t mind.” The General woman says. She has a strange little monkey on her shoulder and a scar across her nose.

“Have at it.” Cross grunts. “I’m only interested in women.”

“Not a single taker? What a boring group we have here.” The General says. “In that case, I won’t hold back!”

The man leaps off of the Egg and Allen watches as he single handedly destroys the giant Akuma.

“Master!” Allen calls down to Cross. The Generals (except the one off fighting) look up at Allen. The woman with the monkey assesses him with a scrutinizing eye.

“I am General Klaud Nine. You must be Allen Walker.” She greets seriously.

“Hello.” He replies dumbly. He points to the other General who is tearing apart Akuma after Akuma with a wild glee. “And who’s that?”

“You’ll have to forgive General Winters Socalo for his… exuberance.” Tiedoll says.

“If you’re done with greetings, idiot apprentice, go help the Bookman fellow and that scientist.” Cross orders. Allen follows the hand the Cross points out to see that Reever is using a barrier to protect Bookman still entrapped in the Akuma’s special attack, but a level three is nearly breaking through the barrier. Allen squeezes the hilt of his sword before leaping over and destroying the Akuma. As the dust settles, Allen’s blood runs cold as he sees the swarm of level threes condensing to form four giant Akuma. Tiedoll has made his way to where the injured scientists that were being turned into Skulls are and activates his Innocence, using it to build a giant tree-like blockade between the scientists and the Akuma. Allen feels a weight lift off his shoulders as he realizes he doesn’t have to worry about protecting those people anymore.

He’s stunned though, when he sees that General Klaud’s monkey is actually her Innocence and transforms into a giant beast to take down a giant Akuma. Several bullets fire and Cross takes down a giant Akuma as well. Allen feels so relieved to have the Generals there.

And then, it’s quiet as all of the Akuma in the Lab are destroyed.

“Command Center, this is Noise Marie from Lab Five. All Akuma activity has ceased.”

* * *

Allen’s helping Reever look after Bookman when his eye activates suddenly.

 _Is one of the Akuma still alive?_ He looks around to try to spot the Akuma, senses on high alert, ready to spring into action the moment his eye locks on. But he can’t find anything. Allen can’t see much through the smoke the Akuma corpses are releasing but he can tell that the Noah’s Ark is still active under the Egg.

“Reever, you and the others should evacuate to higher ground.” Allen, as a parasite-type accommodator is immune to the Akuma virus permeating thickly through the air but Reever and the five scientists gathered with them are not.

“No, I’m fine.” Reever shakes his head. He stands up. “You guys go. Some of my men who were transformed are being led through the gate. They might still be there. Someone has to retrieve them!”

“I understand.” Allen says. “I’ll come with you.”

With Allen and Reever’s declarations of intent, the other scientists and Bookman decide to go with them too.

* * *

As Allen is leading the scientists to the second Noah’s Ark gate and General Tiedoll’s location, the ground starts to shake, and Miranda’s Time Record deactivates around the Egg. Perched atop the Egg is a being made of water with a face that resembles Lulu Bell. Inside her body is Miranda.

“Destroy the Egg!” Cross bellows.

There’s a bright flash as General Socalo attacks Lulu Bell and fails to destroy the Egg. General Klaud attacks too and fails. Then Master uses Judgement, and it doesn’t break.

Allen and the scientists had been standing still near Tiedoll’s barricade, hoping that the Generals could take care of it. But… Miranda still floats unconscious within Lulu Bell and the Egg is nowhere close to being destroyed yet.

“Allen, go to them!” Reever commands. “We’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Stay safe.” Allen sprints off back towards the Egg.

* * *

The air shimmers as the Generals increase their synchronization with their Innocence to destroy the Egg. Lulu Bell takes out Miranda to use her as a shield. Allen races to get there to help. Allen looks up at Cross who stands on a ledge, making quick eye contact with the man. His master nods at him. In the confusion of the explosion, as the Generals attacks hit the Egg, Allen leaps through the air. He snatches Miranda and uses his own Innocence to pierce the Egg as it slips into the Ark again.

He spreads out his Crown Clown through the cracks in the Egg and it shatters. Miranda is unconscious in his arms, but she’s breathing so he’s not too worried. Using the force of the Egg exploding, he propels Miranda and himself up out of the Ark gate.

“You’re a terrible person.” Is the first thing he says to Cross when he lands outside the Ark with Miranda.

“I knew you’d make it in time, my idiot apprentice.” Cross smirks.

* * *

The ground trembles as Kanda sprints through the halls. Something big must be happening in the lab. Kanda wishes he could be in there fighting with the beansprout and the others.

Up ahead, that new Exorcist, Chaoji, carries an injured Finder. The chandelier above the two sways precariously and then the heavy metal chains holding it break and the chandelier falls. The two don’t jump out of the way, so Kanda must act. He unsheathes one of the swords he’s brought along with him and dashes to slice the chandelier apart. He lands lightly as the chandelier crashes around him. The blade of his sword chips from cutting through the metal.

“Pathetic.” He angrily says.

“Kanda!” Chaoji cries. Kanda hasn’t decided if the kid is really, really annoying or not, but the way he’s looked at the beansprout with so much hate, Kanda’s thinks he might not end up liking Chaoji.

* * *

The Noah’s gate that held the now destroyed Egg has closed. Marie ran over to Allen and took Miranda from him. The large man holds Miranda gently and checks her over for injuries. Marie’s head tilts as a patter of feet alert them to someone approaching.

“Bookman.” Marie greets. Bookman kneels in front of Miranda and looks her over as well.

“She’s fine.” Bookman says. “She merely lost consciousness.”

“Thank god.” Marie sighs in relief. Allen stands, ignoring the stiffness in his legs.

“I’m worried about Reever and the others.” He says, when Bookman looks up at him. “I’m going to head over –“

He’s cut off by his eye activating again. He spins around on the spot trying to find what his eye is reacting too.

He can’t identify what it is exactly, but it seems to be originating from near the second Noah’s gate, where the Skulls were coming from. From where Allen had left Reever behind.

“I have to go. I think there’s still another Akuma.” He says to Bookman and Marie before he takes off. He races through the Akuma smoke still stifling the air of the first floor of the lab. Amidst the smoke, he spots Johnny collapsed on the floor. Allen rushes over.

“It’s all my fault!” Johnny bangs the ground with a fist, face a mess of tears and snot and dirt.

“What’s going on?” Allen asks before falling silent as the smoke clears. The floor that had originally been gray stone is red with a thick coat of blood. Before him lays Bak, and Reever, and other scientists he knows. “What… happened here?”

“A-Allen… Allen…” One of the scientists tries to say. “I-it evolved.”

The scientist raises a hand to point at… something. Allen’s never seen anything like it before. The scientist’s hand turns black with pentagrams, as he succumbs to the Akuma virus. The scientist is… the something twists around him and holds him in place.

“Forgive us.” The scientist says as the rest of his body is overtaken by the virus. “We couldn’t hold it off.”

And then his body cracks apart and he’s dead. The… something it… looks like a woman’s body that emerges out of what’s left of the giant Akuma corpses. The body or whatever it is, is arched backwards and its stomach area is blown open. He… he’s never seen anything like it, but his eye reacts to it like it’s an Akuma.

A childlike giggle echoes through the deafening silence. A hand appears around the side of the woman, followed by a head and then the rest of the body as it peers around. Its face is childish and terrifying, eyes large and curious. Its body resembles a humans but there’s something uncanny and off about it – the proportions just aren’t quite right, arms too thin, stomach too large.

“I’m a level four.” It says in a voice that makes Allen break out in a cold sweat and every nerve in his body stand on edge. Allen sees it, its soul. It makes tears spill over Allen’s cheeks, its so deformed and corrupted, it barely looks like the souls he’d seen before, barely human anymore. But he can feel the pain and anguish of the soul and his stomach squeezes violently. He crumples to his knees and vomits all over the floor.

“It’s revolting.” He says between heaves. His body shakes uncontrollably. The way that the souls of the Akuma are shaped and morphed, corrupted to the point that they can barely be considered human… “It’s atrocious.”

Allen averts his eyes. He can’t bear to look any longer, afraid he might never be able to move again if he keeps looking. Allen drags the back of his hand across his cheeks to wipe his tears. Then a hand lands on his own. Johnny looks up at him, fear and hope all swirling in his eyes behind his thick glasses.

“Allen… Please save us from this.” He begs. “Please save everyone from this thing. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please. Save us.”

Allen tries to breath, tries to stop his shaking. And when he does, he places a hand over Johnny’s.

“I will.” He declares, closing his eyes to stop his crying.

“Who’s this ‘everyone?’” The level four Akuma says as it lands near him and Johnny. “Are you crying?”

“Yes. I weep for those who have died, and for you and your soul.” He tells it. Its voice sounds so much like a human child’s. Where Akuma voices are normally loud and metallic, this one’s is higher pitched and innocent. But it is still an Akuma. “But it ends here!”

With that declaration he calls upon his Innocence and his arm transforms into its sword form.

“For your own sake, I will destroy you, level four!” He cries, rushing to attack the Akuma. It blocks him with its arm, but with an extra push he sends it flying backwards, clearing the smoke as it goes. He sees Bookman and Marie as he follows after the level four and tells Bookman that there’s injured people back the way he came, trusting the old man to look after Johnny and the others. As the level four rights itself, Allen hits it with his sword over and over, but it takes very little damage. He needs to hit the Akuma just a little harder, just a little faster, to defeat it quickly.

With a yell, he swings his sword down at it. The Akuma grabs the blade with its hand and lifts its other to blast him with a surge of Dark Matter. Allen dodges back out of the way of the explosion. It seems the Akuma is slowly awakening its battle sense. Its moving faster and starting to use its abilities. Allen’s heart races in fear as he points his sword at the level four.

The Akuma looks around with large, inquisitive eyes, before it lands it’s sights on Bookman and Marie helping Johnny and the others.

“That’s right, I’d forgotten.” It points a finger at Allen. “This is the Black Order’s Headquarters, isn’t it?”

It puts its outstretched finger to its forehead, where a pentacle appears. It closes its eyes.

“A murderous weapon…” It says. “I should figure out the purpose of my existence.”

Allen dashes forward to hit it again.

“I refuse to let you kill anyone else!” He tells the Akuma. His sword doesn’t do any damage, and an uneasy feeling settles in him. It feels like futility and despair, he realizes as its eyes become gleeful. He switches his Innocence back to arm form and slashes at it with Edge End.

 _Please, please, please be destroyed._ He prays. The Akuma dances away from him and then nibbles on its finger.

“I’ll start with you.” It says. Allen’s not sure what happens next, but he’s flying across the room so fast and then he slams against the wall. Electricity or something surges through him and he screams in pain. His mouth tastes tinny with blood. Something in him cracks and then he loses consciousness.

* * *

There’s a piercing sound that wakes Allen and when he opens his eyes, the lab before him is engulfed in white. He can’t see anything, but a harsh wind blows at his face. A giant piece of rock comes flying at him and he can’t move out of the way. Suddenly Link jumps in front of him and cuts the rock in half. The debris crashes into the wall on either side of him. As the bright light starts to dissipate, Link crouches down to where Allen lays on the cold stone floor.

“Link…” Allen says around the blood bubbling inside his mouth.

“I can’t let you die just yet.” Link says. As the white light dies out fully, the room is bathed in a flickering red. Allen can’t really look around but the terror that he sees take over Link’s face, scares Allen. Link stutters, “W-what?”

Allen struggles to tilt his head to look out at the lab. In the middle of the room is the level four, but the rest of the room, is just a smoldering pit of flames. Allen’s senses are slowly coming back to him but all he can feel is pain and the heat of the fire. He struggles to prop himself up, arms trembling with the effort.

“Everything has been…” Link trails off.

“Bookman. Marie. Miranda. Master. Everyone is gone!” Allen says in despair.

“Impossible. The Generals couldn’t have been defeated!” Link tries.

Through the fire, on the opposite side of the room is the Noah’s other gate. In front of it, is the barrier that the American Branch Chief had put on the last of the Skulls. Allen can barely make it out, but he sees the level four destroy the barrier and kill all of the Skulls that had been strapped inside it.

Allen’s arms give out under him.

“Oh no! It plans on going on a killing spree in Headquarters!” Link shouts.

“Stop him.” Allen weakly says, reaching out

_If only Kanda were here. If Kanda were here… Kanda wouldn’t have stopped fighting because of an injury. Kanda would have kept going no matter what._

And then his vision blacks out again as he falls unconscious.

* * *

Kanda is leading Chaoji and some other staff members through the halls to the medical ward where Komui had barriers set up when the PA system announces something that freezes his blood.

“An Akuma has infiltrated Headquarters from the Fifth Lab! The Fifth Lab has been destroyed. The Akuma has escaped from it into Headquarters!”

 _Allen!_ What happened to Allen?

“I repeat: an Akuma has infiltrated Headquarters from the Fifth Lab! The Akuma in question has evolved to level four! We cannot confirm the whereabouts of the Exorcists in the Fifth Lab at this time!”

_Beansprout! Allen!_

“Freckles, get them all to safety!” Kanda shouts.

Then Kanda spins on his heal and runs back towards the Fifth Lab.

* * *

When Kanda gets to the Science Division, he barely makes it in time to block Komui from the monstrosity that is the level four Akuma. His sword shatters after deflecting the Akuma.

“Komui, you jackass.” He spits, unsheathing his other sword. “Get someone to fix up the weapons storehouse! All the practice swords I had broke, and these two are the only ones from the storehouse.”

“K-Kanda!” Komui says from where he fell when Kanda knocked him out of the way.

“Are you alright, Chief?” Chaoji dives to Komui’s side. Kanda hadn’t even realized the idiot had followed him. Komui nods.

Several Finders file into the room and activate several barriers to surround the level four. With it immobile Kanda gets a good look at it. The thing is unnerving to look at, large red eyes and a wild grin that makes his muscles automatically tense. And when it starts giggling, Kanda’s stomach feels queasy. It makes him viscerally uncomfortable.

 _The beansprout fought this thing… and failed?_ He wishes he had his Mugen. Kanda tosses the shattered sword to the side to firmly hold the other sword in front of him. _If Allen is dead again, I’ll kill him._

“Back away, Komui!” He orders.

“You’re insane! You don’t have your Innocence!” Komui says.

“And whose fault is that?” He throws a little glare over his shoulder. “I won’t die so easily.”

“Komui, can you hear me?” Hevlaska’s voice crackles out of Komui’s communicator. “Komui, come to my chamber. I’ll distract the level four. Take the Innocence from my body and get it out of Headquarters! Fortunately, the Ark is still connected to the Asian Branch. Take everyone there! If you remain here, things will only become far worse. As long as there is Innocence, Headquarters can be restored. Komui!”

Komui bites his lip as he thinks, and then turns off the communicator. Kanda shifts his stance to be ready to move as the Akuma starts to test the boundaries of the barriers around it.

“What’s the plan, Komui?” He calls over his shoulder. They need to move and soon.

Komui turns his communicator back on and then his voice echoes through the whole buildings PA system.

“Calling all department heads: I’ll only say this once, so listen up! From here on, you are to follow my orders. Take every member of your department through Gate Three to the Asian Branch. With the whereabouts of the Exorcists in the Fifth Lab unknown, our first priority will be to protect the Innocence and prevent its destruction. Evacuate Headquarters.”

Komui continues to give instructions on who will exit when. Kanda tunes it out to focus on the level four as the barriers around it start to crack.

“What do we do with that?” He asks once Komui finishes giving orders.

“We need to take it as far from the gate as possible.”

Slowly the finders start inching their way towards the largest door. Kanda makes sure to constantly place himself between the Akuma and the Chief. They’ve only just made it out the door when the cracks in the barriers grow a bit more.

The Akuma giggles.

* * *

When Allen comes to, the first thing he feels is pain. Then he smells smoke. He tries to remember where he is and what happened… there was a level four Akuma… and it… destroyed the entire Fifth Lab. And was going to go on a rampage in the rest of Headquarters. Link kneels next to him and wraps a bandage around his left arm. Allen grits his teeth and tries to sit up.

 _Kanda…_ None of his friends have their Innocence. Only Allen. He has to go. He has to help.

* * *

“Seal off the route to Gate Three.” The PA system echoes out Komui’s orders. “Heed the orders of the department heads and evacuate!"

Kanda had ushered Komui to the elevator that will take them down to Hevlaska’s chamber. It had taken a bit of fighting with Komui to let him come along, but like hell would Kanda evacuate. His Innocence was down there and if he left now, Komui would be defenseless. The thing had already beat the beansprout and the Generals and the other Exorcists that went to fight it.

“Komui, you must hurry.” Hevlaska says through Komui’s communicator. “Lvellie is bringing Lenalee here!”

Fear shocks across Komui’s face. The man slaps his hand on the control panel of the elevator.

“Descend!” Komui shouts. And with a lurch, the elevator starts to lower quickly down the tower into Hevlaska’s chamber.

The elevator is two thirds of the way down when a light flashes followed by a loud bang from up where they left the Finders and the level four.

“What was that sound?” One of the Finders they’ve brought along says. “Above us?”

Kanda raises his sword as he sees a shape start to come into view: the Akuma flying down to catch them.

“Here it comes.” He warns. The Akuma sends a blast of Dark Matter at them. Kanda dives to grab Komui and protect him from the Dark Matter as the elevator goes careening down the last four stories to Hevlaska’s chamber. When they hit the ground, Kanda rolls him and Komui away from the elevator. Despite his best efforts, Komui hits his head in the fall and gets knocked out.

“Check him over.” He bites to the Finders that came with him. They survived the fall like he expected they would. Kanda tries to stand to find the sword he brought but falls when the searing pain from the Dark Matter flares across his back. He grits his teeth against the pain, waiting for his seal to activate and heal him. He waves to one of the Finders. “Find my sword.”

While one Finder looks over Komui, the other runs back over to the wreckage of the elevator and sifts through the debris. Kanda closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing. The pain is similar to a burn and Kanda’s dealt with those before. This isn’t much different. Just wait till the injury heals. Just wait.

A sword is placed right in front of him and Kanda counts the scratches on its blade and tries to visualize what must have given the sword those scratches to distract himself. He doesn’t get very far before Komui starts to shift awake.

“Shit, the elevator’s…” Is the first thing Komui says when he regains consciousness. “I thought it’d still be able to move. But in that state…”

Then Komui looks over at Kanda, who bites the inside of his cheek as his seal finally starts working to heal him.

“Kanda! You protected me?” Komui asks.

“Shut up. Don’t make a scene.” He says through his teeth. His heart squeezes and then his external injuries fully heal. Kanda places a hand over his seal and stands up, snatching the sword as he goes. His breathing is still a bit shallow - he can feel a rib out of place.

“Chief, are you okay?” The Finders ask.

“Yes, thanks.” Komui says as he sits up. “Are you two alright?”

“We’re just…” The Finder trails off before both of the Finder’s faces become covered in black starts and both crumble to dust. Komui turns away and forcefully closes his eyes against any tears. _Ah, so they were hit by the Dark Matter…_

“Komui! Yuu, too?” Lavi shouts through the smoke as he runs at them. He holds a heavy metal spear in his hands. “Thank God. You guys’re alive!”

“Of course.” Kanda says. Komui gasps from the floor next to him and when Kanda follows his gaze, He sees Lenalee up on a platform in front of Hevlaska with Lvellie firmly gripping her by the wrist.

“Lenalee!” Komui yells. Goosebumps erupt down Kanda’s arms as he senses the blood lust of the level four approaching.

“Is our game of tag over, Chief?” It asks as it appears through the smoke. Kanda and Lavi jump in between it and Komui, Lavi’s back none too gently slamming into Kanda’s.

“You can just hang back, you know.” Kanda says.

“Nice joke.” Lavi says, tone is serious.

“’Nice joke!’” The Akuma parrots back at them. Then it flies at them.

* * *

They really were no match for that thing without their Innocence… No wonder the beansprout lost to it. The Akuma quickly overpowered Lavi, sending him flying nearly through the thick stone wall. And it hit Kanda so hard, he’s incapable of moving till his seal starts to heal him again.

The Akuma holds him aloft by the shirt and he watches through swimming vision as it shoots Hevlaska with Dark Matter.

“Oh, more targets?” It jeers. “What’re you guys doing over there?”

Then it drops Kanda. He crashes hard into the ground.

* * *

Allen chases through the halls to the main tower where the level four has traveled. Everything in his body hurts, and his muscles scream at him to just stop moving, but he doesn’t dare. He tightens Crown Belt around his arms and legs to keep them moving sturdily. When he gets to the ledge overlooking the center of the tower, he doesn’t stop to think and throws himself over the edge.

Down, down, down he freefalls. His cursed eye pinpoints the location of the of the level four through the smoke obscuring Hevlaska’s chamber and he uses Crown Clown to angle himself directly at the Akuma. The Akuma dodges away from him but Allen lands on the metal platform with a loud clang. Lenalee lays on the floor below him looking scared and desperate, reaching out towards a piece of Innocence a bit down the platform

“Allen Walker!” Lvellie says in surprise nearby.

“Oh? It’s pretty weird that you’re able to move around like that?” The Akuma says as it twirls around lazily in the air. “I could have sworn that I hit you so hard you couldn’t even budge.”

When it stops spinning, Allen raises his sword at the Akuma and leaps forward to fight it. It dodges his sword and kicks him off the platform. He uses Crown Belt to land but the Akuma follows and starts to beat him with its fists. He’s sent flying again where he crashes into the wall and slides down to the floor.

“Allen!” He hears Komui shout. Then the man runs over to him continuing to call his name. Allen cant respond, the wind was knocked out of him from that last hit and he’s trying not to black out again. When the world stops spinning, Allen gets back up, unsteady on his feet, and grabs his sword from where it clattered to the ground nearby. He looks around where he had fallen. To his left, Lavi leans heavily against the wall, his face holding quite a few scratches but he’s standing and breathing. To his right is… _Kanda!_ He looks badly beaten (Even worse than Lavi), but still… _there._ Allen feels stronger seeing that he’s here fighting too. Kanda lifts his head as he seems to regain consciousness, his eyes move slowly across the room and then meet Allen’s. There’s a moment where Kanda’s face goes… soft, peaceful almost, and then it shifts to determination. Kanda looks away from Allen into the distance and Allen follows his gaze to the level four.

 _“What are you doing wasting time here, idiot. Go fight that thing.”_ He can almost hear Kanda saying.

So, Allen stands a little taller, tightens Clown Belt around his legs and runs back into the fray.

_I’m not an idiot, stupid Kanda._

* * *

When Kanda saw the beansprout there looking like an idiot in his white cloak and silver mask, he’d felt the seal over his heart thump with strength as the injuries he’d gotten start to heal again.

“Go kick that thing’s ass, Beansprout.” He’d whispered after the rib poking his lung shifted back into place and he could breathe again. The beansprout had dashed off shortly after, Komui screaming at his back. Kanda hopes his wounds heal soon so he can join the beansprout and fight. Green light shines from the platform that Kanda had last seen Lenalee.

“Lenalee…” Komui says in despair. “Has she begun to resonate with her Dark Boots?”

“Go to her, Komui.” Lavi says a little ways down the wall. “She lives on for your sake. You get it, don’t you?”

Komui stands there, hands fisted at his sides. Feeling starts to come back to Kanda’s legs.

“Go to her side.” Lavi says again. “You’re her big brother, aren’t you?”

“What should I do?” Komui says, instead of going to Lena. “I have no idea!”

Kanda gets up from the floor and stalks to Komui.

“What the hell are you going on about?” He snaps. Kanda kicks Komui’s ass making him stumble forward. “Move your ass, Mr. Sister-Complex! I’m tired of listening to you people.”

Kanda snatches his sword from the ground and levels it at Komui.

“Why’d you join the Order to begin with, jackass?” He glares. Komui’s head swivels back towards the platform Lenalee is on. And then Komui takes off running towards his sister. Kanda’s eyes slip from Komui’s back to the beansprout fighting the Akuma in the air. Kanda’s never seen him fight with that sword before, but the beansprout’s technique with it is sloppy to say the least – he just swings it around gracelessly. And the way he moves is stiff like a puppet, not the usual fluid motions that Allen fights with.

_I want to fight too._

* * *

Allen is blown into the platform with Lenalee and Lvellie.

“Stay back!” He warns when the man makes to come help him.

The level four giggles up in the air and raises a mass of Dark Matter at him.

“Keep it coming, Exorcist!” It titters at him.

The Dark Matter comes at him quickly and Allen leans all his weight into his sword to block it. His feet slip on the metal ground and he is forced to take two steps back. Then a strong body presses against his back, and an arm comes around his side, a large hand gripping the hilt of Allen’s sword above his own.

“Stay strong, Beansprout!” Kanda roars in his ear. He presses a hand flat against Allen’s lower back and pushes him forward. And-

_Oh._

Allen loves him. Allen loves Kanda.

_I love him._

Time stops as Allen looks over his right shoulder at Kanda. Kanda, who stares straight ahead, always looking forward. Kanda, who jumps into any fight and wins. Kanda, who Allen is in love with.

Time staggers forward again as Lavi’s arm comes around his other side to help steady Allen’s sword too.

“You’re all we’ve got right now!” Lavi yells.

“Okay!” Allen shouts back. Together they lean into the blast. With the strength of his friends keeping him steady, they push the Dark Matter back at the level four. Allen’s body goes slack, and he falls down, panting for breath. Kanda goes down with him with his hand still on Allen’s back and hand still on his sword, but Lavi immediately jumps after the Akuma. Lavi wraps himself around the Akuma to keep it from moving before calling back at them

“Yuu!”

“Get your ass in gear, Beansprout.” Kanda says with a wry smile, before he races off to follow after Lavi. Kanda’s ponytail streams behind him as he fearlessly brandishes a normal sword at the Akuma, and Allen loves him.

The Akuma grabs the blade of Kanda’s sword and it shatters. Kanda throws the sword away and holds the Akuma in place with Lavi.

“Beansprout!” Kanda hollers. And Allen’s heart beats properly in his chest for the first time all morning. _He’s calling for me._ Allen stands and tightens his fist around his sword’s hilt. He leaps out to his friends and swings at the Akuma. It reaches out a hand and blocks his sword.

“It stopped it.” Lavi says where he’s wrapped around the Akuma’s torso. In the Akuma’s hand that Kanda has outstretched, it forms a Dark Matter orb and giggles at them.

“Its no use.” It laughs. “You’re not good enough to play with me. What a drag.”

It breaks out of their hold and sends each of them in different directions around the room.

“Come play with me some more!” It squeals and shoots the Dark Matter right at Allen.

* * *

Allen is barely keeping himself conscious. He’s crumpled to the ground, but the Akuma holds him up by the face.

“You did pretty well.” It says. “Still, this is goodbye.”

It starts to squeeze his head. And before Allen can scream, Lenalee lands on its arm, stopping it.

“You’ll pay for ruining my home!” She declares.

“Oh, backup?” The Akuma sneers while making a Dark Matter orb to blast at them. Lenalee turns quickly and dives down to Allen. Next thing he knows, Allen is several hundred feet in the air with Lenalee’s arms wrapped tightly around his torso. His stomach lurches from the sudden movement.

“Too fast.” He says to Lenalee. She looks up at him with worried eyes. They are far up above Hevlaska’s chamber now.

“I’m sorry! Oh, no! Are you going to be sick?” She asks. He gives her a happy smile and shakes his head. She smiles at him too.

“Lenalee, below!” He warns as the level four comes chasing after them. As the Akuma shoots several blasts up at them, Lenalee hops from each one like they are only a stepping stone and not pure Dark Matter. And then instead of going up, Lenalee squeezes her arms around Allen and they start rocketing down towards the Akuma. Lenalee’s feet, with her Dark Boots, meet the Akuma solidly.

Its not enough though and the Akuma breaks from them.

“I’m fine. You can let go of me.” He tells Lenalee. “If I extend Clown Belt, I won’t fall. I couldn’t defend the others at all. Forgive me.”

Tears start to well up in Lenalee’s eyes as his words sink in. She starts to let go of him.

“I’m sorry, too.” She says. “I took too long.”

“Let’s stop the Akuma, Lenalee.”

She nods at him and together they go down to fight the level four.

* * *

Lenalee is as agile and powerful as ever, possibly even more so. Allen tries to ignore how it feels like every bone in his body grates together when he moves. They have to defeat the Akuma. But sometimes when he spins too fast his vision spots.

Lenalee kicks the Akuma back down into Hevlaska’s chamber and before it can move, Allen stabs it through the middle with his sword, pinning it to the ground. His arm shakes as he pushes down with all of his weight to try to pierce the Akuma. It looks at him with crazed eyes and says, “Not happening.”

“That so?” Allen responds. Like a meteor, Lenalee lands heavily on the hilt.

“Not enough.” She grits. She leaps back up into the air, so fast that Allen barely sees her. Then she plummets back to the ground, somehow even faster than before.

“Let me go!” The Akuma begs, in its too-human high pitched voice.

“Not a chance!” Allen snarls at it, pressing down to stop its frantic wiggling.

“Let me go! Let me go, you son of a…” And then it freezes in place. Lenalee lands on his hilt again with so much power that the ground shatters below them and spits dust around them so thickly that Allen can’t see.

Allen pants to catch his breath and his grip on his sword starts to loosen. As the dust settles it becomes clear that the blade of his sword finally cut through the level four.

“The evacuation’s cancelled!” General Cross commands as he lands in the chamber. Then he points Judgement at the level four. “Komui, put this beer-bellied jackass in a test tube!”

“General Cross! Is it really you?” Komui asks from up on the platform.

“Do I look like someone else to you?” Cross rhetorically asks.

“Was it because of Carte Garde that the level four’s movements were stopped, Master?” Allen calls.

Komui’s hand flies up to his communicator, a stunned look crossing his face that even from this distance, Allen can see.

“Reever? Is that you, Reever?” Komui shouts into the communicator. He’s quiet as he listens for a second then Komui says, “Got it. We’ll put it out immediately. Hang in there just a bit longer. You should try to reduce the stress on Miranda by grouping everyone closer to her. That way she can make the area of her Time Out smaller.”

Allen’s whole body goes slack in relief. Reever and Miranda and there’s others still alive too. They’re okay! Komui starts to run off before he stops suddenly.

“Kanda! Lavi!” Komui yells over the side of the platform. “Are you alright?”

There’s some grumbling that from this distance Allen can’t make out, but then Komui yells some more, “Forgive me for making you fight without weapons!”

“I don’t need any sympathy from you! Fighting Akuma is my job.” Allen can hear Kanda roar angrily. His loud voice echoes throughout Hevlaska’s chamber and Allen’s heart races. He loves him.

“Brother!” Lenalee hollers from her spot next to Allen. “There were survivors in the lab?”

“Yeah!” Komui shouts at them. The confirmation makes Allen start to cry as all of the worry he’d been feeling seeps out of him. Allen doesn’t get too long to bask in the feeling before his eye activates and the level four starts to squirm where it’s impaled on Allen’s sword.

“Innocence!” It shrieks. “I hate it, hate it, hate it!”

It sits up and grips each side of the blade of Allen’s sword.

“I hate Innocence so much!” The Akuma screams, trying to rip the sword out of its stomach. Allen throws his weight onto his sword to fight against the Akuma.

_How can it still move?_

One of its hands falls off the sword and forms a Dark Matter orb that it shoves right into Allen’s face. Lenalee grabs his arm and pulls him back and out of the way. His sword that was stuck in the Akuma comes arching through the air at him as the Akuma dislodges it. The sword lands in the wall barely missing Allen’s neck.

“You’re naïve.” Rage makes the level four’s childish voice grate in ways that Allen hadn’t known fear could. “There’s no way you’d break me with just that.”

The Akuma flies at him and Lenalee full of a deranged anger, and Allen can barely move. Cross lands on Allen’s sword.

“Wrong.” Cross says with all of the swagger he possesses. “You’re as good as dead.”

“Which of us is going to be dead now?” The Akuma says, blasting Dark Matter at them. Cross raises his gun and stops the Dark Matter with one bullet. The General hops off of Allen’s sword and yanks it out of the wall.

“Here, idiot apprentice.” He tosses it at Allen. Allen fumbles to catch the heavy sword. “Go with Lenalee and immobilize the Akuma.”

“Yes, sir!” Allen says before he calls on all the strength he has left in his body to follow Lenalee after the Akuma and fight it.

“This is child’s play!” It taunts as the level four easily evades his and Lenalee’s attacks.

“We would never lose to someone like you!” Lenalee declares. She soars up into the sky and then rockets down onto the Akuma’s head.

“I won’t let you keep wrecking my home!” Allen jumps in to hit it with his sword.

“I won’t let you kill anyone else!” Lenalee adds. With a scream of rage the Akuma pushes Allen and Lenalee away. General Cross races in before the Akuma can continue. Allen lands not too far away and leans against the railing, he’s not sure for how much longer he can actually keep moving.

“Wanna know why you’re as good as dead?” Cross says with his gun pointed directly at the Akuma’s head. He fires. The Akuma stops the bullet in front of its face.

“I think you’ve underestimated me a bit.” It says. “This is nothing!”

Cross gives the Akuma a mean grin as he unloads several spent bullet casings from Judgement.

“Did you only see one shot?”

The Akuma goes very still and then it starts to scream. Its already unnerving body deforms into something bloated and grotesque, three times its previous size. Lenalee runs over to Allen and helps take some of his weight.

“Oh, right. The reason.” Cross says. “Let’s go ahead and ignore everything you did to the members of the Order. There is still the matter of you messing up my clothes.”

The Akuma screams and starts to fly up towards the exit of the chamber.

“It’s fleeing to higher ground!” Lvellie warns from his spot near Hevlaska. “Shut the doors, Hevlaska!”

“I can’t” She says. “I’ll never make it!”

But Allen can. He sends Clown Belt up, up, up after the fleeing Akuma and wraps around its bloated body. Allen digs his heels into the ground as it pulls him along the metal platform he’s on.

“I won’t let you go!” He roars at it. “You’ll be destroyed here and now!”

The gates that forms the ceiling over Hevlaska’s chamber starts to close slowly with the level four right at the opening.

“Lenalee!” Allen shouts and with a quick affirming nod from her, they fly up at the Akuma to strike it with their Innocence. This time, they burst right through its torso.

“Damn it!” The Akuma cries. It falls back down below the closing gateway. “But I killed a whole bunch of ‘em, Master Earl...”

* * *

With the Akuma destroyed, Lenalee helps Allen through the hallways leading off of the main tower. He deactivated his Innocence, and without Crown Clown to bear his weight, he has to lean heavily on Lenalee. His weight is too much for her to bear though, and they both collapse to the ground.

“Lenalee… go…” He waves her off. “Go…”

His vision goes in and out and his hearing becomes muffled. He’s sure she’s screaming his name, but he can’t really hear her. He closes his eyes and when he blinks them open again, she’s gone and he’s alone in an empty corridor.

He thinks about Kanda as his mind drifts in and out. Not about anything specific, just him. He wishes he could see him right now. He loves him.

* * *

Kanda wanders through the crowded halls back to his room after he dropped off Lavi at the Fifth Lab so the redhead could check on Bookman. There’s more people injured than he remembers there being when he’d last been through here. Nurses and doctors flit about checking on people being led through on stretchers. It’s loud as a highly congregated area usually is but its broken by Lenalee shoving through the crowd. Kanda can only just see her over the people milling about.

“Is there a doctor here?” She shouts. “Allen can’t move!”

Kanda stops walking on the spot, body stiff and rigid suddenly.

“Where is he?” A man yells from the crowd, presumably one of the doctors.

“He’s in a corridor below.” She says. “Please hurry!”

She must fall or something because Kanda cant see the top of her head anymore. He pushes his way to where he last saw her. As people move aside, he sees Lenalee sitting on the floor in front of a doctor and that damned blonde Crow.

“Where might I find Allen Walker?” The Crow asks her in that stilted, serious voice.

“Two floors down. The one that leads to the conference room.” She says. When the Crow stands, Lenalee darts out a hand and firmly grabs his wrist. She turns protective eyes on the man. “You take care of him.”

The Crow nods before running off. Kanda spots Komui working his way through the crowd as well, and Kanda knows the man will find his sister soon enough. Kanda follows after the Crow. With Allen in such an injured state that Lenalee had to leave him in a random hallway, the Crow might need an extra set of hands to help get Allen to the hospital wing. He also just doesn’t trust the guy.

* * *

Allen’s consciousness has been fading in and out for… he’s not sure how long. Could be seconds or days he’s not sure. He thinks he’s seen Kanda walk by several times and Lavi at least once. He thinks he hears Lenalee shouting his name.

“Lenalee, don’t worry about me.” He whispers to her as best he can. “Please hurry to the scientists.”

Allen blinks and she’s not there anymore.

“You’ve been here longer than me, so… so please hurry.”

He hears the _tap, tap_ of feet approaching.

“I sent her off already.” A man says.

“Who’s there?” Allen asks. For a second he thinks its Kanda - he hopes that it’s Kanda.

“Howards Link.”

_Oh... Not Kanda…_

Allen’s body feels like its both filled with air like a balloon and heavy as lead when Link maneuvers him onto Link’s back.

“Two Spots?” Allen calls.

“The medical department is busy right now, so I’ll take you.” Allen’s not sure if Link’s voice is quiet because he can’t hear well, and everything is muffled or if it’s because Link’s tone is gentle.

“Thanks.” He says as Link starts to carry him down the hallway.

“It’s my job.”

“How are Reever and the others?”

“They’re all fine. The humans, anyway. It appears there’s no way to save those who have become Skulls. Many have turned to sand and died.”

“Oh.” Allen breathes. And then he starts to choke on sobs.

He wasn’t enough. He couldn’t protect everyone. He’s not strong enough.

They turn a corner and he’s not sure if he’s hallucinating or not, but Kanda leans against the wall a ways ahead. Through the tears Kanda (real or not) lifts his head and meets Allen’s eyes. And his face looks pinched in anger, but those eyes (real or not) look so sad and lonely.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save them.” Allen whispers to Kanda (real or not). _I love you._

He passes out right after.


	15. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told ya'll it wouldn't take me long to put out chapter 15! And thus the pining begins. I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> You can follow me on tumbler @bnerdler and check out the Spotify playlist for this fic at:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3S2NyTmvtSvfEjLvyFoaEy?si=RvXFI6GqQs-szG1eArrLuw

_The air is cool and clear on the side of the mountain. It looks like the world is wide open in front of him. The mountains and valleys roll on for miles and miles. The sunbeams stream between the peaks and tint everything golden. Behind Allen is their cottage and inside it is his heart. Here at the top of the mountain, it’s like they are the only two people in the world. Allen watches the yellow sun tip further beyond the mountains and the sky become painted in vibrant pinks and oranges. A chilly breeze blows across his face and Allen shivers._

_A pair of arms wrap around his waist and a chin hooks over his shoulder. His heart has to slouch over just a little to compensate for their height difference._

_“It’s getting cold, here use this as a blanket.” Kanda says as he presses his sharp chin into Allen’s shoulder._

_“Since when are you a blanket, silly. You just wanted an excuse to hug me.” Allen laughs a little reaching up to poke his heart in the forehead._

_“Maybe so.” He shrugs lightly, arms shifting tighter around Allen. Allen leans back into Kanda’s broad chest and rests his hands on top of Kanda’s larger ones over his stomach. Allen starts to sway them gently from side-to-side. Kanda rubs his thumb across the fabric of Allen’s shirt, just next to his bellybutton. Allen tries not to squirm at how it tickles._

_“Hey, Kanda?” He says, breaking the comfortable silence they’d fallen into._

_“Mn?” His heart hums into his ear._

_“Have you ever thought about what you want to do after all this? After we win and the war is over?”_

_Kanda stops their swaying and is very, very still as he thinks it over._

_“No, I never really thought about it.” Kanda finally admits._

_“Stupid, single-minded blanket of a man.” Allen huffs. He gently knocks the side of his head against Kanda’s who snorts at Allen’s joke. Allen blinks and then –_

When he opens his eyes, he’s no longer standing on that mountain but laying in a hard bed, staring at the stone ceiling of the hospital wing.

“Allen?” Someone says and then there’s a sound of people scuttling around him. “Someone get the doctor! Allen’s awake!”

Lenalee’s face appears in his vision. She smiles widely at him. Her eyes are ringed by dark bags and she starts to tear up when his eyes lock onto her.

“Allen! You’re finally awake!” She says. “Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am?”

“L…Lenalee...” His voice comes out harsh and hoarse. He realizes how dry his throat is.

“Allen! Allen! Over here! Do you know who I am?” Someone shouts from his right. In the cot next to Allen’s, through the wires and monitors he’s hooked up to, he sees a heavily bandaged Lavi.

“La…vi…” Allen rasps.

“Oh, is the sleeping beansprout finally awake? You know, you’ll never get taller from just sleeping all the time.” Kanda says from the bed across from Allen’s. Allen tries to argue back, but he falls into a coughing fit. Lenalee helps him sit up and drink some water. And before Allen can say anything back to Kanda, the nurses come bustling in and aggressively start to check his vitals. Allen can’t help his eyes slipping to the bed across from him and looking at Kanda. That dream had been so vivid. And so weird. Kanda in his dream had been… sweet and actively affectionate.

 _Would real-Kanda actually hold me like that?_ He thinks as the nurse checks his eyesight again. Then he blushes at the thought. The nurse gives him a strange look, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Are you alright, Mr. Walker?” She asks.

“Uh, yeah. I’m okay. I just… remembered something… uh… embarrassing?” He stammers his way through. The nurse nods, but she doesn’t look like she believes him.

 _Is this his fate now?_ To have thoughts about all that and blush and make a fool of himself in front of everyone? Allen looks away from the nurse when she lets go of his chin and spots Link standing next to the door.

“Link! I didn’t see you there! How are you doing?” Allen asks, smiling at the stern man.

“I am in good health.” Link says. “As opposed to you.”

Once his vitals are all checked, the nurse rushes out of the room with the promise that she’ll be right back with the doctor. He turns to Lenalee, who still sits diligently at his bedside.

“What happened while I was out? How long has it been?” He asks her.

“You’ve been asleep for three days. And… we… lost nearly half of the Science Division staff…” She averts her eyes and fiddles with a hole in Allen’s blanket. Allen’s chest tightens painfully. Allen’s eyes start to water.

“Yesterday there was a big meeting with all of the Branch Chiefs. And all of the heads of the Order were called to Central in Rome for a conference. General Cross went with them. Speaking of…” Lavi says. “Lenalee, you have that thing with you, don’t you?” Lavi winks at Lenalee.

“Oh…? Oh! Yes! Allen, here.” She opens the breast pocket on her jacket and out comes Timcanpy.

“Tim!” Allen cries as the little golden Golem lands in the palm of his hands.

“General Cross gave him to my brother to leave with you. He said that Tim didn’t want to go to Central with the General.”

“Tim!” Allen tears up a little. “My best friend.”

Kanda scoffs a little from across the room.

“What, you got something to say, pretty boy?” Allen jabs. He inwardly cringes at his choice of nickname.

“Tch.” Kanda turns his head away and crosses his arms over his chest. Allen’s not sure what fires up his nerves more: how good Kanda’s biceps look like that, or that Kanda doesn’t rise to the bait and fight him. Allen opens his mouth to say something but Lenalee cuts him off.

“Please don’t fight you two. This is a hospital.” She accusingly points a finger at Allen.

“I didn’t even say anything.” Kanda grumbles.

“Kanda…” Marie says in the bed next to Kanda. As Allen looks around the room, he realizes he’s in the same hospital room he was in after the battle on the Ark. Its mostly set up the same as before but this time, Krory and Chaoji aren’t in the room.

“Where’s Krory?” Allen asks.

“He’s two rooms down and still not awake yet, but the doctors think he should wake up soon.” Lavi says.

“Ah… I hope he wakes up soon…” Allen trails off. With fantastic timing, the doctor comes in.

* * *

“I’m surprised my injuries weren’t worse actually.” He says to Lenalee after the doctor leaves.

“A severe concussion resulting in a three-day coma, four cracked ribs, a fractured ankle, and internal bleeding.” She lists off. “Several lacerations and heavy bruising.”

“Could be worse.” He smiles at her. “But you know, Lenalee,” His stomach rumbles loudly. “I’m really hungry. Couldn’t you take me to the cafeteria?”

“Absolutely not.” She smacks him on the top of his head.

“Hey, don’t hit the concussed kid!” Lavi cries.

“Lenalee…” Allen whines as his stomach growls.

“Miss. Lee, I will accompany you to the cafeteria to bring food back for everyone.” Link offers.

“Wait, wait, wait. Lenalee, I’ll go with you. Leave Two Spots here.” Lavi jumps in. Lenalee angrily shakes her finger at him.

“Absolutely not.” She scolds. “Injured people should get their rest and heal quickly.” She stands up and stomps out of the room. “Come on, Link.” She hollers from down the hall.

With a quick bow to the room, Link hurries out after her. The silence in the room is weirdly tense and Allen can’t help but think about the battle they just fought. They lost so many people, so many good people. And Allen wasn’t enough to protect them. He’s useless. Every time. Every time he’s too late and not strong enough, no matter how fast he runs or how hard he fights. He couldn’t even keep his home from being destroyed.

“Hey, beansprout. You’re sword technique is really shitty.” Kanda cuts through Allen’s ruminations.

“It’s Allen, you sword freak.” He bristles. “I could totally beat you in a duel.”

“No, you can’t. I’m definitely better than you, beansprout.” Kanda sneers. Allen’s heart races.

“What!?” Allen’s voice cracks a bit on the word. He throws off the blanket on his lap. “Let’s go right now, shitty Kanda!”

“Fine with me. I’ll just show you who’s better at sword fighting.” Kanda throws off his blanket as well.

“It’ll definitely be me. Loser has to shave their head.” Allen challenges. He swings his legs over the side of the bed but before his feet can even touch the ground, the head nurse storms in.

“And where do you two injured people think you’re going?” She growls.

“Allen was just readjusting his pillows cause Lenalee’s bringing him some food.” Lavi jumps in. “And, uh, Yuu offered to help since he has the least amount of injuries.”

“Don’t call me that.” Kanda snarls. Allen actually… feels a bit lighter after arguing with Kanda, a little less tense. _I think I’ve fallen in love with you._

“Oh, you poor thing! Why didn’t you just ask!” The head nurse says. Nothing scares Allen more than her mood swings.

* * *

“I… can’t move… anymore.” Allen pants, trying to catch his breath. The bamboo sword in his hand is cut right down the middle from Kanda’s last strike. It had been so strong that Allen had fallen to the floor in the training room. Kanda looms over him with his own bamboo sword pointed right at Allen’s face.

“You’re just a big talker, beansprout.” Kanda snickers. _Yeah, I love him._

“Not bad, Kanda.” Allen finds himself praising the man. “I’m no match against you with a sword.”

“Ha, of course you’re not.” Kanda grins wickedly at him. “Now come on, let me shave your head.”

Allen loves him, he’s sure of that now. After spending two days in a hospital bed across from him, watching and fighting with Kanda, he’s sure now. It’s impossible to mistake the butterflies in his stomach for anything else. But just because he loves the man, doesn’t mean he’s willing to lose to him. Allen’s mouth twitches to reflect Kanda’s wicked grin right back at him.

“Hey, now I didn’t say that I give up yet!” Allen says. He throws all of his weight back on his hands, and kicks his legs up in the air, wrapping them around Kanda’s outstretched arm. He twists and flips Kanda to the ground.

“Bastard, you just pretended to be down!” Kanda roars. And then they’re brawling.

“Foul play is part of good strategy!” Allen shouts, pulling Kanda’s hair.

“Die! You fake gentleman!” Kanda wrenches Allen’s arm around viciously.

“Well, My master’s a faker. And I learned everything from him!” Allen punches Kanda in the stomach.

“You piece of shit!” Kanda yells right in his face.

“Hey, Allen! Kanda!” Marie yells from the edge of the room. “Quit it you two! Johnny’s here.”

They freeze immediately. Kanda’s kneeling over Allen with Allen’s shirt fisted in one hand and the other ready to deck Allen in the face.

“Tch.” Kanda lets go of Allen’s shirt. Allen flops back onto the wood floor with a huff, trying to catch his breath. _It really is so fun fighting with Kanda._ He tries not to smile. Kanda stands and walks over to their friends.

“Allen come get measured!” Lavi yells over.

“What a pain in the ass.” Kanda says.

“What’re you measurin’ for?” Allen’s words slur a little as his cheek swells where Kanda punched him.

“New uniforms for you and Kanda and Lavi!” Johnny says happily. He gingerly gets out of the wheelchair he’s supposed to use till his broken leg heals.

“You’re a workaholic, you know.” Lavi jokes to Johnny.

 _Oh, right._ Allen had forgotten that his and Kanda’s coats had been destroyed during the battle on the Ark. It feels like it was so long ago, but it’s only been two and a half weeks.

Johnny reaches out and pats Allen’s head, ruffling his hair. Allen looks up at Johnny who gives him a kind smile.

“Thank you, Allen.” Johnny says.

“You Exorcists and workaholics.” The head nurse looms in the doorway. “Who said you could leave the infirmary?”

Allen gulps. He and Kanda had been trying to escape the hospital ward since he’d woken up. Allen turns to Kanda and finds that he’s got the same look of terror on his face that Allen feels. This time, he can’t stop the smile that cracks across his face.

* * *

Allen’s been intensely bored since all of his friends were let out of the infirmary. It’s been a week since he woke up, three days since they all escaped to the training room, two days since Kanda and Marie were discharged, and one since Lavi was discharged. Allen knows he got the worst injuries out of his friends but he’s dying to get out of the hospital wing. The order came down from Central that a new Headquarters is going to be built in the next six months and they’re to move there. The different divisions have already started to pack up their things. Allen just wants to go help.

Link’s been sitting quietly nearby just reading. Allen’s found that he’s not a very fun conversation partner and has decided to just ignore him. There had been a weird, tense energy between Link and Kanda, before he was allowed out. Allen wonders what that was about.

“Uhg, I’m so bored!” He whines. Lenalee hasn’t been able to come by and visit much either. The Science Division has been running tests on her Innocence. “Uhg.”

“You could read a book, you know?” Link says, not looking up from the book he’s reading.

“I want to go be helpful.” He blows a puff of air at the white bangs hanging over his eyes in frustration.

“Well, Mr. Walker, one last check up and then you’ll be free to go.” Allen’s favorite nurse pokes her head around the door. She’s the nicest one and the gentlest when she has to manhandle him around for his checkups or changing his bandages. And she always gets the IV needle in the right spot on the first try. (Not to mention that she noticed he was a little down in the dumps yesterday after Lavi left and snuck him in an extra pudding with his meal.)

“Really! You mean it!” He gasps in excitement.

“Have I lied to you yet?” She asks. Allen shakes his head and holds perfectly still while checks out his injuries. Allen vibrates in his seat while she fills out the paper work on her clipboard.

“Alright, Mr. Walker. You’re free!” She says with a big smile and a clap of her hands. Allen shoots up off his bed.

“Thank you very much for all of your care!” He says loudly. And then he’s running out of the room calling over his shoulder, “Let’s go, Link!”

* * *

Allen sets a cardboard box of the non-essentials from his room on a trolly outside his door. His stuff is going to be sent over to the Asian Branch which will be the acting Headquarters till the new building can be built. They’re still getting the rooms set up over there though, so Allen won’t be moving in for another couple of days.

“You cleaned out your room?” Lavi walks up behind him.

“Almost.” Allen says.

“Oh, Johnny!” Lavi waves down the hallway. Johnny rolls up to them in his wheelchair.

“I hear you guys are going to the Asian Branch soon, so best regards.” Johnny says.

“Thanks, Johnny.” Allen smiles.

“Allen!” Miranda calls from behind Lavi. “Krory’s woken up!”

Allen looks up at Lavi with big eyes filled with excitement and then they’re off, sprinting to the medical wing. As they turn the corner to the hallway with Krory’s room at the end, Allen hears Chaoji wailing.

“Krory, I’m so glad you’re awake!” He cries.

“Krory!” Allen yells as he runs into the room, all but throwing himself at Krory’s bedside. General Tiedoll sits at Krory’s side as well.

“Allen. Lavi.” Krory says. “I feel like I’ve just woken up after the longest dream.”

“Well, you were asleep for over two weeks.” Lavi mumbles. Allen elbows him in the ribs.

“But even in my dream,” Krory continues. “You were all at my side.”

Allen smiles at his friend.

“Hey!” Allen jumps in surprise. At the doorway is Kanda glaring (beautifully) at him. Allen’s stomach does a little flip. Kanda’s been scarce the last few days and Allen… well he might have, maybe, sort of… missed him.

“What’s up, Yuu?” Lavi asks. Kanda turns his glare on Lavi. Allen tries not to stare at the black markings that stretch over Kanda’s shoulder, more visible than usual in his training tank top.

“The Chief’s calling for us.” Kanda says before turning and walking away.

“Yuu, wait for your friends.” Tiedoll scolds. There’s loud stomping coming down the hallway and then Kanda comes into the room with a face like he’s smelled something bad. Allen snorts a laugh but tries to cover it with a cough.

“Tch.” Kanda stands by the doorway.

* * *

The beansprout and Lavi talk animatedly to the gloomy vampire as Kanda leads the way to Komui’s office. The beansprout’s small face has been all bright and happy every time Krory would look at him. Its creepy as hell.

Speaking of creepy, that Crow is always either right there with Allen or following at a distance. It makes Kanda’s skin crawl. Its beyond him how the beansprout has such an amicable relationship with the guy. Even now, Kanda can see the Crow a bit behind them. He sends a sharp glare at the man.

“And then I was transported into this white room with a piano – Krory do you know how to play piano?” The beansprout asks, cutting himself off in the middle of his retelling of what happened on the Ark.

“Yes, I do. I had quite a bit of time alone in that castle before I met my dear Eliade, so I honed many skills to pass the time.” Krory says.

“Woah Krory, that’s so cool!” The beansprout praises. It makes the vampire blush and duck his head down shyly. Kanda walks a little faster.

* * *

“It’s clear that her Innocence isn’t a parasite-type.” Komui says pointing to the red anklets that Lenalee wears. She sits primly in the chair next to her brother, a bit nervous with all of the Exorcists and Generals in the room watching her so intently. “A parasite-type fuses the Innocence with a person on a cellular level, making their entire body and anti-Akuma weapon. In other words, a person’s body is changed by the Innocence. For example, take Allen’s left arm or Krory’s fangs,” Kanda looks down at the beansprout next to him from the corner of his eye. “When not in use, they look normal. But on the inside, the cells are no longer completely human.”

Kanda can’t imagine being so tightly tied to the Innocence like a parasite-type. He rather die than be that close to it.

“Don’t beat around the bush, Chief. In short, it makes you a monster.” General Socalo says from his spot on Komui’s couch. Kanda’s inclined to agree. Despite the placid smile on the beansprout’s face next to him, Allen’s whole body tenses.

“Can’t you choose your words more carefully.” General Klaud reprimands.

“After running tests on Lenalee’s legs, there’ve been no such changes.” Reever says. “Her body doesn’t respond as if there’s any innocence inside.”

“This is an evolved form of the equipment-type.” Komui continues. “The Innocence itself becomes a weapon in exchange for the user’s blood.”

“The original equipment-types were difficult to control, requiring the Science Division to make them into ‘weapons.’” Reever says. “It’s thought that because this type requires the user’s blood as an agent, it will be easier to control. It may be that if the weapon is damaged, it can be repaired as long as it has the accommodator’s blood.”

The beansprout shivers next to him.

“Gross.” Lavi says, knocking a little into the beansprout, making the beansprout’s arm brush against Kanda’s. The hairs on Kanda’s arms stand on end, and he shifts away, feeling like he’s been burned.

“For the time being, we’ve named it ‘crystal-type.’” Komui finishes.

“Is Lenalee the only one who can attain this crystal type?” Tiedoll asks.

“No, there’s a very high chance it’s possible for all equipment-types.” Komui makes direct eye contact with all of the equipment-type accommodators in the room, landing on Kanda last.

“Does the crystal-type shorten the accommodators lifespan like the parasite-type does?” Bookman asks. Kanda goes very still.

“We don’t know yet.” Reever says.

If Mugen ever decided to evolve to this crystal-type what would Kanda do… He’s already given so much of himself to the Innocence and the Order… anything else and he’d have nothing left of himself.

“God wants to make us stronger, huh?” Tiedoll philosophizes.

“I wonder about that.” The beansprout pipes up. “Even if we managed to win this last fight, it seems to me the Earl is trying to say that he could kill us at any time. And that’s why we must become stronger. We must take that strength and continue this fight, until the day we defeat all of the Akuma. Until the day we defeat the Millennium Earl!”

The beansprout seems so determined to throw his life away for all this. What a waste. Kanda never had much of a choice, but the beansprout… just forces his way into fights over and over for the Order. Kanda _hates_ him.

“Now with that out of the way,” Komui continues in a lighter tone. “I’ve received word from Chief Bak that your temporary rooms at the Asian Branch will be ready in two days. Make sure you all are completely packed and at Gate Four on Tuesday no later than 10:30 in the morning.”

* * *

Kanda lays in his bed staring at the ceiling. He’s already packed, a suitcase full of his clothes by his door. He doesn’t have that many belongings to pack to begin with.

All of this stuff with equipment-types, and crystal-types, and parasite-types is hurting his head. After the meeting Lavi and the beansprout had followed him around like a pair of rambunctious puppies all the way to the training room. He’d slammed the door right in their faces before they could follow him in, locking the door as well. He didn’t miss the deeply disappointed look on the beansprout’s small face but decides not to worry about it. His gray eyes had gotten so round and hopeful when Kanda had whirled around, and then instantly dimmed to a cold steel as he realized Kanda was shutting the door. _What the heck was he hoping for anyways?_ Kanda does not want to train with him, or look at him, or be around him. He _doesn’t_.

Kanda angrily turns to lay on his side.

Stupid idiot can’t even fight properly with a sword. Even during their sparing match the other day, he’d been incredibly uncoordinated, and his movements were easy to read. The beansprout left so many openings that Kanda had been quick to exploit. It had gotten Kanda so riled up how easy it was to beat the beansprout that he’d jumped at the excuse to brawl with him.

Kanda would never admit it out loud, but he liked it when they fought. It was like in those moments, the Allen under the mask of politeness he wears shines through. This real Allen that he’s gotten glimpses of. The one that’s full of hate and sadness, not the gentlemanly and kind façade he puts on. The real Allen Walker is much more fun than the fake one.

 _“I can’t believe I lost my first kiss to a Noah.”_ Kanda suddenly remembers the beansprout lamenting during their night of drunk poker.

_“You couldn’t have predicted that she was going to throw herself at you like that.” Lavi had pointed out. Kanda had sunk back further into the couch, feeling deeply uncomfortable._

_“Yeah Allen. It’s not your fault.” Lenalee had pressed, her words incredibly slurred._

_“But… but… I didn’t wanna kiss her!” The beansprout had whined, throwing his head against the back of the couch. “My first kiss was supposed to go to the person I love!”_

Kanda flips to lay on his other side. His heart thumps heavily in his chest, almost painfully so. It’s disgusting and vile that Allen let that Noah child kiss him. Just disgusting.

Kanda definitely hates him. So much that the thought of him kissing that Noah makes his skin crawl and feel like he wants to rip out his hair. Or Allen’s hair. Or that Noah’s hair.

But he’s pretty sure now that Allen and Lenalee aren’t together like he’d thought. Pretty sure… Maybe. They’re definitely close – have been since the very beginning. Its stupid. It’s all so stupid.

Kanda sits up and flops heavily onto his stomach, shoving his face into his pillow. He does _not_ like Allen Walker.

* * *

“Lenalee!” Allen whines, looking at his poor right hand. “Lenalee, how does Kanda deal with blisters?”

“Let me see.” She says holding her hand out for Allen to place his on. He’s been in the practice room all morning practicing with the swords before they get packed up too. They leave for the Asian Branch tomorrow and Allen’s been very antsy. (He’d also hoped to see Kanda in here. They’d run into him at breakfast. And Kanda had glowered beautifully while Lenalee and Miranda chatted from either side of him. Lavi had said something a little… uncouth and Kanda had stormed out. Allen had hoped he’d gone to the training room, but he wasn’t there.)

“Is his hand just so callused its like sandpaper?” Allen asks. His right hand is a bloody mess. His left is fine, since the skin of his hand is hard like ceramic. Plus, he’s been practicing off-and-on one handed.

“You know, you asked him that actually.” She lightly holds his hand, blowing on his stinging blisters.

“What? When?”

“During that poker night, remember?”

Allen stares at the wall behind her wide-eyed. He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember at all.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen his hands like this actually.” She says. “Come on, you should stop for a while and get these treated. Are you finished packing?”

“Wait, what did he say? About his hands?” Allen asks, following her out of the room and down the hall. She still has his hand in hers. “I don’t remember much from that night.”

“Hmm.” She looks at him mischievously. “I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Lenalee!” Allen protests.

* * *

After getting his hand cleaned up by the head nurse (who scolded him the entire time), Allen returns to his room to finish packing up his suitcase. They leave tomorrow morning and he’s just got a few things left. The blisters on his hand are so sensitive to touch right now even the soft scratch of fabric feels like sandpaper. He’s going to have to practice much harder and much longer.

 _Kanda’s hand that one time had been heavily callused…_ Allen remembered when he’d first been kidnapped by Kanda and Lavi for that night of poker and Kanda had put his hand over Allen’s mouth to keep him quiet. His skin had been thick where it brushed over Allen’s lips. Allen runs his left fingers over his bottom lip. What had Kanda said when Allen asked him about his calluses? Allen couldn’t remember at all. He doesn’t even remember how he got back to his room at the end of the night. Surely if he had gotten so drunk that he doesn’t remember, he wasn’t sober enough at the time to not get completely lost on his way.

“How did I get home the night before the attack?” Allen turns to Link. He’s sitting in Allen’s chair like usual, knitting a dark blue scarf.

“The night you snuck off, directly disobeying orders?” Link says sourly.

“I’m sorry about that…” Allen tries to give Link his apologetic smile, but the man only narrows his eyes at him. “I told you Lavi and Kanda kidnapped me. I had no idea they were going to do it…”

“Hmph.” Link turns back to his knitting. Allen grumbles and continues folding up his clothes to the _clack, clack_ of the knitting needles.

“Mr. Kanda carried you back most of the way before handing you off to me.” Link says out of the blue.

“He did?” Allen says breathlessly.

“Yes. You were practically asleep at that point.”

“Oh…” Allen feels phantom arms around his waist, remembering his touch and shivers a little.

_“You stupid beansprout. You’re so small yet weigh so much.” Kanda grumbled in his ear. Allen could smell the stink of alcohol on his breath. Despite the grumbling, Kanda had pulled him closer to his side, his large hand spread across Allen’s waist._

The back of Allen’s neck heats up with a blush and he rubs the cool skin of his left hand against it.

“Link, lets go get some food.” Allen shoots up from his spot on the floor next to his dresser.

Allen leads them to the cafeteria. It’s late afternoon and the cafeteria is mostly empty. It’s been this way since the attack.

_We lost so many people…_

The cafeteria was always a busy, bustling place before like a city market. Now there’s only ever ten or twenty people in there at a time. This time though, Kanda sits in a corner savoring his soba noodles. Allen walks a little faster to Jerry’s station. Maybe he can sit with the man for a little while before Kanda storms off. He hasn’t seen Kanda since yesterday and Allen really wants to feel that rush he gets when he’s close to Kanda or that free feeling when they argue. Allen stacks his tray full of food and like all of his past meals, Link takes a few of Allen’s plates onto his own tray.

“Thanks.” Allen smiles politely to Link. He hurries over to Kanda’s table (but not too fast).

“Hey, Kanda. You ready to move yet?” Allen asks, setting his tray down and sitting across from the man.

Kanda doesn’t say anything. Only glares past Allen at Link.

“So, you haven’t packed then, slowpoke.” Allen tries to goad Kanda as he starts to nibble on his food.

“For your information, I finished packing last night.” Kanda turns his eyes on Allen. “I’m guessing you’re not done packing.”

Kanda raises a sharp eyebrow challengingly.

“I spent a little while training, so I can kick your ass again the next time we spar.” Allen sits a bit taller.

“You didn’t kick my ass! I kicked your ass!” Kanda raises his voice.

“No, I’m pretty sure it was my win.” Allen shrugs.

“You didn’t win shit.” Kanda bristles. _It’s cute when he becomes prickly – kind of like a porcupine._

“It’s okay, it won’t hurt you to accept defeat once.” Allen says.

“Shut up, beansprout.” Kanda glowers, taking a piece of bread from Allen’s plate and shoving it in Allen’s mouth before he can retort. Allen reacts quickly and grabs Kanda’s wrist when he moves back. He grimaces when he realizes that he used his right hand.

“Let go.” Kanda threatens. Allen tightens his grip despite the blisters. He chews the piece of bread in his mouth. Kanda tries to pull back, but Allen holds him in place, observing Kanda’s hand. Its… smooth! No scars, no tough skin. No blisters or calluses.

_What?_

Kanda kicks Allen’s shin roughly under the table and Allen lets go of Kanda’s hand. How is his hand so smooth?

“Fuck off, beansprout.” Kanda curses before angrily standing up and stomping out of the cafeteria. Allen watches him go, heart beating loudly in his chest.

“Are you alright, Allen?” Link asks.

“Yeah.” Allen breathes.

_“Woah! How is your hand so soft?” Allen had asked loudly while holding Kanda’s hand right in front of his nose, going a bit cross-eyed while looking at the skin. “I could have sworn that your hand was all callused just a bit ago!”_

_Allen ran his fingers over Kanda’s baby-soft palm, feeling the creases and plumpness of the skin._

_“They healed.” Kanda snaped, ripping his hand out of Allen’s grasp._

_“But they were just – how did they heal so fast.” Allen pouted._

_“They just did.” Kanda said._

Allen remembered now. They just… healed. Allen heavily bangs his forehead on the table next to his tray. He’s so embarrassed at how forward and touchy his drunk-self was.

“Allen?” Link asks.

“I think I might have made a fool of myself.” Allen’s cheek squishes against the table as he turns his face to look up at Link.

“Just now?”

“No, when I was drunk.”

“Don’t drink then.” Link scoffs.

“Hey, Walker. Komui’s asking for you.” A Finder says, coming up to their table. “He’s up in his office.”

“Oh, thank you!” Allen sits up. “We’ll head there in just a bit.”

He starts to shovel his food into his mouth.

“Hurry up and eat, Link.” Allen nags when Link just watches him in mild disgust. Then he starts to eat his cake.

* * *

“Allen, do you know what the ‘player’s requirement’ is?” Komui asks. Allen sits on the couch in Komui’s office. “General Cross said it was a ‘song.’ He said anyone who knows the ‘song’ can control the Ark. We need you to tell us the song. This isn’t public knowledge, but we’re planning to use the Ark’s capabilities in the new Headquarters and in our missions. Its an unknown and dangerous device, but if the Science Division can study its uses, it will be a powerful weapon to have on our side.”

Allen stares at the papers strewn across Komui’s floor and doesn’t say anything. Reever steps forward and kneels in front of Allen.

“Allen? We don’t doubt you for knowing the ‘song.’ Don’t listen to what anyone else says.” Reever tries to comfort him.

Truth be told, Allen had been trying to not think about all of that – the stuff with the Ark and Mana and the fourteenth. But…

“Its gross…” Allen says. Mana had planted the song in his head. He has vague memories of Mana singing it to Allen when he’d have nightmares and Mana teaching him the characters for the score but… “Knowing there’s something inside me that I don’t understand… It’s gross.”

He hasn’t told anyone about seeing the shadow figure in his reflection or how he sometimes feels like he’s being watched when he knows its not Link or anyone else – like he’s being watched from the inside.

_I want to talk to Master! I want him to tell me its okay. That it’s okay to trust Mana._

But he can’t talk to Cross because he’s gone to Central. Allen’s eyes start to water, and he bows his head into his hands, pressing the heels of his palm into his eyes.

“It’s a lie, isn’t it?” He asks after he calms down. “Its true that I know the song to move the Ark, but the part about you guys being able to move the Ark if you know the song, is a lie my master told you to tell me, right?”

“What makes you think that?” Komui asks surprised.

“He always done things to test me.” Allen sighs. “I’m the only one who can move the Ark, aren’t I? I… think so, too.”

Komui looks taken aback. And Allen continues on.

“Don’t worry, no matter how others may doubt me, I will follow orders if my duty as an Exorcist requires me to become the ‘player.’”

Allen stands from his seat and turns to walk away but he stops at the door. He spins on his heel.

“And I want you to tell my master…” Allen says.

“Tell him what?”

Allen aggressively makes a thumbs down gesture with a glare at Komui, who splutters in shock. Then Allen lets the mean look melt off his face, smiling brightly at Komui.

“If that’s all, I’d like to go finish packing now.” He bows and leaves the room, Link following right behind him.

* * *

Kanda stalks around the halls of the Asian Branch. It’s been one day since they moved in and Kanda is already at his wits end. Its just… too much. He thought he’d be fine being here after so many years. When they’d passed through after the battle on the Ark it hadn’t been so bad, since it was only for a little while and he was really exhausted. But now… Now he lives here. Now the halls echo _his_ laughs. And the light that streams through the windows remind him of _his_ smiles and Kanda feels far too much. He can’t even go beat up practice dummies in the training rooms because the beansprout’s been in there at all hours of the day training with his Innocence and all of Allen’s little buddies have been in there too. And that fucking Crow. Kanda can’t stand any of it.

He feels like a rubber band ready to snap. He hates how he remembers his way around and where all the secret nooks in the Asian Branch are. He hates how the cold damp smell of the halls reminds him of _then._ He hates how he expects to see _him_ just around every corner. And he hates how lonely he feels in his temporary room.

“Oh, Kanda! There you are!” Bak Chang shouts after him. And this man. This man he hates the most. He looks far too much like his parents and it sends Kanda reeling in rage every time he sees him.

“What do you want.” Kanda snaps.

“Do you have a minute?” Bak asks, running up to Kanda.

“No.” Kanda lies.

“Well, I thought you’d like to know that your Innocence has finished being reforged.” Bak says.

Kanda narrows his eyes at the man and crosses his arms tightly over his chest.

“If you weren’t busy, I was going to bring you to our Science Division so you could test it out.” Bak shrugs. Kanda glares. He knows when he’s being coaxed and Bak Chang is not suave in his manipulation tactics. The beansprout’s far better at it and Kanda likes to think he’s immune to that. But… he wants his sword back. He’s been so on edge without it… If he has his sword, they might allow him to run around in the bamboo forests outside the building. Or he can go to the training room and show that stupid beansprout how a proper swordsman fights. Kanda stands still, glaring at Bak to make the shorter man squirm.

“Fine. I’m not doing anything important at the moment.” He says. Bak visibly deflates in relief. Kanda swiftly turns and starts walking to the Science Division.

* * *

Lenalee is bandaging his blistered right hand when Kanda comes banging into the training room. Kanda makes direct eye contact with Allen with a wicked sneer.

“Mugen, activate!” Kanda shouts as he unsheathes his sword. The sword in his hand glows and before Allen even knows it, Kanda is across the room with his sword deeply embedded in the chest of the practice dummy.

“K-Kanda!” Allen says.

“I’ve got my Innocence back now.” Kanda roughly pulls Mugen from the doll and points it at Allen. “Now we can really see who’s better.”

Allen’s heart races in excitement.

“You’re on, stupid Kanda!” Allen roars, leaping up and activating his Innocence. _I really love him._

* * *

Allen’s not sure what one does when they have feelings for another person. How is he supposed to act on them? Is he even supposed to act on them? He’s pretty sure Kanda would hate him if he tried to court him. And sure, Allen knows how to flirt (he spent many years with Cross Marian, after all), but he’s never tried to actively flirt with the person he’s in love with. And Kanda would definitely not be receptive to that.

Maybe he should talk to Lenalee. They haven’t had a conversation about this stuff since… well since before he more-or-less died. And that was several months ago now. In the past month since they moved to the Asian Branch, Allen’s been followed even more closely by Link and while he’s mostly used to Link’s constant presence, there’s still some things he’d like to keep to himself.

And he’s just not sure what to do about his simmering feelings that have only been growing for Kanda. The man’s been more aggressive since the move and it worries Allen. He’s gotten into more fights with Kanda than ever before. (Allen tries not to feel smug by how Kanda returns to his normal level of prickly for a few minutes after their fights, because even meditating with Lenalee doesn’t make Kanda any calmer and she’s said as much.)

He wonders if there was a way he could be more helpful to Kanda, if maybe he could get the man to talk to him about what’s bothering him. They’re definitely friends by now (at least Allen thinks they are).

Allen sighs. He wants to talk to Lenalee.

“Hey Link,” Allen says to the man sorting books next to him. They’re helping to organize some of Headquarter’s paperwork into a library of sorts at the Asian Branch right now. “Would it be possible for you to let me talk to Lenalee alone?”

“What do you mean?” Link peers at him.

“Like without you there listening in.” Allen says. “I’d like to have a private conversation with her about things.”

Link stares at him.

“It’s not about the fourteenth or anything like that. I just…” He trails off. “She’s my best friend, and her and I haven’t had a conversation just us in a long time.”

Link is quiet for a long moment, and Allen thinks he’s going to get his request shot down.

“Is this about her crush on Bookman Jr.?” Link says finally. Allen blinks several times as he tries to make sense of Link’s words.

“No – wait. What?” Allen stutters. “Lenalee has a crush on Lavi?”

“You didn’t notice?” Link asks.

“No… and that’s not what I wanted to talk to her about.” Allen says.

“So, about your crush on Mr. Kanda then?” Link says. This time Allen drops a heavy book directly on his foot.

“Shi- how did you know?” Allen stares wide eyed at Link.

“Allen. I’ve been with you nearly every hour of every day for the last two months and it is my job to observe you.” Link stands to his full height and looks down his nose at Allen. “You talk in your sleep and your staring is far more obvious than you think.”

Allen’s face goes bright red.

“Link!” Allen whines, very embarrassed. Link continues to organize books. “Well, if I’m going to be talking to her about my feelings, she might want to talk about hers and she’s not very comfortable with you. Could you just - I don’t know – hide around a corner and let me talk to her?”

Link thinks for a while, and Allen worries he’s going to drop another bomb on Allen.

“Fine. Since you probably don’t want to talk about such things with me.” Link says quietly.

* * *

Allen sits cross-legged in a nook with Lenalee. There is a big window next to him and Allen can see the thick bamboo forest and the rolling mountains sprawling for miles outside. Allen hadn’t gotten to explore too much when he was here recovering, but Lenalee had spent a few years here as a child and had brought him to this spot shortly after they moved. Lenalee hums lightly, with a journal in her lap.

Allen had spent nearly a week organizing how he was going to get some time with Lenalee without Lavi tagging along. And he’d also been working on how he was going to tell Lenalee about his feelings for Kanda, and maybe ask her if Link was right about her feelings for Lavi. The problem is saying it. In the two months since he realized his feelings, Allen hasn’t actually said it out loud. But she’s his friend and its not like they haven’t talked about this stuff before. And if its true that she likes Lavi, then it puts his old fears that she might like Kanda to rest. Allen takes a deep breath.

“So, boys, huh?” Allen says. Lenalee stops writing and looks up at him.

“What?”

“Boys. I was wondering if you liked any.” Allen pinches his leg. He sounds like an idiot.

“Well – I mean – I might have one that I like. Why? Do you?” She stammers.

“Yeah, I do.” Allen says. Her eyebrows shoot right up to her hairline. Then she scoots forward to bump her knees with Allen’s.

“Who do you like!?” She excitedly asks.

“Who do you like, Lenalee?” Allen counters.

“I asked you, silly!” She breaks down laughing. Allen chuckles with her.

“I think… I’m in love with Kanda.” He says. Her breath catches.

“Really? Since when?” She looks at him with bright eyes.

“I think I might have always kinda liked him, but I realized it after the battle on the Ark. When we found out that everyone was still alive, I kind of realized that the way I felt for him was a little different than how I feel about the rest of my friends.” He rambles, twiddling his thumbs. “And then I realized it was love during the battle with the level four. He and Lavi stepped up to help me deflect a really big blast of Dark Matter before you got your Boots back. And I just realized that I’m in love. I think.”

“Aw, Allen!” She grabs his hands and swings them back and forth between them. “I’ve always told you that Kanda wasn’t as bad as you thought!”

“Well, it’s not like I ever actually disagreed with you.” Allen grumbles.

“What are going to do about it? Your feelings?” She asks.

“I don’t know.” Allen sighs. “I was wondering if you could help.”

“Hmm.” She purses her lips. She opens her mouth to speak but Allen cuts her off.

“Hold on, I told you who I like, now you have to tell me who you like!” He says.

She shyly mumbles something, face turning red.

“I didn’t hear you. What did you say?” He tugs on their joined hands.

“Lavi.” She says quietly.

“Really?” _Link was right!_

“Yeah, he – um – was very supportive and kind during our travels and after you left and stuff. And he’s so smart.” She ducks her head. “Don’t tell my brother. You know he’d freak out.”

“So, you’re not gonna do anything about it?” He asks.

“No… he’s a Bookman after all. They aren’t supposed to have any attachments. For as outgoing and friendly as he is… Lavi’s always been a little distant.” She sadly looks out the window. Then she turns brightly back to him. “But enough about me. What about you?”

“I don’t even know what I want to do!” Allen says.

“Do you want him to like you back?”

“Like me back?”

“Like date you and stuff.”

Allen thinks about holding Kanda’s hand and kissing him and that dream he had before he woke up after the battle at Headquarters. He definitely wants that.

“How would I even go about getting him to like me? All we do is fight.” He says.

“Maybe you should try spending more time with him? He definitely already sees you as a friend. But you know he’s stubborn and quick to anger.” Lenalee offers helpfully.

“Yeah… those are reasons I like him, though…”

“Maybe try to get him to teach you how to sword fight?” She suggests.

Every time they’ve sparred has led to brawling, but Allen had to admit he relished the moments that led to their skin brushing. And if Kanda’s going to actually train him, maybe it would mean that Kanda would have to physically correct his form. And getting to spend several hours together… Maybe he’ll get closer to the man. Maybe… he can get Kanda to love him back?

“Okay, I’ll try it!”

* * *

Allen corners Kanda during his morning training in the training rooms the next day.

“Train me.” Allen says with all the determination he can muster.

“No.” Kanda immediately says.

“You’re always telling me I’m shit with a sword. Help me be better.” He says. He’s not gonna lie, he spent a long time working through a more or less script on what to say to convince Kanda, but it felt like pulling teeth to actually say the words “help me.”

“No.” Kanda says again.

“Come on!” Allen throws his hands up in the air. “Think of it as refreshing your basics!”

“Absolutely not.”

_Alright, time to let go of some of my dignity…_

“I won’t hit you if you laugh at me when I mess up.” It physically pains him to say this, but the mean smile that breaks across Kanda’s face might make it worth it. “Please?”

“You’ve got a deal, beansprout.”

“Its Allen.” He says on reflex.

“Training starts tomorrow morning, beansprout.” Kanda haughtily says, cocking a hip to the side. “I’m gonna whoop your ass into shape.”

“I’d like to see you try.” Allen’s face breaks into a smile so wide that it hurts his cheeks.


	16. I Wanna Lock in Your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'd like to thank everyone that follows this fic, and those that have left kudos and comments. It all means so much to me that you guys are enjoying this as much as I am! 
> 
> This chapter is less of a linear plot and more, snapshots of their life before the big relocation. This is it for the fluffy chapters for now, we've got some Plot to get through next! And its gonna Hurt! 
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys this chapter! <3

“Kanda, what’s your favorite color?” Lenalee asks him during breakfast.

“Why do you care?” He asks back suspiciously. She doesn’t normally ask such personal questions, she knows he doesn’t like it.

“We’ve been friends for eight years, but I just realized that I don’t know what color you like.” She says a bit sheepishly.

“I never really thought about it.” He admits, shrugging.

“Well think about it, please.” She smiles in her faux polite manner. The one that tells him if he doesn’t do what she asks, he’ll get his ear chewed off.

Kanda glares down into his tea. He never really cared about color or things like that. It wasn’t necessary for him. But Lenalee asked him… and she is his friend… so… he thinks about colors. There’s blue, which is a nice color, its vast - though sometimes when he looks at it, he thinks about those that couldn’t see just how blue the sky is. He doesn’t like blue. Purple’s alright but it doesn’t really make him feel much of anything. Green is a good one, like the trees outside during spring and summer. Yellow sucks, it’s far too bright. And black is the worst one. It’s the Order’s color. White. Like snow… and like the hair of the boy plaguing his dreams lately… No, he doesn’t like white. Gray like eyes that look at him with… something that he can’t name. Gray like cold steel and hot smoke. He doesn’t like gray. Red… red like scars that Kanda can’t get, red like blisters that form and heal on his hands within hours of practice. Red like blood and roses.

“I like red.” He says, cutting Lenalee off from whatever she was saying.

“Sorry?”

“I like the color red. I think it’s my favorite.”

“Oh, thank you for telling me!” She smiles widely. Kanda rolls his eyes.

* * *

“His favorite color’s red.” Lenalee says. They’re sitting in their little nook overlooking the forest surrounding the Asian Branch. There’s several romance novels piled around them.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” Allen’s still new to this

“I don’t know, get him things that are red?”

“Get him things?” Allen repeats, trying to think of things.

“Yeah, giving the people I love stuff and doing things for them always makes me really happy. And my brother always talks about how much he loves when I give him coffee, so why not try doing things for Kanda?”

“Hmm… We’ll see…”

* * *

“Hey, Rohfa.” Allen calls to the scientist. One of the best things about being back in the Asian Branch is getting to see all of the friends he made back when he nearly died and introducing them to his Exorcist friends. Lavi gets along really well with Rikei and Shifu.

“Oh, Mr. Walker!” She flares bright red.

“I told you, you can just call me ‘Allen.’” He smiles politely.

“S-sorry… Allen…” She says quietly.

“I was wondering if you’d go with me to the city? There’s something I want to buy, but they only have it at women’s stores and Lenalee and Miranda are out on a mission right now.” He says. He hasn’t been down to the city yet. He definitely doesn’t want to go alone, he would totally get lost if he did.

“I’m, uh, free this afternoon…” She says, wringing her hands together nervously.

“Great! I’ll meet you at the gate at one!”

* * *

Allen slaps the pack of red hair ties down in front of Kanda at the beginning of their training session the next day. Kanda sits cross-legged meditating on the bamboo mats in the corner of the room.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kanda gruffly asks, peaking one eye open to look at the hair ties.

“You’ve been complaining a lot lately about your ties going missing.” Allen turns his nose up at Kanda. He’s trying not to show how nervous he is by pretending to be snooty. _I hope he can’t hear how loud my heart is beating…_ “It was getting annoying, so here.”

Kanda opens his eyes and fully glares at Allen. Allen crosses his arms tightly over his chest and huffs.

“Go start warming up, beansprout. If you don’t do it properly, I’ll beat you to a pulp.”

“My name is Allen.” He sighs as he gets up and starts to warm up. He jogs a lap around the room and then stretches, enjoying the pull of his sore muscles. They’ve been working on his form when fighting one handed to reduce his openings. Mostly he just ends up with tons of bruises from Kanda repeatedly hitting him. And usually, they both end up so frustrated that they start brawling after only an hour. But Allen sometimes catches Kanda looking at him with almost approval, and that makes it all worth it.

While Allen touches his toes, he sees Kanda pull his hair out of its pony tail. It falls around his face like a piece of silk fabric. Allen wants to touch it. Kanda rips the plastic packaging off the ties Allen gave him with his teeth and Allen shivers. Then with a red hair tie between his red lips, Kanda manhandles his hair back up into a ponytail and reties it with the one Allen gave him. Allen’s heart races and he flushes. He quickly looks away and shifts into a different stretch.

“Are you done yet, beansprout?” Allen startles at Kanda suddenly behind him.

“Yeah! I’m gonna wipe the floor with your stupid face today.” Allen tries very, very hard not to smile at how the bright red hair tie sticks out against Kanda’s dark hair. _He looks so stunning._ Allen’s heart might just explode at how good he feels looking at Kanda using something he gave him.

 _I understand now, Lenalee,_ He thinks. He’ll have to actually thank her later.

* * *

“It’s been three weeks and he’s still using the hair ties you gave him!” Lenalee excitedly says while they walk to the training room together.

“Is that a big deal?” Allen rubs the back of his neck, pulling at the hair at his nape.

“He hasn’t asked me for a tie since you gave him those! He usually loses them really easily and always ends up taking mine. I’ve kept a stock of them even when my hair’s like this, just in case he needs them.”

Allen bites his lip to hold back the dopey grin he feels shaping his face.

* * *

The beansprout trips during their daily training session. Kanda instinctively reaches out and grabs a hold of his arm and yanks. He lands heavily against Kanda’s chest with an “oof.”

“You’re such a fucking klutz, beansprout.” Kanda snaps.

“I am not, stupid Kanda!” The beansprout whips his head up at Kanda. And… oh, his face is close. _Allen’s gotten just a bit taller_. There’s flecks of light purple in his irises and his lips are red like the hair ties the beansprout gave him. Kanda shoves him off.

“You have two left feet and that’s why you suck so bad.” He crosses his arms over his chest. The room is really hot all of a sudden. They _have_ been training for a while and this room doesn’t have the best ventilation, so it makes sense. Kanda stomps off, fanning himself with his hand.

* * *

“Hey Link, will you teach me to knit?” Allen asks one night while they’re getting ready for bed.

Link raises an eyebrow curiously at him.

“Well, you’re always knitting something. And you seem like you’re having a good time. So, I thought that I’d like to try it.” He twiddles his thumbs.

“Not so you can make something for him, right?” Link says a little meanly.

“What? No!” Allen sputters. “For – for me to work on my – my dexterity with my left hand! I’ve gotten very good with cards so… I thought doing something else might be beneficial…”

“Fine. I’ll teach you.” Link gives a put-upon sigh.

* * *

“What color yarn would you like?” Link asks him. They’re in the city in the craft shop. In front of Allen is a massive wall of a myriad of balls of yarn. Behind him is an expansive wall of wooden and metal needles.

“Red.” Allen says, a little dazed from all of the options around him. Link leads him to the section of the yarn wall that has different types of red yarns. He starts rattling off information about alpaca and wool and what-not, the difference between a ball and a skein. It goes in one of Allen’s ear and right out the other.

“Which one would be best?” He cuts Link off.

“Probably this one. The weight is average. Its not too stretchy, but not too stiff. Should be good for beginners.” Link pulls a ball off the wall and hands it to Allen. It’s a pretty shade of deep red and it feels soft in his right hand. _Kanda will like it._

“Okay, what else do I need?”

Link turns on his heel to face the wall of needles.

“Knitting needles in the appropriate size for the weight of the yarn.” He then starts to ramble about the pros and cons of metal versus wooden needles. Allen doesn’t listen. Instead, he daydreams about giving Kanda a scarf that he handmade… how the red would look so pretty against his light skin… Maybe Kanda will actually say his name and smile at him… He really wants to see one of Kanda’s true smiles. He hasn’t seen them since they made it back after the battle on the Ark.

* * *

“This is impossible, Link!” Allen whines. The yarn is all knotted up and tangled around his fingers. It keeps snagging on the joints of his left hand and he just can’t get the motion of knitting down. He’s been trying for days now.

“You just need to keep practicing.” Link says. “Eventually the motions will become muscle memory.”

Link’s needles clack together as he weaves the yarn in and around them. This time he’s making a pair of socks with yarn and needles so thin Allen thinks they might just break with too much force. Allen’s fingers are sore.

* * *

Kanda’s noticed that the beansprout has been more handsy with that Crow lately. Always hanging off his arm and making cute pouty faces at him. They even went into the city together a few weeks ago (two weeks and three days to be specific). Sometimes the Crow will say something quietly to the beansprout (so quiet that no one can hear him) and Allen’s face will flame up. It makes Kanda want to be just a bit more aggressive during their training. Makes him goad the beansprout into a fight more frequently.

No one should be that friendly with a Crow. Crows don’t care about others. And that Link guy isn’t Allen’s friend, he’s just following Central’s orders. Kanda _hates_ Allen Walker. His kindness is going to get him killed and it will be all his fault. Kanda can only hope he’ll be there to say, “I told you so.” Because he hates him.

Kanda stomps through the corridor as loudly as he can. The soles of his boots smack on the stone floors and Kanda feels a bit satisfied at how the scientists and other staff jump to avoid him.

_Good._

* * *

Allen furiously runs into the piano room on the Ark, Link hot on his heels.

“Leave me alone.” He spins on the man.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“I won’t do anything I just – just need to be alone.” He stares Link down. If Link doesn’t leave right now, Allen worries he might do something he regrets. He already did enough of that today. “You can stand outside. I won’t play the piano. Just leave me alone. Just for a little while.”

Link scrutinizes him for so long Allen feels like he wants to peel off his own skin.

“Fine. I’ll be right outside the door.”

Then Allen is left alone in the white room. He pants heavily, angrily. Out of the corner of his eye he spots a dark shadow and whirls around. There’s nothing there but the shadow figure in the window staring back at him. Allen grabs the nearest chair. He screams and hurls it at the window. The window nor the chair break, just bouncing off noisily. The shadow figure still stares at him. Allen furiously picks up a white vase off of a white table and throws it at the white wall. That doesn’t break either. He stomps to the window and punches the reflection as hard as he can with his human hand. This time something breaks – the skin over his knuckle’s splits.

Allen stops moving and stares at the blood welling up from the cuts. A droplet slips from his hand onto the white floor. Its so stark in contrast. Its red just like the hair ties he gave Kanda nearly two months ago. That the man still wears every day. Tears well up in his eyes like the blood on his hand and Allen bangs his head against the window.

He had thought they were doing so good. He thought that… that maybe they were getting closer. He… They’d been spending more time together in a fairly civil fashion. But today they had fought. Fought like they hadn’t in months. Certainly, their arguments hadn’t been as vicious since that one during Allen’s first two months with the Order. But he’d said something about how the Order truly was home and how much he loved it here. And Kanda had snapped (Allen wasn’t even sure why, even after all the screaming they had done). This fight hadn’t even involved punching or kicking (he would have much preferred if it had). This was hurled insults that cut right to the core. And it _hurt_. They usually said fairly mean things, but Allen was sure they never _meant_ it. _He_ certainly never meant it. But this time… Kanda said things he meant, and Allen had said them back.

He thought he was doing everything right in getting the man to love him.

Allen tips his head up and meets eyes with his shadow reflection.

 _I wish Mana was here._ He wants to see his father, to talk to his father, to tell him all of the things that have been going on. Mana always gave the strangest but wisest advice. He’d even settle for talking to Master Cross. He just…

Allen turns around, placing his back against the window and slides down to sit on the floor.

“What should I do?” He whispers. He heaves a heavy sigh and falls to lay on his side. And he lays there. And he lays there.

“Mana, what should I do?”

_“Never stop. Keep walking.”_

But how is he supposed to keep walking when there’s such a big obstacle in his path?

“Should I apologize? I don’t even know what I did wrong.” He’s absolutely not going to apologize for something he didn’t do. Not to Kanda. But what if this causes a cold war between them again? What if Kanda starts avoiding him again and stops talking to Allen? What if he stops sparring with him? He’d gotten used to training with him early in the mornings when they were both at the Order together and not on missions. He doesn’t want to lose the friendship they’ve been building. He treasures the time he spends with the other man.

_“Never stop. Keep walking.”_

“Okay, Mana.” Allen says. “I’ll… figure something out.”

He slowly sits up and observes the room. The chair he threw is knocked over on its side, and the vase rolled under the piano. He gets up from the floor and uprights the chair first. Then he crawls under the piano to replace the vase in its normal spot. He looks back towards the window. Like usual the shadow figure mirrors his every move. On the floor near where he had been laying is a spot of blood from his hand. He lifts his hand to his face and notices that the bleeding has stopped. He walks over to the spot and kneels to wipe it with the corner of his shirt. He takes a deep breath.

“I should hurry before Link really starts to worry.” He says. He makes his way to the door and as he passes the piano, he skims his fingers over the keys. When he opens the door, he’s stopped by a plate on the ground in front of it.

 _What’s this?_ Allen stoops to pick up the plate. On it is a sandwich. Between two slices of white bread is a bit of ham, cheese and… a lot of _beansprouts_.

_Is this… was this…_

“Are you alright, Allen?” Link pops up at his side so suddenly that Allen almost drops the plate.

“Link! Who…? Did you leave this?” He asks.

“That? No, Mr. Kanda left it here a little while ago.” Link eyes the sandwich with something like contempt, like it’s a snake just waiting to bite him.

Allen’s feels lightheaded from the sudden rush of blood to his head as he flushes mightily.

“He did?” He feels so breathless. _Of course, Kanda left it. There’s beansprouts in it._

“Are you feeling alright?” Link asks.

“I’m… I’m good.” He smiles at Link, holding the plate a little tighter _._ This is just as good as an apology. This is… perfect. _I love Kanda so much._

* * *

Allen sits with Lavi during his break in the largest training room at the Asian Branch. Its been nearly four months since the branch became the temporary headquarters. After the big fight with Kanda, they’ve stopped doing training alone together, instead they train with the other Exorcists. Allen misses the time that he got to spend just the two of them, but its alright. He’ll take what he can get.

Lavi takes a big swig of his water. Across the room Kanda and Lenalee are running laps together. In the five months since her hair was shorn sheer, its finally reached her mid-neck and she’s started to put it into a tiny pony tail when she runs. Next to her Kanda… well he’s stunning like usual. His hair is still in the red hair tie and Allen can’t even begin to phrase how happy it makes him that Kanda didn’t throw them out after their fight. Allen rests his chin on his palm and admires the way his long, black strands sway back and forth across his lower back. He really wants to touch his hair.

Allen follows the man with his eyes as he runs across the far wall.

“Man, there is nothing sexier than watching a ponytail swing back and forth like that.” Lavi comments, laying his elbow on Allen’s shoulder. And he’s right. The way that Kanda’s hair moves… its _sexy_.

“Yeah…” Allen sighs feeling the sides of his lips curling up into a smile. Kanda is really sexy (its not an adjective he’s used for the man yet… but he thinks he might use it more).

_Wait…_

Allen whips his head to Lavi who jolts backwards, his one eye wide.

“Did you…” Lavi says.

“Who did…” Allen says at the same time.

“I meant… Lenalee… Who did you think…”

Allen quickly turns away from Lavi to stare determinedly at the rafters.

“Were you… about Kanda?” Lavi asks wiggling to sit himself on Allen’s other side.

“Wh-what? No?” He squeaks unconvincingly.

“Oh my god, Allen! Do you have a crush on Yuu?” Lavi grabs his shoulders and shakes him excitedly.

“No!” Allen’s voice cracks. He squeezes his eyes closed.

“You do!” Lavi loudly crows. Other people in the room start to look at them curiously, “You totally do! You have a big, fat crush!”

“Fine. Fine, I do. Would you be quiet!” He shushes the exuberant redhead.

“Who knows about it? Were you the one that gave Yuu those hair ties? How is it going?” Lavi bombards him with questions.

“I, uh, told Lenalee. And Link figured it out on his own. And now you.” Allen scratches his cheek. “I did give him those ties, but it was Lenalee’s idea.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Lavi cries. “How long have you liked him? Wait, why do you even like him?”

Allen decides right then and there that its time to go for a lap around the room on his own. Without terrible, awful, loud and nosy Lavi Bookman.

* * *

Kanda is making his way to the cafeteria when he nearly runs into Lavi and Lenalee having a secret conversation just around the corner. They talk in hushed voices, but the hallway is fairly empty and Lavi Bookman is anything but quiet.

“He told you?” Lenalee says, head bowed towards Lavi.

“Yeah, at training this morning.” Lavi says conspiratorially. “He wouldn’t tell me how long though. Do you know?”

 _What are they talking about?_ Kanda inches just a little closer to the wall to hear them better.

“He told me since the battle on the Ark.”

“That long?” Lavi whispers. “I can’t believe that Allen totally has a crush on Yuu.”

She giggles.

 _The beansprout has a crush on Lenalee?_ Well, Kanda knew that but… His stomach clenches violently. He decides to take the other route to the cafeteria. He leaves to stomp the other way down the hall.

 _“Allen totally has a crush on you.”_ He hears Lavi’s words to Lenalee echoing in his head followed by her giggle.

“ _Since the battle on the Ark._ ” That was almost five months ago. Kanda feels anger vibrate within him and walks faster to the cafeteria. He clenches Mugen tightly in his right hand, the design on the sheath biting marks into it.

 _That stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid idiot._ Kanda wishes they were still training together so he could beat him with his sword. Though the beansprout’s gotten pretty good at sword fighting now. Good enough that he doesn’t really need Kanda to teach him anymore. His moves are still scrapy, but he swings with purpose now and its fluid, the way he moves. Not the disjointed random swinging he used to do. And it was Kanda that taught him. Kanda who had spent several awful hours with the beansprout and his stupid face, correcting his posture and sparring with him. Kanda snaps the extra red hair tie he keeps on his wrist. (The ties that Allen had given him months ago, the ones that Kanda made sure not to break or lose – they were good quality hair ties!) It stings and leaves a red mark, but it heals within seconds, so Kanda does it again.

 _Whatever._ He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care who Allen has feelings for. He doesn’t care at all. It has nothing to do with him. _Nothing._ He _hates_ Allen Walker.

* * *

Allen stands on the bow of the ferry. The hot summer air has given way to cold rain that marks the start of fall. Timcanpy grips a little hand on Allen’s shoulder to keep from being blown away in the wind. Through the dark clouds and the rain looms the new Black Order Headquarters. Allen can’t tell too many details about the building, but its massive. They turned an entire island into the space for Headquarters. Like the rolling black waves around the boat, the new Headquarters is dark and imposing.

His breath fogs in front of his face when he sighs. He had really liked it at the Asian Branch. Allen pulls his hood a little tighter around his face.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out here.” Lenalee calls.

“I’m fine. I’ve got the uniform Johnny and them made me.” He lets Lenalee lead him back into the cabin where Johnny is.

“See, Lenalee?” Johnny points at him.

“You’re right.” She laughs.

“What?” He asks as the two smile at each other. He dabs a stray water droplet off his cheek with the back of his gloved hand.

“Johnny and I were talking inside just now.” Lenalee says.

“And I said that your accent changes when you talk to us.” Johnny jumps in. “Well, at least with people like me and Lenalee who you talk to often. And only sometimes. Didn’t you notice?”

“On missions, everyone’s speech gets a little short and rough during battle, so I didn’t think anything of it.” Lenalee smiles. “But you’ve been doing it during more casual situations lately.”

“I hadn’t realized.” He truly hadn’t…

“I noticed it first when you fight with Kanda,” Johnny continues. “Your accent becomes more like a cockney accent.”

Allen looks shyly at the scuffs on the toes of his boots.

“I don’t mind. I like when it changes.” Lenalee pats him roughly on the back.

“Are you all ready? We’re almost there so get ready to disembark.” Komui steps up to their small group.

“You’re awake, brother?”

“How is your seasickness?”

Komui starts to talk about nonsense, fawning over Lenalee and the like. Allen turns to look out the window of the cabin as they pull into a hidden cave on the islands cliffside.

_So, this is our new home. I hope Kanda will like this one better than the Asian Branch._

Allen, Komui, Lenalee and Johnny were sent to the new Headquarters a day early to make a gate for everyone to move in. Inside, the large building is oppressively quiet. Allen misses the normal bustle of people that is a staple of the Black Order Headquarters. Komui leads them through the dark halls to the main lobby.

“This looks like a good spot. Go ahead, Allen.” Komui ushers him to the middle of the room.

Allen closes his eyes and with a _whoosh_ Gate Nine appears.

“Gate Nine is connected.” He informs the group.

“Roger!” Johnny salutes him, then says into his communicator, “Please confirm that Gate Nine connects to the old Headquarters.”

Allen jumps in surprise when Rob of the Science Division pops out of the gate right in front of Allen.

“Hey, Allen! Gate Nine is open.”

“Good evening, Rob.” He greets.

“You’ve gotten good at opening the gates!” Johnny praises him. Allen chuckles a little.

“All I have to do is recite the lyrics in my head. The only problem is it appears I can’t make a gate somewhere I haven’t been.” He says to the growing group of scientist that look like they are committing every word he says to memory.

“Allen!” Link calls as he comes out of the gate. Allen leaves the scientists to walk over to him.

“I’m gonna take a look around, brother. Use the radio if anything happens.” Lenalee tells her brother, voice laced with excitement. Allen is distracted by Johnny pulling him to the other side of the room to set up another gate to the Asian Branch. Johnny throws praise at him easily and it makes Allen feel shy.

“I’m looking forward to everyone’s arrival tomorrow.” He wants to try out the new training room with Kanda… Maybe with him here, the large and cold building will seem more like home.

“Heyo!” Lavi pops out of the gate Allen just set up with Bookman.

“What are you doing here, Lavi?” Allen asks.

“We’re just here on our own business.” Bookman says. Link stiffens sharply beside Allen.

“Good work, Inspector Howard.” Lvellie approaches them. “And good work to you, too, Allen Walker. Come with me. I’ll need you to follow my orders now.”

The man is flanked by people in red cloaks and white cloth masks. Allen takes a step back as Lvellie smiles at him with not a hint of kindness.

* * *

He’s been forced into a robe of sorts that leaves his arms exposed and his left arm wrapped in talismans.

“You might find it a little heavy, but it won’t harm you.” Lvellie sips tea on a plush chair in the study he’s been led to. “It’s just a technique to restrain your arm.”

That’s a lie. The restrains are more then heavy. Allen can barely move his arm. A red cloaked person sets up more talismans around Allen.

 _Why are they doing all this? Aren’t we on the same side?_ And then he remembers just why Link has been stuck to him for months. He’s being tried for heresy. They suspect that Allen is a traitor. He had… he hadn’t wanted to think about it these last five months. Actively avoided thinking about it, really. But he never thought he’d be cornered like this. He thought he was just here early to set up the gates. _I wonder if they’re going to interrogate me? What should I do?_

And then he’s being filed out of the room with Lvellie into the hall by the people in cloaks. The two in front hold large incense sticks that waft scented smoke through the corridor. Allen isn’t familiar with this building yet and loses his sense of direction quickly. Then they stop at a door and the two with the incense sticks part to stand on either side.

“General Cross Marian is on the other side of these doors. Enter.” One of them says. Allen gasps. He’s seeing Master again? This isn’t what he thought was going to happen. After being forbidden to see him and now all of a sudden, when he’s bound up like this…

Allen’s heart clenches and he steps through the open door into the room. Cross stands at the far window smoking a cigarette, not facing the room. At the four corners of the room are more of the cloaked people like guards. Glowing talisman encircle the room. Lavi leans against one of the walls. Allen takes a breath, tries to sort out his priority of questions.

“Mana had some connection to the Fourteenth, didn’t he?” He asks. Cross does not turn away from the window. Timcanpy lands on the man’s dark red hair.

“Yes. The Fourteenth had an older brother.” Cross says after a beat. “He was the only person who was with the Fourteenth up until the moment he betrayed the Millennium Earl and was killed. And that was Mana Walker.”

“Brothers… Mana and the Fourteenth?” Allen sways, lightheaded. “You knew about this all along?”

“I did. When the Fourteenth died, I promised him I’d watch over Mana. If I did, he’d come back to Mana someday. You promised me that, Allen.” Cross turns to lock eyes with Allen. “Or should I say the Fourteenth?”

_What?_

“He probably hasn’t fully awakened, but you’ve started feeling the Fourteenth within you haven’t you, Allen?”

“What’re you talking –“

“Don’t play dumb.” Cross cuts him off. “You knew the Player’s Song. That’s his memories. You had the Fourteenth’s memories implanted in you. You’re the host necessary for his revival, Allen.”

Allen’s mind goes numb and he stares wide eyed at the floor, not seeing anything.

“The reason you knew the Player’s Song and were able to play the piano though you never had before is because it wasn’t ‘you.’ Those were the Fourteenth’s memories.”

Allen can’t move. He can’t… _What?_

“You saw something then, didn’t you?”

_No… what…_

“Hey.” Allen’s vision is blocked suddenly and then Cross’s hand cracks across his face. Allen falls to the ground.

“That hurt!” Allen shouts.

“The conversation won’t get anywhere if you just lie there.” Cross scolds. Allen stares at his bound hands trying so desperately to sift through the information.

“I’m… implanted… When?” He asks.

“Oh, sorry. I have no idea.” Cross says, deadpan.

“What!?” Allen shouts.

“Wait, I think I know. Probably before the Fourteenth died.”

“I don’t know when that was!”

“What? I said I was sorry. Get over it!” Cross yells and then sighs heavily. “I never quite believed it myself. Until you appeared that is. His life was hellish after he tried to kill the Earl. He and Mana were constantly on the run, engaged in a life or death battle with the Noah.” Allen looks up at Cross. “The Fourteenth probably didn’t have time to dwell on ‘when’ or ‘who.’ When he got a chance, he just chose whoever was nearby as his host. So, he could kill the Earl with his own hands.”

“And that’s… me?”

“You were unlucky. The implanted memories will eventually erode the host and change you into the Fourteenth. There have been signs, haven’t there?”

_The shadow figure… was that… was…_

“So that’s what that was… What the hell?” Allen chuckles drily, shoulders folding in on themselves. “When Mana said he loved me, did he mean me? Or… Which was it?”

Cross kneels down in front of Allen and says, “Mana kind of lost it after the Fourteenth died. Who knows whether he even remembered the past or not. At least I couldn’t tell.”

Cross reaches out and pulls Allen’s head against his chest, in a simile of a hug like he hasn’t since right after the accident.

“He should have chosen some good-for-nothing as his host. I can’t laugh at Tiedoll anymore. Jeez.” Allen breathes in Cross’s scent of liquor and cigarette smoke that always hangs heavily on his General’s coat, even after a thorough dry cleaning. “What would you do if I told you you’ll have to kill someone you love when you become the Fourteenth?”

Allen’s breath stutters to a halt.

“You’re time is up now.” One of the red cloaked people say. They come inside the circle of talismans and grab Allen’s arms. They hoist him up to stand. Cross starts to walk towards the door to leave.

“Wait… Wait a minute.” He calls to his Master. He still has questions. He has more questions now than he got answers. “What do you mean I’m gonna kill someone I love!?”

Cross doesn’t stop walking but says over his shoulder, “Listen to the Fourteenth. There’s another side to this war. Don’t die before it’s over this time.”

“Please leave the room.” A cloaked person at the door urges.

“Shut up. I know.”

“Wait, Master!” Allen shouts after Cross.

“You’re audience is over.” One of the people holding Allen says.

“Huh? You can’t just say something like that and then leave!” He screams. Cross does not turn to look at Allen. Allen starts to seethe. “Damn it. I said wait, you idiot!”

He headbutts Timcanpy so hard the Golem goes flying across the room directly into the back of Cross’s head. Cross whirls around, anger marring his normally handsome features. He storms towards Allen, but a cloaked person holds him back.

“Please leave the room, General!” They beg.

“Huh? What? I couldn’t hear you.” Cross says darkly.

“When I joined the Order, I swore to Mana that I’d never stop no matter what. That I’d keep walking until I died. I’m the one who swore!” Allen shouts.

_That’s right. I swore. I made so many promises._

“I don’t know…” He continues on. “How much I’ve been influenced by the Fourteenth’s memories. And honestly, I don’t really know how to take the news about Mana. But I – I still love him. These feelings come from my heart. From the real me. So, I’m going to keep my promise to Mana. That’s what I’ve decided! I don’t care about the Fourteenth! I won’t let him have this!”

Allen childishly sticks out his tongue at Master Cross.

“Stupid Master!”

* * *

Allen walks into the library he was told Lenalee and Johnny are in. Inside, a soft lamp gently illuminates the room. The walls are lined floor-to-ceiling with book after book, newer ones and older ones numbering in the hundreds. And on one of the couches scattered around the room, Lenalee and Johnny lean against each other, fast asleep in the middle of the couch. Johnny shivers slightly in the light chill of the room. Allen looks around and spots a basket of throw blankets in a corner of the room. He retrieves one and goes back to his sleeping friends. He reaches out to lay the blanket across them when Lenalee’s eyes drift open.

“Allen?” She says a bit loudly. “Where’s my brother?

“He’s still in there talking.” He gestures in the general direction of where he came from. “Don’t move or you’ll wake Johnny.”

He sits on Lenalee’s other side.

“Is your cheek swollen?” She asks, concern deep in her voice.

“Oh, this?” He touches his cheekbone, the skin is still tender where Cross hit him. “My master hit me.”

“Are you okay?”

He can’t bear to look at her face, just this once too tired to smile for her. “Yeah. It’s nothing.”

* * *

Allen wakes up to a bright light shining directly in his eyes. On his shoulder, Lenalee sleeps. Johnny has his head cushioned in her lap, drooling a little.

“Is it morning?” He quietly asks Timcanpy who floats just in front of him. Tim bobs up and down before zipping off towards the door, hovering there to wait for him. Allen carefully extracts himself from the couch, trying not to wake his friends. Then he follows Tim to the door and out into the halls. Tim flies fast and Allen has to jog to keep up.

Up ahead there’s a commotion surrounding one of the rooms.

“What exactly happened here?” He hears Komui say from within the room. As Allen rounds the corner, he stalls to a stop at what he sees inside. There’s a large amount of blood covering the floor and wall around a shattered window. Komui squats in front of the window examining something when Timcanpy lands on the Chief’s hand.

“Allen?” Komui calls to him, turning around.

_In his home… someone died in his home again?_

“Tim just suddenly got up… and came here…” Allen finds himself saying. “Is that… blood? Then… whose?”

Komui shifts to stand up and come to him at the door but then Allen sees it. Timcanpy lands on a cracked white mask - Master Cross’s mask – sitting in a pool of blood on the sill of the shattered window.

Allen’s legs crumple under him. But Link catches him by the elbow and keeps him standing.

“Wha… Where’s master?”

“Allen, we have to do an investigation. When we know more… I’ll tell you.” Komui comes to him. Link leads him out of the room. Allen doesn’t really feel much of anything.

* * *

The last time Kanda saw the beansprout was the morning of the day before he left with Lenalee, Johnny and Komui. He’d been all big smiles and excited chatter about how he couldn’t wait to get to the new Headquarters and explore all of the new rooms.

 _Is he there yet?_ They were supposed to be setting up a gate there and everyone else will be officially moving to the new Headquarters tomorrow morning. Kanda sits at a window overlooking the mountains surrounding the Asian Branch. He was not going to miss this place. He wishes he could have gone along with the beansprout to the new location early. He can’t wait to get there and laugh at how lost Allen gets. Then again… he’ll have that Crow with him. And Lenalee too.

Kanda crosses his arms, squeezing his bicep. He’s been feeling more angry than usual lately. He chocks it up to the move and having to live at the Asian Branch. But…

_Whatever._

“Oh, Kanda!” Miranda says from down the hall. “How are you doing.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you excited for the move?” She asks, with a smile. Her dark eye bags aren’t as dark as usual, and Kanda realizes that the gloomy woman is actually a little pretty. ( _Not like the bean-_ He cuts that thought off before it can go anywhere further.) Now he can understand a little why Marie seems to like Miranda so much.

“Not particularly.” He replies.

“I just passed Lavi and Bookman.” She says. Kanda lifts an eyebrow, not sure where she’s going with this. “They said that Allen and the others arrived at the new Headquarters and are setting up the gates now!”

“Ah.” Kanda nods.

“Um… Are you all packed and ready to go?”

“Yes.” He wants to snap at her and ask why she’s asking him so many questions, but he knows from experience that if he does, Miranda will start crying and then he will get disappointed looks from everyone. Which is a total pain. Instead, he lets the conversation trail off. After a nervous laugh, Miranda ends up leaving him alone. He turns to watch the stars twinkle above the mountain range outside the window.

_Allen and Lenalee are alone at the new Headquarters together. They must be having fun._

He can imagine them wandering the halls together, whispering to each other conspiratorially, the two of them in their own little world like he’s seen them in their little nook on one of the upper floors. Allen’s gray eyes are probably warm and smokey when he smiles at her, like Kanda’s seen him look at his food sometimes.

He wonders if they’re dating yet. Lenalee said that Allen confessed to her so… But Lenalee deserves someone much better than that stupid beansprout. Allen Walker - for as cute and friendly as he is - is not the kind of person Lenalee should date. Lenalee deserves someone not Allen. Anyone would be better for her than Allen. If the beansprout was going to be with anyone its would be best if it was –

He slams his head against the window pane forcefully cutting off his thoughts.

“To the training room.” Kanda says to himself. He needs to go hit something. His fingers start to twitch in anger.

* * *

The Allen Walker that Kanda sees the next day, is not the Allen Walker that had left him at the Asian Branch. This Allen that greets them at the gate is… different. His hair for one is parted differently. Before his hair covered a lot of the scar on his face, but now it’s like he’s purposely trying to show it off. And he seems smaller, somehow. More enclosed, shut off from everyone else, like he’s trying to take up less space. He smiles at Miranda and Krory when they come through the gate after Kanda but… but it’s the plastic smile he gives them. The fake one. It makes Kanda _hate._ His eyes aren’t that warm smoke gray but a dull slate color, there’s no shine to them.

_What the hell happened?_

“Hey, idiot beansprout.” He calls loudly. Allen turns slowly from bowing to Marie to look at Kanda.

“Yes?” He says quietly, a marked difference from Kanda’s tone. Not even giving him his usual “It’s Allen.” Kanda bristles, everything in him tensing up.

“Have you eaten all the food in this place yet?” He bites.

“Oh… No. I haven’t been very hungry.” Allen says. He’s so… _civil_. Its so detached. Like he doesn’t even care about arguing with Kanda. _God, I hate him._

Kanda glares at him. Allen doesn’t hold his gaze. He nods and turns back to their friends.

“I’m going to find my room.” Kanda announces loudly to the group before stomping like a hurricane away from the lobby.

He finds a secluded spot and leans heavily against the wall. He clutches at his chest.

 _Why is my heart racing?_ His heart pounds painfully in his chest and his hands tremble. _It’s that beansprouts fault. Him and his fake face and fake personality. He hates him so, so much._

* * *

Allen is tired. He just feels so empty. Cross is gone. Allen slept through it while Cross was murdered in their own home. Its been two days and he’s just tired of everyone looking at him with those eyes full of pity. Always asking him if he’s alright. And having to smile and tell them he’s okay. He’s just tired. He needs to escape. Just for a little while.

“Lenalee, I’m… I’m going to go to the top of the bell tower. I heard some of the Finder’s saying that it’s got the best views of the sea up there.” He says to Lenalee after they finish morning training.

“Oh, I’ll go with you!”

“No… I… Thank you but I’d like to go alone.” He pats her head and smiles for her.

“Okay. If you change your mind, just let me know…”

“Thanks.” He leaves the training room and wanders the halls, being careful to avoid the one where Cross was killed in. He’s glad that Komui had requested direction signs to be put up around the new Headquarters. He follows them to the bell tower.

* * *

“Kanda!” Lenalee runs up to him in the cafeteria just as he is about to start his early dinner.

“What is it?” He asks.

“Its Allen. You need to go to him!” She says fiercely.

“Why?”

“He… well you know he’s been different since the move. He was interrogated by Lvellie and then that same night General Cross disappeared.” She says going a little teary. “He hasn’t cried or yelled or anything. And I’m worried. He won’t talk to me. He just… smiles at me like _that_ and says he’s fine.”

Kanda looks down at his soup. He knows the smile she means. It’s the expression he hates most in this world.

“So, why me?” He asks her.

“You’re the only one.” She smack the table. “You’re the only one from the very beginning that’s able to make him not smile like that.”

“No, I’m not.” He says in surprise. His stomach twists, maybe his food was bad.

“You’ve noticed it too, haven’t you? That his accent changes when he talks to you?” She gives him big pleading eyes. Kanda looks away. He had… noticed. But it didn’t matter.

“It’s got nothing to do with me. I hate that kid. He’s not my friend.” Kanda tells the noodles swirling in his bowl.

“God. You are so… so… Urgh!” Lenalee hits the table making Kanda’s dishes clatter. “He went to the bell tower before lunch and I haven’t seen him since.”

She abruptly stands up and storms out of the cafeteria.

“It’s got nothing to do with me.” Kanda mumbles. “I don’t care.”

He’s not going to climb to the top of the stupid bell tower for that brat.

* * *

The breeze rustles the trees below and sifts through Allen’s hair. The chilly wind brings the smell of salt from the sea. From this high up, he can see out over the green trees surrounding the new Headquarters in every direction and beyond that, the ocean. Allen knocks his heels against the brick siding of the tower. Its quiet up here. So quiet. Up here, he doesn’t have to be. Up here, he’s not Exorcist Allen Walker, son of Mana Walker, Apprentice of General Cross Marian, Host of the Fourteenth Noah’s Memories. Here, he just is.

He’s not sure how long he’s been up here. But the sun went from warming his back to setting in front of him so it must have been a long time. He doesn’t even feel hungry, though he knows he probably should. He hums lightly to himself, trying to remember a tune. Its been over a year now since he joined the Order. August of last year, he met Kanda and went on his first mission with the man. Allen hums some more.

“Are you gonna jump or something, Beansprout?” Kanda asks. Allen jolts a little, he didn’t hear him come up.

“No… I just…”

“Yeah, yeah. I don’t care.” Kanda crosses his arms over his chest and stands near Allen looking out at the view. Allen tries not to look at Kanda’s languid form as the man leans against one of the four pillars. But he’s so beautiful that Allen can’t help but stare.

Kanda turns his dark eyes on Allen and raises an eyebrow when he catches him staring. Allen spins back to the dying sun. They stay like that quietly. Its so… nice. Kanda doesn’t actually ask him questions. Kanda doesn’t prod for information. He…

 _I love you_.

“Hey.” Allen says after a long moment of quiet.

“Mn.” Kanda acknowledges.

“Do you remember that lullaby that Lala sang from our first mission?” He asks.

“The Ghost of Mater? Why?”

“I’ve been trying to remember the tune all day, but I just can’t get it right.”

“You’re just stupid then.” Kanda huffs.

“I am not, jerk. Do you remember it then?” He says. For the first time in days, he feels like he can argue with Kanda.

Kanda doesn’t say anything, just lets them fall into silence again. And Allen looks out at the sunset. The bottom of the sun kisses the line where the sky meets the ocean. The falling sun paints the clouds a blood red, like a bleeding wound that turn into a bruise purple the further up from the sun he looks.

And then Kanda starts to hum. Not loudly – just enough that Allen can hear his deep tone over the wind blowing in his ears. And its… its Lala’s song for Gozel. The one she sang for three days. Kanda doesn’t look at Allen while he hums but Allen looks at him. Golden in the sunset, lean and striking. His face is soft, and his eyes are clear. His hair drifts on the breeze, tied in a low ponytail as opposed to his normal high one. He’s not in his Exorcist coat. Just his training pants and long sleeve shirt.

“I love you.” He barely murmurs to the wind, lips moving almost imperceptibly. Allen’s heart gives a solid thump in his chest when Kanda’s eyes slide from the outstretched sea to Allen’s and just holds his gaze. His face shifts just a little, expression becoming something almost begging for Allen to challenge him. But Allen doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to give up this moment.

Up here at the top of this tower, with Kanda singing for him and the sun setting in the distance, Allen feels _free_. With Kanda like this, he is not Exorcist Allen Walker, son of Mana Walker, Apprentice of General Cross Marian, Host of the Fourteenth Noah’s Memories. Here with Kanda, he just is.

“Thank you.” He says when Kanda finishes humming. Kanda looks away from him then.

“I didn’t do it for you, Beansprout.” Kanda says.

And for the first time in days, Allen smiles a real smile. It’s not a big, cheek splitting grin, but a small and shy little thing. But Allen feels warm.

“It’s Allen, stupid Kanda.”

And when Kanda tells him its time to go, Allen isn’t so scared of the world below the tower. He’s ready to face it. Whatever decision Lvellie makes about his fate tomorrow, he is ready to accept it.

* * *

“The order needs him right now as the Player, and we can’t afford to lose any more Exorcists. So, Central has decided to keep the Noah for the time being.”

Kanda stands near the beansprout during this meeting as Lvellie tells the gathered Exorcists about Allen’s fate.

“Is it true?” and “Allen is…” they all murmur.

“Brother, is it true?” Lenalee asks Komui. He looks at his sister sadly.

“As commander of the Black Order, I will now assign the Exorcists a standing order. If Allen Walker should awaken as the Fourteenth Noah and be determined as a threat to the Order…” Komui trails off and Kanda sees that he clenches his fists.

“If that should happen, please kill me.” Allen says seriously. Kanda turns slightly just to see him. The beansprout stands with his shoulders squared and chin high. But he isn’t looking at Lenalee, or Lavi, or any of his other friends. Instead, he looks directly at Kanda with flint sparking flames in his eyes. “But that won’t happen. If the Fourteenth should attack the Order, I will stop him.”

“Allen…” Lenalee says.

Kanda doesn’t pay much attention to the rest of the meeting. Eyes solely on the beansprout.

 _This asshole. This stupid, stupid man._ He’ll what? Kill himself? He’s so naïve. What was it that he had told Kanda during their first mission?

 _“I want to be a destroyer who also saves.”_ Idiotic, wishful thinking. They were nothing but destroyers. Exorcists and the Order did not do good things. And now this boy who keeps willfully making himself a pawn of the Order will die for them too and Central will make sure it’s at the hands of the people he loves.

Kanda _hates_ Allen Walker.

He _hates_ the Order and the Innocence.

And most of all, he _hates_ himself for how much it makes Kanda hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact that convo between Lavi and Allen is based on a real life conversation I had with a friend at my university's gym once. 
> 
> Also guess how long it will take allen to finish knitting that scarf? An unrealistic amount of time! I have been knitting and crocheting for like 12 years, so I know a more difficult stich scarf takes a week (2 at the most) to finish.


End file.
